Ooooooh, that title is an open goal for renowned and celebrated political satirists such as myself, isn’t it?? ‘We’ve been going about this all wrong’, aye? What biting topical references could I make here??
#topical
OK, OK, let me just get my satire iron. I’m about to take you to a satire ground. Like higher ground, yeah? You got that? Allow me to put on my satirish dancing shoes and perform for you a satirish jig, Remember that Jim Carrey film, ”Satiar Liar’?? Well, that’s me.
I gave all you cretins, like, a million words back when this astonishing reconceptualisation of the divisive 2001 release by Our Lord Jesus’s Favourite Band back when it was released in September! “But Alex!” I hear your dribbling mouths bray, “This isn’t even a proper anniversary! 2021 would have been the *actual* twentieth anniversary, so wouldn’t it make more sense to put it on last year’s list??”. To which I lower my voice to an angry whisper, pull your collar roughly forward so our foreheads clash, and say, through gritted teeth, You think I don’t know that?? This is a band that fucks everything up! And that’s part of the reason we love them!! Now sit down and enjoy your Epicentre!!
Yeah, I know, it’s just ‘Bandcamp’, isn’t it? Not ‘BandCamp’ like it’s some internet 2.0 app allowing preteen marching band players share news about events (that later turned out to be a massive secret international pedophile ring), but I started calling it ‘BandCamp’ on the first sodding entry so now I have to either go back and change every entry – which will take, ugh, effort – or just continue doing so and hope nobody notices. I’ll change it in 2023, I promise. Resolution and shit, yeah?
Troubled don’t count the ways I’m broken Your troubles won’t count, not once we’ve spoken What troubles me now if I tear this open Some people won’t have the faintest notion
Don’t say “Nice pair” Say “I love the symmetry of you” Don’t say “But I’m allowed to say that Because I grew up in a black neighbourhood” Say “My n… eighbour” Don’t say “You speak my language surprisingly well” Say “Do you speak Esperanto?” Don’t say “Only a man is fit for this job” Say “At least you tried, Karen” Don’t say “I would like a black Americano” Say “I’ll have an African American please” Don’t say “White people can’t dance” Say “Tom marches to the beat of a different drum” Don’t say “So you’re from China, do you know my friend Hiro?” Say “You must be blind not to see the difference” Don’t say “We need to build a wall” Say “I’m a world citizen, I don’t believe in borders”
This album is a fucking riot and – considering that since March every single person on Earth has had an invitation – if you haven’t joined this party yet you need to have serious words with yourself. Serious words. No other album in the world could so easily combine the dankest beats and electronic dance music, with songs that combine tales of one member (Charlotte) being catcalled as a thirteen year old, but then also combined with another band member (Bolis) explaining their own sexual awakening by way of Acqua Di Gio perfume, but then moves on to Charlotte’s failed attempt to eat food sexually in order to attract a boy named Stéphane only “I couldn’t locate my mouth anymore/The nacho fell straight into my empty bra/Stéphane ended up with Nadia”. There’s a lot happening here! And, fuck Nadia, right? No! I didn’t mean it like that, I meant…
Oh Aggie, your beating heart was a carriage made of gold How the arithmetic of this guitar melts your heart is beyond me And when I say beyond me, I mean beyond me Love ya? I barely know you, it goes to show Who really knows what love is? The branches, the breeze, the roiling seas None of it seems worth mentioning Though I’m in the process of figuring it out Even if it’s elementary A scrapyard angel, wings of brass Ash, a river called trash And speaking of lifelike, this is what life’s like You thread the needle, then the needle runs dry You thread the needle, then the needle runs dry “Inward Crackle,” says the fink to himself Oh well, I wasn’t taught how to Go off like a, go off like a, go off like a, go off like a Go off like a hydrogen bomb But I do radiate a certain glow It flutters and fades, a Ferris wheel on the run from the snow You have to look at it from all angles Says the cubist judge from cubist jail The sky glows, the heat is unbearable Parrot weather My decision is final, a crazy game I traded in moonlight for the morning dew I know dusk when I see one I know rust when I see it You come out swinging, but you go down swinging too You pay good money for a million dollar view Flipping the pages of Chatelaine The rude empiricism of every troubled loser Quote, unquote, unquote A moment alone please A moment alone please A moment alone please With this, with this With this rhapsody With this rhapsody Vital information from where I’m standing Low-born Madonna With her typewriters in the rain Clacking their misfortunes, speech, speech A figure of light’s trapped inside your kimono Absent friends, where’d you go? And while we’re on the subject of psychotic passwords Honing in on nothing Everywhere Rome goes Everybody wants her Ah fuck, I feel like a discovery someone once saw On a clear day Dump him
OK, so Sister 2 Sisteris track four and it just sends me, knowarra mean? When that chorus hits and it’s all like:
Dancing in front of the mirror Singing along with Shakira
Already I love, love, love love it. What an adorably succinct and heartwarming depiction of sisterly love. And ‘sisterly’ love doesn’t need to refer to literal siblings (even if it might do originally for Ibeyi’s twin sisters Lisa-Kaindé and Naomi Diaz), but that sorority that can exist between friends. I mean, I guess. I grew up with two brothers and all my friends at school were boys (I was terrified of girls until…
You wanna kill me? Well, here’s your chance I can barely get around now as it fucking stands You wanna see me, but you just can’t get passed How I look or talk or think or walk, and it’s fucking sad
I don’t know what I can do To make you comfortable With what you see before you So let me let you know that
I’m not cisgender, I’m not binary, trans I don’t wanna be a girl, I don’t wanna be a man I’m just existing on this God-forsaken land And you can take it or leave it Or you can just stay back, stay back
Heeeeey, you know what the world needs more of? Straight, cis, old, fat, white guys judging the scorched soul searching of young black queer people! Yeah yeah, Shamir, boohoo for you, tissues for your issues, but allow me to state the proper reaction to your inner trauma. “I’m just a faggot, who lives like a maggot”?? Hey! That’s our word for making fun of you people! So now we’re allowed to call you lot ‘queer’ and you get to use the F word?? And yet when I use the N word as a joke at my job I’m suspended from teaching primary school PE for a whole two weeks?! No fair! Where’s my artistic communication of hopelessness in a world that’s still depressingly oppressed against me?? I just wanna use the N word and bully queer people online!! Truly, we are the lost generation. Thank God that comedy is now legal on Twitter, because I’ve got some bangers.
Hustlin’ candy bars to play basketball I still get nostalgic seein’ houses that my family lost They wished upon a star, I caught it like I’m Randy Moss When granny fought for her property, she would turn down any cost I’m the grandson of Carl who lived across from the fosters Then fostered me to spread love through holiday poverty Hand-me-downs I was given, I thought they were bought for me A tale of two Chicagos, this gets confused commonly ‘Cause one, you’re commemorated if you’re the hot commodity
Is there an industry less concerned with ethics and more damaging to the general populace yet still so accepted as the real estate market? I’m not going to delve to deeply into it here, but the correct position to take is that all landlords are scum. If you own more than one house, you’re at the very best low key scum. Property development and large landlord associations are actually beyond scum and actually evil. I may be against the death penalty in its current widely accepted form, but we as a society need to seriously look at what horrors are accepted in our current decaying capitalism and make big decisions to punish the minority for their crimes against humanity, especially if it benefits the vast majority. That’s all I’m going to say right now. Unless there’s an album coming up soon that I can’t think of anything to say about. I will always reserve my right to go off on a massive far left tangent. Here’s ‘Britain’s Road to Socialism‘ again, give it a read (or a listen).
Necessary Evil 