Wow, that title’s really colon overload isn’t it?

Last weekend I went with my brother to the cinema to see the Terminator 2 3D re-release, because the only movies I care about are the ones I liked when I was a teenager and can equate it to a time when life’s relentless, ghastly struggle hadn’t yet destroyed all the optimism and vague concepts of pleasure that once trickled through my young veins, and I reject any new movies because they implicitly suggest younger people are getting enjoyment that is no longer available to me

Before the movie there was a trailer for the inevitably horrible Justice League movie. A trailer that was itself preceded by a trailer for the trailer itself!!!

Then, the movie looked so bad that my brother burst out laughing. He was very drunk

+7

I only mention this killer anecdote- for which I am actually taking booking for after dinner speeches to tell at the right price, call my agent Gumbo on 07576435566- because ‘The Prelude’ acts

as a trailer for Pusha T’s (good name, good solid hip-hop name +3) promised magnum opus ‘King Push’, which is still unreleased at time of writing <are we saying time of writing is December 2016? Because you kind of let the rat out of the bag with that T2 anecdote. That was a fucking brilliant story by the way, I hope you’ve got more where that came from- Ed> but considering the quality of ‘Prelude’ it may well be so good that all art registered immediately null and void

+8

Now, I know the list has been a little confusing recently, mainly because of my unabashed Radiohead hatred

but this is an album I uncategorically adore, it’s amazing from start to finish, and even My Girl Miley would find nothing about it to complain about. It’s lyrically (untouchable, untouchable) and musically amazing, and a near perfect hip hop record

+7

This kind of confident, brash yet inclusive rap is the sort that He was once striving to accomplish, often failing miserably, so gets

8 Prince Points

Metacritic: +85

Length: 33 minutes +13

Number of AMAZING songs: 1 (+10)

Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1

Total 164

Mr T (loooooool!!1!) doesn’t seem to have a store, but please if you’re in the Ashton area and fancy a tattoo, abortion related or not, visit Pins and Needles Custom Tattoos, 154 Oldham Rd, Ashton-under-Lyne OL7 9AN

Phone: 07858 080999

Oh, and there was no place to put the cover, so here it is:

And I don’t want to seem like I’m making light of abortion: while I’m obviously pro choice I know that it can still be a difficult and stressful procedure, whatever your political beliefs (because women’s uteruses/uteri are actually the property of the political class for some reason). The always amazing Anna Akana did a great film which counteracts my silliness somewhat