The Ex-Gold Star Graveyard

They had it. Then they lost it. Eternal shame on all of their souls

Illuminati Hotties

(disqualified after 2024’s ‘Power)

Boom, we’re flying through these now. Not a lot to say about my celebrity crush Sarah Tudzin’s project right now, as they are no way near releasing their (inevitable) masterpiece yet, and their three releases so far don’t really require such a deep dive. I still think their debut ‘Kiss Yr Frenemies’ (#57 in 2018) is their best so far (and, in Patience, contains their best song); their extravagantly titled second album ‘Free I.H (This Is Not the One You’ve Been Waiting For)’ (#67 in 2020) was far better than any record cobbled together to fulfil a recording contract has any right to be; and the third record, ‘Let Me Do One More’ (#32 in 2021) was a triumphant sounding rock record. That’s all for now, but keep ’em coming. Love me, fight me, choke me, bite me.

Soccer Mommy

(disqualified after 2024’s ‘Evergreen’)

Right, so Soccer Mommy made it on did she? Great.

Before revisiting Sophia Allison’s back catalogue, I was a bit stupefied that she’d managed to back door herself onto this extended Mount Rushmore of notable artists. I had recently decided that she was chronically and scientifically.

and her status as the most

artist on this list might only be challenged by Japanese Breakfast. I thought there was next to no chance of her not being removed from this list as soon as I heard her next album and deigned not to include it.

But now, after revisiting all three of her albums… yeah, I still pretty much feel the same, but I realised there were some pretty hefty thumbs being pressed on the scales of my feelings towards her by a most recent album that had largely bored me to tears. The debut album ‘Clean’ (#60 2018) is a lovely little 90s rock homage, and the follow-up ‘Color Theory’ (#46 2020) was a pretty great album! And her highest place! Not even in the top 40! However, I thought ‘Sometimes, Forever’ (#77 2022) was a bit of a directionless and uninspired dirge in many places, which has coloured my view of the artist of a whole. To be clear, I now realise that Soccer Mommy may not be ‘dull’ as I feared, but may instead by ‘OK sometimes’. She’ll still have to markedly improve to get a fourth album on the countdown.