Because I Like Stats (and That’s the Way It Is)

This is probably the only reason i still do this stupid fucking list that nobody reads and the one post that I actually enjoy writing (because it’s basically just me making lots of pretty pictures), statistical motherfucking analysis!! The numbers, the records and the science, yo! behind Necessary Evil 2019. Let’s start with with what (spit) other music journalists thought.

Metacritic Scores

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OK, we all actually agree on the nest album of the year, so the critics are actually correct for once. Chill out on Jamila Woods and Michael Kiwanuka though, yeah?

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Yeah, there are a lot of reasons that album deserved a bit of a kicking, I’ll concede.

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Or, roughly, a Self Esteem. What, you think I should round the number up or something? No, you’re getting all eight digits, motherfuckers.

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I could have chosen lots of artists to illustrate this entry, but, well, Don’t Do It Neil probably looks better than most, doesn’t she?

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Necessary Evil Climbers, Fallers

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I was convinced this award would go to Stef Chura, but then I noticed how much Angel Olsen had climbed, but then I did The Maths and… shit! Trentemøller?! Where the fuck did he come from?? He only finished 44th, but it was a massive jump from finishing 114th in 2016. Big Thief are number 7 and number 8. Which album is which? No way of knowing…

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Yeah, this one’s a lot more expected, ‘The Big Day‘ is already legendary in what a mess it is. If it makes him feel better, ‘Acid Rap‘ was technically eleven places up on his last album. Kanye makes the list twice because, Jesus, he had a bad year…

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Ah, Little Simz, where have you been all my life?

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Hmmmm, ah, ummmm, yeah, but because of the band‘s varied and notable prior individual achievements, is it really a debut…?

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Yeah, that’s more like it. An incredibly impressive first outing by Pickle Darling.

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I guarantee you that FKA Twigs will finish seventh with her next album, because I’m a moron and I can’t resist that shit.

Length (fnar!)

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Or, roughly, One Stef Chura.

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The wonderful album ‘Metamorphosis‘ is available as either fifteen tracks or one twenty minute long track. I got the former, but if I got the latter…

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Technically, Z Tapes had more tracks (27), but that’s a compilation and anyway I couldn’t resist another opportunity to dump on Chance’s twenty two tracks of shit! Well… maybe twenty one… we’ll get back to that…

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Lizzo got close.

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Yeah, even including the Z Tapes compilation (75 minutes). You do you, Amanda Palmer, you do you.

Nationalities

Yes! This is what I like doing! Dividing artists into their countries of origin and then pitting them against each other! It’s what god would want!

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Not Sudan Archives! Dua Saleh was born in Sudan but has spent most of her life in the US, so I gave half to each.

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Lafawndah is half Egyptian and half:

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So, take the half from Lafawndah and add half from Kronos Quartet featuring Mahsa Vahdat & Marjan Vahdat (the Mahsa & Marjan Vahdat half) and you get… It’s hard work this, y’know?

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Z Tapes ensuring Slovakia will likely always feature on Necessary Evil.

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The country has to be a bit disappointed, officially the Third Best Country in 2018 but now only represented by Tove Lo.

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Because Le Makeup has now been featured twice I think I’ve used every available photo of him.

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Trentemøller again, NE2019‘s surprise winner.

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I’m not even 100% sure that picture is of Bella Technika.

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Jenny Hval representing as usual. No clear Scandinavian winner this year. Wonder what that means. Y’know, politically.

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No idea who made that picture of Pickle Darling, but I love it.

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Ozzie ozzie ozzie! etc etc etc.

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Not a single Canadian album last year, which I thought was a little weird. They don’t get any higher than Black Banshee at number 47, but at least they turned up this time.

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Gah! Three more than last year, with elbow trying their best, but still another absolute pasting.

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Sigh… OK, USA, you win again, with Sudan Archives the highest entrant.

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What?! This is 2020! Aren’t we able to do the maths on things like that?? Disappointing answer from the spreadsheet I made.

Gender Balance

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Don’t question how I worked this out. Down from 46.34% last year.

Legit Bosses Stats

The science behind the 112 best songs of 2019.

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Which thirteen artists have two songs? OK, deep breath… Bon Iver, Danny Brown, DAWN, FKA Twigs, Mannequin Pussy, Our Native Daughters, Self Esteem, Sudan Archives, Tierra Whack, Yeasayer, Future and Chance the Rapper.

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Because it freaking stinks!

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OK, I admit, only giving it number 39 was a mistake.

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It was a weird year…

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Yeah, the album’s absolute trash, but Let’s Go On the Run is an absolute banger.

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There’s a lesson here. And one I intend to leave you with. See you in December, unless, y’know, I think of some bollocks to write before. Probably involving wrestling, if we’re being honest.

 

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