Rumble in the Bumble pt.3

Part 1, Part 2

Today we embark on strictly a scouting mission. My profile is, yes, fucking mindblowingly good, but it’s merely an unfinished husk at the moment and unlikely to truly emotionally manipulate any woman into sending me pictures of their boobs. That is, after all, all this online ‘Zero Hour Dating’ is really about. Today, we’re just looking at the options, seeing what kind of bear bating meat market the crust of the Earth has split open to reveal. I’m not physically¬†rating these people- and you’re certainly not seeing pictures, you disgusting leches- everyone is beautiful, and not everyone possesses the psychological wherewithal to paint half their face blue. We’re all about people’s personal bio. And in that case it really doesn’t turn out that everyone is beautiful at all. In fact, many people are freaking¬†munters.

So, into the depths we dive, I open up Bumble and…

Wait, what the fuck is that?

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18 Jherek Bischoff: Cistern

Hey, did you know that people are still making classical music?

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No, honestly, not just film soundtracks! I mean there are actually people still composing new pieces that aren’t just Hanns Zimmer going WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGG while Tom Hardy bites the Loch Ness Monster’s head off with his fists

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loch ness

Such an act of heroic senselessness would obviously convince Emma Stone that she did love Matt Hardy after all, despite all her previous banter, because women are generally only impressed by creative slaughter of mythical beasts

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Continue reading “18 Jherek Bischoff: Cistern”