2008 Albums of the Year

Yeah, found this as well so thought I may as well post it…

Quick observations

-2008 was a great year for music…

-My first introduction to the insanity of Fuckbuttons, I predicted that there was ‘no chance of their music being the theme tune to the next series of Planet Earth’, unaware that they would soon soundtrack damn near everything

-Describing Glasvegas (remember them?) as ‘adopting the dress code of revellers attending The Fonz’s funeral’ was pretty neat

-There’s actually a ‘best of Alphabeat’ now?!

-Have the track names changed in the last 8 years, or have I actually got every damn name wrong??

-Nick Cave is ‘less fire and brimstone, more Galton and Simpson’. I’ve gotta steal that line…

-My love for Sway has lead to me placing his album WAY too high…

-I claim about 67 songs are the ‘best of the year’, or similar

-Same Difference, Brian Dowling… Some very 2008 references

-My writing is often unreadable…

Same difference.jpg

20. Camille: Music Hole

There’s always a thrill associated with listening to an artist who you strongly suspect is actually certifiably insane, and judging by Parisian Camille’s third album she’s evidently as mad as Jack Nicholson dressed as a hatter sitting in a box of frogs. She’s always been one of the more individual of artists, her genius 2006 album Le Fil (‘The Line’) was made up entirely of overdubs of her own voice, with a constant unchanging one note drone undercutting all the tracks (the ‘line’ of the album’s title), but Music Hole (a fantastic title by the way) is in places so bonkers it almost defies categorisation. Perhaps aware that people may read the fact that she’s singing in English for a first time as a conscious attempt at a commercial breakthrough, she turns in her least mainstream set of songs yet, with the accapella style of Le Fil still in place, but aided by pianos, orchestras, synths and occasionally bizarre US R&B style vocal samples. Camille occasionally exhibits a perverse, and yet strangely compelling desire to desecrate and subvert her own God-given talents, she has one of the most astonishingly beautiful and varied voices in modern music, and yet she’d much prefer to use it to make farmyard noises for two minutes, as she does towards the end of the fantastically odd Cats and Dogs. She pretty much admits to this herself on album centrepiece Money Note, where she claims to want to be bigger than ‘Whitney and Mariah’ while showing off a voice that could pretty much bury either of them, but doing it over a track so spectacularly unhinged that it’ll doubtlessly be a while before anyone attempts it for their X Factor auditions. As she proves with tracks such as Katie’s Tea and the gorgeous The Monk, if Camille chooses to she can write beautiful individualist songs which even verge on being radio-friendly, but her dogged refusal to be adopted by the dinner-party set has to be applauded, even if the general nuttiness that pervades the record can occasionally begin to grate over the eleven tracks.

Gains points for: A very convincing array of animal impressions

Loses points for: Forcing me to use the thesaurus an inordinate amount of times to find different words for ‘insane’.

19. Guns N’ Roses: Chinese Democracy

It’s hard to imagine now, but when Guns N’ Roses started Chinese Democracy 14 years ago there was not one magazine or newspaper article that listed the events that have happened since Guns N’ Roses started Chinese Democracy. Truly, we live in different times. The album arrived trumpeted as the most awaited album of all time, the chatter and rumours circulating overtaking biblical proportions about five years ago, even its title always seemed to jokingly suggest that actual democracy in China is currently a more realistic proposition. There’s something strange about actually holding it in your hands, it feels as mythical as the Ark of the Covenant and it’s almost a thrill to confirm that, yes, it actually exists! But is it any good? Does it matter?

The reason Guns N’ Roses, or Axl Rose in particular still continue to inspire such devotion and curiosity in the general populace is precisely because of grand follies like this record; Axl Rose remains the one true throwback to the days where our Rock Stars would demand we’d wait at least a decade while they tinker with what they believe to be their great masterpiece in some ivory mansion somewhere, beard down to their waist and tissue boxes on their shoes, and why should we expect any difference? Rock stars like Nirvana and Oasis seem to popularise the idea that people wanted bands to be ‘just like us’, that we wanted to gaze out on stage and see a mirror image of where we could be in 12 months time if we started learning guitar or bought a parka. Axl Rose is, emphatically, not ‘just like us’; we don’t think we could be him, we don’t especially want to be him. He’s an ego-maniac, an occasionally semi-psychopathic control freak who displays many traits of full-blown autism, who seems to base his dress sense on a mix between Steven Tyler, Joey Ramone and Rowdy Roddy Piper. He is, put quite simply, a rock star. These days we’re treated to TV shows like ‘X Factor’ and ‘Making the Band’ offering an almost surgical intimacy into the making and marketing of a pop star, before later on in the career being subject to everyone from Ricky Wilson to Robert Wyatt being interviewed, reviewed and dissected by more forms of music press than there’s ever been, before eventually watching them attempt to win back the public’s affection by chewing wallaby foreskins live on prime-time ITV. It’s telling to point out that Axl Rose has on the whole retained his fans attention, kept the press and industry interested and generated more than a decade of excitement while all the time doing pretty much nothing at all, bar a dozen or so gigs (some of which he actually didn’t cancel) and some bizarre impromptu radio appearances, and yet all the while his fans have been almost patient with him as he strives to produce his masterpiece. To put it in context, The Streets released their fourth album in 7 years this summer, and no-one gave a flying fuck.

What? Oh, is it any good? Well, about two thirds of it is actually quite fantastic (Better, There Was A Timethank God someone managed to convince him that the working title ‘T.W.A.T’ might not translate well- I.R.S and the epic Madagascar particularly), with the remaining third made up of wet ballads that would probably be the low points on a Daniel O’Donnell album, and absolute shite like Shacklers Revenge which sounds heavily influenced by Nine Inch Nails and The Prodigy, makes you realise how long this album’s been in production when you realise these were relevant when it was started, and is an embarrassment for all concerned. Yes it’s too long, in places ridiculously overproduced and pompous in the extreme, but this is Guns N’ Roses, and it’s the kind of preposterously overblown record that we will probably never see again as we fully embrace the age of individual downloads and rush-released cash-ins. And were people seriously expecting some sort of subtle alt-country work which takes ‘multiple listens to reveal its myriad charms’? Sod that, I’m a busy man.

So, yeah, better than The Spaghetti Incident anyway…

Gains Points for: Since Dr Pepper promised a free can to every person in America (minus Slash and Buckethead rather cruelly) if Axl Rose delivered the album before the end of the year, Chinese Democracy did its bit to make sure the free world stayed refreshed in these troubled times. Even if it’s with a drink that tastes strangely like antiseptic cream.

Loses Points for: Have you seen Axl Rose recently?? He looks like an old ginger cat that’s been biting off its fur, I can’t help but imagine him with a cone around his neck

18. David Byrne and Brian Eno: Everything that Happens Will Happen Today

Ah, now this album takes multiple listens to reveal its myriad ch… Hang on I’ll start that again…

If you’d asked me after the first few listens of this record I would have easily filed it alongside my most disappointing records of the year, alongside Donkey by CSS (the most charming band in the world contrive to make utterly charmless album) and The Odd Couple by Gnarls Barkley (seemingly knocked out in the 87 minutes last year Dangermouse had off from production duties). The reason for this being that the duos previous release, 1981s My Life in the Bush of Ghosts is one of the greatest albums ever made. Arguably responsible for the invention of sampling, the record certainly took the form to hitherto unimagined levels, using analogue technology (ie: David Byrne holding a reel of recorded sound in his teeth while he desperately looked for the end of the selotape) to sample radio Djs, real life exorcisms, African chanting, radical clerics and pretty much anything else they could find over hypnotic- and more often than not faintly unsettling- dance music that managed to sound at once like the very first music made by primitive man and the way it would sound 300 years in the future. It was astonishingly ahead of its time, and still to this day sounds strangely like the future.

Quite an act to follow as you can imagine, so its surprising to listen to the album for the first time and realise the pair have recorded a sodding gospel album! That goes verse/chorus/verse! It was written on an acoustic guitar for God’s sake! Even after a few disgusted listens, you can’t fathom the unholy pleasantness of the whole exercise.

Eventually though, the shock dies down and you begin to appreciate the album for what it is- it may not change the face of popular music, but its warmth and, occasionally, beauty can burrow itself in your mind if you let it, with many tracks achieving a kind of tiny euphoria as they reach an almost anthemic chorus. Cynical, perhaps, but undeniably affecting. It’s hardly a complete retreat from the sonic adventures of their previous release though; you’re not going to hear the jagged arrangements of I Feel My Stuff or the percussive patterns on Home the fantastic Strange Overtones on a James Morrison album any time soon. Overall though, thanks in no small part to Byrnes vocals and melodic gifts taking centre stage, it feels more like a new Talking Heads album than a follow up to one of the most influential albums of the last 30 years

Gains points for: Being nothing like what people expected

Loses points for: Being nothing like what people expected

17. Kings of Leon: Only by the Night

U2 have a lot to answer for. Time was when a band would celebrate their previous album properly entering the mainstream by ensuring the follow up was either a) a meticulously researched three disc concept album based around the relationship habits of North American cicadas when Saturn is in the cusp of Pisces, recorded over 74 tortuous months in a dilapidated studio in the Peruvian jungle while the lead guitarist tried to tackle his newly acquired $10’000 a day barbiturates addiction, a record which the band would promote by dressing up as Mayan warriors, giving themselves new aliases such as ‘Broquęzŏ’ and playing a free gig on the Pantanal Wetlands. Or b) adopt a ‘more is more’ approach, draft in the London Symphony Orchestra, make a carbon copy of their last, successful album only twice the length, much, much louder and about half as good, watch their epic seven minute long comeback single (complete with £2.5 million Oliver Stone-directed video) limp to number 8 in the charts before disappearing completely and then spend the rest of their career complaining of how the music press ‘builds you up just to knock you down’.

Not now of course, post U2 (specifically their 1987 album The Joshua Tree) bands can’t do that any more, now once you’ve gone ‘mainstream’ you have to attempt to go ‘stadium’. Only by the Night is one of the most shameless attempts at a ‘stadium’ album since Bonjovi’s Slippery When Wet, a record so intent on reaching Wembley that it’s probably entered itself into this year’s FA Cup. All the standard clichés are here; the chiming guitars, the choked voice that can only mean passion, so much echo effect that you can only assume the album was recorded in the Grand Canyon, choruses that go ‘Whooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!’ It’s not a bad album by any means, in fact its one of the best rock albums released this year, with songs like Crawl really showing this is a band still operating at least close to the top of their game, its just after last years fantastic Because of the Times really suggested the band had developed their own sound and seemed sure top take it in increasingly interesting directions after building steadily on their first two albums, this is definitely a step backwards. B+, a good effort, must try harder next time

Gains points for: Sex on Fire, which they cunningly released back in 2004 to test the public’s affection for it, back when the song was called Dakota and they were going under the pseudonym ‘Stereophonics’

Loses points for: I Want You, such an unabashed rip-off of Gigantic by The Pixies that it would probably lead Kim Deal to kill herself just so that she could spin in her grave. Come to think of it, did they actually write any of these songs?

16. Fuckbuttons: Street Horrssing

Really, what the fuck is all this about? Is this actually the worst record I’ve ever heard? Or 48 minutes of twisted genius that comprise the most individualistic and groundbreaking debut album of the year? No, scrap that last statement, it really is awful. Or is it actually one of the best records I’ve ever heard?

Street Horrssing (what??) defies definition and categorisation more than any other album I’ve heard this year, but hey, I’ll give it a shot anyway. Similar in parts to both the percussion-led drone rock of Can and Neu, and the slightly upsetting semi-prog-doom-rock (try asking for the directions to that section when your next in HMV) of Slint and (whisper it) Van Der Graaf Generator, while at the same time sounding absolutely nothing like any of those bands I’ve just mentioned. Ironically, the main facets of Fuckbuttons’ (astonishingly, that’s only the second worst band name on this list) sound- incessant repetitive motives, heavy African influences, occasional indecipherable mumblings, piercing tribal drums- most closely resemble Mea Culpa, a track off My Life in the Bush of Ghosts. The difference being of course that Mea Culpa is over in 4 minutes, while Street Horrssing lasts the best part of an hour.

The album is definitely not for the weak-willed, or even faint hearted, only two songs last under 9 minutes, and of those two one is 7 and a half while the other- Ribs Out– comprises of just a solitary drummer and a looped sample of a monkey screaming and is quite possibly the most unsettling 4 minutes of music I’ve ever heard. First track Sweet Love for Planet Earth is a case in point, it starts with an impressive intro consisting of an echoed droning synth line, which builds up great anticipation as you wait for the drums to kick in and the song to tear the roof off, until nine and a half minutes passes and you realise that droning synth line was the song.

