Remember when I used to do these posts right after I did the albums of the year? So it’d be the Necessary Evil albums of the year, the scientifically proven best album fawned over at length, the stats, and then we’d be officially done for another year?
Boom! You just been Mandela Effected, boyeeee! I actually only think I ever did that schedule once, for Necessary Evil 2019. I’ve always been far more often waaaaaaay late with these statistical breakdowns. What I actually used to do really early is (pfff!) do the stats just before the number one album! I could never (be arsed these days! These days the writing of the list itself is such a huge emotional toil that it takes me a long time to even consider thinking about these fucking albums again. Also, it’s getting harder and harder to think of puns on the word ‘stat’.
But these posts are basically just pictures, so I may as well just freakin’ do it. Let’s glance back at the wonderful year od 2022 when we all collectively thought, as always, “Well at least the next year can’t be as bad as this one…”.
Nationalism
I, for one, feel it important to divide people by their country of nationality and rank them.
The fantastic Nwando Ebizie refers to herself as British/Nigerian, so she gets half a point for each. Also, I’m desperate for some African representation on the gross furthering of Western chauvinism that is Necessary Evil 2022.
Listen, shut up, Backxwash may be Canadian, but she was born in Zimbabwe, so I’m counting it as half. One whole point for Africa. Hey, representation matters! No South American albums though, because fuck those guys, right?
Are we really just going to let Belgium on the list like it ain’t no thang? Charlotte Adigéry & Bolis Pupul are forcing me into very uncomfortable positions.
Ibeyi – whom I’ve recently realised are one of the most consistently great musical acts we have – sometimes sing in Yoruba, so… they’re… a bit… African…? Representation matters!
You will never guess which Icelandic artist was included.
BLɅϽKPIИK in the area.
Jenny Hval still doing her thing (as, spoiler alert, I may be losing interest).
But there are few artists I remain as interested in as I am Yeule.
I may not be as big a fan of Rosalía‘s music as some, but I can’t deny that she’s generally freaking awesome. I mean, look at those fucking shoes. I even went to the trouble of putting the accent on her name, which immediately puts her at Beyoncé levels.
I completely forgot that Zeal and Ardor released an album last year. And I actually wrote about it a few weeks ago.
I just can’t with Superorganism.
When we faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall, when we faaaaaaaaaaaall, when we faaaaall… Anna von Hausswolff is the highest place Swede as Scandinavia ends with a respectable four entries.
Yeah, well done and all, but considering the highest placed Aussie is Stella Donnelly at #37, maybe don’t celebrate too wildly.
This one is full of technicalities: I’ve listed Rina Sawayama as half Japanese, even though she’s kind of full Japanese, but has lived in the UK since she was five. Then there’s Andy Burns, who says he’s from Japan, but… I dunno…
Phew, the top three are all English speaking majority white countries, so don’t worry everyone, we’re on safe ground here, no strange languages or food with taste. It looks like Destroyer doesn’t agree with the final count, but it’s pure facts, sorry. [just realised that I used this exact same photo and made pretty much the exact same joke in 2020. Don’t forget to hit like and subscribe. Turn those notifications on]
The Main Event: USA (boo!) vs the UK (yay!)
OK, this is always the big battle that puts bums in seats: the imperialistic superpower that is pretty much responsible for all the world’s ills, versus the former imperialistic superpower that is pretty much responsible for all the world’s historical ills. They’re both just awful. But who is the best!? It’s been a very evenly matched battle in the past:
2015 was a fucking pie chart! So good knows what’s going on there.
2018: USA 64.63%-15.85% UK (yeah, I did percentages this year. Shut up)
2019: USA 60-16 UK (Jesus H Christ…)
Sorry, did I say that it’d been an evenly matched battle? What I meant to say was that the USA have absolutely blitzed the UK every time. Basically, to get an idea of how much we’ve been dominated, basically imagine the analogy that the UK is the global south being dominated and exploited by its capitalist overlords. In this analogy the USA is the USA. Seriously, if we only lose by 20 this year it would still go down as our best ever performance.
But how did we do in 2022?? Did we actually win this time??
I can tell you that the second place is taken by…
Yeah, the slaughter continues. At least Let’s Eat Grandma get their hat trick as the highest placed British album. How brutal was the victory this time?
Pretty fucking brutal. Or, as an American might say: “Pretty dang touch down, partner. God bless the constitution. Yee-haw, asshole, where’s my fannypack?” Direct quote. They’ve got a 070 Shake though! That’s not fair! It’s like having a Keanu.
Length (fnarr!)
Geddit? Length? Like a penis, yeah?
Dude, that doesn’t count.
Nah dude, same issue.
Dude! Fuck me, man! What the fucking fuck?? Can you not see that this is the exact same cocking problem?? Are we gonna have a fucking problem here, tough guy?? Try me, you cunt, try me!!!
