Top 50! This is almost a normal list!

+50

 

Firstly, Pitchfork- that self-congratulating vomitorium that regards itself biblical text for hipster edgelords*- naming ‘A Seat at the Table’ as 2016’s best album is absolute bullshit

-2

Not ‘in my opinion’ this or ‘controversial choice’ that, actual inarguable and scientifically objective bullshit

-1

They realised that Solly’s sister Be-Be

was going to land high on many critics’ lists, so decided to swerve everyone with a hot take

-3

In fact, even as incisive commentary of the struggles of black people in 2016 and an unapologetic celebration of black identity, it still feels like

Jamila Woods’s dissection of the current state of racial affairs benefits greatly from her lighter touch and slightly more attention paid to the positive aspects of her culture, and more basically it frequently has much better songs with between song dialogue that is a little less intrusive

Oh, God, I feel terrible saying that, all my fat white Social Justice Cluck Snowflake senses are shaking like Parkinsons Yahtzee now. I know that the experiences of neither women are in any way relatable for me, and I know that it takes ridiculous hubris for me to deem myself worthy of measuring the legitimacy of these talented young black women’s experiences, I just feel that Solly’s- though of course entirely authentic!!- take on it, as part of a multi-squillionare family and surrounded by fame since as long as she can remember, feels to me a little more engineered and calculated than that of the comparatively ‘normal’ Woods

 

However, I’m going to be sure and not turn this in to another Radiohead

slanging match just because I don’t think a brilliant album is quite as brilliant as some other people do: ‘Seat at the Table’ is absolutely fantastic

+18

As a quasi-jazz art project alternative to her sister’s pop perfection juggernaut, it’s near perfect

+11

In fact, it might be the greatest album by a sibling ever. Can you think of a better sibling record? No, you can’t, so shut up

+7

Remember when Thom Yorke’s brother was in a band? This is much better than that

+4

It’s better than any album by Janet Jackson

+3

Jesus, it’s much better than Jamie Lynn Spears

+8

I mean, my brother Ewan’s album ‘Debut’ only has a score of 58 on Metacritic! That’s rubbish! Duncan’s album ‘Tissues and Issues’ may have a slightly more respectable 73, but there are actually some pretty scathing critiques of it: Q only gave it 2 stars for example

+3

 

I actually asked my brothers what their debut albums would be called, and those titles are seriously what they told me. Jesus, this is one unimaginative family…

 

While we’re on the subject of Duncan, he once dated a girl who knew Emeli Sandi, and Emeli once supported Solange- or she supported Emeli, it’s not important- in Glasgow or somewhere. They were introduced backstage, and Solange just stood there in silence for a few beats before saying ‘Well, this is awkward’ and walking away. Also, later on she definitely closed the lift doors rather than let Emeli in. So maybe she’s just a bit of a nightmare. Jamila is a much nicer person, I reckon

-1

Metacritic: +89

Hooooooooo Nelly! Who-hoo! We be cooking on gas now friends!

Length: 62 minutes -16

Come on now, Jazz- if that’s your real name!- that’s just silly

Number of AMAZING songs: 0

Eeesh, oooooof, aaaaaaaaargh, Cranes in the Sky is almost amazing, but there’s a general archness to it that prevents me from loving it

+5

…But Are All the Rest of the Songs Kinda Amazing Anyway? Yes (+50)

Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1

Total 227

* I don’t mind Pitchfork at all, I just wanted to use an asterisk

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