Have I done that pun yet? Mate, I am struggling, honestly…
So here we are again, a round up of the hot stats of the best albums and songs of 2024, which I have bizarrely fallen into the habit of doing doing eleven fucking months after the Necessary Evil list of the best albums and songs of the year is actually published. Why do I always leave it this long? Because, quite simply, after writing 40+ blog posts and a gargantuan song list in little over a month, my brain seriously doesn’t want to even acknowledge the previous year’s music again for at least a thousand years.
I almost didn’t do it this year. But – but! – then I realised that 2025’s list might have some extremely notable points! So maybe I’ll retire this dumb fucking tradition once I get round to that in winter 2026. Until then? Yeah, we gotta do this.
I do like making these purdy pictures though…
Album Lengths (fnarr fnarr…)
No, no, no, no, I can’t give it to the Manics’ 20th anniversary ‘Lifeblood’ reissue. They had a head start in accruing all of these b-sides and demo recordings, it doesn’t seem fair to the other chaps.
Ah yes. This also seems fair because there is far more filler and pointlessness on ‘Cowboy Carter‘ than on the Manics’ triple album. I named this crap number thirty one?? This album will feature quite a bit in these stats (but never for positive reasons).
Six tracks, number six on the countdown, sometimes life just works. Oh, and I updated the title again. At least I did last Saturday. It’s taken me a while to get this post finished. You might want to add a few more hundred Gazans ethnically cleansed by the state of Israel just to be safe. Oh, and then add 40%, because that’s how low the official figures are likely to be. And have a great Christmas!
Yes, yes, ‘length’, like a ‘penis’, do grow up we have work to do here.
Next! Can you guess which album it will be??
Complete waste of time…
…especially when you consider that you could have almost listened to Mr Wise’s perfect little third album three times rather than spending precious hours listening to Beyoncé try and prove meaningless points to people nobody cares about.
Movers and Shakers
For a long time I was terrified that Beyoncé would actually top this list of the highest positive swing in Necessary Evil placing after I listed the otherwise adored (by the sheeple!!) ‘Renaissance‘ as low as #68 back in 2022. Thankfully, numbers 2-5 ended up looking a lot more legitimate. Ravyn Lenae’s incredible latest was a complete shock after she didn’t even make the top 40 last time around; Lava La Rue was competing against an EP; and Tyler’s ‘Chromakopia’ was a triumphant return to form after the overwhelming meh-ness of ‘Call Me When You Get Lost‘,
Talking of ‘overwhelming meh’: The Smile’s debut album, ladies and gentlemen! The incredible ‘Wall of Eyes’ was far superior in every way. Awww! Now I feel bad for making poor Thomas upset for requesting he not both sides a genocide!
Biggest Fallers
No great shame here. serpentwithfeet and Hinds didn’t quite match the placings of their previous albums, while Tierra and Cave’s follow ups to generational wonders were always likely to shrink a tad in their shadow.
Looooooooooooooooooooooooooolololooooooool!
You fucked it up! You get a top ten album, highest climber of the year, but then release another one that’s so inferior that you end up topping the negative chart as well!
I’m just playing, Smile, you know I love you. But this is very funny.
Mumbles (#40), Glorilla (#39), Bronzed Chorus (#30), Alan Sparhawk kinda (#28), Moor Mother (#26), Tapir! (#20), Allie X (#13) and, somehow, Godspeed You! Black Emperor (#6) all made their debut bows on The Only List That Matters™.
Hey, Lupe Fiasco (#32), Future Islands (#29), elbow (#19) and Les Savy Fav (#14), come back in, all is forgiven.
Release Date
Albums Released in November 2024: 1
Albums Released in October 2024: 4
Albums Released in September 2024: 2
Albums Released in August 2024: 6
Albums Released in July 2024: 1 (what went on that month??)
Albums Released in June 2024: 4
Albums Released in May 2024: 2
Albums Released in April 2024: 3
Albums Released in March 2024: 6
Albums Released in February 2024: 2
Albums Released in January 2024: 3
Albums Released in December 2023: 0
Albums Released earlier 2023: 3
Albums Released in 2022: 0
Albums Released in 2021: 0
Albums Released in 2020: 0
Albums Released in 2010- 2019: 0
Albums Released in 2009: 0
Albums Released in 2008: 0
Albums Released in 2007: 0
Albums Released in 2006: 0
Albums Released in 2005: 0
Albums Released in 1991-2003: 0
Albums Released in 1990: 0
Albums Released in 1989: 0
Albums Released in 1988: 0
Albums Released in 1987: 0
Albums Released in 1986: 0
Albums Released in 1984: 0
Albums Released in 1983: 0
Albums Released in 1982: 0
Albums Released in 1968-1981: 0
Albums Released in 1967: 0
Albums Released in 1966: 0
Albums Released in 1965: 0
Albums Released in 1964: 0
Albums Released in 1942-1963: 0
Albums Released in 1941: 0
Albums Released in 1940: 0
Albums Released in 1939: 0
Albums Released in 1938: 0
Albums Released in 1872-1937: 0
Albums Released in 1871: 0
Albums Released before 1871: 0
Pandering to the Great Unwashed of the Liberal Mainstream Media
Or, roughly, one Viva Hinds (81).
