No, no, no, no, no! There’s no way that an album as good as ‘Resolution’ is this low!
43 Shamir: Resolution
Tag: 2018 best albums
44 JPEGMAFIA: Veteran
Hmmm, this album presents a bit of a problem for me in respect to me writing any sort of a coherent piece on it. I mean, sure, I haven’t really written a coherent piece yet in 386* blog posts, but this one is, like, far less likely to be coherent than most, yeah?
(*actual number, fact fans! Maybe the thousandth post is the one where I live stream my suicide? Considering it’s taken me three years to reach 384, it should take me, what, about six more to reach 1000? I’ll be in my forties by that point, and as a result almost definitely praying for death. Only if I get enough readers though. Make sure you all hit subscribe)
45 Marissa Nadler: For My Crimes
I got a phone call from BT on Thursday that said my internet would have to be shut off later that day because of irregular activity on my account, unless I took immediate action by pressing ‘one’. This, understandably, through me into a nervous frenzy. Cut off my internet!! I would literally be able to do nothing! My entire life, my work , my leisure and whatever the fuck this blog is*, is only rendered possible by being online! If you take me offline, I’d have to read a stinking book or something, like this was freaking 1970! No thanks! Plus, I keep a dangerously low amount of pornography in the house, barely a dozen DVDs and 700 or so pencil pictures of Rashida Jones, so I was worried where my next fifty or so wanks were going to come (pun!) from.
(*it doesn’t earn me any money, I don’t really get any pleasure writing it, I have no idea what the purpose of this fucking piece of shit is. Apart from, of course, leading up to me live steaming my own suicide, but I don’t get nearly enough readers to do that at the moment! Plus, I’m actually quite enjoying life as Alex Palmer: Trainee Immigration Lawyer at the moment, so suicide isn’t really on the agenda. I am so grateful for anyone who reads this nonsense though, and a freaking comment would make me more happy than you could possibly understand. About 90% of the comments on this blog so far have been from my ‘ex'(it’s really, really complicated)-girlfriend, and I would really appreciate comments from people I haven’t had sex with. I will, obviously, have sex with you after you leave a comment)
46 Laurie Anderson & Kronos Quartet: Landfall
In a strange way, the influential 2006 documentary An Inconvenient Truth might have unintentionally and semi-ironically doomed us all. It has had very inconvenient consequences, you could say. But absolutely don’t, because that’s a rotten line.
Now, I’m not arguing that An Inconvenient Truth didn’t do a lot of good. I was.. younger… when it came out, and I have to say that, while maybe not a climate change denier, I was probably sceptical of the threat based on my own scientific research uncovering statistics like the fact it snowed a couple of years back and it was sometimes really cold. The film actually convinced me of the facts, using simple statistics and arguments that, if I’m being honest, I was probably too lazy to read for myself. I was a child, I decided that believing that climate change was at least overstated would mean I needn’t change anything about my behaviour, and so only searched out articles and columns that supported the theory I had chosen to believe. I was a child. I saw An Inconvenient Truth and realised what a child I was being. And how stupid I was. I imagine many people had similar epiphanies upon watching it. I was a child, and I still can’t believe how stupid I was. A child,
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47 Superorganism: Superorganism
We have to stop talking about ‘The Internet’ like it’s a distinct and separate thing, a place somehow separate to everything else. We need to stop talking about ‘The Internet’ in the same way we talk about that time I wet my pants ‘at the zoo’ or that time I wet my pants ‘at Kew Gardens’ or that time I wet my pants ‘at the UN National Assembly’. Also, we need to stop talking about the times I wet my pants, can we not talk about your day for a change??
‘The Internet’ is no longer this curious and hidden alternative to reality used only by weirdos to secretly find what other depraved people near them also believe that Star Wars was never really that fucking good in the first place*. ‘The Internet’ is now just ‘Everything’. It has no unique facets or distinctive characteristics, it’s just ‘The World’.
