In the Face of Derisory Hysteria (Born and Raised)
No, wait, listen…
No, seriously, like, just, wait, like, listen..
49 Jaden Smith: SYRE
Category: 2017NE
50 Mogwai: Every Country’s Sun
Every Compiler’s Boob
Yes, unfortunately, this whole placing is A Bit of A Boob™, and may well expose the entire business of how I compile my albums of the year
51 Japanese Breakfast: Soft Sounds From Another Planet
Turns Out I’d Probably Prefer it Hard
This is a really, really, really… really… really lovely album…
As I’ve previously explained, there are two things that you must not under any circumstances do as a musical artist, as either direction quickly leads you down the path of obsolescence, of fan hatred or, more often, both.
- Firstly, you have to constantly update and evolve your sound. If fans suspect that you’re not making enough progression between albums than you’ll quickly be tossed on the scrapheap as an obvious one trick pony emperor with no clothes*
- Secondally, you must never change your music or make significant alterartions to the way you sound: people hate change, and if your new record doesn’t sound exactly like your last then your fanbase will feel like it’s been betrayed, you’ll forever be known as the act that used to be good, before they went far too pop/rock/dance/country/gypsy folk/emo/Baby Metal and all the sheeps started liking them. Sure, you can try and recreate the sound of that last LP later in your career, but everyone will see through that as an offensively blatant reach for their approval, and somehow hate you even more, and this record you release will universally decreed as being the lamest album ever!!
To recount: change is essential, but also the worst thing you could possibly do
Continue reading “51 Japanese Breakfast: Soft Sounds From Another Planet”
52 Gorillaz: Humanz
Great Artists Steal. So Does Damon Albarn
Wow, well this is pretty shameless, isn’t it?
Damon Albarn and That Other One were obviously struggling for ideas for the band’s fourth (proper) album, evidenced by the seven years it took them to follow up 2010’s ‘Plastic Beach’ (an album I really loved for about four months then forgot all about), so were forced to instead crib inspiration from perhaps the most artistically provocative writers of their time.
(Do I need to say that it took seven years and then state further that ‘Plastic Beach’ was released in 2010? Seems like a waste of words. In fact, if you include this little parenthesised section here, the addition of the conformation of the year two thousand and ten has added an entirely unnecessary one hundred and nine words to this piece!! In retrospect, probably unnecessary. Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s any way to remove or obliterate anything you’ve written- to ‘delete’ it, if you will- so it has to stay in. Let me know of any potential solutions in the comments. Should I write the whole entry again?)
53 Tove Lo: Blue Lips (Lady Wood phase II)
Not Fully Charged, Nipples not Hard, Not Ready to Go
Mmmm….
Eeesh…
I…
Sigh…
This isn’t a great album. Like, at all. It’s by no means a bad album, and Tove Lo is far too talented an artist to allow anything close to a duff be released under her name, but this ended up being one of the more sadly disappointing releases of (kayfabe) this year.
Continue reading “53 Tove Lo: Blue Lips (Lady Wood phase II)”
54 Queens of the Stone Age: Villians
My Strawberry Bond
To be honest, QoTSA’s 267th album was very close to being shaved off this list, it was one of the many 2017 releases that I figured might not quite have enough legitimate quality and noteworthy talking points to justify a place on (kayfabe) this year’s list. I worried that there weren’t really a massive amount of memorable moments, or that its bracing voodoo rock might not have really stand up to the best moments of their (admittedly colossal) back catalogue. In the end though, I felt that I earned it to the band to award them an invite to the party, chiefly for one small and ever so slightly embarrassing reason:
Josh Homme is the world’s coolest ginger.
55 Amanda Palmer & Edward Ka-Spel: I Can Spin a Rainbow
A Vanity Projection of all Seven Colours
What are the best things? Like, what is the stuff you really like best?
The good stuff, right? The things that are are generally of superior quality, the things that are made up of such unarguable value that their very existence seems to increase the very worth of your being even just an iota. The things that are either useful or beautiful.
Some people say they like bad stuff. They’ll swear that they definitely see quality or usefulness in the music of Phil Collins, eating non-magic mushrooms, the films of Adam Sandler, fascism, and organic food*. These people may often claim ‘irony’, but that’s only because they don’t understand what ‘irony’ means. But these people don’t actually like bad things because they’re bad, they secretly like them because they’re too stupid to realise that they’re bad, and actually think they’re good. These people are absolute idiots, potentially dangerous, and should be disregarded in any serious debate.
There’s stuff that tries to be bad- your Sharknados, your Donald Trumps**, your Blink 182s. This is the bottom of the barrel, merely a celebration of renouncing ambition and lowering expectation. These things, and the people who like them, are just celebrating nihilism rather than anarchy. These people are absolute idiots, potentially dangerous, and should be disregarded in any serious debate.
Continue reading “55 Amanda Palmer & Edward Ka-Spel: I Can Spin a Rainbow”
56 Young M.A: Herstory
Old A.P Loves Young M.A
I always appreciate cultural recommendations: if you mention a song, album, movie, TV show or wrestling match you think I’d like, or simply something that you really like yourself, I will always afford it close consideration. I once watched a fricking eleven hour movie in freaking Korean (the lamestream media claim it’s only 2 hours 36 minutes, but it’s definitely eleven hours! #FakeNews) and an entire TV series about American football just because a friend suggested I do so. If someone is really interested in something, it’s always worth investigating. Chiefly for the following reasons:
(Bwa-ha-ha! That should ensure they click the ‘read more’ link!! #Clickbait)
57 Ital Tek: The Speed of Darkness
Ital Texit means Ital Texit
Remember Ital Tek?
Sure you do, it’s the sound of Brexit
(11 views! Oh baby, I’m almost at the level of Logan Paul! So, how many do you have to get before they start paying you? Like, 25? 50?)
58 Björk: Utopia
Necessary Evil 