Goodness gracious, children, do you know what this is?

+12

Do you? Do you know?

+11

 

 

Well, I’m about to tell you

+17

‘Blank Face’ is a gangster rap album!

+8

I don’t mean ‘gangster rap’ like it’s often used in the media, to describe any music that features a darker skinned person that ocassionally sings a little faster than The Daily Mail is all together comfortable with, but actual gangster rap: Schooly Q is running around the ‘hood’ ‘popping caps’ and ‘balling bitches’ like it’s going out of fashion

+6

It is also a frequently horrible sounding album

-1

Oh no, in a good way: Q-Bert is unflinching in unveiling the morbid ugliness of life among America’s underclass, and the music is an absolute success in cinematically scoring the tales told- of grimly striving to succeed as the kind of narcissistic capitalist the country obviously rates most highly with- music most appropriately

+13

‘Blank Face’ is often a difficult listen, but considering it was designed thusly you can only applaud

+11

 

Social Justice Cluck Snowflake Corner

‘I’ma give these bitches what they want/Put this dick up in your rib/We could bring the party to the crib/Give them bitches dick to mouth and then doggy on the couch…Money makes the world go ‘round in case you didn’t know/In case you didn’t know about these pussies and these hoes/And these sluts, what’s up? Heard they actin’ up’

Listen, I’m sorry, I don’t care if it’s ‘authentic’ this or ‘in character’ that, ‘Blank Face’ is at by far it’s least pleasant and most gruesome whenever women are brought up, and Skew-Kew takes pleasure in going into graphic detail of how badly he’s going to enjoy mistreating these useless flaps of vagina. It’s not an admirably unflinching glance at life on society’s lower rungs, it’s not a witty dissemination of the debilitating effects of institutionalised racism on some communities, it’s just him honestly believing he’s being funny, and I would genuinely love to hear reasons why I shouldn’t consider it absolutely vile

-2

Neva Change, Whateva U Want, Str8 Ballin (+5, X2, X3) = +30

 

Yeah, I looked to try and find some deeper meaning or irony present here, but he’s actually saying here that one of the biggest problems today is that absent fathers have to pay too much child support. Christ, this is a horrible album…

 

The idiotic War On Drugs that the lyric references began- and continues to exist- merely as a way of emboldening and massively financing illegal activities and succeeded only in jailing more minorities and strengthening the people destroying their communities to levels that they will never be able to be unseated from. It’s part of the reason why Ronald Reagan remains the worst ever US president by some distance

+7

Yes, Trump’s an absolute buffoon, and if we’re talking about the dumbest president then he may still take the gold- or at least seriously challenge 1884 Democratic one-termer Scrotumn Tink-Fostle, who famously made dissatisfaction illegal and elected a cardboard tailcoat duster as his Secretary of State- and his time in office is guaranteed to be nothing short of absolutely ghastly for the vast majority of the world

-2

But everyone knows that Trump is a giant scrotal sack of pathetic and self-hating dried puss: everyone has agreed that his policies and statements are at best nakedly pig-ignorant and at worst maliciously bigoted. He’s generally accepted to be a walking morality play concerning the dark excesses of America’s hubris, with even the majority of the Republican party viewing him as the crassly over exaggerated Family Guy dumb attempt at satirising the GOP. He will inspire very few people, instead live on in history as the example of just how nuts the world was in 2016

+6

Reagan, however, was a far worse president because he was far smarter than Trump: he could appeal to white voters’ racism without even being overtly racist, he could press exactly the same buttons as Trump but make his hate speech and bigotry accessible for everyone. Sure, Trump becoming president may have embolden the Alt-Right (or, as we used to call them ‘The Far Right’ or, y’know ‘Fascists’) to believe that it has more power and legitimacy than it maybe does but definitely should, but Reagan managed to invent new terms for racism and race-hatred which meant that great swathes of the country were turned into far-righters without even knowing it. Trump promises to build a wall to keep out Mexican rapists, there’s no subtlety because the man’s a buffoon and we can all see what a horrible hate speech it is and there’s no excuse for supporting it, but Reagan winks and explains how he’s going to lock up crack smokers and gangster rappers and basketball players and people who are good at dancing and the white voters realise that there’s a a way you can call for all niggers to be put in jail while still appearing like a nice person

-2

Trump may inspire the left to get its act together, and cause the right to understand the dangers of playing on hate, he may lead to great things happening in response to him, but he will always be considered a laughable joke of a president. Many people believe Reagan is the greatest president ever

-3

 

Metacritic: +81

Length: 72 minutes

Best Lyric: ‘Yo operator, or innovator/Fuck you hater, you can’t recreate her, no/You’ll never recreate her no, hell no’ +1

Number of AMAZING songs: 1 (+10)

…But Are All the Rest of the Songs Kinda Amazing Anyway? 

Not consistently amazing, per se…

But Are They All Admirably Horrendous? Yes! (+30)

Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1

Total 232