Still, it’s undeniably hypnotic in places, and it’s great to see any act truly challenging the listener as Fuckbuttons indisputably do, there will not be one person that will not have a strong opinion either way on this record if you play it to them, and how many albums can you truly say that of? After listening to it all the way through, this album invokes a strange, shell-shocked feeling in the stomach that no other record this year can match. Even if that feeling is possibly nausea.

Gains points for: Making sure there’s no chance of their music being the theme tune to the next series of Planet Earth.

Loses points for: May induce vomiting and lack of appetite, do not listen to while operating heavy machinery.

15. Glasvegas: Glasvegas

Epic scope, Spector-esque arrangements, heart-breaking lyrics and a vocal so Scottish it’s practically painted on a shortbread tin- yes, The Twilight Sad’s debut truly was one of the best records of last year.

Arf! Seriously though, while the similarities between last year’s Who-the-hell-are-you-get-off-my-stage-can-I-see-your-passes-pleases and this year’s biggest new indie band are plenty, and it may stick in the craw of a fan of the former band that it was Glasvegas who received the attention and record company support, the simple fact is that Glasvegas did it all much, much better.

Unfairly maligned in some quarters as the most humourless Scottish doom-mongers this side of Gordon Brown, an opinion only strengthened by the band adopting the dress code of revellers attending The Fonz’s funeral (and what’s more depressing than that), Glasvegas actually crafted one of the most strangely uplifting records of the year. Continuing in the rich vein of Scottish bands who refuse to believe any other bands have ever existed other than the Velvet Underground and the Ronnetes, their sound may be doused in a hefty vat full of melancholy but it is very rarely anything less than utterly beautiful and, with James Allan’s wonderfully different voice (well… if you don’t count The Proclaimers) over it all, the abiding impression is of those moments in Rab C Nesbit when Rab admits to camera through a fog of whiskey on his breath that, hey, maybe life ain’t so hard after all.

However, the album’s high point is also one of its main flaws, and the reason this album isn’t higher up in this list. The second track Geraldine is a staggering piece of music, the best single of the year and a song of such overwhelming lyrical and musical beauty that it simply overwhelms everything else on the album, even Everest-like peaks such as opener Flowers and Football Tops and last year’s matinee single Daddy’s Gone. With possibly the greatest lyrics of any hit-single this year (Brandon Flower’s inability to remember the plural of ‘dancer’ notwithstanding), that seem to both celebrate a most unconventional love story whilst at the same time hint towards possibly a darker motivation behind the title character’s actions, any song that can get the listener singing along to a chorus of ‘I’m your social worker’ can’t be a bad thing can it?

Gains points for: Recording a Christmas album and resisting the temptation to re-record a special festive version of Geraldine with Peter Kay playing the titular character on guest vocals. No charity needs the money that much.

Loses points for: If you read the more reactionary (i.e. stupid) corners of the music press, you will already have been informed that- with songs about absent fathers, child death and the self-explanatory Let’s Get Stabbed– Glasvegas are in fact the sound of ‘Broken/ Blade Britain’ (delete as appropriate), a sign of these fair isles travelling on a handcart somewhere south and a shocking indicator that, yes, Curly Wurlys did use to be bigger years ago. All complete nonsense of course, and can you imagine how unbearably shit a band would be if they only sang about the good things in life? Hmmm…

14. Alphabeat: This is Alphabeat

Oh cheer up you bunch of miserable bastards.

People of the world can basically be divided into three categories; those that have never heard Alphabeat, those who absolutely adore Alphabeat, and those that are bare-faced fucking liars. To not instantaneously fall in love with this collection of simply the greatest, most unpretentious and most superbly crafted pop songs of the year is simply unthinkable, an act of psychotic self-constraint up there with throwing away unused bubble-wrap and peeling the seal off a new jar of coffee instead of popping it with a spoon.

There is simply no song on this album which isn’t a note-perfect joy, each song is such a perfect exercise in infectious hooks and zeppelin-sized choruses that it sounds like a best-of collection of a decade old band that no-one’s ever thought to introduce you to before, This Is Alphabeat wisely does away with all the chaff you inevitably have to wade through on pop albums (no ballads! Praise the lord!) to leave you with a lean, fresh collection of tune after tune after tune after… And what tunes they are, the inescapable highlight Fascination (this year’s Hey Ya, a pop song so blissfully and joyously unconcerned with life’s problems it could reverse the recession in a heart beat, if only someone would give it a chance) aside, from opener Fantastic Six through Boyfriends’ exhumation of Debbie Gibson and What is Happening, which has to be the happiest sad break-up song ever. If this last year is anything to go by and Alphabeat are actually planning to release all these songs as singles (so far they’ve released tracks 2, 3, 4 and 5, in that order, so if you want to second guess their next release then track 6 Go-Go seems a decent bet) than it’s only because they all could be singles.

So yes, maybe it’s a bit throwaway and disposable, but that’s what pop music has always been, if we can only enjoy things we know will still be as fresh ten years from now we’d all just eat lentils. And yes it’s all a bit so disconcertingly wholesome and sugary sweet in places that you could almost be listening to Same Difference, but just because a piece of music isn’t a ten minute three cycle concept piece revolving around the singer’s imagined rape at the hands of Cervantes doesn’t mean its inane, or unworthy or in any way less of a fantastic piece of work. Sometimes we need to find some time for the nicer things in life don’t we? I mean, can’t we all just get along?

Gains points for: 10’000 Nightsopening line; ‘I was not looking for an arty-farty love’. Worth a place in the list based on that alone

Loses points for: May be linked with toothache and diabetes

13. Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend

They’re Ivy League graduates and dress like they’re auditioning for a mid-west USA remake of Brideshead Revisited. They’re heavily influenced by sub-Saharan African music and actually name-check Peter Gabriel in one song. Their biggest hit to date was about the merits of a little-used form of punctuation and they’ve actually got a song called Campus with a chorus of ‘I see you/ You’re walking across the campus’. Seriously, how much do you wanna hate this band?

And you would, if it weren’t for the fact they made music quite so lovable. One of the year’s most unexpected and yet welcome minor-success stories, who would’ve thought that one of the year’s biggest indie debuts would be the one that most closely resembles The Las attempting to cover Paul Simon’s Gracelands? There’s no way of describing this album that can make it sound in any way cool, but then it never makes any attempt to be, and therein lies its charm. While a lot of the talk around the band was of their supposed high-intellect and the surreal reference points of their lyrics, what really made the record such a hit was the breezy charisma of the songs themselves, where the myriad African references in the music don’t stand out nearly as much as the fact that the album is held together by simple, summery jangly-indie tunes, the like which went out of fashion with Dodgy in about 1996. On paper it sounds awful, in practice it was the sound of the summer.

Predictably, the album didn’t seem to work quite as well come October and you had to endure some smug get singing ‘Kape Kod Kwasa’ while it pissed down outside, and strangely enough for all its intricacies and invention it still comes across as rather shallow and unsubstantial and its hard to imagine anyone really losing themselves in it like you could with truly great albums. Like a good salad then, extremely refreshing, unlikely to make you feel completely full, but undoubtedly very good for you.

Gains points for: Leaving many a sixth-form goth band left even more pale than usual when they realise that, not only has the name ‘Vampire Weekend’ already been taken, it’s been taken by a bunch of cheery, rose-cheeked New Yorkers.

Loses points for: Seriously, they actually named a track Campus

12. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds: Dig! Lazarus, Dig!

And for his next trick…

Merely months after both delighting and terrifying audiences by releasing Grinderman- the band that all middle-aged jobbing pub bands look and sound like in Hades, and possibly the most rock and roll mid-life crisis ever- into the world, Nick Cave seemed to have expelled that blast of biblical swamp-rock out of his system so well that he went on to make possibly the most accessible album of his career. ‘Accessible’ is relative of course, even at 168 (or thereabouts) he’s not quite at the stage where he’s releasing covers albums of Cole Porter standards and performing them on the Paul O’Grady show, and there’s very few points during, say, Albert Goes West where the song is in any real danger of lurching into More Than a Feeling by Boston (although, come to think of it, that would be awesome), but musically at least this is more of a straight-forward rock album than pretty much any other in his collection.

It’s still bloody fantastic though, and received probably the warmest and widest critical reception of any of his albums to date (even Classic Rock Magazine were sufficiently moved to give it 9/10). The Bad Seeds prove once again that they’re simply the tightest, most exhilarating and damn-near-it best band of rock musicians in the civilised world. Springsteen’s E Street Band may generate an awe-inspiring wall of sound big enough to knock Mars ever so slightly off orbit, but can they produce the kind of lightning-in-a-bottle controlled chaos that characterise the Bad Seeds at their best? And they most certainly are at their best here, clattering their way through most of these eleven tracks like they’ve just found out they’ve only an hour to live (which judging by their combined age of 12’628 isn’t too outlandish a thought). Cave himself is also having the time of his life, contributing his wittiest set of lyrics yet, continuing to push the self-depreciating humour of his words to the forefront of his writing as he did on the Grinderman album; less fire and brimstone, more Galton and Simpson. When the two factors come together best on the amazing (or astonishing, astounding, remarkable, wonderful, incredible… Well you all have thesauruses) We Call upon the Author to Explain it creates something that’s at the same time hilarious, elating, spine-tingling, inspiring, absolutely unique and basically something I doubt any other artist in history would come close to even thinking up, never mind recording.

The rest of the album never quite reaches those heights again though, and despite all of the factors I’ve mentioned there remains a strange restraint to the album, and only on a handful of songs does it really feel the band are really allowed to let loose, and never quite in the certifiable insanity sense of a song like Hiding All Away. The most damning criticism you could level at would be that, while it is undoubtedly a more accomplished album than Grinderman, it’s no way near as fun, and it would be a shame if Nick Cave were to channel more of his unhinged leanings toward his side project whilst leaving the Bad Seeds as more of an outlet for his more commercial output, then we really would have to call upon the… Well you get the picture

Gains points for: The video for the title track, where Nick Cave attempts his own homage of Peter Kay’s video for Is This the Road to Amarillo?

Loses points for: That moustache. I’m sorry but it’s gone on for too far now

11. Sway: The Signature LP

Or The Curious Case of Derek DeSafo. Put simply, there’s absolutely no-one in Britain doing commercial hip hop better than Sway, and in terms of actual rapping talent, lyrical ingenuity and wordplay he’s probably up there with the best in the world, his style very much calling to mind Jay-Z, except with the self-aggrandising replaced with a very British self-depreciative wit. For proof just listen to his 2006 debut This is my Demo (Mercury nominated and quite possibly the best album released that year) or any one of the countless mix-tapes and EPs he’s put out over the past few years, or even his guest spots on songs from everyone from The Streets to Ian Brown. What’s not so easy to comprehend is why he’s not absolutely chuffing huge. While he’d never admit it, Sway musty have looked on in bewilderment as his main peers Wiley and Dizzee Rascal had by far the biggest hits of their career by adopting a more radio-friendly sound, while all the while Sway’s career is creating radio-friendly hip-hop, produced with the aim of being as big as possible and unashamed of it. And yet he’s still mysteriously shunned by 90% of all the mainstream music mediums, many of whom often use the excuse of how hard it is to present Grime music as mainstream entertainment, despite Sway being about as ‘Grime’ as Barry Scott. It says a lot about the wider problems British hip-hop acts face trying to break through a bizarrely reluctant British media that Sway has signed to Akon’s US label and has just started making waves in America, where they obviously find the idea of a South London rapper a lot easier to swallow. The most successful British rap song? Rat Rapping by Roland Rat. I rest my case.

The Signature LP itself sounds like a very conscious attempt by Sway to record his masterpiece, and as a result occasionally overreaches and doesn’t quite live up to Sway’s admirably lofty ambitions. While the use of the London Symphony Orchestra on a handful of tracks (most notably breathtaking opener Fit for a King) are undeniably affecting, and never quite lapse into sounding conceited and pompous, the album could have done with a couple more punchy numbers like Say It Twice to really push it into classic territory. It’s still a fantastic album though, much superior to Maths and English, Dizzee Rascal’s semi-successful attempt at a crossover last year, the only real minus points come as a result of one of Sway’s close friends dying close to the albums release, which is tragic as it means we’re subjected to two mid-tempo weepies about how much he misses her, which both completely break up the flow of the second half of the album. This isn’t Sway’s masterpiece, but he’s not far off it.

