Remember how good ‘Smoke the Monster Out‘ was?
Well, no, obviously you don’t, because you’re an aged philistine whose only musical purchase in the 21st century has been a CD of ‘Stadium Arcadium’ you keep for the car for when a programme about rugby starts on Talk Sport, but trust me when I tell you as your intellectual and cultural superior that Damo Lazzy’s 2009 debut was one of the best dance records since cavemen first realised that their evening rituals worshipping the disappearing sun would be infinitely improved by rhythmically smashing rocks against peoples’ heads
A.J.P Taylor would later theorise in his 1975 thesis ‘Prehistoric Bangers’ that this was the first historically recorded instance of ‘putting a donk on it’
Christ, that’s a dated reference…
So I so dearly wanted to adore ‘Message From the Other Side’ (awful, hackneyed title -1) that I actually went to a shop and bought it on CD!! Which in 2016 is like paying for porn
I’ve force fed the album now for longer than I’ve worked at any relationship and, much like my second, fourth and fifth wife, if there’s any subtle depths and nuanced artistry that I’m missing it’s buried far too deep beneath banal noises, unimaginative aesthetics, and a horrible hairy mole on its lip that it just refuses to shave
It’s not a bad album by any means, it just makes me weep salty tears that a man who once wrote orgasmically brilliant dance tunes that freaking sampled Red Right Hand can somehow manage to produce 2016’s most depressingly average record
The side of a tape is 46 minutes, and I feel that any album that feels the need to go longer than that is unforgivably flagrant.
Unfortunately, ‘MftOS’ is exactly 46 minutes, so is the worst possible example to start the list off with. I’m giving him
just for being so difficult
Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1
Total: 1 Point
(NOTE: Wow that’s a… that’s a really rubbish score… Like, we’ll be in the hundreds pretty soon, y’know? Oh, and the writing gets much better as well, this was my first try back, gimme a break!)