That’s my brother Ewan, and he is- as the caption suggests- a colossal arsewipe
He’s also managed to be much more successful at this ‘adult’ game than I have, getting a proper job as a proper journalist, has several non-imaginary adult friends* and more than a 1000 Twitter followers (along with one of those verification ticks that only the most important celebrities get). I love him, but mostly only because I’m kind of biologically and genetically forced to.
He’s also a hideous Millennial Edgelord, and has been officially recognised as a ‘Tool’ by 192 countries (Norway, Sweden and Finland elected not to second the petition: he’s very popular in Scandinavia for some reason). When I released the initial list of the best tracks of the first half of 2016 and sent the article to him to gauge his reaction he said- and I quote-:
“Neerrrrrrrm I’m too hungover and Millennial, neeerrrrrrrr, reading is for geeks, neeeeeeerrrrrrr, can’t you just make a Spotify playlist? Neeerrrrrrrr!”
That’s the kind of support I get from my family. That’s why I can say what I like on this blog about my mental state and physical history safe in the knowledge my family will never find out. That’s why I’m safe calling Ewan a ‘Collosal Arsewipe’, as I know he’ll never bother reading this
What I’m trying to say is: that was a good idea, here’s the Legit Bosses 2016 playlist
In order from 104th to 1st. Of course, Beyoncé is only availible on Tidal (ha!) so I initially skipped her entries, hence there only being 102 tracks, but later in the playlist I instead replaced her songs with great tunes from the past that I mentioned in the list.
Also, a YouTube playlist, you lucky, lucky fools:
Now, I’m going away for a while to study some sexy immigration law. There’ll be one final Necessary Evil 2016 post to wrap everything up, but it will be a while before I can face this fucking blog again.
Then it’s on to Necessary evil 2017. Yay
* I have 6 friends, but 5 of them are imaginary and the 6th one is the postman whose name I don’t know. Also, three of the imaginary friends don’t care much for me, and they’re all in fact underage girls, so even though they’re imaginary the police have issued me with a warning and I’m not allowed to imagine them within 15 feet of my house. Also, the postman isn’t so much a ‘postman’ but more of a dog who ocassionally puts his nose through my letterbox
2 thoughts on “Ewan Palmer is a Flaming Dick Whacker”
This is fucking hilarious, why does nobody read your blog?