NECESSARY EVIL 2016: PRE-EJACULATE

The Full Count-fucking-down

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Have you noticed all those ‘best films/songs/books/soapy tit-wanks of 2016 so far‘ pieces of guff that are flying about cyberspace like an unusually critical swarm of locusts recently? What’s that all about?? Just another excuse for the laziest of journalists to whore themselves like your mum, baring their puckered anus to the passing crowd of disinterested and in all scientific accuracy probably masturbating internet in the sad and transparent attempt to get someone-anyone– to poke their click finger in their exposed SEO hole

In an entirely unrelated matter, I’m about to post what I (me! Meeeeee!) believe to be the 12 greatest songs released in the months of December 2015 through June this year, which is a completely different thing. I have only allowed myself one song per artist, which was insanely difficult for some artists but VERY easy for others, and I’ve tried (but in all probability failed) to only talk about the song in question, so even though there are a few (to the the least! Hahahahahahahahahaha!!! Ammi right guys? Huh? Ammi Right??!) artists on this list who would definitely benefit from a long discussion, you’re going to have to wait until 2016 Necessary Evil in December

I’m not going to apologise for any opinions, because that is literally the stupidest fucking thing in the worl

Why is it top 12?

Hmmm?

Why is 12, and not, like 10, or 20, or 5?

Wha…? Jesus fucking Christ Stewart, were you listening at all? There were twelve brilliant songs this year, no more, no less, don’t you ever think I haven’t already considered something that’s somehow seeped into your tiny brain, and don’t you ever question my methods

Sorry…

Get back in your box

 

#12 Car Seat Headrest: Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales

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I know what you’re thinking, I know what you’re always thinking when you read whatever tiny piece of amateurish writing I produce by way of telling a hedgehog that his or her parents are getting a divorce and them publishing whatever his confused and emotionally fraught body types out on the keyboard. You’re always thinking ‘I wonder how Alex masturbates’.

Well, I’ll let you in in my fiercely guarded secret: I ‘raise the red lantern’ by turning this anthemic, intelligence, dramatic and plain epic song on full volume and then stand in front of my open window and scream every gorgeous lyric at the top of my lungs with my eyes closed tightly as confused pedestrians pass

Got me in jail a few times, but if you knew the song you’d know it was totally worth it

 

 

#11 Rihanna: Consideration

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It has come to my attention *glares around room accusingly; spits on floor* that some of you offensively crude attempts at people don’t completely love Rihanna (or, as I call her her, ‘Hanna-hanna’). This isn’t a joke, I honestly think you people are all humanity’s own wettest farts and should have your ears, eyes and (to be on completely the safe side) genitals removed immediately as they are clearly not working and they need to be taken from you before you hurt anyone, like the council removing the child from parents who use their daughter’s head to attempt to unblock the toilet. There are so many fabulous bits in this short song, but the sheer music in her own voice when she sings ‘I do advise you, Run it back, run it on back, When you’re breaking it down for me, Cause I can hear you two times, Run it on back, will it ever make sense to me?’ just makes me… makes me…

Oooooof….

You know  what, Hanna-hanna? I know I’ve fought your restraining order in court a dozen times now, but there are moments like that when I get it

 

 

#10 Sia: The Space Between

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Emotional manipulation is, I believe, generally a bad thing. Boom! First fucking sentence motherfuckers and I’m already coming up with, like, t-shirt level shit. When you’re hot, you are HOT…

What was I talking about?

You know, that Australian who looks like she’s what Avril Lavigne might’ve done to her barbie doll as a teenager and was convinced it looked ‘totally kick ass’

Oh, Sia! Yes, while emotional manipulation in art is generally the type of thing I’d tut at loudly over my glass of Courvoisier and roll my eyes theatrically so that everybody in the vicinity would be aware of how dumb it was and by extension how intelligent I am (because I, like every single fucking person in the world, truly believe that all it takes to be smart is hating the right things), and Space Between is shameless, like Steven Speilberg directing a movie about the horrors of the 2012 tsunami and made the lead character a wickle fwuffy bunny wabbit. But, similar to that movie (what, you didn’t see it? Dude, it won the Oscar for Achievements in Fluffiness, open your fucking eyes sometime) Sia somehow pulls it off, belting out the song like the room is filling with gas and she knows she only has 5 minutes of life yet, and managing to use her breathtaking pipes to somehow deliver the emotion a scandalously overwrought song promises.

 

#10 Jeremih: Planes

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You’re probably already bored of this list and we’re not even in the top 5 yet. “Oh Alex!” you’re saying “I don’t want to read about this! I want to look at the humblebrags from people I never fucking liked in the first place as they commit hateful onanism in front of me while I wonder what would be the best way to kill myself, my spouse, and all my hateful children in one fell swoop without the authorities getting suspicious”, yes, yes, a tale as old as barbiturates and wine itself, but please give me another chance, if only to read how the nerdiest of nerdy white guys attempts to get around using the ‘N’ word, everyone enjoys that, don’t they?

“You need a *person of afro/carribean origin* that’s gonna come over and dig you out
You need a *person of afro/carribean origin* that you know is not gon’ run his mouth
You need a *person of afro/carribean origin* when he done probably gon’ put you out
You need a *person of afro/carribean origin* that’s gon’ put it in your mouth
Dick so big it’s like a foot is in yo’ mouth
And you ain’t babysitting, but my kids all on yo’ couch
And oh, you nasty, oh, oh, you nasty
Both graduated so fuck keepin’ it classy”

Now, with a lyric like that, I don’t believe the song’s brilliance need further justification

 

#9 Prince Rama: Bahia

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Are you or have you ever been in close contact with someone who defies themselves as an adult? Stay well away! It’s a horrendous affliction that can lead to every single aspect of life dwindling into pointlessness and your whole existence suddenly only placing real importance into its most absolutely dull facets. ‘Bahia’, despite being made by a pair of fit, athletic, beautiful adults…

*Phone rings*

‘Hello. Ah hello, good to hear from you, I always welcome a call from my lawyer… What?!…Both of them?!…Are you even sure that two sisters are allowed to have restraining orders against the same person, I mean the logistics of it for a start are… Hmmm… Yes, I see…’

Sorry about that, where was I?

Yes despite being made by two *consults lawyer* human adults, ‘Bahia’ is an absolutely joyous 3 minutes, like the glorious fun a dog would have if he broke into a cadaver lab before the police inevitably arrived to put him down

If you watched the video you’d have a new favourite thing, but you won’t, because you’re a cretin

xxxxxxxxx

 

#7 Kanye West: Waves

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Oh! He’s waving! So when I put ‘kanye west waves’ into Google… I just assumed he was throwing his hands up in childish glee at his own cultural relevance. Ok, I understand everything a little better now.

What a year Mr. ‘Can? Yay!’ has had in 2016, let’s start on the chiming in of the new year on 00:01 January 1st, where rather than singing Aul Lang Syne he, and I can’t believe I’m actually writing these words…

Όχι! Δεν μιλάμε για τον τραγουδιστή Alex , για να κολλήσει το τραγούδι και τίποτα άλλο !

Ok, Ok, sorry…

That was Alekiseh, I thought I could use some help remembering never to actually talk about the artists themselves yet, so I hired an intern. Yes, he is Greek, they can obviously use the work at the moment, and to be honest I can’t help but assume you’re being a bit racist in noticing, much like the only reason anyone would ever have for leaving the EU*.

‘Waves’ though, is absolutely stunning, the one moment on his patchy album…

Κανένα άλμπουμ δεν μιλούν !

Sorry… A moment that proves beyond dispute the existence of his utter genius that some people with both cloth ears and brains full of sulphur dioxide (and yes, also a little bit racist) refuse to admit

*That’s not a joke, it’s a statement of fucking fact, don’t give me this ‘economic blah and your democratic freedom bluh, the reason you don’t want to be in the EU is because you don’t like funny brown people, so even if your opinion makes NO SENSE I think I’d respect you more if you just admitted it**

 

**I’ll never respect you, in any context, ever

 

#6 David Bowie: Lazarus

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Jesus fucking suffering Christ Bowie, you really didn’t think about this did you? This list is supposed to be a weightless gas (“Join Alex P Later Here Tonight on GUMP-TV Where He’ll Take An HILARIOUS Sideways Look At the 6 Months In Music”) but I can’t even make humourous things funny, so I’ll just post the lyrics here instead and you vultures* can all wait until Christmas

Look up here, I’m in heaven

I’ve got scars that can’t be seen

I’ve got drama, can’t be stolen

Everybody knows me now

Look up here, man, I’m in danger

I’ve got nothing left to lose

I’m so high it makes my brain whirl

Dropped my cell phone down below

Ain’t that just like me

By the time I got to New York

I was living like a king

Then I used up all my money

I was looking for your ass

This way or no way

You know, I’ll be free

Just like that bluebird

Now ain’t that just like me

Oh I’ll be free

Just like that bluebird

Oh I’ll be free

Ain’t that just like me

*I don’t really think you’re all vultures**

**I fucking do though

 

#5 Beyonce: Hold Up

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Nggggg, Ngggggggg, huh huh huh, NGGGGGGGGGG!

No, I’m not trying to pass a particularly aggressive bowel movement (but I can definitely understand why you’d jump to that conclusion and can only assume you’ve actually lived with me before: Hi!!) but trying to review a TINY part of Beyonce’s masterful ‘Lemonade’ project…

Σε παρακολουθώ!

Alright mate, chill your tits. All I can say is that you should all beg, steal, borrow and hustle until you have a copy (any copy! I’ll look the other way, know-warra-mean-nudge-nudge-wink-wink-kiss-kiss-bang-bang) of the full video art project behind the album, as not only  can I not really talk to you before you’ve seen it, I’m not sure I really count you as an actual person

Back?

It’s amazing isn’t it!? The way the video changes to a security camera POV and she sings”I always keep the top tier, 5 star Backseat lovin’ in the car, Like make that wood, like make that wood, Holly like a boulevard” as the sound quality warps may be the GREATEST THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE EVER!!!!

What are you nodding for? You didn’t see it *turns back*

 

#5 Anhoni: Execution

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“Wah! Wah! Why to transgender people wants so much rights? Wah! Wah! I won’t even call them by whatever name that they choose to be called by for some fucking reason! Wah! Wah! If we let them use whatever toilet they want they’ll sacrifice our kids to paedo-Hitler! Wah! Wah! Or some shit like that, I only flicked through the news channel to be honest. Wah! Wah! You’re actually an-unrepresented minority today if youre a white straight person! Wah Wah! OH GOD PLEASE JUST GIVE ME SOME FUCKING ATTENTION! WAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAH! I’M A LITTLE WORM WHO ONLY WANTS ATTENTION! WAH! WAH!

#subtle

Yeah, you’re right, Anohni probably does these things a little better than me, and even when she’s delivering an impassioned commentary of execution being ‘the American dream’ she manages to cloak an important message behind simply lucious music and a voice that would melt the kneecaps off a butterfly*

Take note, Literally Every Other Singer in the World

#DoubleSubtle

*Jesus, where did that come from? I worry myself sometimes

 

#3 Radiohead: Burn the Witch

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“Yes. Yes. Yes” you nod your big ugly nose and sit back in your reclining Kunt chair (IKEA catalogue number 5767, look it up, I don’t just make these things up for cheap heat you know?) as you allow yourself a self-satisfied sip of organic urtica dioica tea “Thank God Radiohead are here, they’re a proper band. Probably, actually, probably, definitely the best band in the world. In, like, twenty years time they’ll be looked back on as the Beatles of my generation”

Shut up! Shutupshutupshutupshutup! You are the reason I hate Radiohead, you are the reason even the band themselves HATE Radiohead on occasion! I’m not saying your affection is in no way false, but you act like being ‘into’ Radiohead is an act of high culture appreciation on par with tenderly stroking the public hair of Warner Herzog. You like Radiohead because you like guitar music and choruses, you’d be a fan of McBusted if you weren’t constantly tying yourself in knots over your own ridiculous self awareness. Enjoy ‘Hail to the Thief’ much do you? Do you stick on ‘King of Limbs’ very often? No, you fucking don’t, you stick on ‘OK Computer’ and play air guitar in the mirror to ‘Lucky’ because you’re a cunt*

What’s that?

Oh the music, yeah it’s fantastic, the best thing they’ve done in ages, but since when has that been relevant?

*I honestly do apologise for the language. Why do I ONLY get angry over life’s most trivial things, and music?

 

#2 The Coral: Connector

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Remember The Coral? No? Ask your Gran, she’ll say to you “The Coral? Didn’t they release their first album in 2002? It’s a bit unlikely they’ll be much of a reference point for me, or indeed anyone’s grandparent”

At this point you should simply tell Enid (for that is your Gran’s name) that I was only using her as a cheap joke in order to accentuate how long it’s been since the Coral felt relevant.

“I see” Enid would reply, understanding everything immediately, she has grown so wise in her advanced years “In which case I can say I remember their debut album sounding like nothing else on Earth but the band then unfortunately released lacklustre bum clap after lucklustre bum clap albums until they steadily turned from the country’s most exciting young band into one of the world’s most boring”

Kiss your Gran on the forehead and excitedly explain that they’re back! They’re back with a stomping rock classic with a ball bag so heaving with fortitude and with chunky riffs that’d be rejected by Pukka Pies for being too meaty

Then, calmly and methodically, place the cushion over her face and push down so air can no longer escape. It’s time for her to go…

https://www.izlesene.com/video/the-coral-connector/9363851

 

#1 Animal Collective: Floridada

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Yes, it absolutely is, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let myself be dragged into an argument with a man who’s just killed his own grandmother.

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We should pay our respects to her though by playing this song at her funeral, Enid was in love with life’s infinite possibilities no differently to how this gorgeously inappropriate song is in love with the mind-bending and genre-fisting opportunities inherent in the core of music itself, of all art Goddammit!!

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I’m often a big fan of music that was obviously as fun to make as it sounds, so it’s a massive shame that isn’t the case here, as simply no possible human activity could literally be possible to be anywhere near as fun as this song sounds. Across the road from the studio Animal Collective recorded this in there were a couple of teenage girls riding velociraptors in pink tutus (yes, the teenage girls, the velociraptors and, for good measure, the crowd and the referee were all wearing tutus, don’t try and catch me off guard with pedantic grammar again or I’ll set fire to your chin, capiche?) while they played the game NIP-TIZZ where the only way to score points is to squirt the opposing player on one of their exposed, erect nipples with a Supersoaker 2000. While they recorded this song Toyah belched to signal time out and turned to Channel to say “Fuck this garbage, I want to see what they’re doing over there!”

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The brilliant, hilarious, bizarrely erotic video catches my feelings about this insane work of absiolute and limitless genius and creativity best: when Aver Tare wraps his lucious lips around the hard, throbbing lyrics of “I don’t even know where to begin
Or how I should start these days. The green mountain south or The Clay of the westerns, The Maryland meadows at midnight they do have a misty grace’ I want nothing more than to fuck this song hard. Or even lay it down on the silk pillows by the fire after making it an romantic meal and make sweet tender love to it all night long…

Γεια σου ! Είστε πραγματικά σέρνεται ανθρώπους έξω τώρα ! Σας εγγυώμαι ότι κανείς την ανάγνωση αυτή είναι απόλυτα σίγουρος για το αν είστε αστειεύεται ή όχι !

Good point, I better go now

*takes Floridada up to his bedroom*

*locks the door*

 

SO INTERNET, WHAT DO YOU THINK!?!?!?!*

 

*nobody has ever cared what you think

Prince: The Ejaculate Collection- My Albums Ranked

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I’m not going to bore you with dog piss stories about how Prince was so important to me and he made an impression on my life  and how this is all actually a tragedy for me

No, it goes without saying that Prince should be recognised as at least as important a musical figure as dreary tossers like Bob Dylan or Paul McCartney. He was one of music’s all time great visionaries, yet he never neglected the importance of a great cod-piece. Prince’s run of albums from 1980’s Dirty Mind through to maybe 88’s Lovesexy is a burst of musical creativity and productiveness that has only been matched by the Beatles in the late 60s. Only the Beatles never wrote a lyric as good as “Look here, Marsha, I’m not saying this just 2 be nasty/I sincerely wanna f**k the taste out of your mouth”

So difficult not to refer to it as a ‘purple patch’…

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So instead I’m going to attempt something near impossible: ranking all the Prince albums I own, which probably amounts to about 2.8% of his recorded. Prince has an irritating and presumably mischievously intentional habit of putting at least one stone cold classic on even his shittest albums, so just dive in people!!

Right, so I count 30..

Continue reading “Prince: The Ejaculate Collection- My Albums Ranked”

2010 Albums of the Year

Yep, it all needs to be cataloged I’m afraid, here it is, unedited and uncorrected

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Thoughts…

-I realised how ridiculously overwrought my 2009 list was, and this has to be the shortest end of year list I’ve ever done. People were so lucky in 2010

-Big Boi was originally (and deservedly) in the top 3, but I liked the idea of an all female top 3 so I relegated him. It’s all a sham! HAHAHA!

-There are at least 7 albums here that I have no memory of

-I obviously LOVED Anais Mitchell, but I literally have no memory of who she is…

-‘…coke they plan to snort out of Peaches Geldofs bum-crack’. My obsession with Peaches Geldof is a bit worrying…

-‘toe-curdlingly’, ha! Nice one Alex

-Hardly ANY dumb pop culture references! I must have been ill…

-‘One’ by Yeasayer, ‘Runaway’ by the National, ‘Obsessions’ by Marina… Not a lot of my favourite albums, but a lot of my favourite ever songs were released in 2010

-2010 was obviously the most ‘meh’ year

-…but the number 1 album is a legitimate classic, to this day

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2010

You know the drill: conjecture, conjecture, ill-informed opinion, ham-fisted and already dated topical reference, inflated sense of self-worth, end. After the length of last years list was comparable to your average Greek epic, or a Joanna Newsom album, Ive kept things as brief as possible this time around. Basically, its nearly 11am now, Im going out at around 8pm and I want this thing done.

