It’s Back (and Badder Than Ever)
Yes, unbelievably, it’s been 12 months since I started 2018’s version of this long, laborious and pointless task that completely ruins my Christmas and New Year every fucking year. Luckily, I’m Macedonian Orthodox so don’t celebrate Christmas until January 7th, and I haven’t drunk alcohol for roughly four years so there really is nothing worthwhile about New Year’s Eve. Also, I’m smart enough not to have any friends.
In fact, even when I did drink, I properly drank. I got so drunk that I blacked out, vomited on a policeman and lost at least two friends after calling them cunts and/or trying to fuck them (or, even worse, actually fucking them) every freaking night. These nights of intense inebriation weren’t even saved for the weekends, I would get more drunk than most people present had ever seen someone get on your average Thursday afternoon. I would take drugs solely to help me keep drinking. So New Years Eve would just be the one night a year when pathetic casuals would laughably attempt to reach my level. Pathetic. Stay at home, amateurs, don’t just take up space at the bar of the professional drinkers.
I fear we’ve gone slightly of course: Necessary Evil 2019.
I feel 2019 was a year with, once again, a lot of very, very, very good albums, but not one that made my hymen fall out and shatter on the floor and my testicles expand and explode like beach balls filled with porridge. As I previously mentioned in my lazy and contractually obliged run down of the decade’s best albums, nothing this year ignited a spark within me and tickled my vagina to the extent of ‘Twin Fantasy (Face to Face)’, 2018’s Scientifically Proven best album. To be honest, I think we were all a bit spoiled by 2016, one of the best year’s for albums released in my (cough) 29 years on Earth, and each year since has struggled slightly to live up to those standards.
There’s a lorra lorra good stuff in this list though. Ninety two albums, ninety one of which actually exist, all differing levels of quality but all quality nonetheless. Don’t worry, I’m not going to write 92 separate blog posts, I’m going a little easier on myself this year and collating many albums into single post countdowns. So, sorry Jaden, you might be one of the artists that has to do with a slightly truncated entry this year.
I’m going to start with my movie of the year, then jump into the countdown, hopefully posting an entry almost every day. If you’ve read this list before, you’ll know the drill- it’ll start off slow as I try and remember quite how I used to write these things and decide how exactly I’m going to approach it this year (y’know, artistically) before getting really good about half way through as I really get into the swing of things and start shitting out solid gold for a period (trust me, I think no.38 is going to be pretty great), before I get really bored of the whole fucking endeavor and the entries get steadily worse as I weep onto my keyboard screaming as I hope for it to stop. It’s gonna be a lot of fun.