24 Aesop Rock: The Impossible Kid

Words are brilliant, aren’t they? Without them, we would never be able to identify things as the things that they, in fact, are

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Almost every human civilisation on Earth uses words, apart from the D’Hobriest Knark tribe of Southern Peru, who have developed the ability to communicate solely by charades, Blink Murder and Blind Man’s Bluff, as they hark back to a pre-bronze age time when humans used to talk exclusively through parlour games

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I know loads of words. How many words do you know?

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Like, you don’t have to totally accurate, we’re all friends here

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so I’ll accept a disparity of four or five either way, I understand that there are those painfully bland words like ‘cinder’, ‘lands’ or ‘sesquipedalian’ that everyone is likely to forget, so just get it in the ballpark

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27 David Bowie: Blackstar

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Aw, dude, so many people died in 2016, yeah??

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I mean, how many fatalities were there in Haiti because of Hurricaine Mathew? At least 500, but some people put the death rate at closer to 1000!

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Aw man, and the Syrian civil war, yeah?! About 470’000 people have died in that! 2016 was, like, such a bad year for deaths!

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Aw, dude, and the illegal Saudi Arabian intervention in Yemen! Which Britain is partly funding and yet barely reporting on it at all! The UN reports that there’s been over 10’000 deaths there, including 3’799 civilians! Man, 2016 sucked!!

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29 Rihanna: Anti

No artist currently working has as amazing a back catalogue of hit singles as Ri-Ri

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Don’t agree? Diamonds? Umbrella? We Found Love? Only Girl? Take a Bow? Rude Boy? Disturbia? SOS? Shut Up and Drive? Don’t Stop the Music? Rehab? California King Bed? Banger, banger, banger, banger, fucking banger!!

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If you take away the terrible singles from great singles, I’d put Paul McCartney at about -57, whereas Ri-Ri has barely any stinkers blemishing her record

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31 Carly Rae Jaap Stam: E•MO•TION Side B

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In 1974 Al Pacino gave one of the all time best cinema performances in ‘Godfather Part II’, exhibiting a subtly and nuance that would later desert him, and managing to captivate the audience to such an extent few even noticed the film lasted 200 freaking minutes. the Oscar for best actor was never in doubt

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Unfortunately, The Academy- a retirement home for aged white former cinematic plantation owners who compensate for their loss of bowel control by annually celebrating their favourite shit- was having one of those years where they decide to become completely (instead of generally) impervious to actual quality in the face of unbearable tweeness and overwhelming schmaltz, and awarded the best actor Oscar to Art Carney for ‘Harry and Tonto’, a film about an old man and a fucking cat

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The Academy soon realised they’d made a mistake though, it soon became apparent that they’d ignored an historic and legendary performance in favour of a disposable piece of nonsense that everybody had already forgotten about. They owed Al Pacino an Oscar

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Continue reading “31 Carly Rae Jaap Stam: E•MO•TION Side B”