I’m not a particularly interesting person, and being a white, heterosexual male from middle class stock makes me pretty default in Britain, so I often talk about my time in China in order to keep people’s attention

-1

Well, yes, there’s the disability I have, but that’s healed to the extent that people rarely even bring it up, and if they do, what am I supposed to tell them? The truth? That it was a suicide attempt?? I am governmentally recognised as a ‘Top Lad’ and diverting information like that is sure to kill the bantz. No, just say I had an accident in China and hope the subject changes

+5

Yeah, there’s always the fact that an infection caught in hospital when recovering from said injury meant I had to have a testicle removed, which is always good for some banter, but I want to steer conversation away from my disability, remember?

-3

In fact, the state and performance of my genital area after becoming disabled is the subject I want to avoid most!

-2

So, yeah, I tell people about how I used to live in China, expecting them to immediately bestow upon me the role of well-travelled scholar and worship/fellate me accordingly. Instead I spend the next 30 minutes answering every question with ‘No, you’re thinking of Japan’

-1

 

‘So, did you use them crazy superistic vending machines all the time?’

‘No, you’re thinking of Japan’

-1

‘Did the girls at your school wear those uniforms that I frequently see in the porn that I somehow acceptably masturbate to?’

‘No, you’re thinking of Japan’

-1

‘Did you ever get attacked by Godzilla or raped by a tentacle?’

‘No, you’re thinking of Japan. Well, yes, but you’re still thinking of Japan’

+6

‘Were all the people tiny with funny looking eyes?’

‘Erm… You’re thinking of… Just leave me alone…’

-1

 

I only mention this because I was initially going to start this critique with a description of how rubbish Chinese breakfasts were, before I realised I was making the exact same mistake of failing to differentiate between the two countries and I used to freaking live in one of them!!

-3

 

So, quick primer:

 

‘Psychopomp’ is an absolutely charming album, perhaps one of the few records released in 2016 that I would confidently predict would be adored by literally everyone who heard it, as it exudes a pristine likeability that I imagine would cross any differences in taste

+8

Perhaps it suffers from a tad decrease in pace toward the album’s end, but it’s utterly, utterly, utterly,

(utterly) gorgeous, and guaranteed to make you smile more than that time you [INSERT JOKE HERE]

+7

<erm, are you going to put a joke in there?-Ed> Yeah, eventually, plenty of time

 

Metacritic: +76

Length: 25 minutes

+21

Best Lyric: ‘Would they be down to ride?/No, they used to hide from you, lie to you/But y’all know we were made for each other/So I find you and hold you down’ +1

Number of AMAZING songs: 1 (+10)

…But Are All the Rest of the Songs Kinda Amazing Anyway? Yes (+50)

Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1

Total 209

https://michellezauner.bandcamp.com/