#78 Jordana: Face the Wall

Allow me, if you will, to present a tale. A tragedy, really. One that took place in 2022. The biggest thing to take place in 2022. Yeah, I know, I previously said that some other shit was bigger, but I was just fronting, this was the tale that truly defined the year.

May I please be as bold as to take you back to last year’s Legit Bosses list, upon which Jordana appeared five times?

Pretty ballsy of me to state that Jordana not agreeing to an interview meant that she automatically hated me and everyone reading? Perhaps for other people, but I have always been confident in my writing skills and the affection that Jordana has for her fans, especially one who has been with her from the start such as me. Also, I have generally been good at judging this kind of thing in the past: I haven’t done many interviews for this blog in the past, but every person I’ve asked has agreed.

That includes you as well, reading this now, by the way. If she didn’t agree to an interview it meant she hated me, hated everyone reading that original post and also everyone who ever read this blog, and also everyone who ever read anything, on or off this blog, in the present, in the future, and in the past. Pretty hateful thing to do, I’m sure you’ll agree. But! Like I said! No worries! I knew we had each other’s backs.

So, as the release of her third album approached on May the 20th, I got in there early on April 1st and tried to ridiculously politely ask for the opportunity to interview her in embarrassingly feeble terms:

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew! Creepa-creepazoid, creepazoid, chimpanzee. Etc.

It was fine though, you have to eat a little shit sometimes to get artists to agree to these things, once I got her as far as the actual interview I could ask her all the questions I wanted to about whether Superman or Batman would run a better pizzeria, if she’d ever been punched in the face, or if the War on Terror was the biggest overreaction ever. Y’know, my usual shit. It doesn’t matter how awkward I sounded when I first forwarded the idea, once we get chatting fucking magic we be created – as per fucking usual motherfuckers! – I just needed to wait for the first response.

You know what I’m going to say now, don’t you? Or maybe you don’t. Maybe you’re expecting me to tell you that Jordana replied with a curt but professional “Thank you for getting in contact, but absolutely fucking not, you ugly ginger fat knacker, I can smell you from all the way over here, have you shit yourself again?”. But no! That’s where you’re wrong! She actually never said a single fucking thing! Now, don’t you feel presumptuous!?

Maybe we’re being unfair, at time of writing Jordana has only had eight months and one day to reply to my pathetic offer, and she’s a very busy artist. Maybe, just after this article is posted, she’ll actually answer the message. Maybe she’s writing the reply as I write this sentence! Hark, are us humans all such fools in slave to simple serendipity?

OK, so I’ve got my ‘jokes’ out the way now, I’m now going to give my actual response to the album, and I can give my journalistic oath that I shall not allow Jordana’s merciless ghosting of me to consciously affect my thoughts on the record.

Subconsciously though?? Well, shit, I can’t do nothing about that! This idea that we as human’s are ever able to separate ourselves from the immovable parts of our brain and come to 100% unbiased conclusion is a fantasy. Everything we say, think or believe only comes shrouded in the laughable cloak of free will. We are only telling ourselves we are making nonpartisan choices despite always being pulled in specific directions by powers our own inner workings have over us that we can barely even understand, much less control.

TL:DR – I don’t really rate ‘Face the Wall’.

Perhaps it’s because my own internal excitement was sent into overdrive by her previous record showing huge leaps forward in her songwriting ability, and I independently decided that the narrative was that her next album would combine this new ability with the slightly weirder experimentation she toyed with on her debut to create the world’s greatest album. I guess I had decided in my headcanon that Jordana’s next record would be her true breakthrough and I would get all the credit in the world for pointing it out earlier. Pretty dumb, really. When you make a big prediction about a forthcoming album’s quality, it’s actually far easier to just pretend that album is as good as you said it was going to be. Then there were all her astonishingly good 2021 standalone singles (Push Me Away in particular being perhaps the best thing she’s ever done) which seemed to suggest that her actual follow up album would be absolute majesty. And yet ‘Face the Wall’, while still exhibiting Jordana’s incredible songwriting talents, seems to go far too deep into FM radio rock. It’s as if Jordana herself became very conscious of how this record could be her breakthrough, and decided to sand off all of her eccentricities and make as commercial sounding a record as she could. In doing so, her sparkling talent is too often shackled and so many tracks instead come across as m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m

But hey, it’s a good album, and I guess I’m only disappointed that’s all it is. It’s not a career ender by any means, more of a production miss-step. I still can’t wait for Jordana’s next LP, as there’s so much talent and uniqueness there that could really shine if treated right. Oh! And three albums, all featured on Necessary Evil?! She’s had her entire career documented, and so becomes a (drum roll please):

Yeah, going to catalogue all the Gold Star Artists next year, so you might notice a few albums this year from artists who need one more record to meet that threshold.

Anyway, no hard feelings, Jordana. Anyway, I downloaded the torrent of this record rather than buying it, so who’s the real winner here?



2021 #30

2020 #59 (Jordana)

2021 #56 (with TV Girl)

4 thoughts on “#78 Jordana: Face the Wall

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