Necessary Evil 2021 (70 – 61)

70 Kings of Leon: When You See Yourself

(2016 #104, 2008 #17, 2007 #1!)

I’m allowed to still have Kings of Leon, right? You people will still consent to this? This is still OK, yeah? Nobody’s feeling mistreated in any way? I don’t want this to be one of those things where I was almost sure you were OK to me playing with my gross old man testicles while you watched holding back tears.

Remember that Simply Red song Holding Back the Tears? Well that’s what it was about. Mick Hucknall was so ahead of his time. He was trying to teach us, why did we refuse to learn? What’s that? It was actually called Holding Back the Years?? Well, shucks… Ah well, I’ve written it now.

I’ve done well, haven’t I? I’ve, like, mostly irradiated all the bullshit white guy rock that was honestly the entirety of all music I consumed before the age of about 19. I like to think that my end of year lists, while being a no way near exhaustive list of new music, is at least a forward thinking and progressive exercise in highlighting new and exciting progressions in style and presentation and in many different (and often new) genres. What’s your favourite Turmeric Trancotone album of 2021? Gotta be #26, right?

Continue reading “Necessary Evil 2021 (70 – 61)”

My Life in Albums (part 3 07-20/death)

Put my mind at ease, pretty please, I need your hands on me, sweet relief, pretty please…

Yeah, I’m in a good mood, what of it? Wanna fight about it? Bring it on, I bet I’ll have you kissing me before the first punch lands, because how can you stay angry at this face?? My good mood mainly arises from three reasons. Firstly, longtime reader Beryl got in touch to tell me how she enjoyed the last post, and only made the polite suggestion that this series could be improved if it…

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incorporated more hardcore scat pornography?? Jesus fucking Christ, Beryl. Honestly, whenever I’m that close to relaxing that restraining order, you come out with something that sends us back to square one. Maybe I’m at fault here for expecting more from someone I met on the online scatological fetish dating app ‘ScatrBraind‘, but I just always assumed she was interested in the person around the fecal matter, y’know?

Anyway, the second reason is that this will definitely be the final part in this series, allowing me to abandon my blog again to return to my three real loves (masturbating, crying, and masturbating while crying. Mainly the third, if I’m being completely honest).  Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, we are now actually into the years where I made a point of listing the best albums, so this part should be an absolute piece of piss! Look at the header of this blog- I’ve already got my best albums of 07-19 listed! I just need to copy those albums down again for this entry! It’s 8:53 now, and I’ll have all this done and dusted in time for my traditional 9am cry! Let’s do this shit!!

Continue reading “My Life in Albums (part 3 07-20/death)”

Necessary Evil (47-43)

47 Blank Banshee: Metamorphosis

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Zzzzzzzzzzzzum, weeeeeeeeeeeear-kazummazum… Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzum-wenkwenkwenk, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzdoo-baba-doo-baba-doo-baba-doo-baba. Sing along at the back.

‘Metamorphosis’ is a stunning 20 minutes of the most lushly created electronic music you’re likely to hear in 2019. I don’t want to be ‘that guy*’ again, but it’s really a piece of work that needs to be consumed through headphones (consumed… through headphones…?) to really appreciate the power and complexity of the music. Listening to the layered quasi-ambient beauty of ‘Metamorphosis’ you appreciate how far Blank Banshee has come since he was originally considered within the constraints of Vaporwave (or, indeed, ‘Vaportrap‘).

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You can no longer get the singular tracks, so just listen to the whole thing you lazy fucker

(*’that guy’ being someone who just points out facts. Don’t you fucking hate that guy??)

Yeah. How’s about that. Some proper fucking writing there, huh??

Metacritic: n/a

Continue reading “Necessary Evil (47-43)”

42 Alicia Keys: HERE

Don’t you hate it when people ask you what ‘kind of music’ you like?