20. Everything Everything: Man Alive

Extremely impressive debut from a band consisting of members from almost all of the UKs pop powerhouses- Manchester, Newcastle, Guernsey- that despite its occasional rough edges shows the band have more than enough originality and invention to completely balls up their second album then spend the rest of their career embarrassingly attempting to recapture their early promise.

19. Gorillaz: Plastic Beach

The first time I heard The Gorillaz third album I thought it was great, the second time I loved it, the third time I thought it was perhaps an album of the year contender, and the fourth time I thought maybe I was getting a little bored of it. I honestly dont think Ive listened to it since. Therein lies the problem with Plastic Beach– despite its technical excellent (and in places it is superb) theres something strangely un-engaging and disposable about it, like that iPad app that can accurately predict how many Polo mints you can put up your nose without sneezing.

18. Plan B: The Defamation of Strickland Banks

Christ this is a difficult one, and not just because of that title. In 2006 Plan Bs debut album Who Needs Actions When Youve Got Words announced the arrival of a major new talent, in equal parts musically challenging, fiercely intelligent and sickeningly horrific, it suggested that the London rapper could conceivably be judged as the UKs answer to Eminem without the fart jokes and self-obsession. Which is why Ben Drews decision to follow up that album four years later with an album of retro soul with an edge in what seems like a calculated (and, judging by the records sales, successful) attempt to position himself as the male Amy Winehouse. Jettisoning pretty much all of his previous attempts at originality, he seems to have given up on becoming a viable alternative to Eminem (just as Eminem himself seems to have lost the plot musically too) and is instead happier being more of a 21st century- Yikes!- Terrence Trent DArby (who, to be fair, has completely lost the plot in pretty much every sense).

What makes it even more difficult to accept is that, well, hes really good at it. The production of Defamation…’ is spotlessly lush, Ben Drews voice is wonderful, the narrative of the album works well, despite some glaring plot-holes and the album is easily the best of its type since, yep, Back To Black. I await his 2013 collaboration with James Corden and Susan Boyle with baited breath.

17. Flying Lotus: Cosmogramma

From an album almost shamefully derivative to one blissfully original- its hard to adequately compare Flying Lotuss debut album- a cacophony of computer beeps, psychedelic rock, funk bass-lines and any other random descriptions you may want to add- to much other music out there, though many commentators have flagged up the genre-breaking similarities to DJ Shadows seminal and equally original debut Endtroducing. Perhaps if dubstep had been conceived in America on different, and by the sounds of things much better, drugs then wed have a whole movement of artists that sound like Cosmogramma, but considering even one listen to this great record can occasionally make you feel like your brain is leaking out of your eye-sockets, one will do for now thanks.

16. Built to Spill: There Is No Enemy

How many great tracks does it take to make a great album? If you said all of them or similar then youre either a liar or one of the lucky souls whos never been subjected to Yellow Submarine, Sloop John B, Digsys Dinner or countless other steaming turds thoughtlessly laid on classic records. Idaho band Built to Spills seventh album (do keep up) tests the theory with eleven tracks almost exactly divided between fantastic and meh…’ However, while it may lose points for consistency, the high points of There Is No Enemy have few equals this year- The opening salvo of Aisle 13, Hindsight and Nowhere Lullaby especially are as good an introduction to an album as youll ever hear.

15. Manic Street Preachers: Postcards From A Young Man

On their tenth album (Jesus fucking Christ) The Manics have now released three consecutive critically-acclaimed albums and enter their early 40s seemingly all too happy with mainstream acceptance. The critical salivation and great artistic success of last years possible career high of Journal for Plague Lovers though seems to have infected the band with that most cancerous of artistic afflictions- happiness. Postcards…’ is a wonderfully euphoric and anthemic collection of unashamed commercial rock songs, the Everything Must Go to their previous albums Holy Bible (God help us when they reach Lifeblood again), but the band seemingly having little to rail against or be angry about gives the album a certain inconsequential- dare I say irrelevant?- air that disappoints from a band who were always convinced of their own (self) importance. All We Make Is Entertainment’ indeed.

14. Yeasayer: Odd Blood

Deliriously good second album from the Brooklyn collective, dizzyingly inventive and possibly the one album released this year most in love with the gleeful possibilities of pop music. Odd Bloods wilful experimentation occasionally gets ahead of itself, with a handful of songs not quite standing up, and the clash of styles predictably comes at the expense of more cohesion across the album, but these are small gripes, and theres seemingly endless treats to discover here. And was there a better single than O.N.E released last year?*

* No

13. N.A.S.A: Spirit of Apollo

David Byrne, Chali 2Na, Chuck D, Seu Jorge, Method Man, RZA, John Frusciante, KRS One, Karen O, Ol Dirty Bastard, Tom Waits, Kool Keith, Kanye West, Santigold, Lykke Li, Sizzla, Lovefoxx, George Clinton, MIA, Nick Zinner, Nina Persson

To avoid being overshadowed by what must be the most ridiculously eclectic guest list on any recent album the debut record by LA/ Brazilian duo N.A.S.A would have to be pretty special musically. Luckily, there are enough moments of genius spread over its 18 tracks (far, far too many!) to see that the records lofty ambitions are just about realized, and despite more than three dozen guest stars it still on the whole manages to retain some semblance of cohesion in a deft mix of hip hop and Brazilian funk. An impressive achievement.

12. Mystery Jets: Serotonin

Scientists recently proved that the Mystery Jets have become 56.8% more interesting since they realised the stylistic restrictions of pretending to be an indie band and accepted that a few synthesizers does not Nik Kershaw make. Their third album is both their most commercial and their best yet, obviously influenced by some of the better pop of the 1980s but not sounding at any point derivative or dated, thanks in no small part to the fantastic production job by Chris Thomas. Plus Flash a Hungry Smile, Dreaming of Another World and Show Me the Light are as good a trio of pop singles as youre likely to hear.

11. Grinderman: Grinderman 2

Nick Cave is such a permanent feature on these lists that if tragedy strikes and he doesnt manage to release a record next year I may just have to leave a slot blank in memoriam. Grinderman 2 is another fantastic album, superior to both the bands debut and last years slightly lacklustre Bad Seeds release Dig! Lazarus, Dig!. It mostly eschews the bands previous releases primal squall for a slightly more considered psych-rock style, though when the band cut loose they still do so with the intense anger of a rhinoceros attempting to return a faulty foot spa without a receipt. Those awaiting Nick Caves long-mooted cover of perennial favourite Chico Time though will presumably have to wait until the next Bad Seeds album.

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10. Ariel Pinks Haunted Graffiti: Before Today

Before Today is what FM Rock would sound like if the World was just that little bit more batshit mental, like the result of some wonderful yet to be commissioned game show where members of the public drink a tin of emulsion paint and attempt to play the greatest hits of ELO. Its wonderful stuff from start to finish, marrying a fantastic knowledge of melody to the courage to take things into left-field if necessary. Its almost disarmingly charming, considering its a record made by people who look like they spend their evenings injecting disinfectant into their eyeballs and painting the walls with their own blood and semen, and is blessed with more hooks than any other record this year- Round and Round, LEstat and (ahem) Butt-House Blondies especially deserve to be considered for the next winner of the X Factor

9. Gil Scott-Heron: Im New Here

The joke being, of course, that he really isnt. After more than a decade of personal problems, crippling drug addiction and no new material since 1994 the most people wouldve conceivably expected from Herons thirteenth solo album was a pleasant acceptance that he wasnt quite dead, a patronising pat on the back and perhaps two songs on Jools Holland. What no-one couldve predicted was quite how modern, experimental, ambitious and vital it sounded- this is not a record by a 61 year-old has been embarrassingly attempting to recreate former glories, but an album that sounds unmistakably a part of 2010s musical landscape as any other on this list. Musically XL Records owner Richard Russell’s production is by turn solemnly beautiful and almost unbearably exciting (best exemplified by how the stark acoustic title track effortlessly segues out of the violent electronica of Me and the Devil), while Herons voice retains a beauty and an anger that shames people a third of his age.

8. Marina and the Diamonds: The Family Jewels

Last year Marina Diamondis (Christ I hope thats her real name) released a debut trio of almost perfectly realised left-field pop singles that displayed more imagination, individualism and invention in their accumulative 10 minutes than most other artists manage in their entire career, which left many people beside themselves wondering just how disappointing her debut album could possibly be. Luckily, Marina and the Diamonds debut album more than pulls it off, and while Obsessions, I Am Not A Robot and Mowglis Road are still among the albums highlights, the album is packed with similar examples of gleefully weird, yet deftly realised, pop music. Theres not a duff track among the 13 here, and almost every song has at least one moment of dizzyingly inventive originality. Marinas main problem is that almost every song also has at least one moment so toe-curdlingly embarrassing its all you can do to stop chewing your knuckles off (the ‘And let the drum beats drop! refrain in I Am Not A Robot is a particularly painful example), but she has more than enough charm to pull it off in most cases, and with slightly better self-control her second album has the potential to be a classic.

7. The National: High Violet

We all know the deal with The National by now- a few songs that sound a bit like The Tindersticks, a couple of songs that sound a lot like The Tindersticks, and the rest of the songs falling somewhere in between. Guffaw! While High Violet doesnt make any giant strides forward for the New Yorkers- and why should it?- their fifth album cements the bands sound to near-perfection, delivering their most focused, cohesive and best collection to date. Its also refreshing, after losing count of how many otherwise fantastic albums Ive heard that seem to lose steam three quarters in as the producers minds inevitably turn to how much coke they plan to snort out of Peaches Geldofs bum-crack at the wrap party* (Im looking at you Snow Patrol), to hear an album that actually grows and evolves as it progresses, awarding the listeners perseverance by placing its strongest tracks at the albums close. The albums highpoint, though, is Runaway, a song so lovely and fragile that even just one listen would convince Rupert Murdoch to head off to Oz in search of a soul.

*Note to Peaches Geldofs lawyers: Come on, its true

6. Sleigh Bells: Treats

Probably the years most individualistic and unique record, and definitely its most certifiably bonkers. MIAs greatest contribution to music in 2010 was not her own laboured and overcooked MAYA album, but discovering and subsequently signing Brooklyns (again??) Sleigh Bells, and hence ensure that their visceral head-fuck of a debut album saw the light of day. Theres little to compare Treats to, at least theres little music to compare it to- some songs may put the listener in mind of being inside a tumble-dryer perhaps, or the constant jagged white noise inside Mickey Rourkes head that has ensured he hasnt slept since 1988. Its an astonishingly brave attack on the senses, fully-realised yet thrillingly raw, the only complaint I could make is that, apart from a handful of relatively reserved songs such as Rill Rill, it can all be a bit too much at times, but maybe Im just showing my age

5. Arcade Fire: The Suburbs

At some point in the last three years it was decided that Arcade Fires rapturously received (and very, very good) 2007 album Neon Bible was, in fact, shit, and so Im actually obligated to call this a return to form, even if continuation of a pretty spotless recording career thus far would make a lot more sense. The Suburbs is better than Neon Bible though, and possibly even their best album yet- a lot more relaxed and loose than their previous works, there are moments where you could even imagine the band smiling as they recorded (not Win Butler, obviously, he hasnt found reason to smile since John Candy died in 1994) and theres a fantastic propulsive nature to the album that betrays a real drive and sense of purpose, and ensures that despite its length (60+ minutes and 16 tracks) there doesnt seem to be an ounce of fat on it. Bruce Springsteens lawyer, however, may want to listen to a few of the tracks

4. Big Boi: Sir Lucious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty

Too often ridiculously thought of as Outkasts Andrew Ridgeley to Andre 3000s George Michael- usually by the kind of ignoramus who still listens to Mosely Shoals and uses the phrase At least they write their own songs in every argument, even if youre talking about the West Bank occupation- Big Boi has frequently proven himself both the most talented rapper and the most radical musical thinker in his (former?) group. Hey Ya may have been the highpoint of the duo’s 2003 double album, it was Big Bois Ghetto Musick that was the most ground-breaking and artistically radical moment, and on the Idlewild soundtrack literally every high-point of a confusing and disjointed album (The Train, Morris Brown etc) was a Big Boi cut, while Andre 3000s contributions were, to be frank, absolute steaming turds. Big Boi has also raised the bar ridiculously high with his solo debut- Sir Lucious…’ fires so much ideas and invention at you from the first bars of opener Daddy Fat Sacks and throughout its 19 tracks that its almost impossible to keep up, and you will continue to discover new subtleties within its deliciously layered production well into your 30-40th listen (I would recommend a lie down between spins though). Its a work of absolute genius, and youd have to go back to 2000s masterpiece Stankonia to find the last Outkast-related release of comparable quality. Flaws? Sigh Its a bit too long, and there are too many fucking skits! But you could pretty much say the same about every major hip-hop record released in the past two decades

3. Lonelady: Nerve Up

Fucking brilliant. Theres nothing particularly new or ground-breaking about Julie Campbells debut album- its basically just an extremely accomplished and almost psychotically tight New Wave punk record. It is, however, almost panic-attack inducingly exciting, performed with such intensity and with such an insanely absolute sense of purpose that the records 45 minutes seem to fly by in a matter of seconds. Such intensity and focus, not to mention her disregard for wasted seconds or redundant musical flourishes, is probably most reminiscent of the early work by her MCR compatriots Joy Division, though obviously lacking the devastating despair. She is, to my humble (ha!) ears, the most exciting thing to come out of Manchester since Carlos Tevez last spat out his dummy, and its good to see the city producing something that isnt four blokes in kagoules re-writing Dear Prudence/ She Bangs the Drum

2. Anais Mitchell: Hadestown

There have been so many wonderful albums released this year- in other years any of this years top 10 wouldve conceivably been my favourite. I qualify myself here in apology to Anais Mitchell- in different circumstances to put a work of absolutely unqualified genius such as Hadestown at number 2 would be tantamount to insanity. Ms. Mitchells forth album is simply awe-inspiring; thematically its similar to last years wonderful Decemberists album The Hazards of Love in that its also a concept album that uses folk music to tell a mythical tale (in this case Orpheus and Eurydices). However, as brilliant as The Decemberists album was, it cant help but sound like a tiny appetizer when compared to the feast served up by Hadestown. Its an amazing ride- through dozens of emotions and countless musical styles, and starring a fantastic cast of supporting actors- chiefly Bon Ivers Justin Vernon- and yet astonishingly it never sounds disjointed or jarring- every song flows so magnificently into the next that the album is able to create an experience quite unlike any other recently released. So, again, Im sorry Ms. Mitchell, in any other year youd have walked it

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  1. Janelle Monae: The Archandroid (Suites II & III)

Yet this was still the best by a country mile.

Christ, where do you startHas there been a more astonishing debut album (a 2009 EP was Suite I) than Janelle Monaes released in the past 5 years? The past decade? Its Songs In the Key of Life meets Ziggy Stardust with ten times more glamour and style than the former and twenty times more eclecticism and invention than the latter; its the second side suite of Abbey Road recorded by All Around The World In A Day era Prince; its Erm Elvis Presley On acid Its bloody brilliant, basically, breathlessly so (sometimes literally- the slower pace, and absolutely gorgeous, Sir Greendown must have been inserted on Doctors advice after another blast of energy on a par with the albums first four tracks would put thousands at risk of heart seizures) and its hard to think of any other album of recent years, or of any year, that so effortlessly and deftly handles so much genre-hopping and eclectism without once compromising the records faultless flow and sense of direction. The Archandroid Suite is partly based upon Metropolis (the series involves the fictional tale of Cindi Mayweather, a messianic android sent back in time to free the citizens of Metropolis from The Great Divide, a secret society that uses time-travel to suppress freedom and love’– in a perfect World, all albums should be decreed by law to follow a concept as fabulously batshit mental as this) and if it werent for the slightly cack-handed Big-Band stylings of Come Alive (War of the Roses) there would be little evidence that Janelle Monae was human at all. On top of all this, Monae also possesses one of the most startlingly powerful and versatile voices to have emerged in a long time- capable of moving from Mary J Blige smooth to Patti Smith squeal within a couple of words. If there are any better records released before 2020 its going to be a fantastic decade for music. The one major gripe? This is going to be absolutely impossible to top.

Also considered:

Antony & the Johnsons: Starlights Beautiful in parts, but severely lacking in actual tunes

The Roots: How I Got Over Some great moments, but theyre always so fucking pleased with themselves arent they?

LCD Soundsystem: This Is Happening Is it?

Hot Chip: One Life Stand Hmmm, just remembered this album. Probably shouldve gone in

Gayngs: Gayngs Great, but heard it too late for consideration

Joanna Newsom: Have One On Me A triple CD. Triple CD

Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross: The Social Network Soundtrack Just missed out

MIA: MAYA The self-importance is beginning to overtake the music for the first time

Also completely forgotten:

Well?

2009 Albums of the Year

Well, I’ve come this far… Once again, presented without editing or spellchecking:

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Quick Observations

-Eugh! Straight away I use that horrific and hackneyed ‘So good it’s probably illegal’ line again! I deserve to be spat at in the street…

-I really think I massively undersell quite how fantastic ‘11th Dimension’ is, I don’t even get its fucking name right…

-I don’t remember my writing being quite so obnoxious in 2008’s list, I think 2009 was when I was absolutely worst as a human being, and that’s reflected in some truly horrific writing

-‘Evocates’ Alex, really?