Gains point for: Jason Waste, the album’s high point and an absolutely extraordinary collision of slightly off-time beats, distorted wailing female voices and Sway’s tale of the world’s biggest waste of skin. Quite unlike any other song released this year and proof that Sway isn’t all about the mainstream

Loses points for: Akon’s guest spot of Silver and Gold. What’s that Akon? Women are just after your money are they? Still going on about that? Oh she’s a stripper you say? Change the record you fucking moron.

10. Mystery Jets: Twenty One

To be perfectly honest, once the Dad of the Mystery Jet’s lead singer left the band last year it seemed to me like the group’s one Unique Selling Point had been lost and, while they were never less than perfectly enjoyable, they would simply cease to be known as The-Band-With-The-Lead-Singer’s-Dad-In-It, move onto being referred to as The-Band-Which-The-Lead-Singer’s-Dad-Used-To-Be-In for a short while before being eventually quietly forgotten about. What no-one could’ve predicted is that the Dad was obviously such a heinous cramp on the band’s style that by jettisoning the old fart completely (Ok, in reality he still co-writes some of the songs, but I’m enjoying this imagery way too much to let fact get in the way of it) they would be sufficiently liberated enough to produce probably the most unexpected great album of the year.

While their 2006 debut was a perfectly pleasant, and occasionally somewhat enchanting blend of prog-indie and psychadelica, it never once really suggested that the band were in for the long. It’s main obstacles were the band’s at times wearisome idiosyncrasies (at times it sounded like they were all trying that little too hard to sound as out-there and experimental as they could, whilst never quite shaking off that strange suspicion that they’d much rather be at home watching Countryfile with a hot mug of asparagus Cup-a-Soup) and the simple fact that the album’s eleven songs had barely half a tune between them. The Fantastic Twenty One pulls off the perfect second-album trick of ironing out pretty much all of the problems of the debut while at the same time losing none of its charm, individuality and sense of fun; the album starts with what sounds like a Public Enemy sample on Hideaway and only manages to get more exciting from thereon in, managing to take in alt-folk, 80s Disco, stadium ballads, indie-funk and strange new genres that even I can’t find the effort to attempt to make-up.

A lot of the credit must go to Errol Alkan, the producer of two of the albums in the top ten, who seems to be becoming an expert in reeling in artist’s more over-eccentric leanings to complement a coherent sound, and also introducing them to the idea that a great pop song may not necessarily mean you’ve sold your soul to the devil. Both Errol and Mystery Jets sound like they may be in here for the long-term.

Gains points for: Young Love, a fantastic duet with the offensively young and talented Laura Marling (see The Roy Walker Section), easily one of the best singles of the year and one that almost defies definition.

Loses points for: The saxophone solo in Two Doors Down; come on boys, there’s writing an 80s pastiche and then there’s just being silly.

9. British Sea Power: Do You Like Rock Music?

Another album that saw its creators jump effortlessly from the D-list to the A-list, British Sea Power’s third album was so undeniably superior to its predecessors that it immediately catapulted the band from being indie rock’s Brian Dowling to being its, oooooh, Cat Deeley at least. Not quite out of nowhere, but definitely out of being ‘that mildly irritating smartarse band with the slightly twee sound and song titles so arch you could park them in Paris and call them the Triomphe’, you would have got very long odds on BSP (or the ‘C-Powas’ as almost certainly no-one calls them) to release the best British rock album of the year back in January, but 2008 saw the band make the full transition from couldn’t-give-a-flying to the country’s most polite rock Gods, you’d call the record ‘a monster’ if you weren’t so sure you could still beat it up. From the opener All In It through Lights Out For Darker Skies, Atom and especially bona-fide classic Waving Flags, plus more, the band’s sonic adventures and appreciation of the effects of a great quiet/LOUD dynamic places the album’s sound somewhere between Spiritualised and The Pixies, while still managing to cultivate a sound that was all their own, take out the unspeakably horrendous Trip Out (which sounds like a cantaloupe attempting to rewrite Gomez’s Whippin’ Piccadilly after a six day LSD binge, is unbearably jovial and probably what people who hate British sea Power think all their songs sound like) and pretty much every track’s a killer. The greatest compliment you could pay it is that it so comprehensively out-Arcade Fires Arcade Fire themselves that everyone pretty much forgot about the Canadian’s second album less than a year after it was released. Not that it sounds anything like Arcade Fire of course (come on, keep up), it may share the same sense of noise, flamboyance and scope, but it also pulls off the strange trick of creating a sound that is at once joyously uninhibited, all Kevin Shields guitar noise and the occasional choir, while at the same time retaining a certain sense of reserve, which may have a lot to do with singer Yan’s breezy vocal style and curiously parochial lyrical reference points, which lends the entire collection a strong sense of Englishness, bizarrely perhaps more than any other record this year. They could eventually become the country’s greatest rock band.

Gains points for: Taking the Bulgarian People’s Choir on tour with them, seemingly just for the hell of it.

Loses points for: That terrible, smarmy album title, it makes me wish I hated the record just so I could say ‘evidently not’.

8. David Holmes: The Holy Picture

Here are a few facts about David Holmes; 1) He’s Irish, or if you prefer, ‘Oirish’. 2) He is probably most well known nowadays as a six squillion dollar a day (my estimates) Hollywood soundtrack composer and compiler, most famously Oceans 11. 3) So yes, he is at least part responsible for subjecting the world to that dishearteningly ubiquitous remix of A Little Less Conversation a few years back. 4) He often goes unshaven, perhaps hoping a bit of stubble will put people off the scent of how much exactly he earns from those Hollywood soundtracks. 5) His first album was, ironically in light of his later work, called This Movie’s Crap Let’s Slash the Seats, which is currently in my top three album titles of the last 20 years, along with My Pain and Sadness Are More Sad and Painful Than Yours by McClusky, and The Only Difference Between Me and You Is That I’m Not On Fire, coincidentally also by McClusky 6) He made far and away the best dance album of last year, probably his best work since 2000’s Bow Down to the Exit Sign or even 1997’s Let’s Get Killed. Driven by an almost insatiable marching rhythm that almost cuts through the entire album, obviously influenced by Kraftwerk’s sonic adventures down the Autobahn, its almost euphoric guitar lines and synth bursts make it a much lighter, in terms of tone, addition to the Holmes canon, but no worse for it. 7) McClusky were never that good a band, but they could sure do album titles, proof that everyone’s got a talent somewhere, if they just put their minds to it. 8) The artist the record resembles mostly though is vintage Contino Sessions/ Scorpio Rising Death in Vegas, even so far as much as during moments in some songs, most notably opener I Heard Wonders, you wonder slightly if Holmes may have taken on his influences a tad too far and lurched into full-blown parody, which is odd for someone so obviously talented. Then he throws something as marvellously batty as Theme/I.M.C your way and it’s so good you stop caring) 9) Seal could never write album titles, he just named his first three albums ‘Seal’ the lazy get, and that Peter Gabriel’s no better. Oasis are the absolute champions of the bad title genre though, stick Standing on the Shoulder of Giants, Don’t Believe the Truth and Heathen Chemistry in a time capsule and you’d have a perfect illustration of early 20th century stupidity. 10) Combine all this with David Holmes’s slight and whispery voice (occasionally uncannily like Jim Reid, which coupled with the songs’ driving sound gives a lot of the album a certain Jesus and Mary Chain feel in places, especially Love Reign Over) singing over most of the album and you have probably the most accessible of his career, if perhaps not the best, and definitely the easiest one to throw shapes to.

Gains points for: The Story of the Ink, a brilliant song which is almost agonising to listen to as it builds up to what sounds like it must be the greatest drop in the history of recorded dance music, all the instruments build up unbearable tension over five and a half minutes before… it finishes. A fantastic tease.

Loses points for: Well, the album title’s a bit pedestrian isn’t it?

7. MGMT: Oracular Spectacular

No band were more ‘2008’ than MGMT, arriving early in the year sounding like the missing link between nu-rave and Girls Aloud, embraced by the hipsters, their parents and their kid sister all at the same time. If they could have existed at any other time, they almost certainly wouldn’t have been half as successful, and as a result the songs from Oracular Spectacular were used to soundtrack every sodding event of the entire year. It’s got to the point now where I can’t even understand televised sport unless it’s preceded by a montage of talking points set to the tune of Electric Feel, and I always though the News at Ten were just having a laugh with all that Robert Mugabe stuff, until they started sound tracking their reports with Weekend Wars. You want the adverts for your new drama to scream ‘cutting-edge’ and ‘cool’ while at the same time appeal to the mass-market? The first few bars of Time to Pretend will do nicely. It was reported that Alaister Darling was inspired to cut the Bank of England’s interest rates in the face of such a harsh economic climate by the synth line to Kids, and if you look closely at Barack Obama make his way to the podium to make his acceptance speech as the new President of the United States of America last November, you’ll see he’s actually mouthing the words to Fourth Dimensional quietly to himself.

In normal circumstances such overexposure would quickly turn MGMT into the most reviled band since Josef Fritz became the bass player for Scouting for Girls (note: this may not have happened), but luckily the band had some of the greatest pop songs of the year in their hold-all. Have any band this century kicked off their career with a run of singles as perfect as Kids, Time to Pretend and Electric Feel? Has any band of the last 25 years? You might have to go back as far as Frankie Goes to Hollywood to find a pop band that arrived with three such fully-formed statements of intent. The rest of the album predictably pales slightly in comparison, although it’s hardly filler, made up of some fantastic psychedelic pop, with Youth and Of Gods and Monsters being particular standouts, that positions them as some sort of more primary-coloured Fisher-Price Flaming Lips (The Lips’ Dave Fridmann produces the record), with only the deathly dull directionless noodlings of Fourth Dimensional really falling flat on its face. The biggest question that arises from the whole thing is, with such spark and invention in their music, why do the band themselves seem like such dullards?

Gains points for: The synth line from Kids, an absolutely joyous thing that even a billion Skins adverts can’t ruin.

Loses points for: So is it pronounced ‘management’ or what?

6. Roots Manuva: Slime and Reason

Ah, The Daddy. Roots Manuva is to UK Hip-Hop what David Bowie is to Glam Rock (or perhaps even Nirvana were to grunge); both colossuses of their genre who loom over their scene to such an extent that their rarely even considered part of it. Even though Roots Manuva’s first album only came out in 1998, and this is only his fourth studio album (sixth if you include the two dub re-workings of his previous albums), he often seems like he has been around forever, he predates both grime and even Uk garage, and it’s hard not to think of him as the Godfather of the new breed of British rap, putting out his peculiarly British strain of hip-hop since Dizzee Rascal, Kano et al were still in baggy nappies. Not that he’d take this as an excuse to put his feet up of course, in fact in 2008 he released what is assuredly the best album of his career to date.

Working with a handful of outside producers for the first time, including electro-pop whizz-kids Metronomy, in an exceptionally successful attempt to bring in dashes of different ideas to a sound that was dangerously close to stagnating on his last album (an occasionally stodgy collection of songs pulled from the darker side of Roots’s psyche, that he still had the good humour to call Awfully Deep) with the result being both his most varied and his most coherent collection to date, which is no mean trick to pull. All thoughts of this album being a grim retread of the dark corners of Awfully Deep are blown out the water approximately 2.4 seconds into opening track Again and Again, by far and away the best hip-hop song of the summer, blending his characteristic Jamaican dancehall-influenced sound with something approaching calypso music (reflected in the song’s ace cricket-based promo video, which follows on from Manuva’s previous video’s exploration of British pastimes such as school sports days and… erm… ventriloquism), it’s the best single Mr. Rodney Smith has done since Witness (1 Hope) and if it doesn’t at least raise a smile then you’ve got to consider the fact that there’s little hope left for you in life. So it’s got to be all downhill from there then?

Not at all, the album does not have one track on it that is less than great (although special mention must go to Kick Up Ya Foot and the Metronomy-produced Let the Spirit), and even tracks that occasionally sound slightly underwhelming at first, such as Do 4 Self and the first single Buff Nuff, with time reveal their subtle nuances and charms. On previous albums Manuva had struggled to really successfully mix the two almost bi-polar sides of his character, the one firmly at home on the dance floor and the one destined for introspective dark nights of the soul, yet here dub bangers such as Do Nah Bodda Me can sit easily next to more soul-searching laments like It’s Me Oh Lord and the effect seems seamless. A near-flawless record and another high-watermark for rap in this country.

