This album is just…
I haven’t got much to say about it, I think I exhausted my creative juices on the previous Kanye critique- or Kanyique, if you will- and now I’m just enjoying relaxing and listening to an effortless and gorgeously produced album
I know absolutely nothing about Marissa Nadler, apart from the fact that ‘nadler’ sounds like the early Victorian term for ne’er-do-wells who attempted to cop a feel under ladies petticoats on crowded stagecoaches
Did we have stagecoaches? What did we have in Victorian times? Didn’t we ride elephants or some shit?
That was a fucking stella reference, that I can guarantee not one sod reading this thing will get. Fuck, my comedy is so wasted! I feel like Jerry Sadowitz when he hosted ‘Family Fortunes’ <not sure that happened- Ed>
The weather doesn’t ‘end’, Marissa, you dumbarse. It might change, but it’s not just going to freaking end is it?? God, that’s lazy writing
Talking of ‘lazy writing’, did you notice how my critiques of Spalding, Iggy and White Lung were a little short and rushed? Well, I got back late yesterday evening and wanted to bash them all out before the Champions’ League started at 7:30, so knocked those lazy pieces out in about 45 minutes. Turns out there’s no Champions’ League this week, so I ended up farting out three lazy, hurried and empty reviews for no reason. <You could have gone back to them after you realised there was no football- Ed> Nah, I really wanted to finish reading ‘The Ballad of Halo Jones’ <I think that to refer to looking through a comic as ‘reading’ seems like a bit of an insult to proper books- Ed>
I was listening to this record as I travelled to Ashton town centre today to attend a meaningless interview at the Job Cente. Outside the Job Centre I sat on a bench and ate a cheese and onion pasty, and realising that I still had time to kill I aimlessly wandered around a few shops. Eventually I decided to camp out in the Job Centre’s waiting area. When my name was called I realised that I didn’t have my walking stick, and asked the Job Centre worker to wait two seconds while I ran to the bench- where I had obviously forgot my stick– and retrieve it. I started to hobble out of the door, but I was called back by a security guard saying how I couldn’t leave my bag unattended.
I picked up my bag and hopped outside. My stick was nowhere to be seen.
I returned to the Job Centre and ignored everything that was said to me as I wondered how I was going to make the 20-30 minute walk back home without my stick. The security guard told me to move my bag again. Nobody cared that I had just lost my walking stick. The Job Centre worker asked to confirm whether I could do jobs sitting down.
After the Job Centre interview I asked in the shops near the bench whether anyone had handed in a stick. The staff at Specsavers and Natwest were bemused by my suggestion.
I asked a security guard whether anyone had handed a stick in, and he recalled how someone had taken it from the bench and walked off with it, Some cunt had stolen my walking stick. I had left it on the bench for maybe 5 minutes.
The security guard took me to a shop that sold sticks. I couldn’t afford them. He shrugged his shoulders and suggested I get a bus home.
I was in so much pain as I dragged myself out of the city centre, and seeping hot bile from every crevasse. Many people become more right wing as they get angry, I go the other way: as I hobbled my way home I cursed the capitalist system that encourages people to only act in ways that benefit themselves, and to not consider the debilitating effect your actions have on fellow humans.
I passed Pound Stretcher and idly enquired if they sold walking sticks. Of course they didn’t.
However, balanced against the wall I saw a wooden broom on offer for £1.99
I bought the broom and was re=energised with delight at my cunning and ingenious flexibility, and used the broom to make my way home a fucking champion!
Length: 45 minutes +1
Best Lyric: ‘Fasted for 60 days, wore white/Abstained from mirrors, abstained from sex/Slowly did not speak another word’ +1
Number of AMAZING songs: 1 (+10)
…But Are All the Rest of the Songs Kinda Amazing Anyway?
Defo! Jesus, why did I tell that story about my stick?