‘…couldn’t be more shocking if he confessed to murdering Jill Dando while doing an impression of Louis Walsh’: that’s an, erm, interesting choice of analogy there Alex

-“…a first taste engineered to make you eagerly await her next move”. To this day I have never listened to another Florence & the Machine release. In fact 2009 was full of artists- Grizzly Bear, Damian Lazarus, Andrew Bird, The Veils, AC Newman, Animal Collective- that I was enthused to be introduced to for the first time but  never even listened to another album by. It was a year of brief musical humps that I enjoyed for a while but quickly forgot all about once 2010 started

-However, the top 3 albums are all absolute classics, the best the year had to offer by a ridiculous distance, and obviously even back then I had an inkling which albums were most likely to survive

-“Finn Andrews is probably closer to Miley Cyrus than Sean Lennon in terms of rock royalty”. Is that a really funny line? I’m really not sure, what was Miley Cyrus doing in 2009??

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-The Surgical Spirit reference has bamboozled me, it ran from 1989-1995 yet here I am nearly 15 years after it finished describing it as ‘long running’. Bizarreness bordering on the hysterical

-Wow, just as I’m writing this year’s list as a lazy mess I go that extra mile and add an accent to ‘Bublé’

-It is a terribly written list though: clunky prose, dull and endless entries that say nothing, horrendously hackneyed phrases, unfunny attempts at jokes and oh dear GOD so po-faced and humourless in places

-“…the kind of bored disdain usually reserved for Louis Walsh”. Wow, really had it in for Louis this year

-“‘Whatever’s To Be Done With Such a Palaver’, ‘I Wish I’d Never Even Been Born’ and the hit single ‘It’s My Duty To Be Delightfully Despondent Doris’”: my game is strong when it comes to fake Morrissey songs

-I never heard Future of the Left’s first album, nor much of McClusky, but I’m impressed with my blagging. Describing them as ‘one of the most important’ bands in Britain is a bit much though…

-Rare usage of the verb ‘to Geoff Cape’

-“hooks so big you could hang Mussolini on them”: I use that fucking line every year

-“one of the most intriguing recording career in modern British music”, “one of the finest British dance record released this decade”, “One of the finest lyricists this country’s ever produced”…. Enough with the grand statements!!

-“Pigeon Detectives/Scouting for Girls/The Wombats/The Automatic/Jack Penate/The Feeling/etc… they’re all so adverse to character and personality that the only way you could tell them apart is by burning them all alive and then checking their dental records”. Boom! We’re back in the room, this list is saved by that line

-OK, I’ll take the top 3 and Animal Collective’s album, but that’s it, you hear?

-“…the kaleidoscopic possibilities of pop music”: oh fuck off Alex…

-“…dressed like Andy Pandy’s difficult adolescence” the writing is improving nassiveltoward the end, I just think that Andrew Bird review that opens the top 20 is the dullest piece of written word commited to time by human hangs

-Ouch, ragging on Peaches Geldoff? Too soon. Like, way too soon, 5 years at least

-“… it imagines a time in the not-to-distant future when Jack White suffers a nervous breakdown and decides to join a band of travelling minstrels”: yeah, pretty sure that happened in 2011

-“equally admired by the beard-strokers and the whistle-blowers”: nice…

-Just imagine how good the Fuckbuttons album would have to be for me to even consider allowing it to finish ahead of that Manics album!

-You know what? Some of the writing here isn’t all bad…

 

2010 when I can be arsed!

 

xx

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30. Julian Casablancas: Phrazes for the Young

Strokes man’s debut shows flashes of his band’s breezy melodic charm and- clocking in at a massive eight tracks- their prodigious work rate. ‘Fourth Dimension’ is so good it’s presumably illegal

29. Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu

Blind Aborigine folk singer mixes traditional styles with more contemporary western guitar music to create a deeply satisfying experience for anyone who chose to actually listen to it rather than just display it on their coffee table.

28. Jarvis Cocker: Further Complications

Steve Albini produced second effort with enough great songs to just about avoid mid-life crisis classification

27. Blakroc: Blakroc

Blues revivalists The Black Keys team up with the cream of creditable US hip-hop to create a record that somehow entirely avoids being in any way cringe-worthy. Would be a lot higher if it wasn’t released just a week ago.

26. Various Artists: Cathedral Classics volume 1

Fantastic first retrospective from London label Sonic Cathedral, just don’t call it shoe-gazing Ok?

25. Mastodon: Crack the Skye

Mind-blowingly accomplished and unashamedly ludicrous- the best metal album of the year by about six furlongs

24. Jay-Z: The Blueprint 3

Another perfectly great modern hip-hop album, but you get the feeling it’s the kind of solid effort Jay-Z could fart off under his bedclothes without even bothering to roll over. More off the wall efforts like the ingenious ‘D.O.A’ next time please.

23. Doves: Kingdom of Rust

Same old story with the Doves: spectacular first single (in this case the gorgeous title track) followed by undeniably accomplished but oddly underwhelming album. However, when their fourth album is good, it’s career best good.

22. MF Doom: Born Like This

Frequently fantastic, the best hip-hop album of the year is still let down by the inevitable wearisome skits and occasional homophobia that’s so unpleasant it’s almost impressive

21. Soulsavers: Broken

No, there isn’t a song as good as ‘Revival’, but while the Soulsavers’ second album with Mark Lanegan doesn’t quite scale the same peaks as the first, it’s a much more complete and satisfying body of work overall.

Top of Form

20. Super Furry Animals: Dark Days/Light Years

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Everyone loves the Super Furry Animals; it’s just a crying shame that most people don’t seem to realise it. Since 1996’s Fuzzy Logic– and seemingly without asking anyone’s permission- they’ve steadily built up a body of work that fully deserves to be ranked alongside any British band that still likes to think of themselves of a going concern, and yet have never truly threatened to breakthrough and sell any records beyond their devoted admirers (fact- every SFA album so far has sold exactly 172’027 copies each, which is the exact size of their fan base). Their ninth album was never likely to change that- being more of the same peculiarly Welsh brand of fried indie-rock psychadelica which they’ve made their own,-but it’s probably their best since 1999’s Guerrilla (or ‘Their best in a decade’ if you think that would look more eye-catching on the posters) and exhibits the kind of sparkle, energy and ingenuity you’d usually associate with barely pubescent bands who buy their trousers in a can, rather than a disheveled band of cagoule wearing Welshman who generally look like the kind of provincial loners you see on local news being charged with sending threatening letters to Fiona Phillips.

The highlights of Dark Days… are among the highlights of the band’s entire career: ‘Mt’ is a commendably restrained attempt to invent glam-folk, ‘The Very Best of Neil Diamond’ somehow manages to live up to the glory of its title by being a dark-tinged pop masterpiece with a hook on it so large you could hang you cagoule on it, and the album is bookended by ‘Crazy Naked Girls’ and ‘Pric’, two tracks that pull off that rare trick of being psychedelic jams and not making you want to clean out your ears with sandpaper. ‘Inaugural Trams’, however, is the album’s (and, in terms of singles, possibly the year’s) one indisputable classic, and can probably be considered one of the top ten songs ever written about the construction of a German town’s transport system. It’s both admirably insane and endlessly inventive, and in proving that it’s possible to sound deliriously happy without sounding either hackneyed or inane it sounds like the theme tune to the coolest children’s TV show ever. As a bonus, it also gives new credence to that old phrase ‘Why have a guitar solo when you can just rope in the guitarist from Franz Ferdinand for a few lines of German spoken word?’

While the highs on Dark Days… are positively Snowdonian, they do cast a shadow that certain parts of the album can’t help but wither in. While it’d be harsh to call any of the tracks here truly bad, it’s fair to say the skip button on your remote control will be getting a work out as the likes of ‘Inconvenience’, ‘Where Do You Wanna Go?’ and ‘Lilwiau Llachar’ (The inevitable Welsh song) just sound pedestrian and uninventive in their stellar company, giving the album a slightly uneven feel, and hold the record back from being truly great.

19. Andrew Bird: Noble Beast

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Nature’s rubbish isn’t it? It gets all over you, it’s hard to wash off, it’s seemingly 90% composed of shit, it flies up your sinuses, it drops into your drink, it falls from trees with nary a care for who’s supposed to clean it up, it seems to have a irrational phobia of noxious industrial fumes, it grows where you don’t need nor want it and meekly withers and dies when you attempt to meet it half way and encourage it. Chicago multi-instrumentalist (one of those words which are only ever encountered written down, and with good reason) Andrew Bird may not completely agree with this, his fourth solo album is as bucolic as the chewed end of a piece of straw, a sumptuously organic piece of work that evocates the natural world with no little flair. It’s an extraordinarily detailed album, so incredibly layered with violin, clacking percussion, double basses, flutes and dozens more instruments that even nearly twelve months after its release every listen seems to uncover some new device to ignite your attention. This meticulous approach to music making extends to Bird’s lyrics, with words mainly chosen for their sounds and tonal qualities rather than any actual meaning (although dropping lines like ‘The young in the larva stage orchestrating plays/ In vestments of translucent alabaster’ into day-to-day conversation is a great ice-breaker).

If that sounds a little pretentious, then you haven’t heard the half of it. Andrew Bird’s main failing is that he can occasionally lose track of himself in attempting to impress the listener, very occasionally the songs can briefly tumble over the fine line separating ‘very good’ with merely ‘very impressive’. And you can practically see the grin on his face as he contemplates how he got away with opening an album with the line ‘In the salsify mains of what was thought but unsaid/ All the calcified arithmetists were doing the math’. One of the songs is called Nomenclature for Christ’s sake…

However, it seems extremely churlish to bemoan a brilliantly smart and gifted musician just for being aware that he is a brilliantly smart and gifted musician. With Noble Beast Andrew Bird has pulled off the difficult trick of creating a record that is on one hand endlessly inventive and experimental while on the other hand remaining faithful to some of the oldest forms of music known to man, it’s an album that has it’s eyes firmly on the future while and the same time never losing sight of its past. His best album; and I say that with the authority of someone who’s never heard any of the others. A fine whistler too…

18. Grizzly Bear: Veckatimest

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While Brooklyn’s Grizzly Bear may not operate entirely in the same ball park as Andrew Bird, they certainly play there for two hours every other Wednesday and frequently drink in the clubhouse. Beloved of Radiohead and other alternative types whose opinions generally elicit sage nods from the general media, their third album Veckatimest (a title I have generally avoided saying aloud) is further proof that artists can make innovative and modern-sounding music without resorting to a Lethal Bizzle guest spot or putting a donk on it. The album manages to splice in elements of psychedelica, chamber music, classical, folk, indie and more, while at the same time never threatening to jeopardize a commitment to melody that actually makes the record one of the most accessible albums released this year (a statement proved by it debuting in the US Billboard Top 10). However, just because the album is likeable enough to be so broadly appreciated doesn’t mean that it’s shallow or one-dimensional, in fact few other albums this year reward the patience of repeated listening and close examination as much, the record’s chief modus operandi of mid-tempo acoustic numbers can on initial listens conceal just how much has been crammed into each song- while the record may superficially sound like one that has been recorded mainly under the influence of folk, it’s actually the stench of prog-rock that more wafts over this album, like Genesis have left the toilet door open a few feet away. What the album most calls to mind is the ultimately unfinished and occasionally radically experimental recordings that Jeff Buckley intended to be his second album (where you can clearly map his influences moving away from Billie Holiday and more to The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway), so you could conceivably give Veckatimest the high praise that it’s the album Jeff Buckley would make if he were alive today.

If Veckatimest has one flaw, it’s that it’s forced me to attempt to correctly spell the Native American for a small Massachusetts island three times in less than 400 words. If it has two flaws however, it’s that the record can be so one-paced and pleasant sounding that it sounds like it’s almost demanding to be played in the background and shies away from close examination. If it were played in a pub while your friends and you fiercely debated the reasons Jaffa Cakes aren’t ‘Jaffa Biscuits’ there would be tellingly few moments (the drums on ‘Southern Point’, the last 90 seconds of ‘While You Wait for the Others’ and ‘I Live With You’…) that would truly prick your ears up and stop listening to your friend describe the baking process. But that may just be nitpicking (and when I’m discussing Jaffa Cakes, occasionally a nuclear bomb won’t stop me having my say), the simple fact of the matter is that is unlikely any other album on this list was as widely liked as Vecktatimest, whether these people were brave enough to attempt to pronounce its title or not.

17. Antony and the Johnsons: The Crying Light

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Perversely, the main drawback of the third album by everyone’s favourite Nina-Simone-voiced-Giant-Haystacks-sized-Sonya-Jackson-look-alike Antony Hegarty is that it’s exactly the album he wanted to make, and achieves precisely what it sets out to do. Amongst all the hoo-ha and accusations that surrounded Antony’s 2005 Mercury Music Prize victory, it’s often forgotten what an absolutely astounding record I Am a Bird Now was, and is, an utterly jarring yet entirely bewitching set of psychosexual baroque pop that should have plenty to say when people start thinking about the best albums of the last decade (‘the noughties’ if you prefer, or ‘the proppa nawties’ if you’re Danny Dyer). It also exposed Antony Hegarty to something dangerously close to fame- not quite Madonna levels of hysteria admittedly, but the kind of fame that prompts Richard Littlejohn to mention you in his Mail column while using the phrases ‘Give me Rod Stewart any day of the week’ and inevitably ‘You couldn’t make it up’- which goes some way to explain the near four year gap between the two albums. In response to the critical and commercial success of that album, for The Crying Light Antony has decided to reign in a greet deal of the flamboyance and drama that used to be pretty much his trademarks- gone are the operatic codas, the wailing torch songs and all the camp and circumstance that defined his greatest work, and as a result the album is so shockingly restrained and slight that in places it barely exists. It’s also wilfully uncommercial, with the great majority of the album made up of just Antony and a piano, with perhaps the tiniest hint of an orchestra, singing melodies so subtle you have to locate them with a magnifying glass. There’s a moment near the end of ‘Aeon’ where Antony suddenly calls out in that astonishingly beautiful voice of his ‘Oh that man I love SO MUCH!’ which honestly couldn’t be more shocking if he confessed to murdering Jill Dando while doing an impression of Louis Walsh, and it takes you a while to realise that it’s because it’s the only point in the album’s entire 40 minutes that the singer lets himself go for even just a millisecond- the rest of the album is repressed, studied and almost psychopathically restrained.

It’s also frequently brilliant and heartbreakingly beautiful (unsurprisingly, as Antony next album could be a track-by-track Oompah Band re-imagining of Aqua’s Aquarium album and he still couldn’t help himself making it exquisite enough to make even Fabio Capello weep), and so far ahead of any of his contemporaries that it’s almost embarrassing. Tracks like ‘Another World’, ‘Her Eyes are Underneath the Ground’ and the title track are so beautifully precious and ornate that you worry they’ll simply shatter if you talked over them. If the record does nothing else it provides further evidence of Antony Hegarty’s title of possibly the most singular and unique musical talent of his generation, even if I wish that his next record didn’t jettison quite so many of the things that made him so special in the first place.

16. Florence and the Machine: Lungs

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At times last year it seemed that the British music industry was simply desperate for Florence Welch to succeed, she was talked up as the Next Big Thing since around 1987, and all through 2008 as she released a handful of raw and uncommercial singles, they thrust a Brit award at her early this year and named her top of nearly every embarrassingly titled ‘ones to look out for’ polls (along the lines off ‘Tha Freshest Cold Meats Slammed On Tha Counter xx09xx’. That one was on Blue Peter.) and when her debut was finally released in July it was named on the Mercury shortlist within approximately seventy eight seconds, suggesting that it would’ve been nominated even if all it consisted of was recordings of Florence performing her favourite Eddie Large stand-up routines while riding a mechanical bull.

Thankfully Lungs contains enough brilliance to just about justify the cement mixer full of hype that it has been saddled with (hey, it’s my list and I can mix as many metaphors as I want to thank you very much), even if ultimately it’s a debut that promises a potentially great career rather than a truly great album in its own right. The album’s highs are generally wonderful enough to paper over its occasional duds, and it’s always great to see an artist as delightfully bizarre as Florence Welch- both in her slightly leftfield musical style and wonderfully odd and occasionally grotesque lyrical imagery- getting such mainstream attention. there aren’t many albums with a better opening one-two than the singles ‘Dog Days are Over’ and ‘Rabbit Foot (Raise It Up)’ (how on God’s green earth did that only limp to number 12 in the charts?! This is a country that gave The Black Eyed Peas two number one singles this year for fuck’s sake), and ‘Howl’ and ‘Hurricane Drunk’ are hit singles in anything resembling a sane world. You know you’re at least partially onto a winner when you have the chutzpah to cover one of the greatest dance songs of the last 25 years (The Source and Candi Staton’s ‘You Got The Love’) and manage not to make it a complete affront to all that’s holy.

There are a few misfires though, ‘Kiss With a Fist’ is a slightly cack-handed White Stripes pastiche that sounds out of place (unsurprisingly, as it was originally released as a single more than a year before the album came out) and disrupts the albums flow, and ‘Girl With One Eye’ ramps the drama up to such ridiculously portentous levels that it makes the last night of the proms sound like a Steve Albini production. In future Florence may also like to consider a dash of subtly every now and then, her singing style, although impressive, only seems to have two settings- ‘belting’ and ‘Shirley Bassey’, and her habit of finishing each and every song by singing the chorus one more time but even louder begins to grate by the albums close.

Debut albums aren’t meant to be perfect though, and these are relatively minor quibbles. As a first taste engineered to make you eagerly await her next move, Lungs does its job to perfection.

15. Yeah Yeah Yeahs: It’s Blitz!

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It’s amazing that, despite it being approximately 133 years since Elisha Gray first patented the first electronic musical synthesizer (back when Rick Wakeman was still a fresh-faced 28 year old) and 40 odd years since it was first used to make pop records, if your average guitar band decides to utilize the instrument a great section of the music press act as if it’s a staggeringly futuristic gesture akin to announcing your next album will be released solely through sat-navs. The Editors last album, for example, was praised for its modern use of the occasional Moog stab, when in reality all they’d done is moved their sound on from 1979 to about 1982.

