Govier Forces a Little Exception of His Own

Yeah, that title was a pun when I reviewed the american poetry club album. Makes less logical sense now, admittedly, but I like it. Hey! Two album reviews this year! Getting into some real Lestor Bangs territory now! This blog is fucking legit, yeah?

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We* far too readily accept that whatever we do is simply good enough. We** accept what we are able to do at a scandalously young age. At the very latest when we’re about 18 or 19 and first enter university believing we’re already the finished article and want to spend the next few years convincing other people how fucking amazing we are, usually under the assumption that it’ll lead to increased opportunities to rub our genitalia against somebody else. Often though, it happens much, much younger. Many of the people you pass on the street, many of your closest friends and family, many of the people weird and/or dumb enough to read this very blog, basically decided at about 13 years old that you know all the things you can and can’t do, your likes and dislikes.  You*** decided at that age that you shouldn’t really waste time overloading your dumb brain with any new talents or inspirations, so decided to spend the rest of your life getting angry and other people for not accepting you for who you are (and have been for decades).

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“Right, fuck it, I’m done. I’m never going to better this”
Continue reading “Govier Forces a Little Exception of His Own”

103 Lady Gaga: Joanne

The Ga has managed to avoid me thus far. When she first arrived and was at her successful and cultural highpoint, I was in my mid 20s and so obviously far too cool to really like her, and she was just far too big a deal to like ironically, as my overwhelming snarky self-satisfaction would have been lost in the midst of all those pathetic genuine fans

-4

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Plus…

…she was a bit crap, wasn’t she? I mean, come on

-13

She was an absolutely brilliant pop star, exhibiting shades of both Bowie’s artistic mindedness and Prince’s

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delight in using both sexuality and fashion to subvert and offend, and the world needs pop stars who are willing to shock the order by stroking their genitals across the dead body of Kermit the Frog while projectile vomiting raw meet <I can’t find the incident to which you are referring, can you please clarify?- Ed>

+5

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Oh, and for prior services to fashion Googoo gets

8 Prince Points

But, yeah, songs like the dull electronica of Poker Face or the shameless pandering of Born This way were always several shades less interesting and experimental than the person from whence they came

-3

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So, maybe I’m too late, and the Gagoo I discover is producing significantly better music, but the terms of the agreement she made with God unfortunately means she is now about 12.5% as interesting as she used to be

-9

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That atrocious lyric is slightly redeemed by the chorus though, which is the inaugural recipient of my

oral

award, which awards a singer finding new and exciting way to work their mouth around a lyric:

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Metacritic: +67

Length 45 minutes +1

Number of AMAZING songs: 1 (+10)

Best Lyric: ‘She’s stacking money, money everywhere she goes/You know, pesos out of Mexico/De uno, commas and them decimals/She don’t gotta give it up, she professional’ +1

Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1

Total 66

Images stolen from:

http://gagadaily.com/forums/topic/243627-has-gaga-ever-lip-synced/

http://www.animalplanet.com/pets/healthy-pets/what-does-it-mean-when-your-cat-licks-you/

http://www.istockphoto.com/gb/illustrations/vomit?excludenudity=true&sort=mostpopular&mediatype=illustration&phrase=vomit

http://www.wwe.com/superstars/razor-ramon/razor-ramon-photos#fid-26074025

http://www.nbcsandiego.com/entertainment/music/Lady-Gaga-Beyonce-Premiere-Tarantino-Inspired-Telephone-Video-87444397.html

http://gagadaily.com/forums/topic/201964-joanne-album-cover-meltdowns-go-in-here/?page=3

104 Kings of Leon: Walls

I used to really like listening to Kings of Leon

+1

Like, the same way I used to really like sticking my finger up my bum while watching He Man

+2

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Not that I’m ashamed of it, when you’re in your late teens and haven’t yet been convinced of the relentless struggle life’s macabre torture show in fact is, you should never regret anything that helped you confirm the exciting potential of your very existence, and if all of your university friends are doing it, why not join in to strengthen bonds that will last as long as eight months?

+4

Oh, and I don’t regret loving Kings of Leon either, as their second and third albums still stand up as absolute masterpieces

+2

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No, that joke didn’t scan at all, did it?

-10

All the cool kids reading this blog for top tips on how to retain their Hilary Swank and remain Snapchatting with Zoella’s Hippie Peppa Pig Crack

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might not remember, but people of my decrepit and shameful age- with diminishing relevance and puss ravaged and peeling genitals that have long been solely used for decoration purposes- will remember where they were when Huw Edwards revealed on News at Ten that The Koln’s second album ‘Because of the Times’ had beaten ‘In Rainbows’ to be named the Necessary Evil album of 2007

+1

Unfortunately, the band caught a debilitating infection on their next album, possibly by dangerously close proximity to the crippling Bonovirus of Southern Ireland (though mainly inhabiting the Cayman Islands for tax reasons), that not only sadly convinces bands that would they like to be U2, but that being a band as creatively bankrupt and morally repugnant as U2 is at all worth being

-8

The inescapable Sex On Fire wasn’t the end, as though the song didn’t include an original bone in its venereal body, it still proved that The Ki-Kis were one of the world’s best at crafting brilliant dumb rock songs

+3

The real rot set in with Lose Somebody, where the band discovered the echo pedal, and resolved to never leave any note un everberated ever again

-8

Is an echo pedal a thing? It feels like it should be

+1

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‘Walls’walls wouldwould lastlast tenten minutesminutes ifif everyevery soddingsodding notenote finishedfinished whenwhen itit waswas supposedsupposed toto

-12

It’s really ridiculous how much of ‘Walls’ is handed over to echoey stadium mid-pace quasi-ballads, and it would be sad if your takeaway from the record was that the band would never write a rock song as thrillingly raw as Black Thumbnail ever again…

-5

You don’t feel that though, as nestled halfway through the record is Find Me, which is shamelessly conspicuous over how cynically it attempts to tick all the boxes to make a brainless stadium rock classic, and it’s embarrassing how well it works. I’ll go into further detail once I inform you what the year’s best tracks are

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but you’d have to put both your shoes on and take a shower, as it’ll be a long walk if you want to find a better example of a perfect pop rock song

+8

I mean, that bit where the musical backing falls away and the riff is played clean for a single bar- ooooooooooooooooooah!!! Has to be

10 Guns n Roses Points 

But, yeah,

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obviously

I think I forgot to take points off last time I did that…

Oh, and I don’t feel that Bobby Follywobbles <that spelling doesn’t look right, can you check it?- Ed> gets enough credit as a frontman: I love his voice. That is all

+1

Metacritic: +62

Yep, sounds about right

Number of AMAZING songs: 1 +10

Length 42 minutes +4

Best Lyric: ‘And we rode motorcycles/Blackjack, classic vinyl’

Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1

Total 63

Pics stolen from:

https://alchetron.com/Peter-Griffin-4098114-W

http://theresurgent.com/this-is-bono-bono-is-humble-about-politics-be-like-bono/

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/albumreviews/review-kings-of-leon-walls-w444792

https://www.carid.com/seibon-carbon/seibon-carbon-fiber-rear-spoiler-237417791.html