Slightly under a quarter of all the albums that made 2024’s list were quite simply far too cool to be reviewed by the pinko squares lame enough to be counted by the normies at Metacritic. Funnily enough, Prince at #5 was the highest of these.
That Beyoncé score, mate, what are you all doing?
This is likely the first time ever that the critics’ favourite has also been the scientifically proven greatest album. I say ‘likely’ because I haven’t actually gone back and checked. But, like, probably, right?
This is more like it! The sheeplike mainstream media are still being forced by the Deep State to ignore 070 Shake’s obvious qualities, but trust me…
…us Real Ones are used to this kind of mass media subversion.
And, fuck me, what a song. Consider this another chance for you to grace your lives with such an extraordinary piece of music. Listen with headphones and you will see God.
One last ever shout-out to Chappell Roan, whose album I just kinda plum forgot to list last year, or who was at least victim of a clerical error. And, I’m calling it once again, this really will be a last ever shout out: I don’t believe Roan will ever be gracing these end of year lists again. I think they’ll lose all interest in the game, or will at least never muster the enthusiasm to make anything nearly as wonderful as The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess ever again.
Oh hey Bas! What are you doing here?
Some great synergy here, as Kendrick got all of his entries by poitning his finger at a major contemporary and calling him a paedo in front of the world, while The Smile decided to get grumpy because people questioned their tacit support of the world’s biggest supporter of American paedophiles! Crazy coincidence.
Seems like the correct terminology, because nobody bossed 2024 as much as Charlotte Emma Aitchison, who graced the Legit Bosses with her presence at #133 (Guess); #25 (360); #19 (Girl, So Confusing); #12 (Von Dutch) and, of course, #1 (Sympathy is a Knife). In fact, let’s just so that nobody had more Legit Bosses, yeah??
In reality though, erm…
Yeah, pretty embarrassing. Nothing could be worse than this.
Oh…
Oh yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!! Here’s the only real reason why I do these stats: to rank countries meaninglessly and needlessly to sow anger and discontent! Oh, and to exhibit how pathetically parochial my music taste is… but mainly the first one!
I’ve counted the lovely Dua Saleh as half Sudanese, half American, as the fact that they were born in Kassala but fled with their family to eventually seek asylum in the USA when they were five years old generally marks them out as ‘Sudanese American’. Maybe they consider themselves 100% Sudanese. Maybe I could be really bureaucratic about it and point out that they would have had to renounce their Sudanese citizenship to get refugee status. But this seems like a happy medium, and we’re going to need all of the half points taken off America that we can get. And if they were just counted as ‘American’ I probably wouldn’t get to use this awesome photo I rook with them when they played Manchester this year.
Don’t worry, Spain: no Hinds album in 2025 but Rosalía’s got you covered. I worry that Australia might be fucked.
If you Google the Serbian band Bella Technika now, a large amount of the results are from my own blog. I don’t like being considered something of an authority on this band, because I don’t know anything about them.
Hey, Switzerland, can you decide on a language? You’re kinds ruining my bit.
French Canadian, apparently.
And, erm, that’s it for all the ‘other countries’…
In the (currently) Red corner, you have a bunch of guys who have all their major geopolitical decisions dangerously compromised by the fact that videos exist of them sexually abusing children, in the other (currently) red corner, you have a bunch of guys etc and so on you know where I’m going with this joke. The major difference is that people from one of these Mutually Assured Child Abuse Enjoyers seriously think that Phil Collins is some sort of underappreciated genius, while the other has always correctly judged him as a Tory scam artist. Which country is Phil Collins from?? The answer may surprise you!!
It’s been a fucking bloodbath in the decade I’ve kept scores:
2015 was a pie chart, there’s literally no way of knowing.
We didn’t even make double figures last year…
But maybe this is the year that fuck it, who am I kidding?
OK, seriously though, stick around. I’ve not counted up the 2025 numbers yet (because spoilers!) but I’ve got a real good feeling that the UK will have more than 10 entries.
I need to decolonise this countdown.
NE25 soon.
Necessary Evil 