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ move to a more electronic sound was actually not that far of a journey, most of their best moments have had at least one eye on the dance floor and their primal rhythmic sound has as much in common with krautrock (what a charmingly offensive name for a genre that is) than it has with the skinny denim of CBGBs. In creating their most polished (TV On the Radio’s Dave Sitek further demonstrates his band’s recent Midas touch on co-production duties) and listenable album-and their best- to date the band have also rediscovered a sense of drive and purpose that was mainly absent from the reserved and meandering Show Your Bones album. Tracks such as ‘Runaway’ and especially ‘Hysteric’ easily rank amongst the band’s very best work and show that underneath their achingly hip exterior the band are more than capable of producing pretty great pop music.

However, if the Yeah Yeah Yeahs ultimate goal is to one day produce music that is as captivating and as charismatic as their front-woman, they fall ever so slightly short once again here. Karen O dominates proceedings almost completely, exhibiting a voice able to seamlessly switch between disco queen, lovelorn balladeer and over stimulated eight-year-old, occasionally on the same line and crucially never stumbling into irritating yelping. The band’s music still sounds ever so slightly plodding- and strangely detached- in comparison, plus Nick Zimmer still has the kind of face past civilisations would have punched for sport, though I accept that second point may well be slightly irrelevant.

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It’s Blitz is the closest they’ve yet come though, and most importantly it reintroduces a great sense of fun which initially seemed one of their hallmarks but was largely jettisoned on their last record. There’s a sense of a band actually enjoying the process of making music which can’t help but rub off on the listener- the sense of blissful abandon as ‘Heads Will Roll’ collapses into near chaos is one of the greatest musical pleasures put to disk this year. It’s all more than enough to make you hope they’re still taking as much pleasure out of what they do when they come round to their next album.

14. The Veils: Sun Gangs

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As the son of XTC’s keyboardist, Finn Andrews is probably closer to Miley Cyrus than Sean Lennon in terms of rock royalty, but he’s still wise enough to bypass any accusations of industry favouritism by cannily limiting his fanbase to about eight people. His third album (the rest of the band are essentially session musicians that have changed with each record, if it aids your enjoyment of the record in any way feel free to picture him being backed by whoever you want- the cast of long-running BBC sitcom Surgical Spirit for example) was never likely to catapult his band to Michael Bublé levels of fame, but after forty minutes of near exemplary song craft and striking eclecticism you can’t help but wonder why The Veils aren’t annoyingly ubiquitous.

Fortunately, Andrews is so convinced of his music’s importance that his own conviction is the equivalent of at least six million devoted fans, plus perhaps a couple of Grammies and a Nobel Prize for Literature. Sun Gangs is an album utterly convinced of its life-changing potential, and doesn’t think it’d be appropriate to crack a smile in the face of such significance. From the choral-like opener ‘Sit Down By the Fire’ the album is awash with grand gestures and grandiose orchestration, to the point where the atypically underplayed closer ‘Begin Again’ sounds like the entire record collapsing with exhaustion like an athlete after a marathon or, perhaps more appropriately, an enthusiastic forty minute wank.

As irritating as it is to admit, given my proud British commitment to seeing any such self-belief fall straight on its arse, a great deal of Sun Gangs near enough justifies its own confidence. Despite its thick and multifaceted instrumentation, its mostly delicately composed enough never to descend into cheap pomp and bluster, and when at its very best can invest tracks such as the eight minute ‘Larkspur’ and ‘It Hits Deep’ with such elegant splendour that you almost don’t feel embarrassed calling them ‘epic’. The record’s devotion to eclecticism and experimentation puts other bands’ tedious imagination-vacuums to shame, and while it’s occasionally grating and overwrought it’s never boring. It also helps that Andrews is actually a pretty great songwriter, and wisely decides to augment his grand vision with half-decent tunes; ‘The Letter’ and ‘Three Sisters’ are textbook melodic rock songs, and the almost distastefully entertaining ‘Killed by the Boom’ is a riotous high-point. It would be nice if Williams himself chose a more subtle way of portraying emotion rather than singing each line like he was about to burst into tears, but Sun Gangs’ numerous achievements mean it’s more likely you’ll be on his side come the album’s end.

13. Ian Brown: My Way

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Ok, let’s get this out of the way: Stone-Roses, Stone Roses, Stone Roses, Spike Island, Stone Roses, baggy clothes, Top of the Pops with Happy Mondays, Stone Roses, John Squire, Fools Gold, Waterfall, Spike Island, debut album: hooray!/overrated, second album; boo!/underrated, Stone Roses, John Squire, Spike Island, I Wanna Be Adored, John Squire, Stone Roses.

Can we start now? Good. Along with his Mancunian compatriot Morrissey Ian Brown must have accepted a long time ago that a certain well-loved and influential band he may have fronted in the 80s* will never be truly put to bed, no matter how many times you respond to reunion questions with the kind of bored disdain usually reserved for Louis Walsh.

The issue must be particularly exasperating for Brown, as while Morrissey has generally produced Smiths-lite solo work while gradually sliding more into self-parody (his latest solo album includes the songs ‘Whatever’s To Be Done With Such a Palaver’, ‘I Wish I’d Never Even Been Born’ and the hit single ‘It’s My Duty To Be Delightfully Despondent Doris’) Ian Brown has admirably ploughed a much more esoteric solo path. Even taking into account the consistently high quality of his solo work to date, the sheer quality of the songs on his sixth (that’s sixth!) solo album is still something of a shock. On My Way Brown pushes melody to the forefront of his music like he’s never done since… y’know… and as a result the album is by some distance his strongest collection of songs yet. Brown says he used Thriller as his blueprint for an album where every track was a potential hit single, and it seems to have worked in irradiating the tuneless skunk-fuelled dirges that occasionally marred his previous albums (only the lifeless ‘Crowning of the Poor’- regrettably placed at track two- manages to evade the screening process to become the album’s ‘The Girl is Mine’). Ian Brown has an almost naïve approach to making music where he develops ideas that most artists would reject as being ridiculous at the inception stage (mariachi cover of Zager and Evans’ ‘In the Year 2525’? Motown-esque torch song? R n’B ballads?) and then having a crack at them with such stubborn zeal that the sheer charm of the enterprise mostly fills in any flaws in the music.

His voice, however, is truly, truly atrocious. The fact that Brown has a voice that frequently resembles the torture of various land mammals, or that in more than twenty years of professional singing he has only ever managed to hit one note (the rarely used key of ‘Naaaaar’), is hardly news, but in the past he has been acutely aware of his limitations of a singer and his solo career and has written songs that rarely required his voice to rise above a growl. Here, the new focus on melody and tunes has exposed his voice like never before, and it’s not too unfair to say that at some points it sounds so bad that a person coming to this album having never heard any of Brown’s work before would surely presume it was a joke. The sheer quality of his song writing occasionally deserves a better voice to do it justice, and the fact that Ian Brown initially wrote lead single (and stand-out track) ‘Stellify’ for Rihanna hints that his future plans may lie in becoming modern R n’B’s most unlikeliest song-writer for hire.

*Is there a more ridiculously over depicted period of music than 1980’s Manchester?? Do we need a new book every week where the bass player from Crispy Ambulance gives ‘his side’ of the story? Is there anyone who doesn’t know that ‘Blue Monday’ lost money on every copy sold?

12. Future of the Left: Travels with Myself and Another

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There’s a song on here called ‘Stand By Your Manatee’. I think that alone justifies this album’s position, but if for some reason you need more reason then read on by all means:

Cardiff’s Future of the left formed following the collapse (I think I’m legally obliged to use the phrase ‘from the ashes’) of the criminally underappreciated McClusky back in 2005 and, to put it frankly, they make the kind of rock music that puts nearly every other guitar band in Britain to shame.

While FOTL’s debut album was undoubtedly impressive in parts its spiky guitars and angular rhythms were still unmistakeably the work of two thirds of McClusky, and as a result it struggled somewhat to establish its own identity as the work of great band in its own right as opposed to just a very good side project. Their second album comprehensively does away with any such concerns though, fleshing out their sound marvellously and presenting a strong case for the band to be considered, at least potentially, as one of the most important in Britain.

Musically FOTL are a thrilling mixture of the dumbest visceral jolts of heavy metal and the high-brow artiness, complex song structures and jagged rhythms of post-punk, all the while still writing tunes that your postman could still whistle as he contemplated his next strike. The sheer joy the band exhibit in making music that’s frequently leftfield and yet never loses sight of the mosh-pit (FOTL are one of those delightfully archaic bands that’s naïve enough to believe that making music their fans may actually enjoy may not be an entirely bad thing), plus the fact that they’re savvy enough to realise that if something’s worth taking serious it’s also worth making a joke out of, positions the band as probably the closest thing this country has produced to the brain-frazzling brilliance of System of a Down, the difference being that those uncultured, stupid and irony-unacquainted Americans have made SOAD one of the biggest bands in the country while Britain’s indifference toward Future of the Left means they’d struggle to sell out their own front room.

Lyrically though, FOTL are simply on a different plane to most of their peers. Singer Andy Falkous can write words that are at once hilarious, profound, nonsensical, crude, sad, joyous, obtuse, blunt, unflinchingly honest and scathingly sarcastic, and proof to any budding songwriters out there that there is some middle ground between meaningless pseudo-emotional guff (‘I climbed the mountain and saw that the storm was too pure/ I need to see your eyes to fly back to the shore’) and over-earnest eulogies on ‘serious’ issues (where every song has to mention a non-specific group of people who ‘Got no home’). Any writer who can wittily articulately deconstruct such diverse subjects as rampant consumerism (‘Drink Nike’), Rupert Murdoch (‘Lapsed Catholics’) and the mundane nature of evil (‘You Need Satan More Than He Needs You’), while never losing track of how important it is to open a song with a line as good as ‘Slight bowel movements/ Preceded the bloodless coup’ deserves all the praise he gets.

11. Arctic Monkeys: Humbug

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Ridiculous as it may sound, is there any chance we may have underestimated the Arctic Monkeys? Yes, we all loved them when they shuffled into the limelight as fresh-faced nine-year-olds a few years back, forgiving them for treating every interview and media appearance with an enthusiasm they usually reserved for their school’s BCG injections, we thrilled to their cheeky tales of fruit machines, chips, and all other sorts of things that conveniently have long been shorthand in large parts of the press for the Northern working class, and we were all charmed by a singer who sung in a voice more usually heard on stage at the end of Blackpool Pier sometime in the 1930s. But did anyone truly expect them to turn into a band of such substance?

Their debut album exhibited an extraordinarily accomplished song-writing ability, and potentially marked out Alex Turner as a truly brilliant lyricist, but it was such a relief to finally find a British rock band that might have an appeal beyond four blokes wearing trilbies in some Camden gastro-pub that it was possibly overrated in some quarters, there’s a strange lack of depth and invention to the music, and there was always the creeping suspicion that this was as good as it was going to get. However, their second album Favourite Worst Nightmare was twice as good and ten times as coherent- and as is traditional with these things sold about one tenth as much- and coming so soon after their debut clearly marked out the band’s intention for their career to follow a more abstruse and musically challenging path than anyone could have initially predicted.

Roping in Queens of the Stone Age’s Josh Homme to produce their third album sent out a pretty clear signal of intent too: this record was never going to be accused of being ‘a bit heavy on the ballads’. Homme’s beefy production injects about 600mls of anabolic steroids straight into the eyeballs of nearly every track, to the extent that most of the songs strain their muscles so much they’re in danger of popping a blood vessel. Make no mistake, this is a heavy album, and at least initially the band’s more muscular and aggressive sound is as surprising as it is exciting. The experiment works a lot better than you might expect, with neither the songs nor Alex Turner’s voice (a lot deeper and devious sounding here than before) rising to the challenge of not being flattened by the sonic onslaught. It’s hard to shake the feeling though that maybe the Monkeys are trying that little bit too hard to prove their brawniness, especially with the coolest kid in school in the recording studio with them. While the sound they make is undoubtedly thrilling and, you begin to wonder how genuine the change in direction is, which can’t help but lead to a slightly detached experience.

There’s also the creeping suspicion that the Geoff Capesing of their sound may have seen the baby being discarded with the bathwater somewhat, as the sledgehammer approach of many of the tracks comes at the loss of much of the charm that was a big part of their old appeal. Once ‘Cornerstone’ slides into view though you simply won’t care anymore- a song so comprehensively lovely that it’s already been invited to be a guest on the Alan Titcshmarch show, and built around a melody that’s so instantly memorable you assume it’s been around since medieval times. The fact that Turner spins so much pathos, beauty and meaning out of what is essentially a tale of getting off with someone you meet in a pub is just one example among many on this record (see also his acknowledgment of the charged erotic potential of Pick n’ Mix on ‘Crying Lightning’) that he is fast growing into one of the greatest lyricists this country has ever produced.

10. AC Newman: Get Guilty

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There’s no doubt that, love her or hate her (and I’ve bounced between the two poles so much I could be doing a beep test), Lady Gaga is a brilliant pop star (bear with me here, I’ve decided to tackle this using the scenic route); she’s provocative, ridiculous, completely deluded about her own importance, entirely pretentious while at the same time utterly stupid and totally committed to appearing most unlike a normal person as possible (she’s even got her own ‘removed two ribs’/’12 pounds of semen pumped from stomach’ style urban myths built up around her allegedly being a hermaphrodite- she’s truly in the big leagues now). She’d pretty much be the perfect pop star then, if her songs were actually half-decent. Oh come on admit it; save perhaps ‘Paparazzi’ her music’s absolutely terrible, ‘Poker Face’ especially sounds like a Roland 303 suffering an aneurysm, no sane person would buy that shit if it was released by some personality vacuum like Rachel Stevens.

So it proves that the cosmos does occasionally like to even these things out that the year’s best pop record came via the second solo album from a 41 year-old erstwhile front man of The New Pornographers whose visual style generally just suggests that he’s been painting the back bedroom. Regardless, Get Guilty is a master-class in punchy choruses and hooks so big you could hang Mussolini on them, each of its twelve tracks is a mini-masterpiece of no-flab song-writing so tight it’s actually quite obscene to look at from some angles. ‘Catchy’ isn’t necessarily a positive description when it comes to pop music, even the sound of badger cubs been rhythmically thrown against a bus shelter will probably have you tapping your toes by around the two minute mark, but Newman rescues the word’s reputation by managing to craft songs that manage to be certified crowd-pleasers without ever resorting to pandering to the lowest common denominator. There were few more immediate songs released this year than the likes of ‘The Palace at 4am’ and ‘The Changeling (Get Guilty’, but beneath the surface of sledgehammer power pop each song is actually rather delicately put together, with surprisingly nuanced string arrangements complimenting the blitzkrieg of the central instruments.

Lyrically Newman generally deals in oblique impressionistic statements that are either intriguingly complex riddles that display an admirable respect for the listener’s intelligence, or garbled rubbish lazily masquerading as deep meaning, depending on what side of bed you got out of this morning (although personally I can’t help but admire anyone with the chutzpah to open an album with a lyric as arch as ‘There are maybe ten or twelve things I could teach you/ After that well I think your on your own/ And that wasn’t the first line, it was the tenth or twelfth/ Make of that what you will’).

Get Guilty doesn’t break any new ground, nor does it offer anything particularly new or innovative, but it never purports to, and as an uncomplicated and honest (isn’t it a pisser when you get a dishonest album? I once had a Tom Petty album that kept drinking my milk and then claiming it was my flatmate) collection of pop songs it’s pretty hard to beat

The Most disappointing albums of 2009

5. Deadmau5: Random Album Title

Fantastic album of course, but it would have walked into this list if it I hadn’t only just found out it was released in November 2008. Curse my admirably strict selection policy

4. Kasabian: West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum

After the great strides made on 2006’s Empire, this just seemed like a bit of a step back into half-hearted psychadelica and tired sixties imitation.

3. Bat for Lashes: Two Suns

Natasha Khan follows her excellent debut with an overproduced second that sounds so in thrall to her influences it occasionally lurches into pastiche.

2. Eminem: Relapse

Better than the almost fascinatingly awful Encore, but still the strained and underwhelming efforts of a once essential and important artist with nothing else to say; ‘My mom, I’m bet you’re sick of hearing about my mom’-well… yes, frankly

1. Regina Spektor: Far

Terrible. If her last album, the fantastic Begin to Hope, occasionally threatened to slip into radio-friendly blandness, Far dives right into the deep end, completely shedding all traces of her personality in pursuit of the Starbucks dollar. Worse, every time she attempts to inject a modicum of her trademark weirdness it comes out as the sort of self-consciously ‘kooky’ crap that the writers of Friends would reject as being too eye-gougingly irritating; ‘We built ourselves a computer/ Out of macaroni pieces’- Aaaaaaaaaaarrghh!!!

9. Micachu and the Shapes: Jewellery

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You have to question the work rate of the average student nowadays when 21 year-old Mika Lee aka Micachu seems to have enough spare time from studying composition at Guildhall School of Music to not only build up a reputation as one of the country’s most promising remixer/producers (including a production spot on Speech Debelle’s Mercury prize winning debut) but also form a band to record this beguilingly bizarre debut album. God help us if there’s a war. Another war that is.