Gains points for: Playing the Norwich Waterfront in November and adamantly claiming throughout that he was Delia Smith’s nephew. He knows how to please the locals.

Loses points: The awful album title and hideously gaudy artwork that give the album the feel of an Ultramagnetic MCs bootleg from about 1986. Actually, maybe that’s a good thing.

5. Late of the Pier: Fantasy Black Channel

Let’s get the obvious problem out the way first- Sponge Theatre, Hip Skimmy, Attila the Frump, Johnny Moustache, Greg Proops-Doggy-Dogg, The Maltese Falcons, Whiteboard Marker, Basil Geoff and the Fresh Mince, Double You Dot, Vermiscillious- that’s just the first ten possible band names that came to my head, none of which to my knowledge are currently in use, and each of which are at least twelve times better than the one that this Castle Donington band finally settled on (Ok, maybe not Double You Dot, I’ll admit that I may have been possibly running out of ideas when I thought of that one). I refuse to accept that we’ve reached a stage of modern culture where we’re so bereft of new ideas that we’re willing to accept Late of the fucking Pier as a tolerable band name. It doesn’t even make sense! If it were Late at the Pier or Late to the Pier, then I could accept that maybe it was inspired by a band trip to Brighton or Wigan where it took them a little longer than expected to reach the main attractions, but Late of the Pier? Rubbish.

Luckily for us, the imagination the band so obviously chose not to exercise on their name is put to use one hundred times over on their album’s content. In fact, it’s difficult to recall a British debut album in recent years so awash with ideas and inspiration. Late of the Pier may concur with the theory that we have reached a stage of cultural evolution where so much has gone before it is now impossible to create any art form that is truly ‘new’, and so to sidestep the issue they’ve simply decided to attempt pretty much every style of music ever conceived. At the same time. It’s a glorious rush to hear snatches of funk, Smithsian indie, 80s hair-metal, big beat, acid house, industrial rock and brit-pop, and then realising you’re only on track two. The band’s complete disregard for convention is an absolute joy (again, credit to producer Eroll Alkan for reigning in the band’s penchant for the ludicrously out-there), and the sneaking suspicion that it all may be one great piss-take actually only adds to the fun. There’s more invention and sense of adventure and the possibilities of music in, say, Space and the Woods than 99.999999999% of bands will even attempt in their entire career. What really makes the album a joy though, is the band’s dogged insistence that above all their music should be entertaining, this isn’t an album to stroke your beard to while marvelling at the 4/8 rhythm employed in the middle eight, it’s not an album that’s intended to be scrutinized at length or picked over, it’s just there to be enjoyed, and as a result is probably the most purely enjoyable listening experience of the year. The only question is how they’re going to follow it.

Gains points for: The bit about ninety seconds into Focker where the band evidently gets bored of the song completely and decides instead to play a bit of industrial house music, as you do.

Loses points for: I’m quite happily prepared to admit that approximately 38% of people will find this album positively unlistenable. Dull people, generally, but people all the same.

4. Tegan and Sara: The Con

Lesbian twins! Admit it; you’d love this band even if the songs were shite.

Although they may sound like an act dreamt up by the features editor of Nuts, or at best the kind of musical curiosity destined to spend the best part of an hour on late night BBC2 attempting to fend off Louis Theroux’s progressively elevating eyebrows as he investigates the stranger side of North American folk music, Tegan and Sara’s fifth album is actually a little-known gem, and a minor pop classic. While it would be asking a lot to expect that the duo could ever completely escaping their USP (at least they cut their hair differently in an attempt to look different, The Proclaimers are just trying to mess with your mind), their blend of ever-so-slightly twisted pop rock should at least ensure that the inevitable first comment (see above) will be followed by ‘…and their music’s chuffing great and all’.

What Tegan and Sara (I better state conclusively here, lest there be any confusion later, that no, I have no idea which one’s which) do fantastically is write consistently and occasionally beautiful pop songs, and then twist and subvert them ever so carefully until the effect is at the same time one of both familiarity and a very welcome shock of the new, of the conventionally affecting and the downright weird. One way they achieve this is by writing some of the best and most perplexing lyrics of the year, often very simply written but loaded with enough intrigue to keep the listener still fascinated 12 months after its release (it was actually released autumn 2007 in America) whether it be the oblique Are You Tens Years Ago, The Con’s chorus imploring us to ‘Encircle me/ I need to be/ Taken down’ or album highlight Like Oh, Like H’s opening lines telling us ‘When I was eight I was sure I was growing nerves/ Like Steel in my palm/ S.O.S to my mother/ Take the hinges off the door’ possibly putting the track up there with The Undertones’ Teenage Kicks when it comes to great songs about… erm… teen ‘introspection’.

Their voices too are also a joy to listen to; their Canadian accents are so thick that you initially presume they’re putting them on (Hope a Plane’s chorus of ‘Arl Oi Warn to ear is zat ure nart moyne is a particular delight’) and they both evidently prefer a good scream to any kind of recognised singing, but the effect is absolutely charming, and adds to that beautiful oddness (not ‘quirkiness’, and most definitely not fucking ‘kookiness’) that make the entire album such a delight.

Gains points for: Did I mention the bit about them being lesbian twins?

Loses points for: Considering there are moments on the album where it’s hard to shake thoughts of Terrance and Philip from your mind, would it be too much to ask for a cover of ‘Uncle Fukka’ as a secret bonus track?

3. Lykke Li: Youth Novels

Like Michael Myers in Halloween, rumours of where Richard Gere likes to exercise his pets and Peter Mandelson, it seems that ABBA are just refusing to die. Just as ABBA Gold finally begins to slide down the charts, you realised you haven’t seen Waterloo discussed on any talking heads show for a good two months, Muriel’s Wedding hasn’t been taken off the shelves at your local Blockbuster all year and you start to believe that maybe, just maybe the band have been finally consigned to the Magic FM dumper. But no, just then the British public as a whole decides to ride out the recession watching Meryl Streep dance around a Greek island singing The Winner Takes it All’, the corpse is duly exhumed and the whole unholy cycle starts afresh (coincidentally, I’ve decided to ride out the recession watching Burnley striker Ade Akinbiyi dance around the Canary Islands. I figured it’d at least pass the time).

I only mention the Swedish Overlords of Pri-Mark Pop as their lastest renaissance (I make it their 296th ‘critical revaluation’ since the turn of the century) has overshadowed the fact that their native Sweden is actually churning out better pop music in the last couple of years than it has in decades. To place alongside Robyn’s excellent 2007 album (the only non-embarrassing electro-pop album in centuries) is this debut by Lykke Li, an absolutely masterpiece in modern pop and the sweetest, assist and sexiest album of the year by a country mile.

Ok, first the bad; Trumpets in my Head is a bit of a pointless interlude, and you can practically hear Lykke herself shouting ‘how many more tracks do we need?’ over Complaint Department. I just need to get those minor gripes out of the way so I could state categorically that the rest of the album is pretty much perfect, and the best debut album of the year. How Lykke Li (pronounced ‘licky lee’ apparently, but I’ve always preferred ‘like lie’, have a play around with it yourself, see what you come up with) must curse MGMT, as if it weren’t for them there’d be no-one else this year who could touch her run of singles quality-wise; Breaking it Up, I’m Good I’m Gone and Little Bit are classic twisted-pop, infectiously melodic but with a dark streak in them as long as a Swedish winter night (see what I did there?), Lykke also pull off the ‘holy grail’ of great pop lyrics, writing words that can at once be either be sweet and naïve, or absolutely filthy, depending on how you listen to. What Lykke Li achieves that MGMT don’t though is keep the quality just as high throughout the album, a collection of songs so fantastic that you find yourself really liking Lykke at around track three, deciding you love her about track six, rehearsing your marriage proposal by the end of track ten, before losing all control altogether before the end and electing to leave several obscene messages on Granddad Li’s answer phone.

Gains points for: Her voice, while not technically over-accomplished, is used fantastically effectively throughout the album, at different points cold and distant, warm and sweet or barbed and resentful, seemingly without even changing.

Loses points for: Irresponsible use of a megaphone throughout, all the kids will be wanting one of those next Christmas.

2. Elbow: The Seldom Seen Kid

Rarely can one band’s success been celebrated as sincerely and as wide as Elbow’s in 2008, their Mercury Prize win in September was greeted with the kind of rejoicing rarely witnessed in this country outside last minute FA Cup Final goals and Conservative election defeats. This only had half to do with the fact that the album was the most worthy recipient of the award since Antony and the Johnsons incredible I Am a Bird Now came out on top in 2005 (and unlike Antony, Elbow never had any numpties like The Kaiser Chiefs questioning their ‘Britishness’. Yes lads, because you so would’ve won otherwise, wouldn’t you?) and half to do with the widely held belief that, in all of British music, no band was more deserving of a breakthrough than the five friends from Bury with the lived-in faces and midriffs that came sponsored by Guinness. Since 1999’s perhaps critically overrated (and also Mercury nominated) debut Asleep in the Back the band have made a career of being the best band that not-quite-enough-people-have-heard-of; few people cared when they blew their debut out of the water with the grandiose arrangements and lofty ambition of the follow-up Cast of Thousands before 2004’s triumphant Leaders of the First World was released to unanimous apathy, upped the bar again to seemingly unreachable heights, and sounded emphatically like a career-best. That opinion may have to be revised.

Of course Elbow’s real breakthrough came months before the Mercury was announced; it first came when the album was released to the best reviews and most widespread attention of their career, as people started to wonder whether this group of unshaven barflies were actually one of the country’s best groups; it gathered momentum during football’s European Championships where both BBC and ITV elected to soundtrack every single segment with a different track from The Seldom Seen Kid (literally in ITV’s case) and they were finally catapulted to the cusp of the mainstream when they stole the show at pretty much every festival of the summer (if it weren’t for Jay-Z’s scene-stealing turn, and all the preceding controversy, it’s likely that all people would’ve talked about this Glastonbury was Elbow’s main-stage set). The Mercury Prize, after the year Elbow had had, was merely the icing on the cake.

The album itself saw Elbow’s sound, one so expertly fine-tuned on their previous releases, approach something close to perfection, sonically ambitious with out being at all pretentious or ever running close to losing its almost hypnotic charm on the listener (it sounds bizarre now how they were lumped in with the likes of Travis, Embrace and Turin Brakes for large parts of their career by the lazier parts of the music press) while Guy Garvey could now have a decent claim to be the best white male voice in the country, as he manages to do justice to Elbow’s best set of music as well as his most accomplished lyrics. Ten months after it’s release the likes of breath-taking brass-led opener Starlings, the icy fragility of Glitterball, the bluesy single Grounds for Divorce and the epic centrepiece The Loneliness of a Tower Crane Driver still have the ability to astonish, and are now beginning to sound suspiciously like modern classics. It says a lot for the album when even the weakest track On a Day Like This sounded initially like a cynical attempt to write a festival anthem, but eventually found new life in the summer when it was adopted as… erm… a festival anthem. A masterpiece, but unfortunately for Elbow there were two of those last year.

Gains points for: The Fix, where the band rope in Richard Hawley for a track about pigeon and horse racing and create what may be the most northern song ever recorded.

Loses points for: Being so obviously pleased with their Mercury win, that’s just not very cool is it?

1. TV on the Radio: Dear Science

I have a reoccurring dream, in this dream The Artist Currently Known as Prince suddenly has a bewildering moment of clarity, possibly nursing a hangover after Paisley Park’s Tuesday night pub quiz (perhaps Sheena Easton’s team came first and won a deep-fat fryer), when he happens come across his record collection, glances over his recorded output since 1991’s Diamonds and Pearls and realises that, with a handful of exceptions, it’s all pretty much a pile of shit. In a horrible moment of realisation he rushes to the recording studio, realising he has to reverse his mistakes, he ditches the funk workouts, he doesn’t just release the first sodding thing he records, he immediately hands each of his useless ‘protégés’ a fifty dollar bill and demands they never darken his doorstep again, he rings up The Revolution and says that all is forgiven, he even invites in some outside producers to bounce ideas off and finally, after a gruelling eighteen months getting the recording just right, Prince releases one more masterpiece, one more record that’s as good as his live shows, reminiscent of his mid-80s peak and the world falls in love with him once again. And in my dream that record has an opening track that’s as good as Halfway Home by TV on the Radio.

