52 Jazz Cartier: Hotel Paranoia

I may as well put this here:

yg.jpg

 

On the Night of the Excessively Lengthed Knives that I mentioned previously- which would make this a

callback

I suppose- I deleted albums from my music player that I thought too average to include or that I simply couldn’t think of much to say about

+13

So it was goodbye to albums by Joyce Manor, Weyes Blood, Ty Dolla $ign, Misty Miller, Pixies (it was fucking terrible bee tea double you, because Pixies are fucking terrible these days, but I didn’t want to waste more time decrying that), Florist, Ian William Craig, Bastille, Bruno Mars, Porches, Post Malone, Pity Sex, Pinegrove, La Femme, Lil UZ Vert, and about a billion more records: it was a ridiculous effort just to get this sonna bitch down to 117

+11

Some albums- such as Nao’s and Lil Yachty’s- had one spectacular track that so overpowered the rest of the record that it will be entered onto the Legit Bosses list of 2016’s best tracks, but the surrounding album was too weak to be considered

+13

jazz.jpg

Unfortunately, I recently noticed that one of these culled albums was ‘Still Breezy’ by YG. This was an absurd accident, as ‘Still Breezy’ isn’t just an incredible record but I had more to write about the lyrics than just about any other album released (cough) this year

-3

Remember that embarassing rant I had that you skipped over in my Gucci Mane review? That was planned for the YG review, as the lyrics far better reflect the kind of casual misogyny that My Girl Miley so objected to

+1

There’s a brilliant song on it called Fuck Donald Trump, which had a verse about shooting the then presidential nominee that was cut from the album version, which would have allowed me to go off on a tangent about The Donald, now you’ll never know what my opinion on the great man is

-2

jc1.jpg

Oh, and also an apology to BJ the Chicago Kid, whose album ‘In My Mind’ I didn’t delete on the Night of the Cutting Instruments of Appropriate Length, but still forgot to include it in the list, but I’m less concerned about that as the album is a little ‘meh’ apart from Shine, which is a freaking awesome song

+4

 

oral

jc2.jpg

 

Bj the Chicago Kid’s name is actually Brian James, but yes, he is well aware that also spells ‘blow job’, that’s about as clever as ‘In My Mind’ gets

-2

Jazz Cartier deals in the kind of hip-hop that I’m often too embarrassed to admitt is my favourite: the chiefly poppy kind

+4

 

I’m a man of very simple tastes: a cerebral treatise on the state of cultural identity by Kendrick Lamar, and I’ll stroke my beard and nod until the cows come home- or stroke the cows and beard until my nod comes home- but give me a big beat and a shout along chorus like Illuminati Love Song and my hands are in the freaking air!

+6

 

jew.jpg

callback

 

The highs on ‘Hotel Paranoia’ are extremely high, but no album released (cough) this year is in more need of sensible editing: it’s 2016’s very epitome of a hip hop album being far too fucking long!

-2

 

jc3.jpg

 

In need of editting? Yeah, that’s

8 Prince Points

 

jc4.jpg

That’s a reference to my Tanya Tagaq review, by the way, I’m not just… Shut up…

peek

I was on the bus today listening to the album for any last minute details I wanted to add to this critique. I usually carry a notepad to make notes when I’m out of the house, but this time I had left it at home, so when I heard the aforementioned lyric in Stick & Move and wanted to remind myself to make a note of it I was forced to write it on my hand. But rather than writing ‘Stick & Move snow nigger’ I wrote ‘Stick & Move snow n—‘ less someone manage to read the slur on my hand. I am the very epitome of a nervous and embarrassed white guy.

 

Metacritic:n/a

Not included again, obviously too ‘urban’

Length: 62 minutes. -16

Come on now, Jazz- if that’s your real name!- that’s just silly 

Best Lyric: ‘Middle fingers up, put them hands high/Wave it in his face’ +1

Number of AMAZING songs: 1 (+10)

…But Are All the Rest of the Songs Kinda Amazing Anyway?

Eeesh, yeah mostly, but there are far more duds than are acceptable on an hour long album

(+30)

Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1

Total 224

http://shop.jazzcartier.com/

One thought on “52 Jazz Cartier: Hotel Paranoia

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s