It’s hard to think of a more peculiar and idiosyncratic debut album released in recent years, Micachu’s fearless experimentation and refusal to accept any accepted song writing rules firmly marks her out as a worthy heir to the likes of Captain Beefheart, although musically is difficult to trace any significant musical influences at all. In fact you could go as far as to say that Jewellery sounds like the work of people who have never actually heard music before, but have read an article about it in the Independent on Sunday and have gamely decided to give it a whirl. The infectious speed-punk of ‘Just In Case’ and the delightfully summery single ‘Golden Phone’ are probably the only songs on the album that makes some sort of concession to conventional song-structure, even if it’s a song-structure so frenetically unhinged that it’s sectioned under the mental health act before it can reach three minutes, otherwise the record is a dizzyingly avant-garde collection of songs that delight in completely subverting and rejecting any accepted musical rules, and shows that doing something completely wrong can sometimes seem so right.

Of course, making wilfully contradictory music can be the easiest thing in the world if it’s just done for the sake of it (no one was rushing to call me a genius when I released my album of looped train station announcements backed by the sound of two food processors. And yet I still managed to convince Busta Rhymes to appear on a track), the most impressive thing about Jewellery is how it demonstrates how unwavering invention and individualism doesn’t have to come at the expense of writing brilliant pop songs. Songs like ‘Calculator’ and ‘Vulture’ may sound at times like radio-waves picked up from other dimensions, but they’re still deliciously infectious pieces of music, just as likely to beckon you onto the dance floor as they are to illicit sage nods and much stroking of chins with a delightfully erudite time signature. Despite all it’s quirks, bells and whistles, Turn Me Well is actually a ballad for Christ’s sake, and I for one believe a campaign should be started to install it as the ‘X Factor’s winner’s song (they can decide themselves whether or not to include the vacuum cleaner solo. That’s not a joke).

Whether you like the record or not, surely everyone agrees that we need albums like Jewellery to arrive every now and then if only to remind us that there still exists an outlet and a platform for artists attempting to push music’s boundaries and explore possibilities outside the accepted norms, and that there are still record companies willing to take risks on such artists, even if it’s unlikely to sell more than a few thousand copies (thanks once again to Geoff Travis and Rough Trade). The omission of possibly the year’s most inventive and unique album from the weakest Mercury shortlist in years was puzzling to say the least, but it’s hard not to see Micachu submitting many, many more extraordinary records for consideration over the course of what promises to be one of the most intriguing recording career in modern British music.

8. The Wild Beasts: Limbo Panto

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A wise man once declared that ‘ridicule is nothing to be scared of’ (and to be fair to Adam Ant you could never accuse him of not walking it like he talks it) and you imagine Kendal’s Wild Beasts, a band that almost actively encourage small-minded scorn and derision, have the quote taped to the inside of their lockers.

One of the more disheartening developments of the latter part of this decade has been British indie music’s listless descent into possibly the least daring and innovative music being made on the planet. There were points in recent years where it seemed almost every genre of music- from underground hip-hop to ‘throwaway’ manufactured pop- were ripping up music’s rulebook and creating music that was at once unfathomably weird and entirely fabulous, while all the while British indie elected to stay sipping watered down snakebite in the same Camden pub while trying to pluck up the courage to talk to Graham Coxon. It’s not just that Pigeon Detectives/Scouting for Girls/The Wombats/The Automatic/Jack Penate/The Feeling/etc released music so dreary and uninspired that their Cds actually suck the inventiveness and excitement out of any other record in a four foot radius, it’s that they’re all so adverse to character and personality that the only way you could tell them apart is by burning them all alive and then checking their dental records.

Thank God for the Wild Beasts then; a British indie band that sees music as a universe of endless possibilities rather than a dilapidated shed of restrictions and rules. Their 2008 debut Limbo Panto was an ideal introduction to a band whose layered and rattling indie was at once theatrically antiquated and strangely futuristic; who possessed a singer whose piercing falsetto could disrupt telephone signals; and who aren’t too po-faced to turn down song titles as brilliant as ‘Brave Bulging Buoyant Clairvoyants’ and ‘Cheerio Chaps Cheerio Goodbye’. Most importantly it gave the impression of a band that valued the importance of standing out in a crowd above all else, which could only be immensely refreshing.

Their second album came out barely a year later, and shows a remarkable amount of progression for such a relatively short period of time. While slightly muted first single ‘Hooting and Howling’ (the slowest of slow burners which makes much more sense as an album track) may have been a bit of red herring, Two Dancers is a slightly more restrained album than its predecessor, with the songs taking a more insidious approach than Limbo Panto’s occasional aural blitzkrieg. This unsurprisingly means its impact isn’t as immediate, and on the initial listens you can’t help but yearn for the less subtle bombardments of their debut. It’s a gamble by the band that richly pays off when Two Dancers eventually reveals itself not only to be an infinitely more coherent and accomplished album than their debut, but brilliant enough to see the band promoted tentatively into British rock’s premier division. It’s a wonderfully cohesive and deliberate record where songs seem to be included and sequenced according to mood and lyrical themes rather than picking names from a hat- there’s a definite underlying theme of sensual pleasure, from the lush and occasionally dreamy music to the lyrical tales of sex, gluttony and dreams. However, any fears that the band’s more polished and accomplished sound may have been at the expense of their more idiosyncratic tendencies are thankfully unfounded; there are few other bands that would open an album with the line ‘This is a booty call/ My boot, my boot up your arsehole’.

7. Animal Collective: Meriwether Post Pavilion

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About once a year, usually around early Autumn, music writers and critics the world over down tools and seemingly come to an agreement to praise one certain album to such a unanimous and admirably consistent extent that not only would casual observers be forgiven for any assumptions of chemotherapeutic capacities on the record’s part, but also that the album’s merit become less about subjective opinion and actually enters the realm of scientifically proved fact. Last year the music press mysteriously decided en masse and apparently spontaneously that The Fleet Foxes’ debut was the only thing missing in our sad and fetid lives, and this year they elected to shower admiration on the ninth album by a Baltimore collective you could only previously imagine earning this level of mainstream attention by collectively punching the Queen. Of course when faced with this geyser of fawning praise any rational and level-headed human being will take it upon themselves to track said record down and start hating it as soon as possible.

And there are things to dislike here if you’re willing to look, and I was practically booking days off work, but Meriwether Post Pavilion (even the title just begs you to hate it) is such an impressive and charming slice of progressive pop that to force yourself not to like it would be practically self-abuse. Put simply no other album this year was as utterly smitten with the kaleidoscopic possibilities of pop music. Not content with just referencing every genre and style of music, there are moments on Meriwether… where you’d swear the band were determined to include every possible honk, bell, whizz, zoom or simply every possible noise that could be made by recorded sound. There’s a the sense of hyperactive excitement of a group of eight year olds finding the keys to the sweet shop, and initially it sounds just as chaotic- the sheer depth and vivaciousness of the musical onslaught, from the choral harmonies to the aggressive tribal drumming, at first just leaves the listener craving a lie down. Eventually though the album reveals a set of captivating songs and sweetly delicate melodies hidden within its sonic tapestry that makes it a record always intended to appeal to more than just the hipster crowd.

However beneath all the wit, invention and infectious sense of playfulness there remains a curious lack of heart here that renders the album a difficult one to truly love. It’s the musical equivalent of a Spike Jonze movie- there’s a delightful sense of good-natured anarchy and an admirable devotion to stretching the boundaries of their respective mediums, but there’s a sense of arch quirkiness and emotional-detachment that makes it very hard to envision truly taking it to heart.

Essentially though the album’s only real failing is that it was perhaps a bit overenthusiastically received (both the album and its opening track ‘My Girls’ were even featured in the top ten of several critics lists of the best albums/songs of the decade, which is dangerously close to being clinically hysterical), to not be utterly charmed by such a good-natured, blissful and occasionally almost childlike collection of pop songs would be a curmudgeonly act akin to not liking Susan Boyle (you know who you are you black-hearted bastards).

6. The Horrors: Primary Colours

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There are not many things in life more disheartening than when one of your favourite artists makes a bad album. Not an interesting but ultimately flawed attempt at experimentation, or one that perhaps doesn’t push their sound forward as much as you’d hope, but an album that’s simply, unequivocally bad. Uninspired, overlong, so dull it induces tears, lacking in wit, invention, or indeed any apparent idea of what made them so great in the first place, you practically spend the next couple of years pacing the room nervously awaiting their next album to see if this one stinker was a blip or the start of an inexorable decline. This feeling of helplessness and confusion though is nothing to the conflicting emotions that arise when an artist you absolutely despise completely fucks you over by releasing an album that’s indisputably fantastic.

There are few bands in existence that stimulate my spleen quite like The Horrors; they arrived in a blizzard of hype a couple of years ago dressed like Andy Pandy’s difficult adolescence, their music was a laughably incompetent facile of the Birthday Party with any sense of irony or chaos surgically removed, they bragged that on tour they would have competitions to see who could stay awake the longest seemingly unaware that such boasts are not so much typical of Hammer of the Gods-style rock n’ roll debauchery as they are of an eight year-old sleepover, and they generally acted like a bunch of public school boys playing at being in a goth band. Because they were. The singer went out with Peaches Geldof for Christ’s sake!

And on top of all that they have the impudence to then make an album as brilliant as Primary Colours, where do they get the nerve? Their second album is such a stratospheric improvement on their debut that it’s almost unfathomable, they entirely ditch the affected pseudo-punk incompetence of their first album in favour of an almost Kevin Shields-esque wall of sound, their clattering garage rock sound exchanged for an ambitious and daring mix of the best parts of synthesiser-led 80s Goth and the rhythmic slow burn of Krautrock. A band willing to take the enormous risk of alienating their fan base (and The Horrors do have a substantial cult following. It’s a following evidently made up of idiots, but it’s a following all the same) in order to pursue a more ambitious musical calling is impressive enough, but what’s really startling about Primary Colours is how natural the change of direction fits the band, and how accomplished it sounds from start to finish. ‘Who Can Say’, ‘Scarlett Fields’ and the title track are simply thrilling rushes of music, you’d have to be clinically dead not to be stirred by their squealing synthlines and unrelenting velocity, and yet the band also demonstrate that they aren’t afraid of slowing the pace- the funereal cello drone of ‘I Only Think of You’ and the epic ‘Sea Within A Sea’ (who would’ve previously thought The Horrors were capable of a seven and a half minute gig, never mind a song?) are among the most ingenious pieces of music released this year.

While there haven’t been many more enjoyable albums released this year, the fact of the matter is that the record is merely a very, very good approximation of other artist’s sounds, from Joy Division to the Cure to Echo and the Bunnymen, and while the songs are uniformly fantastic, being heavily influenced by a slightly different era of music does not equal true invention. Still, Primary Colours is an absolute blast, and you have to give the Horrors (and a lot of credit must also go to Portishead’s Geoff Barrow on production duties) their dues- I still think they’re bunch of arses, but at least now I can accept their right to exist.

5. The Decemberists: The Hazards of Love

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Of all the almost countless changes to music being brought about by the continuing rise of music downloading, perhaps the most significant and enduring is the considerable shift in power towards the consumer and away from the producers. Not only are the record companies in the ignominious position of practically begging each customer to pay for something that’s widely available for free (that anaemic Groove Armada remix b-side just doesn’t seem to cut it any more), but they no longer have the means to dictate to the customer how they receive their music. This not only means that the centuries old practice of hand-picking singles as promotion for albums (great first single, not quite as good second, rubbish ballad third, anonymous forth that limps to number 38) is now obsolete (if next week 500’000 people suddenly felt the urge to purchase ‘Cross My Heart’, the opening track from Ultrasound’s criminally underappreciated 1999 opus Everything Picture, then it would be number one), but also that people are going to start picking and choosing tracks off albums rather than experiencing it as a whole. While blind optimists have suggested this may spell the end of weak tracks on albums (artist’s don’t tend to make intentionally bad tracks, Morrissey didn’t listen to an almost finished version of The Queen is Dead and said ‘It’s lacking a certain naffness to it don’t you think? I do have this song called ‘Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others’…’), it may well make albums like The Hazards of Love even more rare than they are now.

Taken out of the context of the album the vast majority of the seventeen tracks on the Decemberists’ fifth album make very little sense, some are little more than minute long bursts of melody, others replicate the tunes of previous songs almost unerringly, recurring themes and motifs that surprise and delight when the album is listened to in its entirety merely confuse and irritate if taken in isolation. Not to mention the lyrics, which are elaborate and bewildering enough when they’re listened to in their entirety. This is an album designed specifically to be listened to from start to finish- in effect the record is one epic and ever-shifting song cut into bite-size chunks (understandably, as the prospect of a 40+ minute track would put the fear of prog into most right-thinking people) – it’s an album unafraid to be a tour de force; brazenly pretentious, frequently ludicrous and obscenely entertaining. Musically it imagines a time in the not-to-distant future when Jack White suffers a nervous breakdown and decides to join a band of travelling minstrels, as antiquated melodies and instruments are occasionally defibrillated with Zeppelinesque heavy guitar licks, which should seem as ridiculously out of place as Beowulf talking a quick timeout to update his Facebook Status but is pulled off so expertly – and electrifyingly- that the seams don’t even show. It purports to tell an elaborate tale of enchanted maidens, mischievous shape-shifters, ghosts, mad queens and sodding level 12 Cyber-Ogres for all I can fathom, but following the album’s labyrinthine and occasionally absurd completely isn’t a necessity, the ride is so much fun you won’t even notice that you don’t care. No album this year was so dedicated to creating a true listening experience, and while it’s far from perfect (some of the lyrics are straight out of ye olde rhyming dictionary- you constantly feel you’re only one step away from a ‘hey-nonny-noo’- and it does occasionally feel like maybe three melodies stretched out over seventeen tracks) but its uniqueness, invention and ambition- not to the mention the occasional ultra-gnarly guitar solo- more than merits its inclusion in the year’s top five

4. Damian Lazarus: Smoke the Monster Out

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As a former A&R man, a successful underground DJ for the best part of a decade and the founder of the Crosstown Rebels record label Damian Lazarus has been calmly making a bit of a name for himself in the kind of circles you and I would never be invited into over the past few years, while all the while garnering a reputation (mainly through his impeccable mixes on the City Rockers label) for eclectism and being generally unsatisfied with the restrictions of mainstream dance music. Still his debut album took everyone by surprise (well, everyone of the four dozen people who actually gave a shit), not just because of just how diverse and original the record was, but also because it’s probably one of the finest British dance record released this decade.

Smoke the Monster Out is an immense achievement, a demonstration of the kind of invention and risk-taking we should be demanding from a genre that once prided itself on being the sound of the future. While far from flawless, it frequently scales heights rarely achieved by any dance music in recent years, and even when its experiments occasionally don’t quite come off they are frequently interesting enough failures to merit inclusion anyway. What’s perhaps most impressive is that an album that showcases such a constantly shifting variety of styles (you have to applaud any album that finds room for both a gothic floor-filler built around a sample of Nick Cave’s ‘Red Right Hand’ and a straight cover of Scott Walker’s ‘It’s Raining Today’) manages not to sound disjointed or incoherent. While superficially the album’s style may seem inconsistent and occasionally contradictory, there’s a constant underlying theme of unseen horror and a creeping dread of unknown- and incomprehensible- danger first suggested in the album’s title that has led some critics to declare it almost an aural companion to the film ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’ in terms of exploring the darker extremes of human imagination.

The first three quarters of the record is a collection of tracks of unrelenting excellence and unshakeable purpose that almost floor you on first listen. The title track is a chilling instrumental that sets out the album’s stall perfectly, ‘Memory Box’ is a near-nauseating depiction of undirected rage, ‘King of Fools’ descends from a pleasantly inane opening into brilliant insanity and ‘Come and Play’ and ‘Neverending’ are simply four minute dance tracks of undeniable quality that would be equally admired by the beard-strokers and the whistle-blowers. The second track ‘Moment’ is undoubtedly the album’s piece-de-résistance however, and stands alone as one of the year’s most astounding musical achievements, starting off sounding like a close relative of Spiritualized’s ‘Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space’ it builds to a truly astonishing cacophony of sound and voices and contains more genius and ambition in its eight and a half minutes than 99% of dance bands manage in their entire career.

However, listening to the album is like watching Usain Bolt slowing to a canter over the last quarter of the 100m- you can’t help but think ‘If you’d kept that pace up you would’ve really blown everyone away’. Smoke the Monster Out struggles to maintain its breathless velocity right to the album’s end, until it’s audibly wheezing past the finish line with twee garbage like ‘Bloop Bleep’ which almost completely wrecks the album’s deftly cultivated theme. It’s this bizarrely careless corrosion in the album’s quality that prevent the record from being a true modern masterpiece, the likes of which you wonder if Lazarus will ever come close to making again.

Other Things What I Done Liked This Year

Emmy the Great: We Almost Had a Baby

The latest in a long and distinguished line of pop songs that marry an impossibly sweet melody to a lyric that takes you until the tenth listen to realise may actually be about being raped.

Black Daniel: I Love You but Don’t Touch Me ‘cos You’re Sick

A contender for the ‘They-don’t-make-‘em-like-this-anymore-although-they-quite-obviously-do’ file, this Mudhoney referencing sinewy rocker was possibly the catchiest 180 seconds of the year.

Jordin Sparks: Battlefield

Power balladeering par excellence that somehow managed not to be number one for about six months, again demonstrating the shocking unreliability of the general public. Came with a video featuring the singer in a field surrounded by fireworks, which you just don’t see enough of nowadays

Marina and the Diamonds: Obsessions/ You Are Not a Robot/ Mowgli’s Road

Almost impossibly good debut trio of singles from the Welsh/Greek singer who seems all set to become Britain’s most interesting pop star when her (inevitably crushingly disappointing) debut album is released early in 2010

The Unthanks: The Testimony of Patience Kershaw

Gorgeous stuff from the country’s finest purveyors of Geordiefolk

The Wildbirds and Peacedrums: My Heart

Aural loveliness that proves yet again that the steel drum is the most criminally underused instrument in pop. Go on, try and name one bad song with a steel drum on it. You can’t can you?

