I went to Marrakesh last Christmas. Don’t believe me?? Then what do you call this??
Yeah, that’s actually just a photo of my brother Johnny talking to a suirrel. I really thought I’d be able to find photos he took last Christmas, but I couldn’t. Admittedly, it’s getting late so I quit the search relatively quickly, but the chances are this photo is far better than any shit he took in Morocco. You’ll just have to take my word for it, OK? Or don’t believe me, who cares? We live in the post-truth era and this post is still going to exist whatever you believe.
In Marrakesh, our hotel had a pretty spectacular rooftop bar. It was one of the highest points in the whole city, so at evening times we would go up there to take in the panoramic spectacle of the sun set over the gorgeous city of Marrakesh. It was absolutely perfect. Well, almost perfect. This bar played music. Loud. Loud music can be an off putting thing in a nice relaxing bar whatever it is, as conversations are clouded and every loltastic pun combining ‘Marrakesh’ and ‘Christmas’ has to be repeated multiple times. The zinger still lands, don’t worry, but you can’t help but wonder what potential the line could have had in more forgiving circumstances. The bar atop Marrakesh though, decided to double down on its irritation by pumping out a constant stream of 1000 decibel dancehall. Not even original shitty dancehall, but crude dancehall covers of famous pop songs, usually by Rihanna*. It was relentless, overwhelming, obnoxious and antagonistic. It ruined my Christmas, my year, and my life. From that moment on I swore death to all dancehall.
(*see what Work did, Ri-Ri? Do you see??)
‘I Don’t Want’ managed to change my mind about an entire genre to levels that even Waxahatchee would struggle to replicate. On a quick genre release, Santigold breezes through 10 gorgeous and uplifting certified pop/dancehall bangers in 32 minutes without pausing for breath. Each immaculate gem leads directly into the next without a seconds pause. It’s, basically, the second side of ‘Abbey Road’, only better. It’s breathless, relentless, exhilarating and, just when you start to begin to maybe possibly debating whether to start considering that you might be tiring ever so slightly of it, it simply stops.
‘I Don’t Want’ wouldn’t have been recommended to me by any algorithm, or ‘suggested by a friend’. I gave it a chance because I love the artist and felt like I’d unfairly abandoned her since I fell in love with her after watching her play the Norwich Waterfront ten years ago(!), and in doing so I ensured a joyful experience that I found all by myself. We should all be doing this, all the time. Never just accept your own personal algorithm. Always be prepared to surprise yourself, always refine what you think you like and therefore who you are. Good night everyone!
Oh. Did I not… erm… finish…? Have a Merry Christmas, if I don’t see you before then.
Even though I totally will, because I still have 33 more of these cunts to do!! Oh, and this:
Santigold: Gold Fire
‘The Gold Experience’ is probably mostly famous for containing Prince’s only UK number one single. Unless he’s had more since he died. I’m honestly not sure how the charts work these days. It’s far, far more than just that though, and is very probably the 90s album where he most consistently touches genius and maybe his greatest album of the decade. Yeah, I know I previously stated that 1992’s ‘‘ was his most underrated album, but I’m saying this is the best album of the decade. They’re two different catagories! Shut up! What’s that? ‘Diamonds and Pearls’ was released in 1991? Fuuuuuuuuck! I guess we’ll have to wait until about the 2030s to get a definitive answer. In the meantime, Gold is legitomately one of my favourite Prince songs, favourite songs, I won’t hear anything against it and we’re moving on.
Kinda… She was on that N.A.S.A album, remember that? I don’t.