Tag: val venis

70 Teyana Taylor: K.T.S.E

~ Lex Leeson ~ 6 Comments

“Threeway, I couldn’t wait to have with you/’Cause I know it turn you on, so let’s do it, babe/’Cause two heads are better than one“

Fuck me, FFM threesomes are so boring these days, aren’t they? I mean, I accept they might have been exciting in the past, but people were generally more easily entertained back then. Like, in 1850, when Isambard Kingdom Brunel did Isabella Beeton from behind while Mary Ann Evans* licked his sagging testicles, I imagine it would have caused a light to moderate stir at dinner parties across the country. These days though? Pffffffff! We are done with FFM threesomes! They are so over!

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(*and even that famous tryst contains the caveat that Isambard Kingdom Brunel actually signed up for a threesome with Isabella Beeton and George Orwell, so he likely would have made the common mistake and assumed he was getting an FMM)

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72 Phew: Voice Hardcore

~ Lex Leeson ~ 11 Comments

The 1976 movie ‘Snuff’ is a pretty by the numbers meat and potatoes early slasher flick, revolving around the exploits of some n’er do well bikers in South America. The leader of the bikers is called ‘Satan’, which you have to imagine they planned to change at one point. The movie becomes rather notable at its end though.

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The film ends with a pregnant actress being stabbed (it was very much that kind of movie), but then we hear the director shout ‘cut’ and the camera pulls away from the action and back to reveal the full movie set. Cameras, crew and director. As the crew pack up their shit, happy with the results of the obvious $72 that went into making the film, a script girl approaches the director and confesses what an admirer she is of his work. She also, predictably, tells him how the violent scene turned her on, because bitches be craaaaaaazeeeeeee!

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73 Luke Haines: I Sometimes Dream of Glue

~ Lex Leeson ~ 3 Comments

‘This is the non-stop train to Hull’

Yaaaaaaaaars!! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Haines-o! Haines-o! Haines-o! L-M-H! (clap, clap, clap) L-M-H! (clap, clap, clap) L-M-H! (clap, clap, clap). And so it continues, mainly in that fashion.

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I freaking love Luke Haines, and pretty much any old shite he releases is going to end up on the best of the year list.

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74 Glasser: Sextape

~ Lex Leeson ~ 5 Comments

“It used to be very open, (AOL) Instant Messenger. You could just, like, access people very easily…  There was no privacy… Anyone could just click on someone’s name, like, I want to go to the forum that they’re in. You could just go into people’s lives like that, there was no filter, no privacy protection”

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We hear a lot about how we’re losing a lot of our privacy in the modern world, how Cambridge Analytica and Facebook are combining (with possible help from Vladamir Putin) to erase all semblances of the private life that human’s have cherished so for thousands of years.

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76 drowse: Cold Air

~ Lex Leeson ~ 2 Comments

Blimey, we’ve obviously reached the ‘distressed cacophony of noise’ section of NE2018, haven’t we?

‘Cold Air’ is an absolutely overwhelming coronach of anguished turmoil, occasionally above which legitimate choonz like Quickening  rear their heads momentarily before they’re unceremoniously dragged back down below. It’s a disturbing, harrowing, excruciating and unconditionally essential record.

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77 The Body: I Have Fought Against It, but I Can’t Any Longer

~ Lex Leeson ~ 10 Comments

Fuck me…

Before I start- even though by writing this I am actually starting, and it’s therefore impossible to write anything before I start because I will always be starting however I decide to claim that I am adding something before I start and so something can never be written before I start- I’d just like to let you know that I’m actually writing this entry while at work at the Manchester Refugee Support Network. After you’ve read this (hopefully short) entry, you can decide for yourself whether it was worth the incalculable numbers of Manchester refugees who suffered due to my lack of attention. Just keep that in mind.

Anyway, as I was saying: Fuck me…

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78 Lil Yachty: Nuthin’ 2 Prove

~ Lex Leeson ~ 7 Comments

 

Longtime readers of this blog (hi, Mum!*) will know I have a bit of an obsession with Lil Yachty. I honestly think he’s a fascinating figure who has the sufficient lack of self-awareness and disregard for the supposed former statesman and accepted tropes of his genre that he could potentially create something very special. His sound is obnoxious, flagrantly disrespectful and nonchalantly artless. But then, I’m a depressingly old white idiot: the sound of 2018 should sound borderline offensive to me! Lil Yachty is 21 years old, he’s already released one stone cold classic song (fight me) and a patchy and imperfect debut album that nonetheless showed flashes of the buoyant/obnoxious/genius/overjoyed style that is all his own and that could see him take over the world before too long, to the fabulous irritation of old farts everywhere. Whether you like it or not, this was evolution and it was frickin’ exciting!

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(*My Mum has far too much self-respect to read my blog. Only people with a base level of pitiful self-respect would ever waste time reading this shit. Yeah, I’m talking about you. Aunty Cheryl, however, loves it! She is, however, a shameless crack cocaine addict and, if I’m being completely honest, has been dead for 12 years next April)

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80 american poetry club: we are beautiful even when we are broken

~ Lex Leeson ~ 7 Comments

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I had honestly planned to write each of these entries off as quickly as possible. The last two entries were a combined total of more than 3000 words, and it’s literally taken up my entire Sunday writing them. I’m afraid american poetry club (what, they have no caps locks in Missouri?? You people disgust me) are going to bear the brunt of my frustration at being unable to sufficiently edit myself, and I’m not going to say much about their delightful little blast of lo-fi emo.

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81 Ital Tek: Bodied

~ Lex Leeson ~ 1 Comment

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He’s back again! You remember Ital Tek? Of course you do, he’s the sound of Brexit

And, while I’d love to exercise my unparalleled skills of music journalism to dissect and discuss the… baselines… and chord progressions… and things… on Mr.Tek’s recent album, I feel it is only fair to the man that I use this opportunity for the third successive year to discuss the Brexit he is obviously so keen to ally himself with.

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