It won’t happen of course; partly because Prince is still obviously a depressingly long way from rehabilitation (he’s recently said that his motivation for releasing his new record next year-one of three, naturally- is that he ‘got tired of waiting for Sade to release an album’. Jesus suffering Christ) and partly because Halfway Home, the greatest opening track on the greatest album of the year, is so brain-numbingly fantastic that I’m not convinced even Mr. Rogers Nelson could pull it off. If you don’t fall desperately in love with the Brooklyn band’s third album the first time you hear Tunde Adabimpe’s falsetto beckon the track’s chorus in, then you really should be considering whether you like music at all, as opposed to taking an interest in Uwe Bolls films or collecting thimblettes.

The quality doesn’t drop at all after that, the track only makes up one fifth of an opening tirade that’s followed by the funk-rock of Crying, the dance/rock/rap/God-knows hybrid Dancing Choose, the beautiful electronica of Stork and Owl and the none-more-Prince single Golden Age before the achingly sad Family Tree gives the listener five minutes for a breather (albeit a breather to a tale of lynching in the deep south), before the band attempt to invent reggae metal with the next track Red Dress and the cycle starts again. Seriously, I don’t see any reason why all albums can’t be this good.

On their two previous albums TV on the Radio were more of a band to be admired than to be enjoyed, a copy of, say, Return to Cookie Mountain on your shelf may well suggest that you were a cerebral type who wouldn’t hesitate to applaud a bit of jazz-influenced key-changes or a wilfully eclectic middle-eight, it would unfortunately in no way suggest you were any fun. The band’s problem was that they always seemed that little bit too studied; there was very rarely a sense of warmth to their music or, crucially, that sensation of spontaneity that evokes true adventure. They were also David Bowie’s favourite band, which never sounded good.

Well, maybe it was David Andrew Sitek’s stint producing Scarlet Johansson’s album (yeah, I know, but this album’s amazing so I’m gonna let it slide, Ok?) helped him discover his mojo, but Dear Science is an absolute joy. They’ve managed to pull of the near impossible trick of making the year’s most wilfully experimental album while at the same time not forgetting to write absolutely killer hooks, it’s simply the most perfect a mix of the cerebral and the visceral since Radiohead were at their peak.

If there’s any justice, when commentators are tallying up the best records of the decade this December, they’ll remember to nestle this somewhere near the top. Perfect.

Gains points for: The line ‘Foam-injected Axl Rose’ on Dancing Choose.

Loses points for: Nothing, for now, but Channel 4’s decision to use Halfway Home to soundtrack the new Skins adverts may result in it being unbearable in two months time.

The Roy Walker Section

They’re good but they’re not quite right

Sebastian Tellier: Sexuality. For when only a paunchy, middle-aged bearded Frenchman singing about sexual Sportswear over 800s synths will do. Also features Divine, easily the greatest Eurovision entry ever, as it proved by coming second last

Wild Beasts: Limbo Panto. Just missing out, by far and away one of the best- and strangest- new indie bands out this year, and the year’s best new voice.

Laura Marling: Alas, I Cannot Swim. Incredibly beautiful, offensively young and outrageous talented, she can fuck right off basically.

Guilty Simpson: Ode to the Ghetto. Amazing music, thick as pigswill rap

Half Man Half Biscuit: CSI Ambleside. Should need no introduction, fantastic as ever

Lil’ Wayne: Tha Carter III. Cut this down to 11 tracks and it’s easily in the top ten, but that’d mean ploughing through seemingly dozens of skits and filler. Disheartening.

Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes. Very good, but are they really that good?

Oasis: Dig Out Your Soul. Two half decent Oasis albums in a row! It’s 1995 all over again!

Metallica: Death Magnetic. What should have been an all-conquering return to form is marred by Rick Rubin’s awful ‘everything up to eleven’ production.

2007 Albums of the Year

While scouring my hard-drive and emails for long-lost artifacts I actually came across  some of my old album of the year lists so thought I’d post them here. I’ve not made any changes, even though some of it reads so clunky that it was hard to resist ‘pulling a Lucas’. It’s not amazingly good writing, but disappointingly it’s also neither hilariously bad. And there’s some fucking belting albums

Quick observations

-Describing the Darkness as having ‘faces like bins outside the World of Leather’ may actually be the best line I’ve ever written

-Burial’s Untrue is ‘the best British soul album since Blue Lines‘ in places!! Blimey, I wish I was that unafraid of making big statements nowadays

-Urgh, I actually use the ‘if I told you, I’d have to kill you’ line, what a cunt I was

-Predicted Burial for the Mercury Prize, wrongly

-Jesus, I mention how I first heard of a band through Teletext. This wasn’t even a decade ago!

-Predicted Shaun Ryder appearing on I’m a Celebrity correctly, 3 years early

-Goodness:OK Computer is ‘as big a reference point for British music journalists as 9/11 is for American politicians’!!

-I take two separate swipes at Razorlight. I’m not sorry

-Jesus, In Rainbows being as low as 5th is ridiculous, but even so it’s a strong list

-‘The Manics are the greatest band in the World, possibly ever’ not even protending to be unbiased

-James Murphy is so cool that ‘when he goes to parties he name drops himself’. Doesn’t quite work does it? But there’s a great line hiding in there somewhere!

 

Well, without759d2df3c9b64192bf2b4760cf9cc990 further ado:

20. Dizzee Rascal: Maths + English

After a full three year gap after releasing the vastly underrated Showtime album, and a good two and a half after looking so ridiculously out of place in the Band AID 20 video you’d swear he’d accidentally walked into the recording studio looking for the gents (if after reading this you feel the urge to rewatch the video on YouTube, I’ll inform you in advance that those funny looking blokes you don’t recognise with faces like the bins outside World of Leather are ‘The Darkness’. No, me neither), the man his mum still calls Dylan returned triumphantly with… comfortably his weakest album yet. Yes, at least half of it was the kind of exhilaratingly abrasive grithop that he does better than anyone else on the planet, but that only emphasised the disappointingly sterile sounds of the more commercially minded songs on the album. Seeing as Dizzee’s previous attempt at a big crossover ‘hit’ resulted in the excruciatingly bad Dream, someone really should inform him that he’s never going to write Hardknock Life, and should probably just stop trying. Yet in a year of disappointing rap albums from both sides of the Atlantic, this was still one of the best, and he remains the Don of British hiphop, Robbie Williams’ Rudebox notwithstanding.

19. PJ Harvey: White Chalk

I’ve always found it bizarre when, when on the subject of PJ Harvey (or ‘Peej’ as no one has ever called her), journalists continue to mention the fact that she was one of Kurt Cobain’s favourite artists as some kind of ‘proof’ of her abilities; this is a man who took heroin all his adult life, adored the ABBA tribute act ‘Bjorn Again’, married Courtney Love and then shot himself in the head I am far from enamoured with his decision making abilities. He also inspired Last Days, a 2005 Gus Van Sant film that was so fucking awful it made me want to take smack, which perhaps was the point. I’m digressing slightly here, what I’m trying to say is that had Kurt Cobain been alive to hear PJ Harvey’s last album, 2004’s Uh Huh Her (even the title was catatonically halfarsed), then it probably would have finished him off anyway. While that album’s critical and commercial failure, not to mention the almost three years of near silence that followed it, had many people speculating that we may had seen the end of Harvey as a creative force, White Chalk signalled an astonishing and completely unexpected return to form. A contrary cow at the best of times, each of the album’s eleven tracks feature little more than a lone piano and PJ Harvey’s ethereal, disembodied voice, jettisoned her trademarked primal blues in favour of some of the year’s most beautiful songs, and could signal a creative rebirth and a second stage in her career in the same way that Nick Cave’s The Boatman’s Call did in 1997. The only quibble I have is that the whole ‘Victorian Ghost’ theme that underpins the album (PJ even goes as far as dressing as Nicole Kidman in The Others for the album sleeve) is in parts so contrived you fully expect the next track to open with Derek Acorah telling you he feels ‘a presence in the room’.

18. Burial: Untrue

If this list were based on music evoking atmosphere and a general sense of impending menace, then the admirably anonymous Burial would occupy first, second, third, fourth and sixth place (fifth place would be The Hoosiers, a band that continue to fill me with terror and a strange sense of selfloathing each time they are in earshot). His second album’s a technical marvel, managing at once to be an amazingly evocative snapshot of the capital and still sound, in places, like the greatest British soul album since Massive Attack’s Blue Lines. The problem is that you’ll form this opinion at around track three, only to find the album struggles to find any real momentum after its opening tracks, so much so that by the time you get to Dog Shelter or Homeless at the album’s fagend, you’ll swear that the songs have already been on. It’s this sense of ‘déjà vu’ that blighted Burial’s 2006 debut and hasn’t been addressed fully here. All in all though it’s a very good album, Archangel is one of the best songs of the year, and Burial (whoever he is; I have a theory on his identity that involves Terry Wogan and the West End cast of We Will Rock You, but if I told you it I’d have to kill you) is so prodigiously talented that he will make a classic album one day. Just not this one. If you like a flutter though, I can guarantee that a tenner placed on him winning next September’s Mercury Prize will result in Christmas already being paid for.

17. The Twilight Sad: Fourteen Autumns and Fifteen Winters

If anything, I know even less about this Scottish foursome (Hmm, I must remember never to use that description again, it sounds like a bordello’s Super Saver deal) than I do about Burial’s real identity, and I may never have heard of them at all if it weren’t for the sad fact that I still feel obliged to check Teletext’s music pages at least once a day (and still feel strangely smug that I’m doing something ‘modern’), which routinely championed the band, eventually naming Fourteen Autumns… as it’s album of the year. Yet anyone else who still thinks requesting to poke someone’s Facebook should usually require a night in police custody but knows instinctively that the football scores are on page 316, this album was a rare treat; folky (with a small ‘f’), epic in the right places, warm, and with production so rich that if you look up the word ‘lush’ in the 2008 Oxford Dictionary it should by all rights simply play a thirty second blast of Talking With Fireworks. Highly recommended, with only the fact that in its more bombastic moments it veers a little too closely to sounding like the BBC’s coverage of Hogmanay keeping it from a much higher position. In fact, I’m convinced that if they weren’t cursed with a name so wet it actually slides off the CD cover if you tilt the case, they’d be huge by now. Having said that, considering that two of Britain’s biggest bands are called Arctic Monkeys and Coldplay, perhaps their problem is that their name just isn’t shit enough? Makes you think… No it doesn’t…

16. Ian Brown: The World Is Yours

One of the major achievements of this album, the fifth by the former singer of The Wonder Stuff (or was it Northern Uproar?) can be found on the chorus to track seven, when Ian Brown chimes in with ‘’I wish I had a home/ With ten million rooms/ I’d open up the doors/ And let the street children through/ Wish that I could scoop/ All of these children in my arms/ And give them the love they need/ And to protect them all from harm’ and the challenge to find the year’s worst lyric is declared a no-contest. It says a lot for Brown’s unshakable charisma, not to mention the great affection he is still held in by many, that his lyrics may occasionally veer into territory that Michael Jackson would reject as being a bit mawkish (to be fair, I think in general Jackson would be well advised to avoid lyrics about taking children into his house in the future. Just a thought) and he still seems to come out of it smelling of roses. It also helps that his solo work has maintained a steady quality throughout, and on this album it seems he has truly found his ‘sound’ and his confidence in it is evident in almost every track. Ditching almost any semblance of being an ‘indie’ act, he instead trades in moody electronica and the kind of almost Wu-Tang-esque strings he first implemented on F.E.A.R, with vocals that now sound closer to rapping than singing (never his strongest talent, let’s be honest) that dovetail gorgeously with Sinead O’Connor on the two tracks she guests on. The enduring impression of this album is that Brown, unlike many of his contemporaries, is still refusing to simply trade on former glories, and sounding all the better for it. Just don’t get me started on Morrissey…

15. Jay-Z: American Gangster

Here’s good rule of thumb; if you’re a gadzillion-selling internationally renowned rapper, having Chris Martin guest on your album may be a good indicator to fans that you’ve lost your edge somewhat. Kanye West demonstrated this on last year’s underwhelming Graduation album, and JayZ found to his misfortune when he roped in Mr. Paltrow to sing on 2006’s Kingdom Come, his first album after the least convincing ‘retirement’ in music history that wasn’t so much bad as it was overwhelmingly forgettable (interestingly, the ‘Chris Martin Factor’ also applies to any indie band believing that having Kate Moss sing on a couple of tracks can only be a good thing, and artists of any description that allow Wyclef Jean within 1200 yards of their recording studio at any time. Having said that, I did happen upon Wyclef’s version of Little Drummer Boy over the Christmas period, which I found so mindbendingly dreadful that it may in fact be the greatest song ever). Thankfully Shawn Carter relocated his muse in a big way when he was so inspired by an early cut of Ridley Scott’s American Gangster that he immediately retired to the recording studio to record a concept album loosely based around the film, writing, recording, mixing and releasing it all in the space of four weeks, achieving his eighth successive US number one album in the process. While as a record it hardly reinvents the wheel in the same way his 2001 Blueprint album, it at least found JayZ rediscovering the talents that have made him possibly the most revered rapper of his generation.

