Earlier in the year, I went to the cinema with my brother Mizdow. In the 72 minutes of adverts beforehand, one advert obviously aimed at people with no taste included one with that terrible singer* with a hat. You know that one? With a hat? Yeah, that one.
(*I don’t know he’s terrible, only that everything I’ve heard that has definitely been by him has been terrible. Never assume you’ll hate something. Also, as will soon become clear, I don’t really know who he is. I just know he exists and he does things)
Now, I was pretty sure that this guy was called George Ezra and that Mizdow hated him. So, being the Non-Stop Banter Machine™ that I am, I turned to my brother, pointed at the screen and said something along the lines of “George Ezra! You love him, don’t you? He’s your bum chum, he is”. I promise that, with more time to prepare, I would have come up with something a lot better.
Mizdow replied by saying “No, it’s Ezra Furman that I like”. Not only was this an unexpectedly serious answer to an unashamedly banterfied question, but up until that moment I hadn’t known literally anybody else in the world knew who the hell Ezra Furman was, an artist whose pretty incredible ‘Transangelic Exodus’ album I’d recently got into. Not only had I been unaware of my brother’s similar affections, but I had unwittingly and accidentally exposed myself as the kind of old fart who would get a nonsense artist like George Ezra mixed up with a genuinely exciting and relevant artist like Ezra Furman. Mizdow was obviously worried at that moment that he would ask me for the Kacey Musgrave album for his birthday and I would end up buying him the latest Katy Perry. Then the movie started, and the moment was gone, Two hours later, I couldn’t really go up to Mizdow and say “Can we talk about Ezra Furman?”, could I? That’d be weird, I don’t really like him that much. And anyway, as this entry has shown, I don’t really have much to say about him save for how much I like him.
That singer with the hat? Not even George Ezra. I think it was James Bay, but when I Google ‘singer with hat’ it states that I must be thinking of Gregory Porter. Like, it doesn’t suggest Gregory Porter as the most likely singer with a hat I’m trying to think of, it only gives me news about Gregory Porter. I’m not sure who Gregory Porter is, but he obviously owns the whole ‘singer with hat’ gimmick. It wasn’t Gregory Porter I was thinking of.
I think this image I accidentally created for myself played into another interaction we had later in the year. I was telling my mother how I was about to start a six month long attempt to win funding from the Carnegie Foundation. My Mum, being Scottish, corrected me on the pronunciation of ‘Carnegie’. A (drunk) Mizdow was also there, and suggested that actually it was pronounced ‘Cardi B’, which I ignored. My mother and I continued to discuss the pronunciation, and Mizdow again drunkenly joked that it was pronounced ‘Cardi B’. After I further ignored his hilarious suggestion, he accused me of not finding it funny because I didn’t know who Cardi B was. I had to tell him that of course I knew who Cardi B was, I just didn’t think that the line was funny enough to…
Where the fuck am I going with this? This is the first entry of the day! Imagine how shit it’s going to be by the fourth of fifth!?