57 Japanese Breakfast: Psychopomp

I’m not a particularly interesting person, and being a white, heterosexual male from middle class stock makes me pretty default in Britain, so I often talk about my time in China in order to keep people’s attention


Well, yes, there’s the disability I have, but that’s healed to the extent that people rarely even bring it up, and if they do, what am I supposed to tell them? The truth? That it was a suicide attempt?? I am governmentally recognised as a ‘Top Lad’ and diverting information like that is sure to kill the bantz. No, just say I had an accident in China and hope the subject changes



Yeah, there’s always the fact that an infection caught in hospital when recovering from said injury meant I had to have a testicle removed, which is always good for some banter, but I want to steer conversation away from my disability, remember?


In fact, the state and performance of my genital area after becoming disabled is the subject I want to avoid most!


So, yeah, I tell people about how I used to live in China, expecting them to immediately bestow upon me the role of well-travelled scholar and worship/fellate me accordingly. Instead I spend the next 30 minutes answering every question with ‘No, you’re thinking of Japan’



‘So, did you use them crazy superistic vending machines all the time?’

‘No, you’re thinking of Japan’


‘Did the girls at your school wear those uniforms that I frequently see in the porn that I somehow acceptably masturbate to?’

‘No, you’re thinking of Japan’


‘Did you ever get attacked by Godzilla or raped by a tentacle?’

‘No, you’re thinking of Japan. Well, yes, but you’re still thinking of Japan’



‘Were all the people tiny with funny looking eyes?’

‘Erm… You’re thinking of… Just leave me alone…’



I only mention this because I was initially going to start this critique with a description of how rubbish Chinese breakfasts were, before I realised I was making the exact same mistake of failing to differentiate between the two countries and I used to freaking live in one of them!!



So, quick primer:

chinese breakfast.jpg



‘Psychopomp’ is an absolutely charming album, perhaps one of the few records released in 2016 that I would confidently predict would be adored by literally everyone who heard it, as it exudes a pristine likeability that I imagine would cross any differences in taste


Perhaps it suffers from a tad decrease in pace toward the album’s end, but it’s utterly, utterly, utterly,


(utterly) gorgeous, and guaranteed to make you smile more than that time you [INSERT JOKE HERE]


<erm, are you going to put a joke in there?-Ed> Yeah, eventually, plenty of time


Metacritic: +76

Length: 25 minutes




Best Lyric: ‘Would they be down to ride?/No, they used to hide from you, lie to you/But y’all know we were made for each other/So I find you and hold you down’ +1

Number of AMAZING songs: 1 (+10)

…But Are All the Rest of the Songs Kinda Amazing Anyway? Yes (+50)

Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1

Total 209


2 thoughts on “57 Japanese Breakfast: Psychopomp

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