God,I hate writing this blog sometimes. I introduce ideas and introduce you to complex calculations, but unfortunately the vast majority of you pricks don’t read every post sequentially – which is the only way you can properly appreciate the art! – and instead drop in and out of the artists you like. Maybe you just googled ‘Michael McIntyre spanking Hugh Dennis with a cucumber’ and it’s brought you here. Because I just said it. Necessary Evil shames no kinks. You’re all welcome here.
Except you’re not! Because now I have to re-explain concepts I only just introduced a few posts ago! I’m writing Homer’s Iliad here, and you bozos are forcing me to reiterate where Greece is at the start of every paragraph. Only this blog (and its continuing narrative) is fucking better than The Iliad, That piece of trashy macho posturing is only 24 parts, whilst this entry is the five hundred and seventieth part of the ongoing Necessary Evil saga! Suck my contemporary dick, Homer, you ancient Greek prick. Oh, what’s that? You can’t? Oh yeah, because you’re dead. #pwned.
Sigh, anyways, in my CHVRCHES entry, back before anyone was born, I floated the concept of the ‘Gold Star Artist’, influenced by how Lily cade was described as ‘Gold Star Lesbian’. So, it was influenced by a gross gatekeeping phrase used to describe an admitted sex offender who called or the lynching of transgendered people, but, no, look, honestly, it’s really cool. It came to me that every single one of CHVRCHES albums have been featured on the Necessary Evil countdown, and they deserved to be celebrated for this achievement. I’ve now come to Lorde’s fabulous third, and decided that the line should be drawn here – you are awarded ‘Gold Star Artist (GSA)’ status if all of you’re albums have been featured on Necessary Evil and you’ve had at least three albums. So to qualify you’d not only have to release at least three notable albums starting in 2007 and – crucially – not have released an album in 2011 or 2012, when I didn’t bother making a list. Sorry, Joy Formidable, life is cruel sometimes. I’ll make an official list next year.Or maybe the year after that. Fuck knows, seriusly, I’m an incredibly lazy man.
Yeah, that’s a butt plug. I tried to think of some gold/rusty sheriff’s star pun, but I gave up pretty quickly and just went for the butt. Remember what I said about being a lazy man?
Anyway, am I the only person who fucking loves this album? It’s absolutely Lorde’s last bombastic and more understated album, and I think her sudden turn to (general) and largely good vibes threw a lot of people off, and her refusal to simply repeat ‘Melodrama’s cinematic epic teenage tragedy. And, no, it’s not as good as ‘Melodrama’, but only maybe a handful of albums released in the last decade are. What it is is a gorgeously lilting and occasionally heavily influenced collection of the sort of pristine pop music that Lorde is perhaps the world’s greatest at concocting. Cheer up, moody pants. Christ, you’re worse than Homer sometimes.
She is Lorde, ya-ya-ya.
Get that out of the way…