103 Lady Gaga: Joanne

The Ga has managed to avoid me thus far. When she first arrived and was at her successful and cultural highpoint, I was in my mid 20s and so obviously far too cool to really like her, and she was just far too big a deal to like ironically, as my overwhelming snarky self-satisfaction would have been lost in the midst of all those pathetic genuine fans

-4

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Plus…

…she was a bit crap, wasn’t she? I mean, come on

-13

She was an absolutely brilliant pop star, exhibiting shades of both Bowie’s artistic mindedness and Prince’s

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delight in using both sexuality and fashion to subvert and offend, and the world needs pop stars who are willing to shock the order by stroking their genitals across the dead body of Kermit the Frog while projectile vomiting raw meet <I can’t find the incident to which you are referring, can you please clarify?- Ed>

+5

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Oh, and for prior services to fashion Googoo gets

8 Prince Points

But, yeah, songs like the dull electronica of Poker Face or the shameless pandering of Born This way were always several shades less interesting and experimental than the person from whence they came

-3

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So, maybe I’m too late, and the Gagoo I discover is producing significantly better music, but the terms of the agreement she made with God unfortunately means she is now about 12.5% as interesting as she used to be

-9

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That atrocious lyric is slightly redeemed by the chorus though, which is the inaugural recipient of my

oral

award, which awards a singer finding new and exciting way to work their mouth around a lyric:

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Metacritic: +67

Length 45 minutes +1

Number of AMAZING songs: 1 (+10)

Best Lyric: ‘She’s stacking money, money everywhere she goes/You know, pesos out of Mexico/De uno, commas and them decimals/She don’t gotta give it up, she professional’ +1

Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1

Total 66

Images stolen from:

http://gagadaily.com/forums/topic/243627-has-gaga-ever-lip-synced/

http://www.animalplanet.com/pets/healthy-pets/what-does-it-mean-when-your-cat-licks-you/

http://www.istockphoto.com/gb/illustrations/vomit?excludenudity=true&sort=mostpopular&mediatype=illustration&phrase=vomit

http://www.wwe.com/superstars/razor-ramon/razor-ramon-photos#fid-26074025

http://www.nbcsandiego.com/entertainment/music/Lady-Gaga-Beyonce-Premiere-Tarantino-Inspired-Telephone-Video-87444397.html

http://gagadaily.com/forums/topic/201964-joanne-album-cover-meltdowns-go-in-here/?page=3

105 Anna Meredith: Varmits

‘Varmits’ often threatens to be United Nations certified incredible at times

+9

When 安娜 concentrates on solely producing fantastically abrasive and inexpressibly weird dance music, the results are some of the year’s best electronica

+7

The Merry-Dith manages to present bizarrely home crafted and low budget sounding music that at times strikes me as the greatest- and maybe,even the first- ‘lo-fi’ dance album ever made

+5

‘Varmits’ is at its best a brilliantly odd album, which pulls of the holy grail of all artistic tricks: being at once little unlike anything else out there and yet so rarely unlistenable

+6

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Rarely‘ unlistenable, because unfortunately when Anna Meredith sees fit to base a track around vocals the dreaded knitted shark tea cosy is jumped, and what was once thrillingly different instead threatens to sound horribly twee

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It reminded me of the ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2’, where it was revealed that Leatherface’s half-brother was Postman Pat. It didn’t ruin the film by any means, Michael Cera was perfectly cast and Postman Pat was only in a handful of scenes, but it kinda delegitimised the creepiness of the whole franchise somehow

-33

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However, Wor’ Annie still manages to craft superbly layered pop songs from seemingly minute resources, which is worth a good

6 Prince Points

Metacritic: 84

Length 47 minutes -1

Is the last song just the first track but played on Ukulele? No -1

Total 60

Images stolen from:

https://annahmeredith.bandcamp.com/album/varmints

http://isthismoviesuitable.com/2017/04/14/postman-pat-the-movie/

https://www.loveknitting.com/shark-tea-cosy-knitting-pattern-by-teacosyfolk?country=GB

Prince: The Ejaculate Collection- My Albums Ranked

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I’m not going to bore you with dog piss stories about how Prince was so important to me and he made an impression on my life  and how this is all actually a tragedy for me

No, it goes without saying that Prince should be recognised as at least as important a musical figure as dreary tossers like Bob Dylan or Paul McCartney. He was one of music’s all time great visionaries, yet he never neglected the importance of a great cod-piece. Prince’s run of albums from 1980’s Dirty Mind through to maybe 88’s Lovesexy is a burst of musical creativity and productiveness that has only been matched by the Beatles in the late 60s. Only the Beatles never wrote a lyric as good as “Look here, Marsha, I’m not saying this just 2 be nasty/I sincerely wanna f**k the taste out of your mouth”

So difficult not to refer to it as a ‘purple patch’…

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So instead I’m going to attempt something near impossible: ranking all the Prince albums I own, which probably amounts to about 2.8% of his recorded. Prince has an irritating and presumably mischievously intentional habit of putting at least one stone cold classic on even his shittest albums, so just dive in people!!

Right, so I count 30..

Continue reading “Prince: The Ejaculate Collection- My Albums Ranked”