What’s the best song of the 10s?
No, idiot, not the best songs of 10AD, as I think it’s universally accepted that the only music of that era that really holds up today is Ovid’s absolute banger Epistulae ex Ponto Bonko
That’s where the term ‘put an Ex Ponto on it’ comes from, fact fans
No, idiot, not the 1010s, though if we were then I would suggest Prime Tortoise of the Record Bureau, though of course you could make a point for anything in the ‘Four Great Books of Song’
Again, that was a fucking hilarious reference that literally not a single person reading this will get. I’m wasted on you cunts, this is worse than when Noam Chomsky replaced Declan Donnely on ‘Saturday Night Takeaway’
The twenty tens of course! A world of never ending happiness, where you can always read The Sun, day or night
, a decade of wonder that started with The Walking Dead redefining how dull you could actually make a zombie apocalypse, and ended with people still watching that freaking pile of shit!
It’s a decade that, in many ways, feels like it still hasn’t ended
What’s the best song of it though? Go on, answer. Tell me. Decide. I’ll wait
Get Lucky? Nope. Video Games? Come on now. Niggas In Paris?? Hmmmmmmm: nope. Fuck You by Cee-Lo?? Naaaaaaaah! Wrecking Ball by My Girl Miley? You know I’m a proud Smiler, but no. We Found Love? Nice choice, but that cheesy and naff house breakdown sullies it a little. Sexy And I Know It? You’re getting closer. Call Me Maybe?
But no. Happy by Pharrell?? Ah, come on now. Blurred Lines??? Dirty boy, dirty, dirty boy!
The correct answer, unless I think of a better one, is O.N.E by The Yea-Yea-Yeas
Sit down, listen to that song, bask in its glory, reflect on how much better its very existence makes life. I honestly reckon my life is 12.8% better because of that song, and it’s frequently top of my list when I’m debating reasons to not kill myself
The Yea-Yea-Yeas don’t need to carry on, they owe the universe nothing after contributing that song. By all rights they needn’t exist. They definitely don’t need to be this good
‘Amen…’ is the band’s greatest album by some distance: otherworldly and gorgeously idiosyncratic production caked over some of the greatest pop songs of (cough) this year
No song is anywhere near the equal of O.N.E- of course, because only maybe seven pieces of human achievement have ever been that song’s equal- but the album is nonetheless astonishingly and consistently amazing, and thirteen further reasons why The Yea-Yea-Yeas should be one of your favourite artists
Youse are all fucking idiots
Length: 39 minutes +7
Best Lyric: ‘So what are you gonna say at my funeral/Now that you’ve killed me?/Here lies the body of the love of my life/Whose heart I broke without a gun to my head/Here lies the mother of my children, both living and dead’ +1
Number of AMAZING songs: 2 (+20)
…But Are All the Rest of the Songs Kinda Amazing Anyway? Yes +150
Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1
Actually, maybe Call Me Maybe is the best…
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