Tegan and Sara: Sainthood

Superb album that would have walked into this year’s top ten if I hadn’t first heard it a week ago and could be arsed rearranging the entire list.

Susan Boyle: Wild Horses

It’s fucking great you bunch of ingrate snobs you

3. Fever Ray: Fever Ray

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The Knife are a funny old band. Not just for the way they shield their identity with almost religious zeal or that they’re both very probably certifiably insane (not in an eccentric ‘I think I’ll paint my face pink and buy myself a loudhailer!’ way either, more a ‘did I show you the shoes I made from the skin from my mother’s breasts?’ kind of insane), but also for the way that their body of work seems to be split almost exclusively into breathtakingly ingenious modern electro pop and the kind of cheaply produced pop slurry that Lithuania wouldn’t even consider entering into Eurovision, with pretty much no middle ground. I only mention this as the debut solo album from one half of The Knife (Karin Dreijer Andersson to her accountant) is so consistently sublime that serious questions have to be asked of her brother and band-mate Olof. One can only presume he owns a van.

The Fever Ray album is not only a better and far more complete record than anything Andersson has released in her day job, it also bears little similarity to the piercingly angular post-pop that The Knife tend to trade in, instead it’s a glacial and resolutely atmospheric record. Sonically it frequently bears more than a passing resemblance to Leftfield’s mid-90s masterpiece Leftism, especially in its frequent use of heavily synthesized and distorted ethnic music styles, be it Oriental motifs or the odd smattering of panpipes (so deftly used you even forget that panpipes are so abhorrent that even Satan’s disowned them), but on the whole it’s a work of outstanding individuality. The dark synthesized drone that underlies much of the album- coupled with Andersson frequently distorting and deforming her voice to the point where it begins to sound like a David Lynch attempt to rewrite Cher’s ‘Believe’- is at times jarring and even slightly nauseating for the listener, but this only adds to the effectiveness of a record designed to take you out of your comfort zone. Andersson has mentioned sleep deprivation as one of the main themes of the album, and there’s a lethargic unreality to tracks like the unsettlingly alien sounding ‘Concrete Walls’ that anyone who’s found themselves watching Live Casino on Channel 5 at 3am will immediately recognise. Having her first child shortly before writing the album (well that’ll explain the sleep deprivation) also provokes Andersson to write possibly the first songs ever about childbirth that don’t immediately make you want to introduce compulsory sterilization (see: ‘Isn’t She Lovely’ by Stevie Wonder, ‘Boy’ by John Lennon’, ‘Awwwww, Aren’t Her Feet Tiny?’ by Steely Dan etc), electing wisely to concentrate on the struggles to comprehend the innate strangeness of childbirth, and her entirely human fears for the great unknown of her child’s future (on album highlight ‘When I Grow Up’ she even synthetically distorts her voice in an attempt to sound like a child- albeit that child with a strange habit of stapling earthworms to their arms that your mum would run out of the house to stop you playing with).

Fever Ray is a brilliantly idiosyncratic piece of work, not to mention the always welcome sound of an artist making no concessions on their individuality and yet still making music that is gloriously listenable. It offers more proof that Scandinavian artists are currently light-years ahead of the rest of the world when it comes to cutting-edge pop music.

2. Manic Street Preachers: Journal for Plague Lovers

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Anyone out there still mystified as to what exactly it is that marks The Manics out as more than your average beat combo could do worse than consider ‘Peeled Apples’, the opening track from the band’s ninth studio album- there might possibly be another band that would furnish their album’s curtain-raiser with a chorus of ‘Rudderless horses on Chomsky’s Camelot/ Bruises on my hands from tearing my nails out’, but The Manics are certainly the only band who would do so while cribbing the melody from Heaven 17’s ‘Temptation’.

If there were such thing as a typical Manics album though, Journal for Plague Lovers certainly isn’t it. Easily their most significant album since 1996’s Everything Must Go saw the band attempt to come to terms as life as a three piece- possibly even more so- it sees the band attempt to put music to the last lyrics left behind by ex-band member Richey Edwards for the first time, a full 14 years after his still unsolved disappearance. When the record was first announced it couldn’t have sounded more like career suicide if they’d announced that the working title was ‘Paedomuslim’ and that one track would be a duet with James Corden- why on Earth would you leave yourself so open to accusations of mawkish sentimentality from one side and shrill calls of ‘it’s not what Richey would’ve wanted!!’ (as if they know themselves- I happen to know for a fact that Richey wanted the next album to be a lot more Nordic skiffle influenced) from the other. Yet against everyone’s better judgement Journal… turned out to be one of the musical success stories of the year, and the most critically well-received record of their career by a country mile.

While the temptation must have been to conceive the album as merely a respectful presentation of Richey’s last works*- perhaps it could have been the first album released solely through Microsoft PowerPoint- the band chose to simply write songs that were both worthy of the words and mirrored their tone. The end result is that Journal… contains the band’s most complex and adventurous music to date, to such an extent that the kings of passionate anthem rock have accidentally made a post-punk masterpiece. Perhaps inspired by Richey’s unstructured approach to prose many of the songs take a slightly more relaxed attitude to the accepted rules of structure and pace than they have done in the past, while at the same time exhibiting a subtly and sparseness rarely heard in their previous work- Steve Albini was an inspired choice of producer, giving the album a disarmingly raw and naked feel, so crisp and clear that at certain points you can even hear the band’s sweat. Above all though, it’s still the Manics- James Dean Bradfield’s knack for melody is so instinctive it’s almost a nervous twitch- the songs are as fantastic as ever and the choruses may even embarrassingly result in involuntary fist pumping.

While comparisons to The Holy Bible (a creative high watermark for both the band and Richey’s writing) are as predictable as they are stylistically incorrect (only hidden track ‘Bag Lady is even remotely similar musically to The Holy Bible’s malicious and merciless tormenting of the senses, and compared to the 1994 masterpiece’s commendably bleak worldview the tone here is practically at Christine Bleakley levels of relentless optimism), making Journals… was obviously a cathartic exercise for the band- if ever a album had demons that needed exorcising it was The Holy Bible. Perhaps it marks the closing of a chapter in their, maybe after two decades of naively maintaining that music can occasionally do something more than convey the emotional impact of the latest DFS sale, or that maybe it isn’t so ridiculous that a band can genuinely mean something to some people even in the face of a culture that has increasingly cowered away into irony and insincerity they’ve finally decided that it’s time for that long-awaited Mark Ronson collaboration. If so Journal for Plague Lovers stands as a fitting tribute to not just Richey Edwards, but to the band themselves.

*I’ve avoided touching on the lyrics to any real degree- I didn’t want it to turn into ‘Richey Edwards, We Hardly Knew You’, and besides this piece was already in danger of becoming a novella. In a nutshell they’re great, they’re surprisingly light-hearted and optimistic in places, and they mention Giant Haystacks. That is all

1. Fuck Buttons: Tarot Sport

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There’s nothing easier than making unconventional music, or even making music that’s completely original. I, for example, would find it quite hard to write The Stereophonics’ ‘Pick a Part That’s New’, scientifically proven to be the least original and most doggedly conventional song of all time, and yet I wouldn’t even have to leave my seat to record a Blockbuster card going through a shredder while I recite the eight times table in Kurdish, and no-ones called me a ground-breaking musical genius for, oooooh, weeks now. Even if I played it to my friends and then rejected their criticism by claiming that that the only reason people don’t like it is that they weren’t intelligent or open minded enough to get it, and that the song requires a knowledge if at least conversational Kurdish to be enjoyable, it would still be rubbish, and I’d still be a bit of a twat. Never trust any artist who states that people just didn’t ‘get’ their last album; it’s pop music, not that joke about the two nuns in a bath, if people didn’t like your last album it’s probably less to do with their tiny minds being blown by seven minutes songs and the occasional use of a keyboard and probably more likely to be the fact it was two hours long and contained a song about your mum played on a lute. True greatness lies in making music that manages to be breathlessly innovative and ambitious while still aware of the things that make music great in the first place- to move or even obliterate pop’s boundaries rather than ignoring them completely.

Fuck Buttons’ debut album Street Horrssing suggested that the band couldn’t decide whether they wanted to make challenging yet rewarding music that expands the horizons of pop music’s possibilities, or whether they would rather eke out a living burping into the microphone to see if anyone would buy it. It was certainly innovative and challenging, but just when it seemed on the cusp of something extraordinary it would lose its nerve and take the easy option of simply turning unlistenable, or songs would ratchet up the anticipation to almost unbearably degrees with an expertly crafted introduction before seemingly realising they’ve got no place to go and meekly descending into a repetitive drone, like the best man realising at the last minute that he’s left his much trumpeted speech in his other jacket and electing to start rabbiting on about train timetables in the hope that people would eventually get bored and return to their tuna steaks.

For their second album the band did something extraordinary and peculiar: they identified the weaknesses of their sound and attempted to eradicate them, while bringing their strengths more to the fore- perversely, it seems to have worked. Tarot Sport is a simply brilliant album, and as near as damnit a fully blown modern masterpiece, it’s such a quantum leap forward (perhaps even for dance music in general) that their debut doesn’t even feel like a dress rehearsal for it, in fact I came home last week to catch Street Horrssing packing its suitcase, tearfully telling me it knows when its not wanted. Fuck Buttons still make music like no-one else- colossal, mind-bending instrumental electronica with scant disregard for pop’s conventions- the difference is that on their debut you were just glad such unconventional music was still being released, while after a few listens of Tarot Sport you start to wonder why all pop doesn’t sound like this. Handing production duties to Andrew Wetherall- the most bizarrely underused and undervalued producer in Britain, nearly 20 years since Screamadelica– was a masterstroke, and his experience in acid house euphoria is sprinkled Tarot Sport, which loses all of the cynicism of the debut in favour of something a lot more communal and warm. Perhaps the most radical change has been just how beautiful some of it sounds; there are moments on the record that are genuinely moving, most notably during the astonishing 10 minute long ‘Olympians’, and generally the band aren’t afraid to show how dance music can convey the gamut of emotion (they’d previously only covered ‘fear’ and nausea’) as successfully as any other genre. Tarot Sport was just the pinnacle of a year that’s seen dance music start to regain its relevance after years in the wilderness- if Damian Lazarus demonstrated the variety of sounds you can cover and still sound consistent, Fuck Buttons have shown how you can make music so uncommonly inventive it sounds like a transmission from 2258AD and yet still beautifully human: Bizarre as this may have sounded twelve months ago, no album this year had as much soul as Fuck Buttons’. To think the most affecting song on their debut was a monkey screaming for four minutes.

Now they just need to do something about the name.

2008 Albums of the Year

Yeah, found this as well so thought I may as well post it…

Quick observations

-2008 was a great year for music…

-My first introduction to the insanity of Fuckbuttons, I predicted that there was ‘no chance of their music being the theme tune to the next series of Planet Earth’, unaware that they would soon soundtrack damn near everything

-Describing Glasvegas (remember them?) as ‘adopting the dress code of revellers attending The Fonz’s funeral’ was pretty neat

-There’s actually a ‘best of Alphabeat’ now?!

-Have the track names changed in the last 8 years, or have I actually got every damn name wrong??

-Nick Cave is ‘less fire and brimstone, more Galton and Simpson’. I’ve gotta steal that line…

-My love for Sway has lead to me placing his album WAY too high…

-I claim about 67 songs are the ‘best of the year’, or similar

-Same Difference, Brian Dowling… Some very 2008 references

-My writing is often unreadable…

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20. Camille: Music Hole

There’s always a thrill associated with listening to an artist who you strongly suspect is actually certifiably insane, and judging by Parisian Camille’s third album she’s evidently as mad as Jack Nicholson dressed as a hatter sitting in a box of frogs. She’s always been one of the more individual of artists, her genius 2006 album Le Fil (‘The Line’) was made up entirely of overdubs of her own voice, with a constant unchanging one note drone undercutting all the tracks (the ‘line’ of the album’s title), but Music Hole (a fantastic title by the way) is in places so bonkers it almost defies categorisation. Perhaps aware that people may read the fact that she’s singing in English for a first time as a conscious attempt at a commercial breakthrough, she turns in her least mainstream set of songs yet, with the accapella style of Le Fil still in place, but aided by pianos, orchestras, synths and occasionally bizarre US R&B style vocal samples. Camille occasionally exhibits a perverse, and yet strangely compelling desire to desecrate and subvert her own God-given talents, she has one of the most astonishingly beautiful and varied voices in modern music, and yet she’d much prefer to use it to make farmyard noises for two minutes, as she does towards the end of the fantastically odd Cats and Dogs. She pretty much admits to this herself on album centrepiece Money Note, where she claims to want to be bigger than ‘Whitney and Mariah’ while showing off a voice that could pretty much bury either of them, but doing it over a track so spectacularly unhinged that it’ll doubtlessly be a while before anyone attempts it for their X Factor auditions. As she proves with tracks such as Katie’s Tea and the gorgeous The Monk, if Camille chooses to she can write beautiful individualist songs which even verge on being radio-friendly, but her dogged refusal to be adopted by the dinner-party set has to be applauded, even if the general nuttiness that pervades the record can occasionally begin to grate over the eleven tracks.

Gains points for: A very convincing array of animal impressions

Loses points for: Forcing me to use the thesaurus an inordinate amount of times to find different words for ‘insane’.

19. Guns N’ Roses: Chinese Democracy

It’s hard to imagine now, but when Guns N’ Roses started Chinese Democracy 14 years ago there was not one magazine or newspaper article that listed the events that have happened since Guns N’ Roses started Chinese Democracy. Truly, we live in different times. The album arrived trumpeted as the most awaited album of all time, the chatter and rumours circulating overtaking biblical proportions about five years ago, even its title always seemed to jokingly suggest that actual democracy in China is currently a more realistic proposition. There’s something strange about actually holding it in your hands, it feels as mythical as the Ark of the Covenant and it’s almost a thrill to confirm that, yes, it actually exists! But is it any good? Does it matter?

The reason Guns N’ Roses, or Axl Rose in particular still continue to inspire such devotion and curiosity in the general populace is precisely because of grand follies like this record; Axl Rose remains the one true throwback to the days where our Rock Stars would demand we’d wait at least a decade while they tinker with what they believe to be their great masterpiece in some ivory mansion somewhere, beard down to their waist and tissue boxes on their shoes, and why should we expect any difference? Rock stars like Nirvana and Oasis seem to popularise the idea that people wanted bands to be ‘just like us’, that we wanted to gaze out on stage and see a mirror image of where we could be in 12 months time if we started learning guitar or bought a parka. Axl Rose is, emphatically, not ‘just like us’; we don’t think we could be him, we don’t especially want to be him. He’s an ego-maniac, an occasionally semi-psychopathic control freak who displays many traits of full-blown autism, who seems to base his dress sense on a mix between Steven Tyler, Joey Ramone and Rowdy Roddy Piper. He is, put quite simply, a rock star. These days we’re treated to TV shows like ‘X Factor’ and ‘Making the Band’ offering an almost surgical intimacy into the making and marketing of a pop star, before later on in the career being subject to everyone from Ricky Wilson to Robert Wyatt being interviewed, reviewed and dissected by more forms of music press than there’s ever been, before eventually watching them attempt to win back the public’s affection by chewing wallaby foreskins live on prime-time ITV. It’s telling to point out that Axl Rose has on the whole retained his fans attention, kept the press and industry interested and generated more than a decade of excitement while all the time doing pretty much nothing at all, bar a dozen or so gigs (some of which he actually didn’t cancel) and some bizarre impromptu radio appearances, and yet all the while his fans have been almost patient with him as he strives to produce his masterpiece. To put it in context, The Streets released their fourth album in 7 years this summer, and no-one gave a flying fuck.

What? Oh, is it any good? Well, about two thirds of it is actually quite fantastic (Better, There Was A Timethank God someone managed to convince him that the working title ‘T.W.A.T’ might not translate well- I.R.S and the epic Madagascar particularly), with the remaining third made up of wet ballads that would probably be the low points on a Daniel O’Donnell album, and absolute shite like Shacklers Revenge which sounds heavily influenced by Nine Inch Nails and The Prodigy, makes you realise how long this album’s been in production when you realise these were relevant when it was started, and is an embarrassment for all concerned. Yes it’s too long, in places ridiculously overproduced and pompous in the extreme, but this is Guns N’ Roses, and it’s the kind of preposterously overblown record that we will probably never see again as we fully embrace the age of individual downloads and rush-released cash-ins. And were people seriously expecting some sort of subtle alt-country work which takes ‘multiple listens to reveal its myriad charms’? Sod that, I’m a busy man.

So, yeah, better than The Spaghetti Incident anyway…

Gains Points for: Since Dr Pepper promised a free can to every person in America (minus Slash and Buckethead rather cruelly) if Axl Rose delivered the album before the end of the year, Chinese Democracy did its bit to make sure the free world stayed refreshed in these troubled times. Even if it’s with a drink that tastes strangely like antiseptic cream.

Loses Points for: Have you seen Axl Rose recently?? He looks like an old ginger cat that’s been biting off its fur, I can’t help but imagine him with a cone around his neck

18. David Byrne and Brian Eno: Everything that Happens Will Happen Today

Ah, now this album takes multiple listens to reveal its myriad ch… Hang on I’ll start that again…

If you’d asked me after the first few listens of this record I would have easily filed it alongside my most disappointing records of the year, alongside Donkey by CSS (the most charming band in the world contrive to make utterly charmless album) and The Odd Couple by Gnarls Barkley (seemingly knocked out in the 87 minutes last year Dangermouse had off from production duties). The reason for this being that the duos previous release, 1981s My Life in the Bush of Ghosts is one of the greatest albums ever made. Arguably responsible for the invention of sampling, the record certainly took the form to hitherto unimagined levels, using analogue technology (ie: David Byrne holding a reel of recorded sound in his teeth while he desperately looked for the end of the selotape) to sample radio Djs, real life exorcisms, African chanting, radical clerics and pretty much anything else they could find over hypnotic- and more often than not faintly unsettling- dance music that managed to sound at once like the very first music made by primitive man and the way it would sound 300 years in the future. It was astonishingly ahead of its time, and still to this day sounds strangely like the future.

