16 Young Fathers: Heavy Heavy

I want your shield
I want your weapon
Gimme that bulletproof vest
And don’t forget I’m not susceptible to your nonsense
I’m a winner

No falling for your charms
No crash into your arms
Handful of coins
And a balled-up fist
Picking rubbish
Cleaning rubbish

I Saw

Aw, man, Young fucking Fathers, dudes??

They’re up there with Janelle Monae as Necessary Evil legends – and given the cultural importance of this blog that essentially makes them musical legends of the past fifteen years – with a simply inscrutable back catalogue that now demands they’re expected to meet higher standards than their peers. Like, I really loved the RobinPlaysChords album, but am I unconsciously and immediately setting it against some of the greatest music of the century? This means artists like Young Fathers, Let’s Eat Grandma, and Janelle – the most golden of Gold Star Artists – are, unfortunately and perhaps unfairly, held to a higher standards than mere mortals like Lauren Auder.

YOU’RE ASKING ME MY SYMPTOMS, DOCTOR, I DON’T WANNA FEEL

2022’s Statictus the Fitness: The Numbers Behind the Year’s Greatest Albums

Remember when I used to do these posts right after I did the albums of the year? So it’d be the Necessary Evil albums of the year, the scientifically proven best album fawned over at length, the stats, and then we’d be officially done for another year?

Boom! You just been Mandela Effected, boyeeee! I actually only think I ever did that schedule once, for Necessary Evil 2019. I’ve always been far more often waaaaaaay late with these statistical breakdowns. What I actually used to do really early is (pfff!) do the stats just before the number one album! I could never (be arsed these days! These days the writing of the list itself is such a huge emotional toil that it takes me a long time to even consider thinking about these fucking albums again. Also, it’s getting harder and harder to think of puns on the word ‘stat’.

But these posts are basically just pictures, so I may as well just freakin’ do it. Let’s glance back at the wonderful year od 2022 when we all collectively thought, as always, “Well at least the next year can’t be as bad as this one…”.

Watch me drift and watch me struggle, let me go

#16 Nwando Ebizie: The Swan

Ah fuck, this is jazz, isn’t it?

Aw man, I feel gross even referencing that storyline, And yet here I am. Am I really better than the rest of you. Yes. But perhaps not as much as I once believed… No. Still as much. I just checked. Phew

We’ve already learned what magic can be created by the combination of Los Angeles and Newcastle-upon-Tyne but, guess what? Yorkshire by way of the Nigerian Igbo ethnicity creates magic that’s just that little bit better! There is but one question on everyone’s lips though:

WHERE EXACTLY IS ‘TODMORDEN’?

23 Little Simz: Sometimes I Might Be Introvert

2020 #65, 2019 #4

Naija women, got the melanin dripping

L-O-N-D-O-N, city girl living

In the back, looking like fire, chili pepper

Yoruba girl tougher than imperial leather

Woman

The Necessary Evil Nigerian element expands. Don’t worry though, I’m not just going to talk about my ex-wife again. Seriously though, entry #20, there’s some real good stuff gonna happen there, promise. Don’t forget to like, share and subscribe. Hit that ‘subscribe’ button as hard as you can. All of that, yeah?

Let’s talk about Little fucking Simz though, yeah? This woman is more than a talent, she’s more than merely a star, she’s an absolute presence. It’s what allows her to so easily combine and feature such disparate and unique styles and genres – as she does to her most audacious level yet on ‘Sometimes…’ – and still have them gel together so seamlessly. Track three could be a Barry White-esque excessively orchestrated soul song, track four a relentless trap/grime hybrid, track five a progressive oompah band concept piece, track six an ABBAesque medley, and track seven could be a Simpsonwave thrash metaller produced by Ryan Adams. It wouldn’t matter, they’d all be connected by that voice, that charisma, that God damn presence.

sometimes i might read more

29 Emeka Ogboh: Beyond the Yellow Haze

OK, joking time is over, if you for some reason feel the desire to ‘mess about‘, then please restrict your foolishness to one of the other records on this list. ‘Beyond the Yellow Haze’ doesn’t deserve your silliness. This is serious shit right here.

The lack of inclusion of Emeka Ogboh’s transcendent debut record on some of the (inferior) album of the year lists that I’ve seen popping up recently greatly concerns me. I just can’t understand how any self-respecting person (freaking journalists, no less!) who claim to have an above passing interest in music can seriously claim that there are many musical collections released this year that are as innovative, as innovatory as Ogboh’s audio poem aimed at the rapid change and urbanisation of his home town. Yes, ‘his home town’. I’m not going to say what home that town may be in, as I’m working it into a ‘bit’ later. Don’t worry about it, you should know by now to simply trust in my journalistic talent and just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride as I see where I take you.

Where I’m taking you

My Life in Albums (part 2 97-06)

You want an intro? You got that in part one! Let’s get down to the dirty, sticky and dangerously unhygienic business:

1997

This was an important year for me, this was when shit got real. Yeah, Labour won the election, which I was aware I was supposed to celebrate but not yet conscious enough to know exactly why, just that ‘our team won*. Princess Diana died, inspiring a nationwide reaction that even 13 year old Alex Palmer recognised as being a bit fucking much**. All that was meaningless background noise though, as most importantly 1997 was the year that I became really switched on to new music. Before this point, most of the albums I’ve listed would have been discovered by me later and posthumously lusted after in the kind of nostalgic necrophilia that I would later grow to despise. Yeah, sorry if you’ve already imagined me as an incredibly cool seven year old bopping his head to Soon by My Bloody Valentine. From this point on, these important albums in my life and personal development were pretty much all discovered as contemporaries. Seriously though, ‘It’s Great When You’re Straight… Yeah’ was the first CD that I ever owned. Yeah. I’m that cool/weird.

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“Dad, this is why you’re only allowed to see me one weekend every other month…”

Continue reading “My Life in Albums (part 2 97-06)”

Rumble in the Bumble pt 10: 500TH POST SPECTACULAR!!!!

Yes, believe it or not that blog title’s true and, no, I’m not doing one of my ‘bits’. As will later become evident, this is going to become far too serious a post to do ‘bits’. Apart from all those ‘bits’ that I’ll inevitably do. They don’t count. This is actually the 500th piece of aggressively partisan and dangerously unedited nonsense that I’ve reached down into my spleen to messily smear the blood and puss across my computer screen, since I first started uploading my albums of the year to this poorly designed WordPress blog that nobody reads in December 2014. I’ve written this piece of shit for almost exactly five and a half years!! That’s roughly 2000 days, so I’ve written on average a post every four days, which would sound like this was a regularly updated blog, wouldn’t it? But, no, you usually get a whole year’s worth of posts in December, and you’re happy. Much like your Mum, this blog comes very loaded towards the back.

But this calls for a celebration, no?? I, of course, planned ahead, and purchased a rather snazzy hat:

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Continue reading “Rumble in the Bumble pt 10: 500TH POST SPECTACULAR!!!!”

10 ANOHNI*: Hopelessness

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As a culture, we westerners are still not 100% ‘OK’ with transgendered people

+46

I mean, obviously: we’re not even close to 100% accepting homosexuality. We pat ourselves on the back every time a country legalises gay marriage, but it speaks volumes that every country bar Ireland didn’t dare put it to a vote, and you have to wonder how much bigger that 38% opposition would be if the people of Britain and America were polled

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Continue reading “10 ANOHNI*: Hopelessness”