64 Ivy Sole: Overgrown

“The idea that if once we got rid of religion, all problems of this kind would vanish, seems wild. Whatever may have been its plausability in the eighteenth century, when it first took the centre of the stage, it is surely just a distraction today. It is, however, one often used by those who do not want to think seriously on this subject”

Mary Midgley


Hey, everyone, why don’t we all just lay off religion for a bit, yeah?

I don’t believe in God, and I lament the fact that I don’t have the inner strength to have faith in anything that doesn’t have any scientific proof. I am, to paraphrase Jonathan Swift, a right old boring shitbag.

I’m certainly not proud of the fact that I don’t believe in God, because obtaining pride for being ignorant towards something should never be celebrated. If you’re one of those dotards who proudly announce they’re an atheist like it marks them out as being in some way intellectually superior then you’re no better than the prick at your office who proudly announces, as often as he can, that he can’t even name one person off ‘Made In Chelsea’. A while ago I sent my best Tweet ever* where I said “Being proud of being an atheist is like being proud of knowing that wrestling is fake. I got into an argument with an atheist from Texas, and backed down because he was talking louder and therefore always wins against people like me who always try and attempt to avoid confrontations online. He thought he’d won, I knew I’d won, so everyone went home happy. God would be proud.


(*Possibly the best Tweet by anyone ever. I can’t find it now, obviously, but just trust me on this)

Religion has done a heck load of good for the human race. And it’s not necessarily separate from science: Genesis’s ideas of planets and over heavenly bodies as actual objects susceptible to physical laws was actually a pretty revolutionary scientific idea at the time. It was the introduction of Christianity in many countries that brought about the idea that lowly peasants and serfs might actually be worthwhile human beings rather than just awed subordinates of the appointed king. The whole concept of helping other humans only came about through religious ideas: one of Islam’s central ideas is the importance of charity. No, liking a charity’s post on Facebook doesn’t fucking count, give us some actual money you lazy slacktavist cunts!!

Christopher Hitchens famously believed he’d blown the whole idea of religion apart when he stated “Name me an ethical statement made or an action performed by a believer that could not have been made or performed by a non-believer”, which is… fine, OK… You do realise it works the other way though, Christopher? There’s nothing good that’s ever been done by an atheist/agnostic/edgelord that couldn’t be done by a religious person? Lots of murders, rapists, Conservatives and paedophiles don’t believe in God, what does that prove? All you’re arguing is that it doesn’t freaking matter.

Religion is, essentially, people’s strongly felt subjectivity. You don’t agree with me, I don’t agree with you, and we’ll only really know the trusth when we die and all burning in hell because it turns out the Yorubas were right. If the Yorubas believe in hell. I… I didn’t do much research for this…

Because of the differing opinions so we should keep it out of schools, politics and, if we’re being honest, churches*, which I’ve noted are extremely ideological when it comes to certain religions.


(*To bypass Georgia county laws on restricting gambling, Gennaro Colombo opened a ‘house of worship’ called ‘The Church of Fuzzy Bunnies‘. “I want them to read the Bible for two hours every night, and then we’ll drink and let the girls dance”. Yeah, we should probably tax churches too…)

“I believe in eternity, life after it ends/Everlasting aside, my soul is golden within”

What?? No, no, no, no, no! Fuck that. Your goodness and decency isn’t based on what you feel inside! If heaven was only for the people who believed they were good then it’d just be filled with self-satisfied jerks! Even the worst people in the world believe they’re ‘golden within’! Any God worth his salt would be judging people on what they do rather than what they feel! Do nice things for and to people. Outside your family! Even toads look after their own kind, it’s freaking genetics and God will not be impressed!

Right, that’s religion sorted…


46 Minutes

‘Overgrown’ is a brilliant record that absolutely gets better and better the more you listen to it. I might have forgotten to mention that…


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