Quite an act to follow as you can imagine, so its surprising to listen to the album for the first time and realise the pair have recorded a sodding gospel album! That goes verse/chorus/verse! It was written on an acoustic guitar for God’s sake! Even after a few disgusted listens, you can’t fathom the unholy pleasantness of the whole exercise.

Eventually though, the shock dies down and you begin to appreciate the album for what it is- it may not change the face of popular music, but its warmth and, occasionally, beauty can burrow itself in your mind if you let it, with many tracks achieving a kind of tiny euphoria as they reach an almost anthemic chorus. Cynical, perhaps, but undeniably affecting. It’s hardly a complete retreat from the sonic adventures of their previous release though; you’re not going to hear the jagged arrangements of I Feel My Stuff or the percussive patterns on Home the fantastic Strange Overtones on a James Morrison album any time soon. Overall though, thanks in no small part to Byrnes vocals and melodic gifts taking centre stage, it feels more like a new Talking Heads album than a follow up to one of the most influential albums of the last 30 years

Gains points for: Being nothing like what people expected

Loses points for: Being nothing like what people expected

17. Kings of Leon: Only by the Night

U2 have a lot to answer for. Time was when a band would celebrate their previous album properly entering the mainstream by ensuring the follow up was either a) a meticulously researched three disc concept album based around the relationship habits of North American cicadas when Saturn is in the cusp of Pisces, recorded over 74 tortuous months in a dilapidated studio in the Peruvian jungle while the lead guitarist tried to tackle his newly acquired $10’000 a day barbiturates addiction, a record which the band would promote by dressing up as Mayan warriors, giving themselves new aliases such as ‘Broquęzŏ’ and playing a free gig on the Pantanal Wetlands. Or b) adopt a ‘more is more’ approach, draft in the London Symphony Orchestra, make a carbon copy of their last, successful album only twice the length, much, much louder and about half as good, watch their epic seven minute long comeback single (complete with £2.5 million Oliver Stone-directed video) limp to number 8 in the charts before disappearing completely and then spend the rest of their career complaining of how the music press ‘builds you up just to knock you down’.

Not now of course, post U2 (specifically their 1987 album The Joshua Tree) bands can’t do that any more, now once you’ve gone ‘mainstream’ you have to attempt to go ‘stadium’. Only by the Night is one of the most shameless attempts at a ‘stadium’ album since Bonjovi’s Slippery When Wet, a record so intent on reaching Wembley that it’s probably entered itself into this year’s FA Cup. All the standard clichés are here; the chiming guitars, the choked voice that can only mean passion, so much echo effect that you can only assume the album was recorded in the Grand Canyon, choruses that go ‘Whooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!’ It’s not a bad album by any means, in fact its one of the best rock albums released this year, with songs like Crawl really showing this is a band still operating at least close to the top of their game, its just after last years fantastic Because of the Times really suggested the band had developed their own sound and seemed sure top take it in increasingly interesting directions after building steadily on their first two albums, this is definitely a step backwards. B+, a good effort, must try harder next time

Gains points for: Sex on Fire, which they cunningly released back in 2004 to test the public’s affection for it, back when the song was called Dakota and they were going under the pseudonym ‘Stereophonics’

Loses points for: I Want You, such an unabashed rip-off of Gigantic by The Pixies that it would probably lead Kim Deal to kill herself just so that she could spin in her grave. Come to think of it, did they actually write any of these songs?

16. Fuckbuttons: Street Horrssing

Really, what the fuck is all this about? Is this actually the worst record I’ve ever heard? Or 48 minutes of twisted genius that comprise the most individualistic and groundbreaking debut album of the year? No, scrap that last statement, it really is awful. Or is it actually one of the best records I’ve ever heard?

Street Horrssing (what??) defies definition and categorisation more than any other album I’ve heard this year, but hey, I’ll give it a shot anyway. Similar in parts to both the percussion-led drone rock of Can and Neu, and the slightly upsetting semi-prog-doom-rock (try asking for the directions to that section when your next in HMV) of Slint and (whisper it) Van Der Graaf Generator, while at the same time sounding absolutely nothing like any of those bands I’ve just mentioned. Ironically, the main facets of Fuckbuttons’ (astonishingly, that’s only the second worst band name on this list) sound- incessant repetitive motives, heavy African influences, occasional indecipherable mumblings, piercing tribal drums- most closely resemble Mea Culpa, a track off My Life in the Bush of Ghosts. The difference being of course that Mea Culpa is over in 4 minutes, while Street Horrssing lasts the best part of an hour.

The album is definitely not for the weak-willed, or even faint hearted, only two songs last under 9 minutes, and of those two one is 7 and a half while the other- Ribs Out– comprises of just a solitary drummer and a looped sample of a monkey screaming and is quite possibly the most unsettling 4 minutes of music I’ve ever heard. First track Sweet Love for Planet Earth is a case in point, it starts with an impressive intro consisting of an echoed droning synth line, which builds up great anticipation as you wait for the drums to kick in and the song to tear the roof off, until nine and a half minutes passes and you realise that droning synth line was the song.

Still, it’s undeniably hypnotic in places, and it’s great to see any act truly challenging the listener as Fuckbuttons indisputably do, there will not be one person that will not have a strong opinion either way on this record if you play it to them, and how many albums can you truly say that of? After listening to it all the way through, this album invokes a strange, shell-shocked feeling in the stomach that no other record this year can match. Even if that feeling is possibly nausea.

Gains points for: Making sure there’s no chance of their music being the theme tune to the next series of Planet Earth.

Loses points for: May induce vomiting and lack of appetite, do not listen to while operating heavy machinery.

15. Glasvegas: Glasvegas

Epic scope, Spector-esque arrangements, heart-breaking lyrics and a vocal so Scottish it’s practically painted on a shortbread tin- yes, The Twilight Sad’s debut truly was one of the best records of last year.

Arf! Seriously though, while the similarities between last year’s Who-the-hell-are-you-get-off-my-stage-can-I-see-your-passes-pleases and this year’s biggest new indie band are plenty, and it may stick in the craw of a fan of the former band that it was Glasvegas who received the attention and record company support, the simple fact is that Glasvegas did it all much, much better.

Unfairly maligned in some quarters as the most humourless Scottish doom-mongers this side of Gordon Brown, an opinion only strengthened by the band adopting the dress code of revellers attending The Fonz’s funeral (and what’s more depressing than that), Glasvegas actually crafted one of the most strangely uplifting records of the year. Continuing in the rich vein of Scottish bands who refuse to believe any other bands have ever existed other than the Velvet Underground and the Ronnetes, their sound may be doused in a hefty vat full of melancholy but it is very rarely anything less than utterly beautiful and, with James Allan’s wonderfully different voice (well… if you don’t count The Proclaimers) over it all, the abiding impression is of those moments in Rab C Nesbit when Rab admits to camera through a fog of whiskey on his breath that, hey, maybe life ain’t so hard after all.

However, the album’s high point is also one of its main flaws, and the reason this album isn’t higher up in this list. The second track Geraldine is a staggering piece of music, the best single of the year and a song of such overwhelming lyrical and musical beauty that it simply overwhelms everything else on the album, even Everest-like peaks such as opener Flowers and Football Tops and last year’s matinee single Daddy’s Gone. With possibly the greatest lyrics of any hit-single this year (Brandon Flower’s inability to remember the plural of ‘dancer’ notwithstanding), that seem to both celebrate a most unconventional love story whilst at the same time hint towards possibly a darker motivation behind the title character’s actions, any song that can get the listener singing along to a chorus of ‘I’m your social worker’ can’t be a bad thing can it?

Gains points for: Recording a Christmas album and resisting the temptation to re-record a special festive version of Geraldine with Peter Kay playing the titular character on guest vocals. No charity needs the money that much.

Loses points for: If you read the more reactionary (i.e. stupid) corners of the music press, you will already have been informed that- with songs about absent fathers, child death and the self-explanatory Let’s Get Stabbed– Glasvegas are in fact the sound of ‘Broken/ Blade Britain’ (delete as appropriate), a sign of these fair isles travelling on a handcart somewhere south and a shocking indicator that, yes, Curly Wurlys did use to be bigger years ago. All complete nonsense of course, and can you imagine how unbearably shit a band would be if they only sang about the good things in life? Hmmm…

14. Alphabeat: This is Alphabeat

Oh cheer up you bunch of miserable bastards.

People of the world can basically be divided into three categories; those that have never heard Alphabeat, those who absolutely adore Alphabeat, and those that are bare-faced fucking liars. To not instantaneously fall in love with this collection of simply the greatest, most unpretentious and most superbly crafted pop songs of the year is simply unthinkable, an act of psychotic self-constraint up there with throwing away unused bubble-wrap and peeling the seal off a new jar of coffee instead of popping it with a spoon.

There is simply no song on this album which isn’t a note-perfect joy, each song is such a perfect exercise in infectious hooks and zeppelin-sized choruses that it sounds like a best-of collection of a decade old band that no-one’s ever thought to introduce you to before, This Is Alphabeat wisely does away with all the chaff you inevitably have to wade through on pop albums (no ballads! Praise the lord!) to leave you with a lean, fresh collection of tune after tune after tune after… And what tunes they are, the inescapable highlight Fascination (this year’s Hey Ya, a pop song so blissfully and joyously unconcerned with life’s problems it could reverse the recession in a heart beat, if only someone would give it a chance) aside, from opener Fantastic Six through Boyfriends’ exhumation of Debbie Gibson and What is Happening, which has to be the happiest sad break-up song ever. If this last year is anything to go by and Alphabeat are actually planning to release all these songs as singles (so far they’ve released tracks 2, 3, 4 and 5, in that order, so if you want to second guess their next release then track 6 Go-Go seems a decent bet) than it’s only because they all could be singles.

So yes, maybe it’s a bit throwaway and disposable, but that’s what pop music has always been, if we can only enjoy things we know will still be as fresh ten years from now we’d all just eat lentils. And yes it’s all a bit so disconcertingly wholesome and sugary sweet in places that you could almost be listening to Same Difference, but just because a piece of music isn’t a ten minute three cycle concept piece revolving around the singer’s imagined rape at the hands of Cervantes doesn’t mean its inane, or unworthy or in any way less of a fantastic piece of work. Sometimes we need to find some time for the nicer things in life don’t we? I mean, can’t we all just get along?

Gains points for: 10’000 Nightsopening line; ‘I was not looking for an arty-farty love’. Worth a place in the list based on that alone

Loses points for: May be linked with toothache and diabetes

13. Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend

They’re Ivy League graduates and dress like they’re auditioning for a mid-west USA remake of Brideshead Revisited. They’re heavily influenced by sub-Saharan African music and actually name-check Peter Gabriel in one song. Their biggest hit to date was about the merits of a little-used form of punctuation and they’ve actually got a song called Campus with a chorus of ‘I see you/ You’re walking across the campus’. Seriously, how much do you wanna hate this band?

And you would, if it weren’t for the fact they made music quite so lovable. One of the year’s most unexpected and yet welcome minor-success stories, who would’ve thought that one of the year’s biggest indie debuts would be the one that most closely resembles The Las attempting to cover Paul Simon’s Gracelands? There’s no way of describing this album that can make it sound in any way cool, but then it never makes any attempt to be, and therein lies its charm. While a lot of the talk around the band was of their supposed high-intellect and the surreal reference points of their lyrics, what really made the record such a hit was the breezy charisma of the songs themselves, where the myriad African references in the music don’t stand out nearly as much as the fact that the album is held together by simple, summery jangly-indie tunes, the like which went out of fashion with Dodgy in about 1996. On paper it sounds awful, in practice it was the sound of the summer.

Predictably, the album didn’t seem to work quite as well come October and you had to endure some smug get singing ‘Kape Kod Kwasa’ while it pissed down outside, and strangely enough for all its intricacies and invention it still comes across as rather shallow and unsubstantial and its hard to imagine anyone really losing themselves in it like you could with truly great albums. Like a good salad then, extremely refreshing, unlikely to make you feel completely full, but undoubtedly very good for you.

Gains points for: Leaving many a sixth-form goth band left even more pale than usual when they realise that, not only has the name ‘Vampire Weekend’ already been taken, it’s been taken by a bunch of cheery, rose-cheeked New Yorkers.

Loses points for: Seriously, they actually named a track Campus

12. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds: Dig! Lazarus, Dig!

And for his next trick…

Merely months after both delighting and terrifying audiences by releasing Grinderman- the band that all middle-aged jobbing pub bands look and sound like in Hades, and possibly the most rock and roll mid-life crisis ever- into the world, Nick Cave seemed to have expelled that blast of biblical swamp-rock out of his system so well that he went on to make possibly the most accessible album of his career. ‘Accessible’ is relative of course, even at 168 (or thereabouts) he’s not quite at the stage where he’s releasing covers albums of Cole Porter standards and performing them on the Paul O’Grady show, and there’s very few points during, say, Albert Goes West where the song is in any real danger of lurching into More Than a Feeling by Boston (although, come to think of it, that would be awesome), but musically at least this is more of a straight-forward rock album than pretty much any other in his collection.

It’s still bloody fantastic though, and received probably the warmest and widest critical reception of any of his albums to date (even Classic Rock Magazine were sufficiently moved to give it 9/10). The Bad Seeds prove once again that they’re simply the tightest, most exhilarating and damn-near-it best band of rock musicians in the civilised world. Springsteen’s E Street Band may generate an awe-inspiring wall of sound big enough to knock Mars ever so slightly off orbit, but can they produce the kind of lightning-in-a-bottle controlled chaos that characterise the Bad Seeds at their best? And they most certainly are at their best here, clattering their way through most of these eleven tracks like they’ve just found out they’ve only an hour to live (which judging by their combined age of 12’628 isn’t too outlandish a thought). Cave himself is also having the time of his life, contributing his wittiest set of lyrics yet, continuing to push the self-depreciating humour of his words to the forefront of his writing as he did on the Grinderman album; less fire and brimstone, more Galton and Simpson. When the two factors come together best on the amazing (or astonishing, astounding, remarkable, wonderful, incredible… Well you all have thesauruses) We Call upon the Author to Explain it creates something that’s at the same time hilarious, elating, spine-tingling, inspiring, absolutely unique and basically something I doubt any other artist in history would come close to even thinking up, never mind recording.

The rest of the album never quite reaches those heights again though, and despite all of the factors I’ve mentioned there remains a strange restraint to the album, and only on a handful of songs does it really feel the band are really allowed to let loose, and never quite in the certifiable insanity sense of a song like Hiding All Away. The most damning criticism you could level at would be that, while it is undoubtedly a more accomplished album than Grinderman, it’s no way near as fun, and it would be a shame if Nick Cave were to channel more of his unhinged leanings toward his side project whilst leaving the Bad Seeds as more of an outlet for his more commercial output, then we really would have to call upon the… Well you get the picture

Gains points for: The video for the title track, where Nick Cave attempts his own homage of Peter Kay’s video for Is This the Road to Amarillo?

Loses points for: That moustache. I’m sorry but it’s gone on for too far now

11. Sway: The Signature LP

Or The Curious Case of Derek DeSafo. Put simply, there’s absolutely no-one in Britain doing commercial hip hop better than Sway, and in terms of actual rapping talent, lyrical ingenuity and wordplay he’s probably up there with the best in the world, his style very much calling to mind Jay-Z, except with the self-aggrandising replaced with a very British self-depreciative wit. For proof just listen to his 2006 debut This is my Demo (Mercury nominated and quite possibly the best album released that year) or any one of the countless mix-tapes and EPs he’s put out over the past few years, or even his guest spots on songs from everyone from The Streets to Ian Brown. What’s not so easy to comprehend is why he’s not absolutely chuffing huge. While he’d never admit it, Sway musty have looked on in bewilderment as his main peers Wiley and Dizzee Rascal had by far the biggest hits of their career by adopting a more radio-friendly sound, while all the while Sway’s career is creating radio-friendly hip-hop, produced with the aim of being as big as possible and unashamed of it. And yet he’s still mysteriously shunned by 90% of all the mainstream music mediums, many of whom often use the excuse of how hard it is to present Grime music as mainstream entertainment, despite Sway being about as ‘Grime’ as Barry Scott. It says a lot about the wider problems British hip-hop acts face trying to break through a bizarrely reluctant British media that Sway has signed to Akon’s US label and has just started making waves in America, where they obviously find the idea of a South London rapper a lot easier to swallow. The most successful British rap song? Rat Rapping by Roland Rat. I rest my case.

The Signature LP itself sounds like a very conscious attempt by Sway to record his masterpiece, and as a result occasionally overreaches and doesn’t quite live up to Sway’s admirably lofty ambitions. While the use of the London Symphony Orchestra on a handful of tracks (most notably breathtaking opener Fit for a King) are undeniably affecting, and never quite lapse into sounding conceited and pompous, the album could have done with a couple more punchy numbers like Say It Twice to really push it into classic territory. It’s still a fantastic album though, much superior to Maths and English, Dizzee Rascal’s semi-successful attempt at a crossover last year, the only real minus points come as a result of one of Sway’s close friends dying close to the albums release, which is tragic as it means we’re subjected to two mid-tempo weepies about how much he misses her, which both completely break up the flow of the second half of the album. This isn’t Sway’s masterpiece, but he’s not far off it.

