92 Kate Tempest: Let Them Eat Chaos

In Hamburg in 1834, a young army officer, Baron von Ropp, was attempting to woo the uncommonly beautiful Countess Lodoiska, the green eyed widow of a Polish general, but was wary that the handsome young army officer Baron von Trautmasdorf posed a serious challenge for the beauty’s affections. Because this was the early 19th century, and history is fucking brilliant, Von Ropp felt the best way to lesson the threat of his rival was to slander his good name. Which he did. By writing a poem. About his moustache


images (5)

Von Ropp circulated a poem among the two men’s circle of friends that highlighted how Von Trautmasdorf’s moustache was pathetically thin and floppy, and alluded to the fact that perhaps other parts of his anatomy shared this distinction


you know

He was talking about his willy


In 1834 the absolute best way of signalling your suitability to a potential mate was to write a poem that compared a rival’s facial hair to their genitals. Again: history was brilliant


Listen, I know: Baron von Trautmansdorf, Baron von Ropp, it sounds like I’m making this up, but honestly!


Von Trautmansdorf was understandably outraged at such a besmirching, and so the only sensible way to settle their disagreements was through a duel. Both men were not yet thirty years old. They both died in the ensuing fight


download (17)

So, y’know, K-Tempo’s take on performance poetry is always going to pale in comparison, isn’t it?


In this writer’s opinion, poetry never really recovered from Richard Nixon’s 1968 decree that it no longer had to rhyme. I mean, it’s just open season now, isn’t it?


download (18)

But, despite a distinct lack of comparing rivals’ facial features to their genitals, ‘Let Them Eat Chaos’ (I… I think I like that name… +0.5…) is an album of enraged performance poetry that isn’t close to being as bad as you’d imagine an album of enraged performance poetry to be



Concept albums don’t get a decent press, what with their association with ugly bearded 70s rockers writing about an elf deciding to make a late career change into system mechanics, but I love me a good Co-Al. Tempest’s effort, concerning the different lives of disperate people living inside the same council block, is a worthy task

Only ocassionally does it stumble into the sort of cringeworthy sixth form that you’d assume it would entirely consist of


and more often the perfectly pitched dubstep-lite of the musical backing ensures that any (admittedly rare) lyrical clangers are forgotten



Is dubstep still a thing?


‘In France a skinny man died of a big disease with a little name/By chance his girlfriend came across a needle and soon she did the same/At home there are 17 year old boys/And their idea of fun/Is being in a gang call The Disciples/High on crack/And toting on machine guns’: since He pretty much invented socially conscious poetry, Kay-Tem gets

5 Prince Points

2016 Simile of the year:  ‘Lookin’ like some street smart, arrogant gnome’


i might be wrong

I listened to a lot of records in 2016/17/18/19 <can you delete this as appropriate when it becomes clear when you’re actually going to release this fucker?- Ed> , and so it’s just about possible that I didn’t afford some albums the attention and respect they deserve, so this award is for the releases that just feel to me may well have deserved better. It doesn’t win any points though, because that would mean the album would climb the list, and the whole point of the award would be obliterated


Metacritic: +84

Length 47 minutes –1

Number of AMAZING songs:

Nnnnnng, Mmmmm, kinda 1, but I’m still debating whether it’s scientifically a proper banger, so it only gets a


Best Lyric: ‘Why can’t you see me? Why can’t you see me?/Why can’t you see me?/Everyone else can’ +1

Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1

Total 81.5

Jesus, look at all this shit:











Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s