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It’s awful to think that some people (most people??) only like a certain genre or style, which the question covertly supports

-1

HERE

Be very wary of people who quickly answer the question with a definitive variety of music, increasing your wariness exponentially the more specific the genre they name. If they say they like ‘dance’, ‘classical’ or ‘indie’ music, then they are merely extremely boring people who only really interact with music when they want to escape all ties to consciousness, relax in their study while planning further expansions of their plantation, or just want to really magnify their dullness, respectively

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However, if they get more detailed, and say they only like metal music made by Brummies without the full collection of fingers, or rock music containing no more than three chords made by two men in denim jackets with mullets, or by a band from Glastonbury with a strongly simian frontman singing songs about touching things, then they’re absolutely thinking of a specific artist and a specific time when they first heard their music and are cursed to spend the rest of their life searching in vain for that specific moment in their life when they were last happy

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Continue reading “42 Alicia Keys: HERE”

104 Kings of Leon: Walls

I used to really like listening to Kings of Leon

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Like, the same way I used to really like sticking my finger up my bum while watching He Man

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Not that I’m ashamed of it, when you’re in your late teens and haven’t yet been convinced of the relentless struggle life’s macabre torture show in fact is, you should never regret anything that helped you confirm the exciting potential of your very existence, and if all of your university friends are doing it, why not join in to strengthen bonds that will last as long as eight months?

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Oh, and I don’t regret loving Kings of Leon either, as their second and third albums still stand up as absolute masterpieces

+2

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No, that joke didn’t scan at all, did it?

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All the cool kids reading this blog for top tips on how to retain their Hilary Swank and remain Snapchatting with Zoella’s Hippie Peppa Pig Crack

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might not remember, but people of my decrepit and shameful age- with diminishing relevance and puss ravaged and peeling genitals that have long been solely used for decoration purposes- will remember where they were when Huw Edwards revealed on News at Ten that The Koln’s second album ‘Because of the Times’ had beaten ‘In Rainbows’ to be named the Necessary Evil album of 2007

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Unfortunately, the band caught a debilitating infection on their next album, possibly by dangerously close proximity to the crippling Bonovirus of Southern Ireland (though mainly inhabiting the Cayman Islands for tax reasons), that not only sadly convinces bands that would they like to be U2, but that being a band as creatively bankrupt and morally repugnant as U2 is at all worth being

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The inescapable Sex On Fire wasn’t the end, as though the song didn’t include an original bone in its venereal body, it still proved that The Ki-Kis were one of the world’s best at crafting brilliant dumb rock songs

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The real rot set in with Lose Somebody, where the band discovered the echo pedal, and resolved to never leave any note un everberated ever again

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Is an echo pedal a thing? It feels like it should be

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‘Walls’walls wouldwould lastlast tenten minutesminutes ifif everyevery soddingsodding notenote finishedfinished whenwhen itit waswas supposedsupposed toto

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It’s really ridiculous how much of ‘Walls’ is handed over to echoey stadium mid-pace quasi-ballads, and it would be sad if your takeaway from the record was that the band would never write a rock song as thrillingly raw as Black Thumbnail ever again…

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You don’t feel that though, as nestled halfway through the record is Find Me, which is shamelessly conspicuous over how cynically it attempts to tick all the boxes to make a brainless stadium rock classic, and it’s embarrassing how well it works. I’ll go into further detail once I inform you what the year’s best tracks are

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but you’d have to put both your shoes on and take a shower, as it’ll be a long walk if you want to find a better example of a perfect pop rock song

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I mean, that bit where the musical backing falls away and the riff is played clean for a single bar- ooooooooooooooooooah!!! Has to be

10 Guns n Roses Points 

But, yeah,

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obviously

I think I forgot to take points off last time I did that…

Oh, and I don’t feel that Bobby Follywobbles <that spelling doesn’t look right, can you check it?- Ed> gets enough credit as a frontman: I love his voice. That is all

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Metacritic: +62

Yep, sounds about right

Number of AMAZING songs: 1 +10

Length 42 minutes +4

Best Lyric: ‘And we rode motorcycles/Blackjack, classic vinyl’

Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1

Total 63

Pics stolen from:

https://alchetron.com/Peter-Griffin-4098114-W

http://theresurgent.com/this-is-bono-bono-is-humble-about-politics-be-like-bono/

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/albumreviews/review-kings-of-leon-walls-w444792

https://www.carid.com/seibon-carbon/seibon-carbon-fiber-rear-spoiler-237417791.html