48 Wednesday: Yep, Definitely
Off all the artists on this list, North Carolina’s Wednesday is the one I know least about. You guys, I’m not even sure she’s on Twitter! Does she even exist? Her BandCamp page has a paper thin bio that consists wholly of “@wednesday_gurl ♪┏ ( ･o･) ┛♪┗ (･o･ ) ┓♪┏(･o･)┛♪”
“But Alex”, I hear you cry between crunches of the Tangy Cheese Doritos you’re stuffing into your fat ugly face, “@wednesday_gurl? Her bio has her Twitter handle in it! You are so dumb!”. To which I angrily wedgie you by pulling up the underwear you’re somehow still in at 3pm on a Thursday afternoon and scream “There is no @wednesday_gurl handle on Twitter! There’s somebody who calls themselves ~wednesday gurl~ but her actual handle is @Nos_Qween, has six followers, hasn’t Tweeted since 2011*, and it’s very probable that she was a girl who just really liked Wednesdays.”
50 Oneontrix Point Never: Age Of
We humans, we love two things. In fact, we animals love two things… We organisms love two things. Sure, you might have your own individual things that you like. You, Susan, for example, you really love downloading photographs of ducks off the internet, don’t you? You Google Image search, you right click, you save the duck photo to C:/staff/Susan/PRIVATE/EVEN MORE PRIVATE/SERIOUSLY, YOU SHOULDN’T BE HERE/Ducks, and then… what? You don’t do anything with the 56’963 duck photos, do you Susan? You just like to know that there there, don’t you?
Don’t worry, you’re not breaking any law in liking all these duck photos, and the fact that your office have had serious talks with you about it is more about them being concerned about your general mental well being than any real specific misdemeanour. It’s probably a genetic defect though. Much like me liking the 80+ music albums I’ve named on this fucking list. Me liking music and you liking duck photographs serves no wider purpose, and is really pointless in the grand scheme of things. As living organisms, there are only two things that we really like.
51 Hinds: I Don’t Run
The best relationships you have, the ones that are closest to actual love, are the ones that make you realise that you’re perhaps not quite good enough and inspire you to improve yourself in some way. Men or women, of course, shouldn’t have to do anything to impress any man or woman, but the very best relationships should make you want to be a better person and inspire you to self-improvement.
I’m not talking about dumb physical alteration, like those high heels that render you in constant agony so every gross man who looks at you can picture you consenting to sex, or the black sable mitt ferret I keep down my pants on nights out so chicks can see I’ve got freaking animal down there… which… yeah… also hurts a bit. No person should feel forced into any uncomfortable or unsuitable dress or position by society, because society sucks! However, if you hear the guy you like the look off has a thing for women wearing Rey Myserio jr masks, then by all means wear a Rey Mysterio mask to work on Monday! You’re not trying to get the attention of the gross male populace, you’re just trying to get the attention of Colin from the warehouse! Which is a bit weird, but it’s your weird and you shouldn’t…!
Actually, Emily, you should probably stay away, you do know he spent time in jail for cutting the tails off local cows? No, I know, it’s hardly murder, I’m just saying it’s a bit weird, don’t you think? And the fact he lost both his arms in ‘Nam..
No, Emily, you’re right, I shouldn’t be body shaming, I just think you have to really question how exactly he cut those cows’ tails off without arms. And he says he lost them in Vietnam?? Emily, he was in the year below me at Tintwhistle Primary, if he went to Vietnam I really would have noticed…
Fuck, where was I?
52 Waxahatchee: Great Thunder
Yaaaaaars! Mainstay! Mainstay! Mainstay! I say ‘main’, you say ‘stay’! Main!
…!
…!
…!
Guess I’ll have to take your word for it
Katie Crutchfield appears on this list near enough every horrid year we float through on our irreversible decline towards death. Because she’s amazing. I’ve explained how she’s amazing again and again and again in the past, but did you listen? No! You still discount all of my advice, don’t wash your hands after eating tacos and voted in the Parti Socialiste in the 2018 Brussels elections! Admittedly, to the layman it’s not immediately apparent that was what I was expressing you not to do in those reviews, but why should I be punished for having such a high opinion of my readership and expecting them to be able read between the lines?? Don’t hate me for thinking so much of you!!
53 John Grant: Love is Magic
Mr Grant’s last two albums finished eighth in 2013 and sixth in 2015, so I’m sure both you the reader and John himself will be waiting with baited breath for me to announce what number he finishes this ye… oh… hang on…
It’s… it’s fifty third… It’s, like, in the blog title… You know that already, don’t you?
Necessary Evil 