Remember when the game done changed?
The last time Matt Le Tissier’s daughter Christine was on this list, Christine herself professed to, and I quote, ‘love every second of this, and the guy writing is so obviously a sexual Catherine Wheel that I felt myself falling more and more in deep, unbridled lust with him with every word’ (that last bit was more suggested than literally said). I later found out that the Christine and the Queens album I was so sexually attractive over was actually the biggest selling debut album of 2016, which actually means my review was the most enjoyed blog post of that year! Probably. I haven’t been able to crunch the numbers. I also said ‘Christine and the Queen’s next album will automatically win that year’s Necessary Evil’. It’s number 20. I lied. It was nice of the Guardian to pick up the slack and not disappointing Christine too much by naming it their album of the year though, so thanks for that, really helped.
Unfortunately, two things have happened in the intervening two years. Firstly, Christine and her Queens asked me to pay more than £40 to see her live, and I had to buy a minimum of two tickets. What?? Don’t you know I have no friends, Christine?? Secondly, the actual next album, ‘Chris’*, is unarguably brilliant, but absolutely not the album of the year. Mostly the first reason though.
(*which sees Christine play the part of her male alterego ‘Chris’, obviously heavily influenced by my success as Amanda Palmer. It may also explain the best reviews of her career, as now people don’t have to worry about praising a silly woman too much)
‘Chris’ is a great album, but strangely disappointing in just how pristinely perfect it is. It’s ‘just’ an absolutely perfect 80s inspired pop album. Which is great. In fact, on its own that perfection is enough to propel it into the top 20 of the year. I just kinda miss the weirdness that was far more evident on her debut album. Christine’s voice is her main USP though, and the way she delivers lines like ‘Bu-ber-ling flesh‘ is worth the price of admission alone. Really, you’re sold on the album 65 seconds into opener Comme Si with she way she manages to sell ‘focus on my function’.
Fuck! This has been a really dull review, hasn’t it?! There’s next to no chance that Chris will ‘love every second’ of this! Shit, shit, shit! How to ensure repeat admiration?! Erm… more photos…?
Yeah, you like that, Christine, a fucking chicken? No…? Shit! Erm. Pictures of my bum??
There you go. That’s my bum… OK, not really, here’s my bum.
No…? Shit, shit, shit! What to do?? Erm! Erm!
Fabio! She must love Fabio! Here’s Fabio after being hit by a goose on a roller coaster!
Yes! That’s what she’s looking for! Let the clicks commence:
Christine and the Queens: The Walker
Prince and the New Power Generation: Walk Don’t Walk
Is ‘Diamonds and Pearls’ the first Prince album to be represented twice on these little segments. I really should have been talking track. I have been taking track! Hang on a second…
No. There have been two tracks off the ‘Gold Experience’, funnily enough. Anyway, I don’t think either The Walker or Walk Don’t Walk represents the artist at their absolute best, but I’m going to hand this to Prince
I actually had to look this up, as my version has both the English and French version and so I only know the combined time. Also, the French version has one more track and I’ve never been able to work out which one.
Hey, slowly getting better!