What’s the best song of the 10s?
No, idiot, not the best songs of 10AD, as I think it’s universally accepted that the only music of that era that really holds up today is Ovid’s absolute banger Epistulae ex Ponto Bonko
That’s where the term ‘put an Ex Ponto on it’ comes from, fact fans
No, idiot, not the 1010s, though if we were then I would suggest Prime Tortoise of the Record Bureau, though of course you could make a point for anything in the ‘Four Great Books of Song’
There are too many human beings, don’t you think?
Overpopulation is destroying our Earth, don’t you think?
Continue reading “12 Glass Animals: How to be a Human Being”
Remember when I started this list, roughly 67 years and 8 months ago?
I kept making jokes about my multiple wives, remember?
I only went as far back as my second wife though, as I felt that people would read too much into it if I talked about my first wife
It was a silly aside, and helped me fill out the word count on some of (cough) this year’s more difficult to describe albums. It was dumb, cheap, and a little bit pointless
-2
Life, in and of itself, isn’t worth living
I mean, maybe it is: my life is certainly just about worth living
and maybe your life is worth living. In fact I’d bet that all the people reading this- all three or four of you- have lives that are definitely worth living
No, of course you don’t, they were terrible. One of my brothers, I can’t remember which because they’re both equally worthless to me, brought me their debut album for Christmas once, and it was a godless dirge apparently catered toward those who enjoyed The Klaxons’ general shittiness but found them altogether far too listenable
I’ve never forgiven my brother, and the fact that I can’t remember which one it was who brought it for me meant they both had to die in that tragic tiddly winking accident soon after that I have been legally proven to have had nothing to do with
Dev Hynes’s evolution since then has been extraordinary
OK, all arguments are invalid from this point onward: if you don’t love all of the next 18 records- the actual best albums of the year- then you obviously don’t really appreciate either music or joy, and I’m wondering why you even made it this far, both on this list and in life in general without slitting your wrists
(Thought that song was called RIP it Up, took me fucking ages to find it)
Words are brilliant, aren’t they? Without them, we would never be able to identify things as the things that they, in fact, are
Almost every human civilisation on Earth uses words, apart from the D’Hobriest Knark tribe of Southern Peru, who have developed the ability to communicate solely by charades, Blink Murder and Blind Man’s Bluff, as they hark back to a pre-bronze age time when humans used to talk exclusively through parlour games
I know loads of words. How many words do you know?
Like, you don’t have to totally accurate, we’re all friends here
so I’ll accept a disparity of four or five either way, I understand that there are those painfully bland words like ‘cinder’, ‘lands’ or ‘sesquipedalian’ that everyone is likely to forget, so just get it in the ballpark
Aw, dude, so many people died in 2016, yeah??
I mean, how many fatalities were there in Haiti because of Hurricaine Mathew? At least 500, but some people put the death rate at closer to 1000!
Aw man, and the Syrian civil war, yeah?! About 470’000 people have died in that! 2016 was, like, such a bad year for deaths!
Aw, dude, and the illegal Saudi Arabian intervention in Yemen! Which Britain is partly funding and yet barely reporting on it at all! The UN reports that there’s been over 10’000 deaths there, including 3’799 civilians! Man, 2016 sucked!!
Necessary Evil 