14. Happy Mondays: Unkle Dysfunktional

Of all the albums released in 2007, this one was head and shoulders above the rest in terms of how hard it was to convince your friends it was listenable, never mind that it was Shaun Ryder’s best work in over a decade (never mind trying to convince people that when you saw The Happy Mondays live, Shaun remembered nearly all the words and stood up all through the set!). Probably the most surprisingly good album of the last 12 months, if not the last century, it saw the newly trimmed down band (just Shaun, drummer Gaz Whelan and, obviously, Bez from the original lineup, plus new guitarist Kav Sandhu, who was just recruited to piss off my computer’s spellchecker, which presumably explains the album’s title) rediscover the kind of dark Manchester funk they’d last visited with any success on 1988’s Bummed, full of songs like Cuntry Disco (sic, obviously), In the Blood and Jellybean (‘Now that I am naked I’m a lady/Now that I am naked I’m set free/ It’s good to feel my arse against the grass/ It’s good to push my tits against the glass’, you don’t get that with Razorlight) that rank alongside their very best. Enjoy it while you can, before Shaun Ryder turns up on next year’s I’m a celebrity Get Me Out of Here pushing wallaby testicles up his nose and it finally becomes officially unforgivable to admit to liking them.

13. Grinderman: Grinderman

There was a time, not so long ago, when Nick Cave albums would arrive roughly once every blue years, and people would presume that seeing as he was in the ‘advanced’ years of his life, we should just be patient. When it took him and The Bad Seeds nearly three years to follow 2001’s No More Shall We Part with the distinctly halfbaked Nocturama (if you were thinking of doing a Nick Cave parody, you’d do well to think of a better album title than that) he was practically applauded for his effort, with one reviewer stating that it was ‘good to see him out of the house’ and another remarking that Cave was ‘still remarkably sharp for his age’. Then, almost out of nowhere, he released Abattoir Blues/ Lyre of Orpheus, a furious blast of gospelinfused blues rock and swooning ballads, it reaffirmed The Bad Seeds as one of the most technically proficient bands around and many rate the double album as the finest of his career. Cave didn’t stop there though, once The Bad Seeds’ epic tour finished in early 2006 he found himself writing songs on the guitar, an instrument he’d hardly ever played before. His technical limitations led to a much rawer and primal sound, he recruited three of the Bad Seeds (Warren Ellis, Martyn “With a Y” Casey and Jim “Put This in Your Spellchecker” Sclavunos), grew a moustache that gave him the look of one of the more Faustian Village People and Grinderman was born. Wrongly described in some circles as ‘simplistic’ or ‘basic’ rock, as if it were an album made up of twominute Hives covers, it’s actually an astonishingly powerful rock album, with strippedtothebone arrangements that add extra power to the more grand expressions of Electric Alice and the title track, whilst never veering close to becoming unlistenable. It also contained possibly Nick Cave’s most explicitly humorous lyrics to date (‘I sent her every type of flower/ Played her guitar by the hour/ I patted her revolting little Chihuahua/ And still she said that she didn’t want to’ No Pussy Blues, ‘I’ve been listening to the Women’s Hour/ I’ve been listening to Gardener’s question Time/ But everything I try to grow/ I can’t even grow a dandelion’ Love Bomb) and essentially sounds like it was the most fun record to make, like, ever. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds’ new album’s due in March, it seems there really is no rest for the wicked.

12. Arcade Fire: Neon Bible

The sad thing is that a great amount of people were actually expecting this to be the greatest album released for about a decade, possibly the greatest single piece of art created by humble human hands since the latter days of the renaissance. When in the end it turned out to be neither of these things, but ‘just’ a very good album that didn’t quite scale the peaks of their 2004 debut, but nonetheless had some pretty sublime moments, half of those people were so caught up in the hype they excitedly proclaimed it the ‘best album since OK Computer (the album that’s as big a reference point for British music journalists as 9/11 is for American politicians)’ seemingly half way through hearing the opening track, whilst the other half got so incensed that the album wasn’t the aural equivalent of the Ten Commandments, that they disowned them altogether, declaring them ‘over’ and filling out the government forms to officially request a backlash, seemingly halfway through track three. All I’ll say is: did it become compulsory for every major American rock album of the last two years to shamelessly ‘pay homage’ to Bruce Springsteen on at least one track, as Arcade Fire do with Keep the Car Running?

11. Soulsavers: It’s Not How Far You Fall, It’s the Way You Land

It’s not clear to me whether Mark Lanegan just has an uncanny knack of picking collaborations of unusually high quality or if he really does have the swamp rock Midas touch, transforming the uninspired and the plain awful into 21st century blues gold. We probably won’t know for sure until next autumn, when he releases Eey Oop, It’s Growly Up North, his long awaited collaboration with The Kaiser Chiefs (or, to give them their full name, The KaiserSoddingChiefs), until then all we know is that this alliance with Manchester production duo Soulsavers was particularly inspired. No album of 2007 opens quite as brilliantly as this one, with Revival, Ghosts of You and Me and Paper Money setting the scene perfectly for what promises to be a gospelblues masterwork. If the album managed to keep up this momentum all the way through to track ten it would be the album of the year, Israel and Palestine would resolve their differences, James Blunt would rejoin the army and Scotland would at this moment be looking forward to a successful Euro 2008 campaign. It can’t, of course, if life was that perfect John Terry wouldn’t be on £120’000 a week would he? That’s not to say there isn’t much to love in the remaining seven songs, which still contain some of 2007’s more affecting songs, and anything with Mark Lanegan’s growl, thankfully unaffected by July’s smoking ban, is rarely less than compelling (I would say ‘he could sing the phone book and make it sound great’, but that would be a blatant lie. I mean come on all the phone book? If I’m being honest my interest would probably waiver around ‘Anderson’). But for now, file under ‘close, but no cigar’…

10. Justice: ┼

Dance music, like cheese, sex and arrogance, has long been something that the French seemingly excel at (to be fair, if you manage to marry the twin obsessions and cheese and sex, things every other nation has longsince deemed completely incompatible, then I suppose you’ve every right to be arrogant), exporting acts of the highest quality such as Air, Daft Punk (pre their sobadit’sactuallyfuckingheinous Gap commercial , which has actually grown steadily more gruesome with age) and Cassius around the globe whilst other European countries such as Holland had to make do with The Vengaboys, and Justice do nothing on their debut album to dispel that idea. The band first came to prominence more than four years ago when they sent in a remix of Simian’s rather anonymous indie minihit Never Be Alone Again into a contest on a Parisian radio station, the song was then bandied around the internet and slowly became a hit all over Europe before eventually gaining a commercial release in Britain in 2006 as the immense We Are Your Friends. It says a lot for the high quality of the twelve tracks here that the absence of possibly 2006’s biggest club hit is not even an issue as its place is filled with some of the year’s most deftly crafted pop songs, and moments of truly infectious euphoria such as D.A.N.C.E that even Lou Reed would crack a smile and throw a few shapes (why is that such a horrible mental image?). It’s not all smiles though, Justice wear their rock influences on their sleeves in the crunching synths of songs like Let There Be Light and Phantom Part II and aren’t afraid to explore music’s darker corners whilst never forgetting that dance music’s main objective should be to make you, well… dance. I would say ‘très bon’, but that’d just be naff wouldn’t it?

9. Bruce Springsteen: Magic

Now, this album did not mess about. After a couple of lowkey, mainly acoustic albums and a collection of Bob Segar covers (I find his version of Froggie Went ACourting one of life’s little pleasures) thee first thing that strikes you when opening track (and first single) Radio Nowhere charges out from the speakers is how it sounds uncannily like Bruce Springsteen, and after pretty much every band and their pet dog attempting to imitate his sound in the last two years (apart from Razorlight, who evidently thought the time was right for a Boomtown Rats revival) it was nice to be reminded that Bruce is probably better at sounding like himself than most. While none of it is particularly groundbreaking, it’s refreshingly fillerfree and easily one of the year’s best rock albums, and while none of the record’s twelve tracks would really sound out of place on most Springsteen records of the last thirty five (!) years, tracks such as the aforementioned Radio Nowhere, Living in the Future and especially Devil’s Arcade sit comfortably alongside his very best. The EStreet band remain a thrillingly tight ensemble, despite a combined age roughly equal to that of Jupiter’s moons, and after the demise of The Sopranos ‘Little’ Steven Van Zandt (‘Little’? He looks like he needs planning permission just to sit down) can now concentrate on his day job and remind himself who his real boss is. Is it possible, in a world where most middleaged journalists attempt to convince us that David Bowie’s Hours is easily the equal of Low and each time Bob Dylan passes wind in earshot of a nearby microphone it’s hailed as a return to form, that Springsteen is the only one of his mainstream contemporaries still making music that’s truly comparable to his heyday?

8. White Stripes: Icky Thump

One of the less trumpeted anniversaries of 2007 occurred on November 11th, a date which marked thirty glorious years since Paul McCartney finally cemented John Lennon’s place as the world’s favourite Beatle by releasing Mull of Kintyre, and as a result marked the precise date when the freethinking world unanimously decided that bagpipes in rock were ‘a bad idea’, and like naming your child ‘Adolf’ post1945, the practice was fairly rapidly phased out. Obviously Jack White didn’t get this memo, as an apparent discovery of long lost Scottish ancestry convinced him to enliven not one, but two tracks with them, and as a result Prickly Thorn, But Sweetly Worn and St. Andrews become the aural equivalent of the American tourist who buys a kilt for his visit to the Edinburgh (pronounced ‘Edenburg apparently) festival. It’s the little drops in quality control like this, and the disappointingly bland FMRock stylings of You Don’t Know What Love Is, that blight The White Stripes sixth album, resulting in a lack of consistency which makes it perhaps their weakest set of songs since their debut album. However, a White Stripes album slightly (and it is only slightly) below their best, is still head and shoulders above 99.78439% of every other rock band out there, and songs such as Rag and Bone, I’m Slowly Turning Into You and the Mariachiled Conquest demonstrate that The ‘Stripes (as ver kidz call them. Possibly) as still the most interesting and leastconventional of mainstream rock bands, and the inspired Leppelinwithakazzoo insanity of the title track is one of the years best singles, a fact gloriously vindicated when it stormed to the number 4 in Denmark (it actually charted higher in Britain, but that simply doesn’t sound as funny does it?).

7. Les Savy Fav: Let’s Stay Friends

Every year throws up a band that music fans are duty bound to pretend they’ve known about for years, exclaiming loudly how pleased they are that the band are ‘finally getting the recognition they deserve’ and letting people know that actually their hardtofind 1998 minialbum is their definitive work, despite the fact that the first time they heard them was when the new album was piped through the speakers at Topshop two weeks previously. In 2007 that band were Les Savy Fav (French for ‘the savoury favourite’, I imagine) a New York artrock collective that have been a going concern since 1995, releasing five albums to a response that wasn’t so much ‘muted’ as it was a stony silence, but maintained a reputation as an exhilarating live proposition enlivened by frontman Tim Harrington’s (a man who you’d politely describe as ‘rotund’, and with the glazed eyes of a Vietnam vet) multiple costume changes. Not having heard their first five records (including their debut 3/5, which handily reviews itself to save music journalists precious time) so I couldn’t accurately state what it was their sixth album had musically that their previous didn’t, although I can quite confidently state that if all their albums had exquisitely idiosyncratic artrock (I’m require by law to use the word ‘angular’ when describing their music, I don’t make the rules) of the quality of The Lowest Bitter, with the pizzazz of Patty Lee and the stuttering grooves of Brace Yourself, then we would’ve heard of them a long time ago. Get into them now, before Madonna ropes them in for her next video, or something…

6. MIA: Kala

The artist formally known as Mathangi Arulpragasam (I think I’ll stick to MIA) released possibly the most singular and distinctive record of the past twelve months, an astonishingly forwardthinking album which flummoxed journalists the world over as they strove to find something, anything to compare it to (imagine Shampoo fronting Squarepusher. It wouldn’t sound anything like MIA, but wouldn’t it be ace?). It’s an aural celebration of just about every culture on Earth, incorporating so many musical styles that listening to it can make your head spin (but crucially; no bagpipes), it usual takes Michael Palin a good three series to cover the amount of Global reference points that MIA can usually knock off in just under four minutes. While you could possibly argue that the simply immense amount of musical genres and styles covered can occasionally make the record sound a little disjointed in places, and perhaps if the foot wasn’t taken off the accelerator slightly for the gorgeous Clashsampling Paper Planes there would be a danger of the record sounding slightly onenote, you’d just feel you were needlessly nitpicking at what is by far and away the least boring album of the year, possibly ever. If you don’t like it, in all probability your name’s Colin and you spend all day making matchstick models of the 17th century’s grandest ships in your Lemington Spa semidetached that you share with your German shepherd called ‘Clapton’, so your opinion doesn’t really count. Also, the fact that Jimmy only managed to limp to number 74 in the UK singles chart should be such a matter of shame for the country that in twenty years time our Prime Minister (Davina MCall) will have to issue a public apology for these atrocities committed in Britain’s name.

