Donald Trump Breaks the Fourth Wall

There are only two real reasons that exist to justify writing, two possible excuses for dribbling over your fingers and then wiping the resulting saliva- diluted with Monster Munch crumbs from last night’s binge of consumption that attempted to comfort the desolate loneliness that eats at your soul and also from the tears that such an act inevitably result in- across a keyboard and mashing the porridge of shame into roman numerals and expecting the outside world to be deserving of it.

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The first reason is if you’re actually, like, good at writing. If you’re a proper good writer like, I dunno,  Dan Brown or David Walliams then your writing might be good enough to one day be turned into a movie, and therefore your ideas could actually effect the wider cultural conscious. I’ll admit that here’s a weird grey area that exists where you write good stuff that isn’t turned into a film- like… erm… Salmon Rushdie?- and this just about qualifies your existence. But who reads books today, honestly? Freaking nerds, that’s who.

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I obviously don’t fall into this category: I’m not very good at writing.

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50 Solange: A Seat at the Table

Top 50! This is almost a normal list!

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Firstly, Pitchfork- that self-congratulating vomitorium that regards itself biblical text for hipster edgelords*- naming ‘A Seat at the Table’ as 2016’s best album is absolute bullshit

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Not ‘in my opinion’ this or ‘controversial choice’ that, actual inarguable and scientifically objective bullshit

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They realised that Solly’s sister Be-Be

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was going to land high on many critics’ lists, so decided to swerve everyone with a hot take

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65 Pusha T: King Push- Darkest Before the Dawn: The Prelude

Wow, that title’s really colon overload isn’t it?

 

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Last weekend I went with my brother to the cinema to see the Terminator 2 3D re-release, because the only movies I care about are the ones I liked when I was a teenager and can equate it to a time when life’s relentless, ghastly struggle hadn’t yet destroyed all the optimism and vague concepts of pleasure that once trickled through my young veins, and I reject any new movies because they implicitly suggest younger people are getting enjoyment that is no longer available to me

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83 Animal Collective: Painting With…

Aw, shucks, ‘Painting With’ is the very dang definition of a

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When I threw all of you desperate plebs a bone by listing the best tracks of 2016 so far- back when life was good and we didn’t all automatically despise and mistrust our neighbours’ democratic menace- I named the undeniably fabulous FloriDada as the greatest artistic contribution of the year so far

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