…
…
…
…ok…
Yeah, no caveats there. Look forward to the 20th anniversary reissue in 2042 with an extra three minutes of outtakes.
Metacritic Scores
I must stress that these statistics are only being used for entertainment purposes. Metacritic doesn’t factor in the reviews of The Most Trusted Voice On Music™ (this blog), so the validity of these scores is obviously nonexistent.
Just about a third of the list joined this blog in boycotting Metacritic for ideological reasons. Fight on, brothers. Prince Daddy and the Hyena were the highest placed artist on the protest line.
Highest Metacritic Scores
Just so you freaks know, those ten albums with a score of 85 are Yeule, Hatis Noit, Spoon, Denzel Curry, Charlotte Adigéry & Bolis Pupul, Kendrick, Jenny Hval, Taylor Swift, Björk and Marissa Nadler.
I told you that people loved her. I didn’t include Prince’s ‘1999‘ by the way. Because that’s at 100. And that just wouldn’t be fair, would it?
Lowest Metacritic Scores
i.e: the more fun one.
Why yes, that is the best album of 2022 somehow listed as the ninth worst! Thank you for noticing! All the reviews are generally ‘good’ though, until they take a major dive for Hallelujah the Hills and really flatlines at the bottom, where we – excitingly! – have a joint winner/loser!
Yeah, the reason these cult albums are often called ‘misunderstood’? It’s because people generally thought they were fucking shit.
Necessary Evil Movers and Shakers
Please read that subheading in a Tony Blackburn voice to ensure yourself of the full effect.
With the awesome Yeule – one of the year’s clear winners – being the highest placed new entry at #4. Although that number of ‘new entries’ is not without its caveats…
Have I explained that right?? So Psalm One is technically a new entry, though she’s a Gold Star Artist as part of Big $ilky; Efficax was previously known as Helltown; The Smile are bits and bobs of Radiohead; Metagirl is half of Angel_Tech; and Aunt Sally were the fascinating punk beginnings of everyone’s favourite Japanese avant-gardiste Phew. Do you see? These people aren’t new entries! They’re basically putting on a wig and a fake beard in order to collect extra free samples at the Necessary Evil supermarket!
The Biggest Climbers
The artist whose latest record was the biggest improvement on their previous record’s NE ranking.
10 Denzel Curry +7 (#29 in 2020 to #22)
=8 Wilma Vritra +9 (#28 in 2019 to #21)
=8 Björk +9 (#58 in 2018 to #49)
7 Rina Sawayama +16 (#79 in 2020 to #63) whoop-de-fucking-woo
6 Shamir +17 (#44 in 2020 to #27)
5 Psychic Graveyard +24 (#91 in 2020 to #66) again, big whoop
4 Koreatown Oddity +25 (#56 in 2020 to #31)
3 Kronos Quartet +38 (#70 in 2019 to #32)
2 Hallelujah the Hills +49 (#59 in 2020 to #13)
From down at #75 in 2018 (where I made the iconic statement that ” I was brave enough to put it much higher, I just don’t want to be ‘that guy’, y’know?”) up to #11 last year. Yeah yeah, well done, but we wanna talk about the laid eggs now, don’t we?
The Biggest Fallers
10 BLɅϽKPIИK -38 (from #42 in 2020 down to #80)
=8 Waxahatchee -44 (from #35 in 2020 down to #79) yeah, but it doesn’t really count
=8 Katie Dey -44 (from #4 in 2020 down to #48) victim of her own success, this just shows how much I adored ‘mydata’
7 Perfume Genius -45 (from #2 in 2020 down to #47) again, doesn’t really count
6 Lykke Li -46 (from #10 in 2018 down to #56) that does count. ‘EYEYE’ is a dud
5 Jordana -48 (#30 in 2021 down to #78)
4 Tierra Whack -55 (#4 in 2018 down to #59) not really an album though, so she’s let off
3 Burial -57 (#15 in 2020 down to #72) not really an album though, so he’s let off
2 Beyoncé -67 (#1 in 2016 down to #68) I know! Would have sworn this was the biggest drop! Also a reminder that I called Beyoncé a ‘cunt’ in that review)
Yeah, you might be too young to remember, but ‘Hadestown’ actually used to be an album! Like a proper, hipster collection of music that your freaking Dad would buy. I mean, if your Dad wasn’t slowly killing himself with his unrecognised alcoholism and suffering from such acute depression that even leaving the house fills him with dread at the threat of facing up to his unfulfilled existence. Would it kill you to give him a ring? Anyway, I loved the album to the extent that it was as high as #2 in 2010, so the #70 placing for her perfectly decent 2022 album represents a massive drop.
