20 Christine and the Queens: Chris

Remember when the game done changed?

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The last time Matt Le Tissier’s daughter Christine was on this list, Christine herself professed to, and I quote, ‘love every second of this, and the guy writing is so obviously a sexual Catherine Wheel that I felt myself falling more and more in deep, unbridled lust with him with every word’ (that last bit was more suggested than literally said). I later found out that the Christine and the Queens album I was so sexually attractive over was actually the biggest selling debut album of 2016, which actually means my review was the most enjoyed blog post of that year! Probably. I haven’t been able to crunch the numbers. I also said ‘Christine and the Queen’s next album will automatically win that year’s Necessary Evil’. It’s number 20. I lied. It was nice of the Guardian to pick up the slack and not disappointing Christine too much by naming it their album of the year though, so thanks for that, really helped.

Continue reading “20 Christine and the Queens: Chris”

104 Kings of Leon: Walls

I used to really like listening to Kings of Leon

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Like, the same way I used to really like sticking my finger up my bum while watching He Man

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Not that I’m ashamed of it, when you’re in your late teens and haven’t yet been convinced of the relentless struggle life’s macabre torture show in fact is, you should never regret anything that helped you confirm the exciting potential of your very existence, and if all of your university friends are doing it, why not join in to strengthen bonds that will last as long as eight months?

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Oh, and I don’t regret loving Kings of Leon either, as their second and third albums still stand up as absolute masterpieces

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No, that joke didn’t scan at all, did it?

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All the cool kids reading this blog for top tips on how to retain their Hilary Swank and remain Snapchatting with Zoella’s Hippie Peppa Pig Crack

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might not remember, but people of my decrepit and shameful age- with diminishing relevance and puss ravaged and peeling genitals that have long been solely used for decoration purposes- will remember where they were when Huw Edwards revealed on News at Ten that The Koln’s second album ‘Because of the Times’ had beaten ‘In Rainbows’ to be named the Necessary Evil album of 2007

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Unfortunately, the band caught a debilitating infection on their next album, possibly by dangerously close proximity to the crippling Bonovirus of Southern Ireland (though mainly inhabiting the Cayman Islands for tax reasons), that not only sadly convinces bands that would they like to be U2, but that being a band as creatively bankrupt and morally repugnant as U2 is at all worth being

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The inescapable Sex On Fire wasn’t the end, as though the song didn’t include an original bone in its venereal body, it still proved that The Ki-Kis were one of the world’s best at crafting brilliant dumb rock songs

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The real rot set in with Lose Somebody, where the band discovered the echo pedal, and resolved to never leave any note un everberated ever again

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Is an echo pedal a thing? It feels like it should be

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‘Walls’walls wouldwould lastlast tenten minutesminutes ifif everyevery soddingsodding notenote finishedfinished whenwhen itit waswas supposedsupposed toto

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It’s really ridiculous how much of ‘Walls’ is handed over to echoey stadium mid-pace quasi-ballads, and it would be sad if your takeaway from the record was that the band would never write a rock song as thrillingly raw as Black Thumbnail ever again…

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You don’t feel that though, as nestled halfway through the record is Find Me, which is shamelessly conspicuous over how cynically it attempts to tick all the boxes to make a brainless stadium rock classic, and it’s embarrassing how well it works. I’ll go into further detail once I inform you what the year’s best tracks are

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but you’d have to put both your shoes on and take a shower, as it’ll be a long walk if you want to find a better example of a perfect pop rock song

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I mean, that bit where the musical backing falls away and the riff is played clean for a single bar- ooooooooooooooooooah!!! Has to be

10 Guns n Roses Points 

But, yeah,

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obviously

I think I forgot to take points off last time I did that…

Oh, and I don’t feel that Bobby Follywobbles <that spelling doesn’t look right, can you check it?- Ed> gets enough credit as a frontman: I love his voice. That is all

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Metacritic: +62

Yep, sounds about right

Number of AMAZING songs: 1 +10

Length 42 minutes +4

Best Lyric: ‘And we rode motorcycles/Blackjack, classic vinyl’

Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1

Total 63

Pics stolen from:

https://alchetron.com/Peter-Griffin-4098114-W

http://theresurgent.com/this-is-bono-bono-is-humble-about-politics-be-like-bono/

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/albumreviews/review-kings-of-leon-walls-w444792

https://www.carid.com/seibon-carbon/seibon-carbon-fiber-rear-spoiler-237417791.html