Donald Trump Breaks the Fourth Wall

There are only two real reasons that exist to justify writing, two possible excuses for dribbling over your fingers and then wiping the resulting saliva- diluted with Monster Munch crumbs from last night’s binge of consumption that attempted to comfort the desolate loneliness that eats at your soul and also from the tears that such an act inevitably result in- across a keyboard and mashing the porridge of shame into roman numerals and expecting the outside world to be deserving of it.

trump

The first reason is if you’re actually, like, good at writing. If you’re a proper good writer like, I dunno,  Dan Brown or David Walliams then your writing might be good enough to one day be turned into a movie, and therefore your ideas could actually effect the wider cultural conscious. I’ll admit that here’s a weird grey area that exists where you write good stuff that isn’t turned into a film- like… erm… Salmon Rushdie?- and this just about qualifies your existence. But who reads books today, honestly? Freaking nerds, that’s who.

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I obviously don’t fall into this category: I’m not very good at writing.

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The Legit Bosses: Best Tracks of the Year (50-41)

50 Glass Animals: Youth

As soon as you hear that first ‘Ooh!’ a few seconds in you’re more than likely dropping your ears’ knickers

(what the fuck does that mean?)

49 Wild Beasts: He the Colossus

I feel that in 20 years time when late night art talk shows on BBC4 are discussing how odd it was that Wild Beasts are widely accepted as one of the greatest bands of the 21st century yet completely unheralded in their time I’ll be showing blog entries like this to unbelieving post-millennials to prove how far ahead of the curve I was

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The Legit Bosses: Best Tracks of the Year (60-51)

60 Car Seat Headrest: Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales

God, I love this song, as underneath all it’s cool and intensely legitimate indie credentials it’s a great epic rock song the like of which G’n’R themselves would be proud to put their names to. I liked it when I first made this list too…

59 ANOHNI: Execution

Heeeeeey! Dis woz on dat list too! I still love it at least as much as I did when I wrote that mid-year list back when I would post things at relevant times

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The Legit Bosses: Best Tracks of the Year (70-61)

70 Zeal & Ardor: Devil is Fine

Remember: this is probably actually the best album of the year, I’m just too afraid to say so

69 Underworld: I Exhale

I Exhale is amazing: it blatantly and shamelessly rips off The Clash’s Train in Vain, Bowie’s Sound and Vision AND The Fall’s Hit the North, yet still manages to be a cast-iron banger. I couldn’t include the surrounding album on the Necessary Evil countdown, as they can’t go unpunished for such things, but this song is wonderful (especially the album’s 8 minute cut)

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