Release Date
Albums Released in November 2022: 0 Yeah, sorry, but I barely have time to properly ingest albums in that time
Albums Released in October 2022: 3
Albums Released in September 2022: 10
Albums Released in August 2022: 3
Albums Released in July 2022: 6
Albums Released in June 2022: 2
Albums Released in May 2022: 10
Albums Released in April 2022: 4
Albums Released in March 2022: 10
Albums Released in February 2022: 8
Albums Released in January 2022: 8
Albums Released in December 2021: 1
Albums Released in November 2021: 0
Albums Released in October 2021: 1
Albums Released in September 2021: 1
Albums Released in August 2021: 0
Albums Released in July 2021: 0
Albums Released in June 2021: 0
Albums Released in May 2021
Albums Released in April 2021: 1
Albums Released in March 2021: 0
Albums Released in February 2021: 0
Albums Released in January 2021: 0
Albums Released in 2020: 0
Albums Released in 2019: 1
Albums Released in 2018: 0
Albums Released in 2017: 0
Albums Released in 2016: 0
Albums Released in 2015: 0
Albums Released in 2014: 0
Albums Released in 2013: 0
Albums Released in 2012: 2
Albums Released in 2011: 1
Albums Released in 2010: 0
Albums Released in 2009: 0
Albums Released in 2008: 0
Albums Released in 2007: 0
Albums Released in 2006: 0
Albums Released in 2005: 0
Albums Released in 2005: 0
Albums Released in 2004: 0
Albums Released in 2003: 0
Albums Released in 2002: 0
Albums Released in 2001: 1
Albums Released in 2000: 0
Albums Released between 1996 and 1999: 0
Albums Released in 1995: 0
Albums Released in 1994: 1
Albums Released in 1993: 0
Albums Released in 1992: 0
Albums Released in 1991: 0
Albums Released between 1988 and 1990: 0
Albums Released in 1987: 0
Albums Released in 1986: 0
Albums Released in 1985: 0
Albums Released in 1984: 0
Albums Released in 1983: 0
Albums Released in 1982: 1
Albums Released in 1981: 0
Albums Released in 1980: 0
Albums Released in 1979: 1
Albums Released in 1978: 0
Albums Released in 1977:0
Albums Released in 1976: 0
Albums Released in 1975: 0
Albums Released in 1974: 0
Albums Released in 1973: 0
Albums Released between 1968 and 1972: 0
Albums Released in 1967: 0
Albums Released in 1966: 0
Albums Released before 1966: 0
We all clear?
One year that’s going to be 3:16 and I’m gonna lose my shit.
Longest Songs
10. Destroyer: June (6:33) #78
9. Prince: Feel U Up (6:42) #86
8. Mogwai: Boltfor (6:44) #104
7. Prince: Let’s Pretend We’re Married (7:20) #11
6. Wednesday: Bull Believer (8:31) #60
5. Anna von Hausswolff: The Truth, The Glow, The Fall (live at Montreal) (8:33) #19
4. Prince Daddy & the Hyena: Black Mold (8:51) #18
3. Prince: Automatic (9:26) #23
2. Rachiya Nayer: Tetramorph (9:46) #28
Four Princes and one Prince Daddy. Also, Prince is absolutely, the daddy, so it all links up.
Shortest Songs
10. Ibeyi: Juice of Mandarins (2:26) #124
9. Andy Burns: Roadrunner (2:25) #152
8. Sudan Archives: Selfish Soul (2:23) #20
=6. Dreamgirl: Poolside (2:19) #141
=6. Charli XCX: Yuck (2:19) #103
5. Charli XCX: Crash (2:10) #21
4. mynameisblueske: Martin Luther Christ (2:04) #102
3. Koreatown Oddity: Indifferent (1:50) #114
2. Talia Goddess: Everybody Loves a Winner (1:41) #110
Yeah, ridiculous, and never likely to be beaten unless Tierra Whack’s next project is ten songs in sixty seconds or some shit.
Most Entries
Fnarr! Geddit? Entries? Like shaggin’, yeah?
=8. Manic Street Preachers (3 entries)
=8. Hallelujah the Hills (3)
=8. Lava La Rue (3)
=8. Sharon van Etten (3)
=8. Denzel Curry (3)
=8 Andrew Bird (3)
=8 Yeule (3)
=3 Charli XCX (4)
=3 Taylor Swift (4) fucking hell, appreciate motherfucking craft
=3 Shamir (4)
=3 Let’s Eat Grandma (4)
=3 Prince Daddy & the Hyena (4)
2. Prince (The Daddy) (5)
Fuck me, I always assumed this would be Daddy Prince. Shake really dominated 2022, and I didn’t even hear her spot on Escapism (first released in October 2022) until this year! An absolute boss.
Artists on NE2022 that Released an Album in 2023: about 10, I think?
Artists on NE2022 Also Appearing in NE2023: ??
Guys, fuck knows. It’s seriously taken me four weeks to write this post and I’m soon going to have to write multiple posts a day?? Wish me luck…
Necessary Evil 
3 thoughts on “2022’s Statictus the Fitness: The Numbers Behind the Year’s Greatest Albums”