94 Noname: Telefone

Jesus, this incredible album is only 94th?? Another reason why

now is awesome

Ahem…

peek

Yeah, still haven’t introduced that award yet…

There’s a sound that’s quite hard to describe to people who have never heard it, but is nonetheless one of the sweetest songs that God’s angels see sit to trumpet: when you kick a cat up its dirty pink backside just right, catching it perfectly on your laces and essentially sweeping the evil feline high into the air with your foot, it makes a beautiful sound that’s almost imperceptible, and over near before it starts. A delightful little ‘pfffft’. It is the sound of pure beauty that Aphrodite makes when she queefs, and I can’t stress enough how dearly I want you all to try and motivate its appearance as soon as you can

+4

Noname’s

nono1

debut mixtape sounds as gorgeous as a million cats being kicked in a million anuses continuously for half an hour

+2

Layered over sparklingly clean music, at once layered and disarmingly sparse, that’s produced in part by Saba,

nono2

nono3.jpg

nono4

nono5.jpg

Noo-noo’s ‘rapping’ style

nono6.jpg

is as smooth as velvet honey from a virgin baby’s bottom <rephrase please- Ed>, and her dancing cadence and the way her voice slithers around words and cradles each line is an absolute joy to hear, despite the lyrics frequently being disarmingly sharp-edged

+2

Smooth as velvet honey? Worth

6 Prince Points

kane.jpg

Admittedly, the relentless polish of the record can ocassionally render the tracks somewhat homogeneous, and there’s a nagging feeling that the record exists to satisfy the people who find Chance the Rapper a little too abrasive

-10

Or, y’know, are desperate for him to have different genitals

-10

noname

But isn’t that a bit weird? I mean, if the only thing that’s stopping you loving someone is the identity of their genitals, then perhaps you need to have a long hard bath with yourself and truly ask yourself what it is about people of either gender that you love. If it’s just the reproductive organs, then I would suggest that your sexuality is abnormally animalistic, and you I would wonder to what extent you could truly consider yourself human

-10

straw.PNG

Metacritic: +84

Length 33 minutes. +13

Good. Goooooooooooooood.

Best Lyric: ‘She sleeps all day/Dreams of you in both worlds/Tills the blood, in and out of uterus/Wakes up smelling of zinc, grief sedated by orgasm, orgasm heightened by grief’ +1

Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1

Total 80

Pics stolen from:

http://cerebralfaith.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/logical-fallacy-series-part-3-straw-man.html

http://www.wwe.com/gallery/the-evolution-of-kane-photos#fid-40102339

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/06/cat-kick-video-andre-robinson-brooklyn_n_5273825.html

A nice manageable amount of pictures, but otherwise this was a terribly written entry, wasn’t it? What was that shit about cats about?

2 thoughts on “94 Noname: Telefone

  1. Pingback: 69 Noname: Room 25

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