5. Radiohead: In Rainbows

WH Smith used to put little money boxes near the doors of their shops for people too busy to queue to quickly pay for their morning paper, effectively trusting the general public to pay a fair price for their Daily Mail and packet of Revels. It was phased out quite quickly, with WH Smiths learning the hard that the general public really aren’t to be trusted, but obviously Thom Yorke (the man with the least phonetically spelt name in Rock) and Radiohead were inspired, and decided to let the public decide how much they were willing to pay for their new album In Rainbows (not an entirely new idea; people have been choosing how much money they want to pay for downloading music for years, and they usually choose zilch). The fact is that if you were using Radiohead’s last two albums as a yardstick, you’d probably deem their music to be worth roughly seventysix pence, which won’t even buy you a copy of The Independent these days. 2001’s Amnesiac (“they’ve forgotten how to write songs! Hurhurhurhur…”) was billed as a ‘companion piece’ to 2000’s Kid A, but simply sounded like songs that weren’t good enough to go on the first album, while 2003’s Hail to the Thief was an almost laughably lackadaisical ‘protest’ album that, with a couple of notable exceptions, was so full of whinging selfpity it was probably the reason George Bush got reelected (if you mention any of these misgivings to a hardcore Radiohead fan you will be told in no uncertain terms that you ‘don’t understand it’. Why is it only Radiohead albums I don’t understand? I don’t like Shania Twain’s Come On Over LP either, but no one accuses me of misunderstanding that). Thankfully though, if you listen carefully to the initial bars of opening track 15 Step, you’ll hear five distinct ‘popping’ noises, which are the sounds of Radiohead finally electing to remove their heads from their backsides ever so slightly and back up what could have been seen as a tedious marketing gimmick with easily their best and most coherent collection of songs since Kid A, possibly for a decade. While some critics seemed to base the return to form on the rather tedious assertion that ‘there’s more guitars on it’ (there’s loads of guitars on the new Nickelback album, and I don’t see anyone clamouring to give them any awards), neither did it see a return to ‘conventional’ songwriting, it’s simply a succinct package of ten wellcrafted and beautifully performed songs, which remained experimental and original (save the band’s continuing fixation with Boards of Canada), but crucially not at the expense of everything else.

4. Arctic Monkeys: Favourite Worst Nightmare

God I want to hate the Arctic Monkeys, they gather music press so gushing that you can almost see the beads of drool nestling on the page, have more fans than all of your favourite bands combined, racked up record sales so huge that it’s practically vulgar and all while being so young that they’ve only just developed hair on their head, never mind their upperlip. And it’d be so easy to despise them too, if it weren’t for the infuriating fact that they’re very, very good. Bastards. This was supposed to be their ‘difficult second album’ (sorry, but someone had to say it) after their monstrously successful debut Whatever People Say I Am That’s What I’m Not, an album with even more sales than words in its title, but they seemed to knock it out without breaking sweat. While they weren’t nearly as many anthemic choruses and pristine pop songs as its predecessor (save the peerless Florescent Adolescent), it was in every other respect a far superior album, undeniably a more challenging listen, but much more rewarding as a result. The album also explored much darker places sonically than their debut, with Alex Turner increasingly willing to write songs around grooves and unconventional structures, all but abandoning the standard verse/chorus/verse/chorus method and as a result leaving virtually all of their rivals so far behind they’re practically still brushing their teeth.

3. Manic Street Preachers: Send Away the Tigers

The Manic Street Preachers are the greatest band in the world, possibly ever, for reasons far too numerous to go into here, but there had been signs recently that the band themselves, always their own biggest cheerleaders, had began to doubt it. 2001’s Know Your Enemy was a glorious failure, a mammoth 17 tracks of everything from scuzzpunk to Disco rock (no, really)that was about as coherent as a Shane McGowan bestman’s speech, this was followed by a maddeningly incomprehensive greatest hits, before 2004’s collection of glaciercold artrock Lifeblood that pretty much confused everyone and even prompted people to wonder whether the band were going to grow old with dignity?! Thankfully, such fears were unfounded, as the Manics engineered possibly the greatest comeback of 2007, reminding their fans precisely what made them fall in love with the band in the first place, returning to the upperreaches of the pop chart (allconquering comeback single Your Love Alone Is Not Enough was just a few hundred copies short of becoming their third number one) and even acquiring some new fans (The Manics haven’t had any ‘new’ fans since mid1997) along the way. They achieved this simply by recording the album without any pretence, without any selfinflicted constraints (recording Lifeblood they consciously decided not to use any hihats, and that James could only play a solo if it was integral to the song’s structure: James gets roughly six solos a song here, whether its integral or not) no objective other than to write the best Manic Street Preachers album they possibly could. It’s an approach that resulted in their best collection of songs in a decade, combining the euphoric anthems of Everything Must Go with the rock posturing and Guns N’ Roses licks of Generation Terrorists, with Nicky Wire finally unworried by any Richey Edwards comparisons and contributing his best and most coherent lyrics in years. There’s still no one in the world that can touch them when it comes to making intelligent rock sound so fun.

2. LCD Soundsystem: Sound of Silver

For a genre that’s apparently been ‘dead’ for about 18 years now (according to most press reports, although you can read long obituaries on it roughly every two weeks if you look hard enough), dance music is in remarkably good health. Admittedly, almost all the dance tracks that break the charts are certifiably odious remixes of 70s and 80s softrock with brainless ‘titillating’ videos (blame Erik Prydz), but ever so slightly outside the mainstream there are bands like Justice crafting topnotch populist beats, Burial at the other side of the coin soundtracking then darker nights of the soul, and MIA for those who like their music as cuttingedge as possible. Best of all last year was James Murphy, an overweight man in his late 30s who looks like he should be pestering you for change with a voice like the lovechild of David Byrne and Mark E Smith (you’d have to feel sorry for the child with those parents) , the brains behind LCD Soundsystem and a man considered so cool that when he goes to parties he namedrops himself. The problem with his selftitled 2005 debut is that it was almost insufferably cool; the hitech beats coupled with Murphy’s laid back delivery and smug lyrics filled with injokes and references to the New York scene that spawned him began to grow tired after about track 4, so the fact that the album seemed to last about six and a half hours certainly didn’t help. In short, he became a name you’d drop into a conversation at the drop of a hat, but would never think of listening to once you got home. The Sound of Silver, though, was a vast improvement on pretty much every level, losing all the excesses of the first album to craft a remarkably succinct 45 minutes that doesn’t threaten to lose your attention for a second. The trademark style was still there, never more so than on fantastic first single North American Scum, but the music now became much more substantial, with Murphy allowing himself to write around more conventional song structures, but still managing to sound as cutting edge and state of the art as always. The major leap forward musically though, was the sense of genuine emotion and heart in songs such as All My Friends (which sounds precisely like the previous two Strokes albums should have done) and the dazzling Someone Great. Rest assured, it still sounds like one of the most effortlessly cool albums of 2007, but it’s also the sound of someone realising that maybe that’s not the most important thing.

1. Kings of Leon: Because of the Times

The quality of Kings of Leon’s music seems to work in inverse proportion to the amount of hair they have. Around the time of their first album, an amiable but unspectacular collection of 70s rock pastiches, they looked like they’d covered their heads in glue and then wiped them on the floor of the barbers, their second album was a giant’s leap forward artistically, and the fact that the boys had now tamed their Lynyrd Skynyrd bouffant into something more akin to Liv Tyler in Lord of the Rings was surely not coincidental. When they returned last year sporting haircuts you could only describe as ‘sensible’, you knew you were in for something special (I can’t imagine how great they’ll be when they finally make it all the way down to Right Said Fred). It wasn’t the most groundbreaking album of the year (That’d be MIA) or the most critically lauded, which depending on your age group was either The Klaxons (1420), The Good the Bad and the Queen (30s) or Robert Plant and Alison Krauss (114), but it was the best, for the plain and simple reason that no other artist released a better and more harmonious collection of songs throughout 2007. Considering that when they first emerged Kings of Leon’s music (enjoyable yet generally insubstantial retro rock cowritten with the man behind The Mavericks) seemed to take a distant backseat to the sheer novelty of these four ‘sons of a preacher man’ who looked like they’d stepped straight out of Almost Famous, the Followill’s musical progression has been startling. After their second album took everyone by surprise by actually being so good that people immediately stopped seeing them as a novelty band (shaving those moustaches might’ve helped), their third album may well turn out to be their masterpiece. Starting with the epic, brooding Knocked Up (which isn’t quite as jovial a story of unplanned pregnancy as the film of the same name) which is quite possibly the most technically accomplished song they’ve written thus far, and also one of the best, the album then takes the listener on an exhilarating ride through pitchperfect garage rock, rabid Pixiesstyle punk, swooning FM rock and Epic guitar workouts. Put simply, no other album of this year touched on so many bases, offered more variety and was harder to dislike. The Kings of Leon have long been one of the most adored bands on the circuit, and with this album the became comfortably one of the best.

Honorary Mention:

Kanye West: Graduation Good, but below his standards

Bloc Party: A Weekend in the City Jesus Christ man can you not stop whinging? Go and develop a drug problem, it’ll give you something to write about other than how stupid other people are.

Maximo Park: Our Earthly Pleasures One brilliant single (Our Velocity), one very disappointing album

The Klaxons: Myths of the Near Future Give it a fucking rest

The Go! Team: Proof of Youth- Did you like their first album, but didn’t like the cover? Well you’re in look, as The Go! Team have apparently just repackaged it

The Good the Bad and the Queen I haven’t actually heard it, but apparently its good so I thought I’d better mention it, you know, for tax reasons

The Reet Dandos: Green Milk I just made that one up, but see how many people you can convince to go and try to buy the CD.

The Dillinger Escape Plan: Ire Works Brainmeltingly heavy thrashmetal, backed by Aphex Twin style disjointed electronica and with a singer who sounds like Justin Timberlake, almost completely unlistenable. It’s brilliant.

Ah well, I’ll see if I can be bothered going through all this again next year, when I fully expect Guns N’ Roses’ Chinese Democracy to be nestled somewhere near the top spot, adios…

That’s All Folks

Phew, and so this whole pointless charade pulls to a close. There might be Kanye West PJ Harvey AND Radiohead albums next year, which would be an interesting battle wouldn’t it? Mind you, I predicted Rihanna would win it this year.

Merry Christmas you filthy animals…

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1: Sufjan Stevens: Carrie & Lowell

Well duh

I’m going to open this appraisal with some big statements: despite all talk of security and social benefits, the party that wins any election will be the one that appeals most to the voters’ inherent selfishness; The Sopranos is the greatest TV show of all time and anyone who doesn’t like the ending is an idiot; responding to any violent act with a violent reprisal does not ‘even the score’, it simply means it is now violence 2 humanity 0; Manchester United will never return to the successes they once enjoyed until Wayne Rooney leaves; if you’re against refugees leaving Syria then you’re staunchly on the side of ISIS; Susan Boyle’s version of ‘Wild Horses‘ is superior to the Stones original; there is something racist about being angered by immigration, and anyone who says there isn’t needs to read up on their definitions; any steps you make to helping the environment are probably the easiest ones that make the smallest amount of difference; Tom from accounting is a right prick; soy sauce is actually a vastly underrated condiment; all other cheeses pale in comparison to brie; the success of a crisp brand rises and falls on the strength of its salt and vinegar. OK, now you’ve been softened up a bit I can finish with one last big statement: despite an extraordinarily accomplished back catalogue, ‘Carrie & Lowell’ is by quite a distance the best Sufjan Stevens album.

