87 Regina Spektor: Remember Us to Life

OK, let’s first address the elephant in the room: I read a remarkable think piece in The Economist recently that broached the conspiracy theory that Ms Spektor’s name doesn’t actually rhyme with ‘vagina’. This is obviously #FakeNews and should not under any circumstances be tolerated

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I mean, maybe once in bloody Moscow Ms Spektor might have refrained from that pronunciation, as in the bloody Commie Ruskie language it wouldn’t have had the same impact, but I think we can safely assume that she is well aware of its power now. I mean, why wouldn’t you encourage that? I would kill to have my name potentially rhyme with a woman’s genitals. But no, I’m just plain old Alexander Sveti-Hollogs

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God damnI say God damn!- I used to adore Ms Vagina, she released two albums of absolutely masterful indie pop that managed to expertly combine flashes of arch Soviet weirdness with an unquenchable pop spark, without ever amounting to anything less than utter beauty

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89 Ash Koosha: I AKA I

The cracks first started to appear in the marriage to my fourth wife, Fedlimid-Harper, rather early on. On the honeymoon, in fact. I was kind enough to pay for two whole nights in the Scarborough Ainsley Court guest house, allowing her use of the bathroom between the hours of three and four in the morning and stating that- although I couldn’t allow her free use of the WiFi for fear of her getting radicalised and/or aroused- she would be allowed to ask me seven questions over the course of the trip which I would happily Google for her

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Since you wondered, the questions she asked were:

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92 Kate Tempest: Let Them Eat Chaos

In Hamburg in 1834, a young army officer, Baron von Ropp, was attempting to woo the uncommonly beautiful Countess Lodoiska, the green eyed widow of a Polish general, but was wary that the handsome young army officer Baron von Trautmasdorf posed a serious challenge for the beauty’s affections. Because this was the early 19th century, and history is fucking brilliant, Von Ropp felt the best way to lesson the threat of his rival was to slander his good name. Which he did. By writing a poem. About his moustache

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93 Angel Olsen: My Woman

Wait…

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So there’s the Olsen Twins, yeah? And there’s that one in the ‘Avengers’ film with the magic ability to do absolute anything that the plot requires at that moment, and now there’s Angel Olsen, so how many of them are there in total? Is it four different Olsen’s? Or is there actually just one Olsen, and our belief that there are more is a shadowy conspiracy by the Illuminati/Jews to hide Barack Hussein Obama’s real birthplace in order to pretend that Tupac is dead?

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95 SIA: This is Acting

I don’t really believe in the existence of ‘guilty pleasures’

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Well, that’s not strictly true: if your ‘pleasure’ is forcibly removing the kneecaps of Somalian traffic wardens and leaving them to harden in the sun before burning holes in them with cigarettes and wearing them as gaudily ostentatious oversized hooped earrings, then, yeah, you should probably be considered guilty

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