32 Illuminati Hotties: Let Me Do One More

2020 #67, 2018 #57

Love me, fight me, choke me, bite me

The DNC is playing dirty

Text me, touch me, call me daddy

I’m so sad I can’t do laundry


Illuminati fucking Hotties, ladies and gentlemen, this is the one you’ve been waiting for.

That is all.

OK, I’ll do one more. Like this album’s called ‘Let Me Do One More’, yeah?? Fuck me, this is Pulitzer Prize level writing here. Doesn’t really make sense though. Like, I’ll do ‘one more’ what? Word?? There have already been forty six words in this paragraph! Forty nine now. And this further sentence brings it all the way up to sixty one. I’ll do one more point? Nah, bro, you obviously never read my work before, I’ll make, like six billion good points in one word, I’m like a Hot Take machine, mate. How many points have I even made so far in this paragraph? Like, seventeen or something, yeah? Do I mean one more paragraph? Nah, come on, that’s not how it works – I’ll need at least this one paragraph here to dick about with this one joke I’ve got, a further paragraph to go all ‘But seriously though’ and explain what makes The Hotties latest album so good, and then another paragraph at the end to wrap it all off with maybe a joke about vaginas or something, I don’t know. That’s the bare minimum! Wow, some of you didn’t go to journalism school, and it shows.

But seriously though, ‘Let Me Do One More’ is a triumphant, exhilarating and surprisingly emotionally affecting career highlight. Sarah Tudzin would no doubt appreciate that chaotic but well prepared mess of an intro to this blog entry, as she has become an absolute master of well orchestrated mayhem. The tracks on ‘LMDOM’ may have been written at least a year before they were released, and finessed and perfected by Tudzin’s long proven expertise as a sound engineer, but they still manage to sound like they’re being played for the first time each time you listen to the record, shambolic but magically loveable improvised jams with all the mistakes and studio patter left in. It takes a lot of work t sound this much like a spur of the moment. I can relate – that opening paragraph of nonsense up there? Took me eleven months to perfect. I’m not sure 2021 gave us a more perfect album cover than Tudzin (presumably?? I don’t yet know her well enough to identify her based only on her chest and jawline) climbing over a fence, Pool Hopping to the next house party. Except Illuminati Hotties aren’t moving to parties, they are the party, and Tudzin (presumably?? Do you recognise the shoes, maybe?) is forcefully entering your domain and igniting the thing every time you play the album. And like all the best parties, there is a perhaps unforeseen amount of sadness and the comedown that any mention of your age is likely to elicit. The album/party ends with Tudzin now barely able to speak above a whisper in Growth, proving with the line ‘I guess being an adult is just being alone/I’ll go back to the couch, let you stare at your phone’that she’s been in any relationship ever. And, fuck, is the line ‘Each time I come home/I still look for my dog/It’s a force of old habit’ the most crushingly sad in recorded music history?? Also, I’ve not spoken too much about my failed marriage this year, but the line in Threatening Each Other RE: Capitalism (What. A fucking. Name), ‘But if you’re not too embarrassed of how I go out in public/Do you think that we could make a deli run?’? Yeah. I feel seen.

OK, final paragraph. ‘Tudzin’ is a bit of a silly name, isn’t it? Sounds like… sounds like… Sounds like a… vagina…


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