OK, OK, OK, OK, full disclosure: this ‘album’ is nine minutes long. It manages to fit five tracks into its runtime. Kinda. The first two tracks are essentially the same song. Oh, and of the remaining three tracks, two aren’t even close to lasting as long as a minute. I’m sure this will start a veritable flame war of controversy and divisive debate over whether it really deserves to be considered alongside the year’s greatest. I’m sure there will be much blood shed needlessly over this inclusion unless I get ahead of the narrative and immediately offer an apology.
Yeah, seem to have forgotten for a second that, although this list is actually scientifically backed up and objective data based approach to the year’s best music, it’s also indisputably my fucking list and any of you chumps have an issue with that be sure to send all complaints through to email@example.com. Dot com. Dot org. Oh, you don’t like it? Well how about you make your own list? Oh, what’s that, you can’t? Well isn’t that funny? Oh, oh, oh, you’ve made a list have you? Let me have a look…
Oh dear oh dear oh dear.
Yeah, mate, I’ve looked at your list, and it turns out everything on it absolutely sucks. Like, really, really badly. No no no, don’t cry! It’s not your fault! Some people are just imbeciles with laughably bad taste! If anything, it’s your parents’ fault for allowing this to happen or not giving you up for adoption to a less stupid family! But don’t worry, many people thrive well into adulthood as absolute cretinous nincompoops, I mean look at [HILARIOUS CULTURAL REFERENCE].
Christ, where am I going with this? Stick a photo of El Deafo here and afterwards I’ll just continue with my post as if nothing happened, deal?
Sure, this whole album is over in less time than the song Estranged – mankind’s greatest achievement in recorded art and track eleven off the fourteen track G’n’f’n’R album ‘Use Your Illusions II’, which in itself was only half the full album – but it’s pretty dang perfect, you guys! I really wanted to take a stand and list this midget gem even higher. Sure it’s barely longer than Liz Truss’s time as Prime Minister but it hits the spot 100% of the time. Every song on here is gorgeous, whether it be 47 seconds all the way up to an epic two minutes and forty four seconds. And it’s only five minutes shorter than Tierra Whack’s landmark ‘Whack World’ album, and I don’t recall any of you snowflakes complaining when I named that the fourth best album of 2018! Now, all I hear are your chatters and your blasphemy, forever chiding me from darkened corners and hidden nooks, begone foul beasts!
Sigh, yeah, but all you whispering liberals and cultural Marxists have a point I guess. ‘Whack World‘ may have been short, but it still felt momentous, felt like it may be looked back upon as an important cultural milestone, it felt important enough to highlight even not accounting for its quality (which was insanely high). Whereas ‘El Deafo’… isn’t any of that… It’s cute, it’s more evidence of the extraordinary talents of Katie Crutchfield and its qualities are undeniable. But it also can’t help but feel small, inconsequential and lightweight. I mean, it’s the soundtrack to a freaking Apple TV series. A cartoon series. About what? Not sure, why would I want to watch this?
Oh my God! That sounds like such liberal bullshit! Forget everything I said, this album sucks.