57 Ital Tek: The Speed of Darkness

Ital Texit means Ital Texit


Remember Ital Tek?

Sure you do, it’s the sound of Brexit

(11 views! Oh baby, I’m almost at the level of Logan Paul! So, how many do you have to get before they start paying you? Like, 25? 50?)

This wonderful EP would seem to present the ideal opportunity to talk more about the process of Brexit and how the government is progressing in their plans, along with help from all parties, as such a gargantuan and significant event requires cross party support in order to minimise any damage potentially done to the country.

Of course, nothing has really been decided or panned out at all, and the only thing to be confirmed so far is that come 29th March 2019 the entire country of Great Britain will collapse in on itself under the weight of a combination of terrible past decisions and equally terrible indecision, like a Victoria Sponge Cake you decided to fill with acid and stink bug larvae and then spent 2 years indecisively bickering over whether the ingredients were correct.

 Nigel Farrage* wants a second referendum, because of course he fricking does: he never actually wanted to leave the EU, he was a single issue politician who has now lost that issue. When I was about 8- so roughly Nigel Sausage’s mental age- I was also a one issue politician**. My one issue, along with the vast majority of my peers, was that school should be abolished, and all us little fucking idiots should just run around all day looking for discarded pornography magazines in the woods. Of course, if my one wish were to be granted, my life would pretty much fall apart: the depleted education would ensure I’d grow up extremely stupid; a lot of parents would have to lose their jobs in order to cope with the situation; teaching would no longer exist as a profession, so millions of adults who wasted/enriched their university degrees with copious drug and drink intake would have no career to fall back on; and soon it would become apparent that there were simply not enough discarded porn magazines to go round!!

Of course, the adults would know this, and that’s why intelligent people just have to assure to the idiots that something is actually best for them, even if it’s for reasons they can’t quite understand at their mental age.

It’s always better to be inside the tent pissing all over the walls (and then complaining about the place stinking of piss) than it is being outside slowly freezing to death as your cock falls off. And I can empathise with Sausage a bit: I fucking hate the EU! I think it’s an largely undemocratic and badly run mess, that has spent millions of euros propping up terrible African dictators in order to close of its shores to the poorer world. I hate it like I freaking hate the British public transport system, but I’m not stupid enough to think the best thing to do is to simply cancel all buses and trains.

Oof, my analogy game today is on point, yeah??

Oh, erm, this record: really good. I hope Mr Tek releases a record a year to give me a chance to invent new Brexit metaphors


Album Length: 16 minutes (+30)

Very Good Songs: 3 (+6)

Brilliant Songs: 2 (+10)


% of Album Worthwhile: 100 (+20 perfection point)



I rikey rikey (yes, in case you were wondering, I was doing a racist Chinese accent as I said that. This is a serious and consistent issue for me, considering I’m a *cough* 29 year old man who actually used to live in China****). I do love it though, you couldn’t hope for a better visual representation of Mr Tek’s sparse and dark sound


Previous Entries:2016 No.35

Total: 174


*FYI, you may be pronouncing his name wrong- it’s supposed to rhyme with ‘sausage’

**I also had a secondary issue that Mr Carlson should have poo rubbed in his stupid face. Unfortunately, that wish did eventually come to pass one fateful day when Mr. Carlson decided he’d had enough and made a rather unseemly dirty protest in front of the school assembly. I have to admit, as I looked into his bulging eyes as he screamed his contentions at each kid by name, I rather wish that wish didn’t come to pass either***

*** Stuart Carlson is doing fine now, he’s well looked after and, if anything, much happier where he is now

****This means, subconciously, I kinda think it’s not really racist when I do it?!

3 thoughts on “57 Ital Tek: The Speed of Darkness

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