To say it’s the best album of the year is hardly a big statement though, in fact it towers so magnificently over all other recorded music released this year that to say it’s the best is- if anything- an almost offensively obvious statement. Stevens strips back his music here until at many points it’s little more than a voice and an acoustic guitar, like Sufjan has taken the styles he’s honed from making BIGGER and more orchestrally driven music and utilised the lessons learned here, as despite the more intimate production the songs here still sound huge. The lyrics concern the feelings Sufjan struggled with after being abandoned by his mother Carrie, who passed away in 2012, but also references the role played by Carrie’s husband and Sufjan’s stepfather Lowell (who is also the co-founder of Stevens’ record label Asthmatic Kitty. Yeah, we’ll just ignore that name). ‘C&L’ is nakedly and starkly autobiographical, but while that sounds as if it’d repel, it in fact allures, enchants and seduces, the universal themes of grief, sadness, depression and, ultimately, hope will speak to anyone listening. While technically it concerns Sufjan’s mother’s disappearance and eventual death, there are messages here that will connect with anyone struggling with the death of any person, any relationship. Unless you’re an unholy monster, there will have a particular moment of ‘S&L’ that will see you break down bawling, be it the assertion of ‘No Shade In the Shadow of the Cross‘ ‘There’s blood on that blade/Fuck me I’m falling apart’, the plaintive ‘When I was three/Three maybe four/She left me at the video store’ of Should Have Known Better, or simply the devastatingly beautiful falsetto call on closer ‘Blue Bucket of Gold‘. It isn’t all sadness though, ‘Should Have Known Better‘ sees the possibilities of the future: ‘My brother had a daughter/The beauty that she brings, illumination’. ‘Carrie & Lowell’ is cast-iron masterpiece, every track here is either a minor or a major classic, Mr. Stevens has sailed perilously close to symphonic perfection.

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‘Fun’ Fact: I refuse to believe even Sufjan himself spells his name correctly every time

He he, what’s the name of that track where he says ‘you checked your texts while I masturbated’? Looooooool! ‘Laugh out out out out out out out out loud’? You’re not getting an easy option this time buddy, just listen to the whole album.

Absolutely the Best Songs…

Take a good look at my face, you’ll see my smile looks out of place, and if you look closer maybe you’ll trace, my tracks of the year in haiku form (I made this list very quickly, so please don’t shout)

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10. ‘Scud Books‘ by Hudson Mohawke

The sound of pure joy

Being fed through meat grinders

God I love it so

 

9. The Fire Rises‘ by Cannibal Ox

I wish the album had

Maybe just a few more tracks

Half as good as this

 

8. It Ain’t That Easy’ by D’Angelo

Comes back with song that

Builds so astonishingly

And proves worth the wait

 

7. Loud Places‘ by Jamie XX

When you hear a song

This divine, you wish Jamie

Would make all music

 

6. Rock & Roll Is Cold‘ by Matthew E White

I think I love this

Ace song mainly because of

The way he says ‘shit’

 

5. Hinterland‘ by Lonelady

 

In just five minutes,

Lonelady proves she can match

Her influences

 

4. Huarache Lights‘ by Hot Chip

It’s raining outside

But I throw shapes to this song

Pretend I can dance

 

3. ‘Run Away With Me by Carly Rae Jepson

The best song this year

To capture the joy of love

And being alive

 

2. ‘Fourth of July‘ by Sufjan Stevens

Not ashamed to say

On more than one occasion

It has made me cry

 

1. Deliver‘ by Lupe Fiasco

A perfect marriage

Of words that cut deep that you

Can chant along to

 

The playlist of the year

 

 

 

 

 

 

Take Stats and Party

Before we get to number one, here are some random figures and facts because it’s Sunday afternoon and I’m bored

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Country of Origin

countries

Jeez, it’s the war of independence all over again and once again we narrowly lose out, how very embarrassing. If any act are listed from hailing from two countries (Ibeyi, UMO…) I generally filed them under the country that I found more interesting.

Album Length

album length

Wow, that Miley Cyrus album is really long isn’t it? The average length of albums is just over 48 minutes, which wouldn’t even fully fit on a single side of a cassette disk and so is therefore completely invalid.

Longest Track: Mortal Man‘ by Kendrick Lamarr

Shortest Track: Pressure of Survival (skit)‘ though that hardly counts does it?

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Artist Album Number

album number

16 second albums beats 15 thirds, though because of Prince it’s on average each artist’s 3.85th album

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Metacritic score

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An average of 78.26% of critics liked the albums on my list, though they generally didn’t think much of Prince or Miley. D’Angelo and Kendrick Lamarr were the most admired albums by quite a distance.

Word Count: 17’086

Word I Used Too Much: ‘Masterful’

Word I Didn’t Use Enough: ‘Paraphernalia’

2: Unknown Mortal Orchestra: Multi-Love

Do you capitalise the ‘love’ in ‘multi-love’ if the hyphenated word itself is capitalised? Wish I’d paid more attention in English class. Or, you know, all those years I was an English teacher…

This work of absolute genius came out of near nowhere, UMO were a perfectly serviceable indie rock band that occasionally sounded a little too in thrall with their influences and made music that seemed to try its absolute best to sound like it was released in 1977 (I ranked their last album at number 32 in 2013 and remarked it was “unfocused and skittish, and probably the record on this list with music most difficult to claim to be modern”), it seemed that only Pete Postlethwaite was less likely to release a classic album in 2015 than Unknown Mortal Orchestra.

But this?

This?

This is absolutely majestic, indulging more synths and pop production into their sound and creating exactly the sort of genre-hopping bonkers pop music that Prince should be making in 2015- just imagine how perfect all existence would suddenly be if Prince came back with a song as weirdly brilliant as ‘Ur Life One Night: they’ve even got the spelling correct! ‘Multi-Love’ is packed with slight and subtle references and gestures that alludes to pretty much every single musical movement of the past 100 years. Despite all of the genre-hopping and breathtaking musical variety ‘Multi-Love’ never once sounds disjointed, the album is always pulled together by amazing pop songs that are always an absolute joy to listen to, mainly because of Ruben Nielson’s absolute mastery of choruses. If you see any other end of year list (though you know I don’t really like you seeing other people) that doesn’t have this album at least in the top 10 you should burn the magazine/website/television you saw it on and send the writer the bill as the list is automatically rendered obsolete.

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‘Fun’ Fact: UMO are not in any circumstances to be confused with the United Macedonians Organization

I fancy a sing-along, and also at the same time an underwhelming reveal of where this list’s name came from: Let’s stick ‘Necessary Evil‘ on then

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3: Jamie XX: In Colour

We should probably be thankful that Jamie Smith even bothers to still make music, as the royalties he receives from The XX’s ‘Intro‘ being played over every fucking thing ever for the entire duration of time itself ensures he can live the rest of his life reclining atop a giant ivory statue of his own forehead while being lovingly fellated by an embarrassment of gold-plated pandas (’embarrassment’ really is the collective noun). Instead though he gives us this inarguable masterpiece, a 42 minute perfectly succinct and legitimately dazzling art statement. The thesaurus simply does not contain enough examples of hyperbolic appreciation I could bestow upon this album, it’s one of the greatest ever albums to show the kaleidoscopic and euphoric possibilities of dance music. It’s one of the greatest ever albums period. Jamie’s music manages to gorgeously combine marvellous musicianship with the wide-eyed thrill of someone discovering the art form for the first time, marrying outrageous talent with the excitement of the newly attuned. I should warn you that this is not an album best appreciated as the background music to your daily Pilates or try and sneak in a crafty wank before the spouse gets home, this is an album to completely lose yourself in: book a fortnight off work, cancel that trip to the Cotswold, surrender yourself completely, this is your life now.

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‘Fun’ Fact: Obvsproves once again that the steel drum is the greatest musical instrument and every song that uses it is automatically amazing

Let’s hold each other tight, forget about all the bad things in the world and celebrate humanity’s underlying goodness: Hey, we might argue a bit, but it’s only because the love I feel for you makes me so passionate, you know? ‘I go to loud places/To find someone/To be quiet with’

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4: Blanck Mass: Dumb Flesh

Jesus suffering Christ I adore this album, even listening to it now I can feel myself gaining horrendous and despicable super powers as my very brain melds with the music’s inimical influence and mutates me into Palmadon, the evil destroyer of worlds who gains his horrific powers by sucking the vascular tonic out of newborn baby’s eyeballs through his 12 inch hollow fangs. Palmadon wears an all-over tight black Spandex body suit but with a square hole cut around his groin so he is always displaying his hideously deformed gigantic genitals to the world as he carries out his diabolical deeds. Palmadon is a huge fan of the Red Hot Chili Peppers and if he spots you in a pub he’ll frequently bring over his flagon of real ale with a name like ‘Old Pedro’s Dramatic Chromosome’ and explain to you that actually the EU are a far bigger threat to the world than ISIS.

Where was I?

Oh yes:

As half of the wonderful Fuck Buttons (who won this silly old thing back in 2009, as if you’d ever forget) Benjamin John Power has done as much as anybody to redefine what exactly constitutes listenable- and even likeable- music and his third record of solo work continues his exemplary work. Powers work is pretty much an astonishingly welcome gentrification of extreme music, sowing undeniable beauty from such antagonistic rages of cacophony. The most challenging moments here are merely promises of euphoria if you dedicate yourself, and more often than not exhilarate on their own. This is an album to lose yourself within, to cast away all your possessions and abandon your family for, this promises more than your pathetic life ever could, join me in drinking Blanck Mass’s Cool Aid. Join me and Palmadon…

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‘Fun’ Fact: Palmadon was once considered for the Bullingdon Club while studying ‘French and Antagonism’ at Oxford, but refused to partake in the initiation ceremony of over inflating an obvious lie about bestiality in order to take attention away from his ghastly and threatening policies.

Ooh, I’ll give you a while to wipe that burning satire out of your mouth! You should be on ‘Mock the Week’. You know the drill by now, recommend a track you feel best sums up the album’s modus operandi: Detritus‘ is pure noise terrorism morphing into transcendent beauty.

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5: Tove Styrke: Kiddo

I think I’m legally obliged to start this review with some awful, lazy and borderline offensive joke about Swedish pop stars, but I think I’m going to buck the trend here and instead open up with a joke about Belarus:

(clears throat)

‘Hey, that Belarusian woman is going to get cold in this typically brisk Belarus winter weather’

‘You’re right, she should be wearing her Minsk coat!!!’

I didn’t say it was going to be a good joke…

OK, we can start now: ‘Kiddo’ is an absolutely monumental pop album. Styrke finished third on Swedish Pop Idol in 2009* and her 2010 debut was a standard by-the-numbers committee penned cash-in that was predictably about as artistically inspired as that sock you keep underneath the bed that your partner doesn’t know about. Unlike most people in her position initially pushed to semi-stardom Styrke (I’m sure I’ve never once spelled that correctly) decided that rather than milk her 15 minutes she’d instead retreat from the limelight and work on an album she felt better represented the type of pop star she wanted to be. Her comeback in 2014 with the stormer ‘Even If I’m Loud It Doesn’t Mean I’m Talking to You hinted that what she wanted to be was amazing. ‘Kiddo’ boasts so much charisma, so much explosive performance, so much personality. And the personality it boasts is chiefly one of explicit, hard-line and aggressively confrontational feminism, ‘Kiddo’ is constantly and angrily confronting patriarchal assumptions and attempts to control. This is EXACTLY what pop music should be: strong and impassioned, view points shouted over pristine production. Most importantly: the pop production is pristine, Tove Styrke is absolute perfection.

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*I was all ready to make the joke that Britain can expect an album of this quality next year from whoever came third in 2010’s X Factor, until a bit of research showed that third placed that year were One Direction and I lost all faith in the bit.

‘Fun’ Fact: OK, back to Sweden: how am I only just finding out about the Eriksson twins (apparently not related to Sven)? That story freaked me out something rotten…

Not really a ‘fact’ per se is it? And only an extremely tenuously linked to Tove: Yeah I know, I just literally first heard about it yesterday and it’s been really playing on my mind. Still, there’s no trouble in the world when I listen to ‘Ain’t Got No

Album Link