9 Anna Calvi: Hunter

I wanna know if I can feel alive
I wanna know cause I’m an alpha
I divide and conquer

If you’re reading this, the language I tend to use would suggest that you speak English and maybe 说一点中文. You’re almost definitely British, perhaps American or European. Bizarrely enough, based on the people who read my blog, almost certainly not from Australasia. What’s up with that, Oceania? Don’t I get no love?


Anyway, you’re more than likely, through sheer luck of birth, to have never had to put up with much dividing and conquering yourself. This time, right now, is actually the most peaceful time in human history. Now, for the first time ever, more people die from traffic accidents (because we’re useless drivers), obesity (because we’re fat bastards) and even suicide (because, as I’ve put it so bluntly before, there really is no fucking point) than die from human violence. Back when we we all lived all 27 years of our miserable life milking a the family duck or sifting through cow shit to find bits worth eating, 15% of all human deaths came through human violence, usually because of the endless war that we were all stuck in. In the 20th century, it was just 5%, as we still had two World Wars to get out of our system Now, it’s only about 1%. Alright, we don’t want to count our chickens too early, and I’m sure the 20th century was looking pretty rosie throughout a lot of 1918, all it takes is an Austrian Archduke being murdered in Syria or the Korean Peninsula and it could be World War 3 (luckily, Austrian Archdukes are quite rarely spotted in Syria and in either Korea). But, in the West at least, it may be Happy New Year (War is Over)!

What use is ‘war’ anyway? War? By God, what it is good for? Say it again. Warfare used to be fucking brilliant, a low-damage, high-profit affair. In 1066, William the Conqueror gained the whole of England in a single day for the loss of a few thousand lifes. A whole country! When the US invaded Mexico in 1846-48 it may have lost 13’000 soldiers, but it got California, Nevada, Utah, Arizonia, New Mexico and parts of Colorado, Kansas, Wyominf and Olkahoma! I mean, they’re not the best states, but pretty good for the price! Then, like the big party poopers that they always are, the US dropped atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the end of the Second World War and everyone just lost the appetite for good warfare.

The dropping of the atomic bomb changed the very purpose of the military. Until that day, the sole purpose of a country’s military force was to win wars, but now the namby-pamby wishy-washies only have military in order to avoid war. Nuclear deterrence was born, where peace and stability would be assured because every power was wary of the threat of mutually assured destruction.

This MAD way of life has also seemingly made countries forget what the point of war even is when it arises. America has had two wars with Iraq and gained precisely nothing from it, save a new way of measuring patriotism by how vociferously you support a war without any obvious point. Nobody gained anything from the Iran-Iraq war. Israel, fair enough, I’ll give you The Six Day War, which for the amount of new land it gave you, it was admirably succinct work. But in the 51 years since then?? You’re resting on your laurels, Israel! In fact, you could say that the reason Israel and Iran may have no captured any more land but have increased their geopolitical positions massively by not having the sorts of wars that have devastated Syria and Libya. Countries gain strength by not having war! Seriously, what is the fucking point in anything??


The only recent successful war has been Russia’s conquest of Crimea. The extraordinary set of circumstances- the Ukrainian army not resisting, other powers simply rolling their eyes rather than intervening- mean we’re unlikely to see its like any time again soon. Getting misty eyed just thinking about it…

There’s just not much money in war these days. In the past, you could defeat your enemy then steal all of your enemies’ gold plated shower curtains to make a decent profit on the exercise. Now, war costs an astronomical amount and gold plated shower curtains have just bottomed out. These days, now you can’t sell the enemy civilians as slaves (thanks a lot, EU), and with even the largest cities covering less than a handful of gold mines, the main economic assets are technical and institutional knowledge. Booo! The modern world sucks! Sure, you’ve got the plucky organisations such as ISIS, who have flourished by looting cities and oil wells in the Middle East, and they’ve ever right to be very proud of themselves. But, seriously, $500 million from Iraqi banks and another $500 million from selling oil might sound like a lot, but you wont find any country worth its salt going to war over a measly billion dollars.


War costs trillions of dollars. I know we’re all eagerly awaiting the day when China goes to war with the US, but the likelihood of that is next to none existent. Imagine all the expenses China would have to put into the effort, balancing out the war damages and then making up for lost trade revenue, then what? Loot Silicon Valley? There’s no silicon there at all!

Sigh.. war is over… boo.. This album’s fucking brilliant by the way.


When I first heard ‘Hunter’ I was convinced it would be top. Then the next listen I thought that maybe it’d be number 2. Then next listen I thought it’d definitely be top five. Then next listen… I’m surprised it’s (comparatively) this low, but its Achilles heel is a somewhat muddy and cloudy production, when songs this good deserve to be crisp, darling!


43 minutes

Yeah, sorry Anna, your reward for finishing in the top ten is that I write a crap review. I wasn’t lying in my last post, I wan’t doing ‘a bit’: I really don’t want to do these any more, I’m fucking done for the year and writing these next eight reviews (and the Legit Bosses and statistical analysis) is going to fucking kill me. I hope not literally. Although… I am really depressed…

Previous Entries

2013 (No.7)


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