114 Trentemøller: Fixion

After I had climbed the sacred tree of Conceit and blew my throbbing trumpet of self-satisfaction four times into the western wind to alert all the musicians within earshot of the upcoming end of year list, as is tradition, I was aware that I’d already left it shamefully late, and had in my hands far too many albums to consider, painfully slicing the skin between my fingers as they sifted through, creating a ghastly red porridge as it mixed with the endless tears I could not help but shed, and so started my brutal cull.

+1

Sure, the top 117 albums may seem already excessive to your untrained and- if we’re being honest- unacceptably ugly eyes, but that was a number only reached after the ‘Night of the Long Knives’, where I ruthlessly ejected any album I felt was either too average or that I simply couldn’t even imagine voicing a coherent opinion on.

+1

This was made the more difficult by the Long Knives I decided to use on the ‘Night of the Long Knives’ being altogether far too long: I had trouble getting them in through the door, never mind swinging them sufficiently. In Necessary Evil 2017 (which I promise will arrive before the Qatar World Cup and only cause half as many migrant worker deaths) I have decided to instead hold a ‘Night of the Appropriate Length Knives’ if I conduct a similar exercise

+1

Mø-Mø seem to have slipped through the cracks though: this is an absolutely fine album, if disappointingly inferior to its predecessor

-10

The opening track is the best one…

+1

See? Nothing

-20

Metacritic: +66

Length 56 minutes,

and by the end you’ll have forgotten every single one. Mind you, soon we’ll all be dead, and have forgotten everything, so this album is no less depressingly pointless than the reality that contains it

-10

Best Lyric: ‘Are you aware you’re my lifeline/Are you tryna kill me?’ +1

Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1

Total 29

Christ, that opening track’s really good. I may have been too harsh on this album…