Gains point for: Jason Waste, the album’s high point and an absolutely extraordinary collision of slightly off-time beats, distorted wailing female voices and Sway’s tale of the world’s biggest waste of skin. Quite unlike any other song released this year and proof that Sway isn’t all about the mainstream

Loses points for: Akon’s guest spot of Silver and Gold. What’s that Akon? Women are just after your money are they? Still going on about that? Oh she’s a stripper you say? Change the record you fucking moron.

10. Mystery Jets: Twenty One

To be perfectly honest, once the Dad of the Mystery Jet’s lead singer left the band last year it seemed to me like the group’s one Unique Selling Point had been lost and, while they were never less than perfectly enjoyable, they would simply cease to be known as The-Band-With-The-Lead-Singer’s-Dad-In-It, move onto being referred to as The-Band-Which-The-Lead-Singer’s-Dad-Used-To-Be-In for a short while before being eventually quietly forgotten about. What no-one could’ve predicted is that the Dad was obviously such a heinous cramp on the band’s style that by jettisoning the old fart completely (Ok, in reality he still co-writes some of the songs, but I’m enjoying this imagery way too much to let fact get in the way of it) they would be sufficiently liberated enough to produce probably the most unexpected great album of the year.

While their 2006 debut was a perfectly pleasant, and occasionally somewhat enchanting blend of prog-indie and psychadelica, it never once really suggested that the band were in for the long. It’s main obstacles were the band’s at times wearisome idiosyncrasies (at times it sounded like they were all trying that little too hard to sound as out-there and experimental as they could, whilst never quite shaking off that strange suspicion that they’d much rather be at home watching Countryfile with a hot mug of asparagus Cup-a-Soup) and the simple fact that the album’s eleven songs had barely half a tune between them. The Fantastic Twenty One pulls off the perfect second-album trick of ironing out pretty much all of the problems of the debut while at the same time losing none of its charm, individuality and sense of fun; the album starts with what sounds like a Public Enemy sample on Hideaway and only manages to get more exciting from thereon in, managing to take in alt-folk, 80s Disco, stadium ballads, indie-funk and strange new genres that even I can’t find the effort to attempt to make-up.

A lot of the credit must go to Errol Alkan, the producer of two of the albums in the top ten, who seems to be becoming an expert in reeling in artist’s more over-eccentric leanings to complement a coherent sound, and also introducing them to the idea that a great pop song may not necessarily mean you’ve sold your soul to the devil. Both Errol and Mystery Jets sound like they may be in here for the long-term.

Gains points for: Young Love, a fantastic duet with the offensively young and talented Laura Marling (see The Roy Walker Section), easily one of the best singles of the year and one that almost defies definition.

Loses points for: The saxophone solo in Two Doors Down; come on boys, there’s writing an 80s pastiche and then there’s just being silly.

9. British Sea Power: Do You Like Rock Music?

Another album that saw its creators jump effortlessly from the D-list to the A-list, British Sea Power’s third album was so undeniably superior to its predecessors that it immediately catapulted the band from being indie rock’s Brian Dowling to being its, oooooh, Cat Deeley at least. Not quite out of nowhere, but definitely out of being ‘that mildly irritating smartarse band with the slightly twee sound and song titles so arch you could park them in Paris and call them the Triomphe’, you would have got very long odds on BSP (or the ‘C-Powas’ as almost certainly no-one calls them) to release the best British rock album of the year back in January, but 2008 saw the band make the full transition from couldn’t-give-a-flying to the country’s most polite rock Gods, you’d call the record ‘a monster’ if you weren’t so sure you could still beat it up. From the opener All In It through Lights Out For Darker Skies, Atom and especially bona-fide classic Waving Flags, plus more, the band’s sonic adventures and appreciation of the effects of a great quiet/LOUD dynamic places the album’s sound somewhere between Spiritualised and The Pixies, while still managing to cultivate a sound that was all their own, take out the unspeakably horrendous Trip Out (which sounds like a cantaloupe attempting to rewrite Gomez’s Whippin’ Piccadilly after a six day LSD binge, is unbearably jovial and probably what people who hate British sea Power think all their songs sound like) and pretty much every track’s a killer. The greatest compliment you could pay it is that it so comprehensively out-Arcade Fires Arcade Fire themselves that everyone pretty much forgot about the Canadian’s second album less than a year after it was released. Not that it sounds anything like Arcade Fire of course (come on, keep up), it may share the same sense of noise, flamboyance and scope, but it also pulls off the strange trick of creating a sound that is at once joyously uninhibited, all Kevin Shields guitar noise and the occasional choir, while at the same time retaining a certain sense of reserve, which may have a lot to do with singer Yan’s breezy vocal style and curiously parochial lyrical reference points, which lends the entire collection a strong sense of Englishness, bizarrely perhaps more than any other record this year. They could eventually become the country’s greatest rock band.

Gains points for: Taking the Bulgarian People’s Choir on tour with them, seemingly just for the hell of it.

Loses points for: That terrible, smarmy album title, it makes me wish I hated the record just so I could say ‘evidently not’.

8. David Holmes: The Holy Picture

Here are a few facts about David Holmes; 1) He’s Irish, or if you prefer, ‘Oirish’. 2) He is probably most well known nowadays as a six squillion dollar a day (my estimates) Hollywood soundtrack composer and compiler, most famously Oceans 11. 3) So yes, he is at least part responsible for subjecting the world to that dishearteningly ubiquitous remix of A Little Less Conversation a few years back. 4) He often goes unshaven, perhaps hoping a bit of stubble will put people off the scent of how much exactly he earns from those Hollywood soundtracks. 5) His first album was, ironically in light of his later work, called This Movie’s Crap Let’s Slash the Seats, which is currently in my top three album titles of the last 20 years, along with My Pain and Sadness Are More Sad and Painful Than Yours by McClusky, and The Only Difference Between Me and You Is That I’m Not On Fire, coincidentally also by McClusky 6) He made far and away the best dance album of last year, probably his best work since 2000’s Bow Down to the Exit Sign or even 1997’s Let’s Get Killed. Driven by an almost insatiable marching rhythm that almost cuts through the entire album, obviously influenced by Kraftwerk’s sonic adventures down the Autobahn, its almost euphoric guitar lines and synth bursts make it a much lighter, in terms of tone, addition to the Holmes canon, but no worse for it. 7) McClusky were never that good a band, but they could sure do album titles, proof that everyone’s got a talent somewhere, if they just put their minds to it. 8) The artist the record resembles mostly though is vintage Contino Sessions/ Scorpio Rising Death in Vegas, even so far as much as during moments in some songs, most notably opener I Heard Wonders, you wonder slightly if Holmes may have taken on his influences a tad too far and lurched into full-blown parody, which is odd for someone so obviously talented. Then he throws something as marvellously batty as Theme/I.M.C your way and it’s so good you stop caring) 9) Seal could never write album titles, he just named his first three albums ‘Seal’ the lazy get, and that Peter Gabriel’s no better. Oasis are the absolute champions of the bad title genre though, stick Standing on the Shoulder of Giants, Don’t Believe the Truth and Heathen Chemistry in a time capsule and you’d have a perfect illustration of early 20th century stupidity. 10) Combine all this with David Holmes’s slight and whispery voice (occasionally uncannily like Jim Reid, which coupled with the songs’ driving sound gives a lot of the album a certain Jesus and Mary Chain feel in places, especially Love Reign Over) singing over most of the album and you have probably the most accessible of his career, if perhaps not the best, and definitely the easiest one to throw shapes to.

Gains points for: The Story of the Ink, a brilliant song which is almost agonising to listen to as it builds up to what sounds like it must be the greatest drop in the history of recorded dance music, all the instruments build up unbearable tension over five and a half minutes before… it finishes. A fantastic tease.

Loses points for: Well, the album title’s a bit pedestrian isn’t it?

7. MGMT: Oracular Spectacular

No band were more ‘2008’ than MGMT, arriving early in the year sounding like the missing link between nu-rave and Girls Aloud, embraced by the hipsters, their parents and their kid sister all at the same time. If they could have existed at any other time, they almost certainly wouldn’t have been half as successful, and as a result the songs from Oracular Spectacular were used to soundtrack every sodding event of the entire year. It’s got to the point now where I can’t even understand televised sport unless it’s preceded by a montage of talking points set to the tune of Electric Feel, and I always though the News at Ten were just having a laugh with all that Robert Mugabe stuff, until they started sound tracking their reports with Weekend Wars. You want the adverts for your new drama to scream ‘cutting-edge’ and ‘cool’ while at the same time appeal to the mass-market? The first few bars of Time to Pretend will do nicely. It was reported that Alaister Darling was inspired to cut the Bank of England’s interest rates in the face of such a harsh economic climate by the synth line to Kids, and if you look closely at Barack Obama make his way to the podium to make his acceptance speech as the new President of the United States of America last November, you’ll see he’s actually mouthing the words to Fourth Dimensional quietly to himself.

In normal circumstances such overexposure would quickly turn MGMT into the most reviled band since Josef Fritz became the bass player for Scouting for Girls (note: this may not have happened), but luckily the band had some of the greatest pop songs of the year in their hold-all. Have any band this century kicked off their career with a run of singles as perfect as Kids, Time to Pretend and Electric Feel? Has any band of the last 25 years? You might have to go back as far as Frankie Goes to Hollywood to find a pop band that arrived with three such fully-formed statements of intent. The rest of the album predictably pales slightly in comparison, although it’s hardly filler, made up of some fantastic psychedelic pop, with Youth and Of Gods and Monsters being particular standouts, that positions them as some sort of more primary-coloured Fisher-Price Flaming Lips (The Lips’ Dave Fridmann produces the record), with only the deathly dull directionless noodlings of Fourth Dimensional really falling flat on its face. The biggest question that arises from the whole thing is, with such spark and invention in their music, why do the band themselves seem like such dullards?

Gains points for: The synth line from Kids, an absolutely joyous thing that even a billion Skins adverts can’t ruin.

Loses points for: So is it pronounced ‘management’ or what?

6. Roots Manuva: Slime and Reason

Ah, The Daddy. Roots Manuva is to UK Hip-Hop what David Bowie is to Glam Rock (or perhaps even Nirvana were to grunge); both colossuses of their genre who loom over their scene to such an extent that their rarely even considered part of it. Even though Roots Manuva’s first album only came out in 1998, and this is only his fourth studio album (sixth if you include the two dub re-workings of his previous albums), he often seems like he has been around forever, he predates both grime and even Uk garage, and it’s hard not to think of him as the Godfather of the new breed of British rap, putting out his peculiarly British strain of hip-hop since Dizzee Rascal, Kano et al were still in baggy nappies. Not that he’d take this as an excuse to put his feet up of course, in fact in 2008 he released what is assuredly the best album of his career to date.

Working with a handful of outside producers for the first time, including electro-pop whizz-kids Metronomy, in an exceptionally successful attempt to bring in dashes of different ideas to a sound that was dangerously close to stagnating on his last album (an occasionally stodgy collection of songs pulled from the darker side of Roots’s psyche, that he still had the good humour to call Awfully Deep) with the result being both his most varied and his most coherent collection to date, which is no mean trick to pull. All thoughts of this album being a grim retread of the dark corners of Awfully Deep are blown out the water approximately 2.4 seconds into opening track Again and Again, by far and away the best hip-hop song of the summer, blending his characteristic Jamaican dancehall-influenced sound with something approaching calypso music (reflected in the song’s ace cricket-based promo video, which follows on from Manuva’s previous video’s exploration of British pastimes such as school sports days and… erm… ventriloquism), it’s the best single Mr. Rodney Smith has done since Witness (1 Hope) and if it doesn’t at least raise a smile then you’ve got to consider the fact that there’s little hope left for you in life. So it’s got to be all downhill from there then?

Not at all, the album does not have one track on it that is less than great (although special mention must go to Kick Up Ya Foot and the Metronomy-produced Let the Spirit), and even tracks that occasionally sound slightly underwhelming at first, such as Do 4 Self and the first single Buff Nuff, with time reveal their subtle nuances and charms. On previous albums Manuva had struggled to really successfully mix the two almost bi-polar sides of his character, the one firmly at home on the dance floor and the one destined for introspective dark nights of the soul, yet here dub bangers such as Do Nah Bodda Me can sit easily next to more soul-searching laments like It’s Me Oh Lord and the effect seems seamless. A near-flawless record and another high-watermark for rap in this country.

Gains points for: Playing the Norwich Waterfront in November and adamantly claiming throughout that he was Delia Smith’s nephew. He knows how to please the locals.

Loses points: The awful album title and hideously gaudy artwork that give the album the feel of an Ultramagnetic MCs bootleg from about 1986. Actually, maybe that’s a good thing.

5. Late of the Pier: Fantasy Black Channel

Let’s get the obvious problem out the way first- Sponge Theatre, Hip Skimmy, Attila the Frump, Johnny Moustache, Greg Proops-Doggy-Dogg, The Maltese Falcons, Whiteboard Marker, Basil Geoff and the Fresh Mince, Double You Dot, Vermiscillious- that’s just the first ten possible band names that came to my head, none of which to my knowledge are currently in use, and each of which are at least twelve times better than the one that this Castle Donington band finally settled on (Ok, maybe not Double You Dot, I’ll admit that I may have been possibly running out of ideas when I thought of that one). I refuse to accept that we’ve reached a stage of modern culture where we’re so bereft of new ideas that we’re willing to accept Late of the fucking Pier as a tolerable band name. It doesn’t even make sense! If it were Late at the Pier or Late to the Pier, then I could accept that maybe it was inspired by a band trip to Brighton or Wigan where it took them a little longer than expected to reach the main attractions, but Late of the Pier? Rubbish.

Luckily for us, the imagination the band so obviously chose not to exercise on their name is put to use one hundred times over on their album’s content. In fact, it’s difficult to recall a British debut album in recent years so awash with ideas and inspiration. Late of the Pier may concur with the theory that we have reached a stage of cultural evolution where so much has gone before it is now impossible to create any art form that is truly ‘new’, and so to sidestep the issue they’ve simply decided to attempt pretty much every style of music ever conceived. At the same time. It’s a glorious rush to hear snatches of funk, Smithsian indie, 80s hair-metal, big beat, acid house, industrial rock and brit-pop, and then realising you’re only on track two. The band’s complete disregard for convention is an absolute joy (again, credit to producer Eroll Alkan for reigning in the band’s penchant for the ludicrously out-there), and the sneaking suspicion that it all may be one great piss-take actually only adds to the fun. There’s more invention and sense of adventure and the possibilities of music in, say, Space and the Woods than 99.999999999% of bands will even attempt in their entire career. What really makes the album a joy though, is the band’s dogged insistence that above all their music should be entertaining, this isn’t an album to stroke your beard to while marvelling at the 4/8 rhythm employed in the middle eight, it’s not an album that’s intended to be scrutinized at length or picked over, it’s just there to be enjoyed, and as a result is probably the most purely enjoyable listening experience of the year. The only question is how they’re going to follow it.

Gains points for: The bit about ninety seconds into Focker where the band evidently gets bored of the song completely and decides instead to play a bit of industrial house music, as you do.

Loses points for: I’m quite happily prepared to admit that approximately 38% of people will find this album positively unlistenable. Dull people, generally, but people all the same.

4. Tegan and Sara: The Con

Lesbian twins! Admit it; you’d love this band even if the songs were shite.

Although they may sound like an act dreamt up by the features editor of Nuts, or at best the kind of musical curiosity destined to spend the best part of an hour on late night BBC2 attempting to fend off Louis Theroux’s progressively elevating eyebrows as he investigates the stranger side of North American folk music, Tegan and Sara’s fifth album is actually a little-known gem, and a minor pop classic. While it would be asking a lot to expect that the duo could ever completely escaping their USP (at least they cut their hair differently in an attempt to look different, The Proclaimers are just trying to mess with your mind), their blend of ever-so-slightly twisted pop rock should at least ensure that the inevitable first comment (see above) will be followed by ‘…and their music’s chuffing great and all’.

What Tegan and Sara (I better state conclusively here, lest there be any confusion later, that no, I have no idea which one’s which) do fantastically is write consistently and occasionally beautiful pop songs, and then twist and subvert them ever so carefully until the effect is at the same time one of both familiarity and a very welcome shock of the new, of the conventionally affecting and the downright weird. One way they achieve this is by writing some of the best and most perplexing lyrics of the year, often very simply written but loaded with enough intrigue to keep the listener still fascinated 12 months after its release (it was actually released autumn 2007 in America) whether it be the oblique Are You Tens Years Ago, The Con’s chorus imploring us to ‘Encircle me/ I need to be/ Taken down’ or album highlight Like Oh, Like H’s opening lines telling us ‘When I was eight I was sure I was growing nerves/ Like Steel in my palm/ S.O.S to my mother/ Take the hinges off the door’ possibly putting the track up there with The Undertones’ Teenage Kicks when it comes to great songs about… erm… teen ‘introspection’.

Their voices too are also a joy to listen to; their Canadian accents are so thick that you initially presume they’re putting them on (Hope a Plane’s chorus of ‘Arl Oi Warn to ear is zat ure nart moyne is a particular delight’) and they both evidently prefer a good scream to any kind of recognised singing, but the effect is absolutely charming, and adds to that beautiful oddness (not ‘quirkiness’, and most definitely not fucking ‘kookiness’) that make the entire album such a delight.

Gains points for: Did I mention the bit about them being lesbian twins?

Loses points for: Considering there are moments on the album where it’s hard to shake thoughts of Terrance and Philip from your mind, would it be too much to ask for a cover of ‘Uncle Fukka’ as a secret bonus track?

3. Lykke Li: Youth Novels

Like Michael Myers in Halloween, rumours of where Richard Gere likes to exercise his pets and Peter Mandelson, it seems that ABBA are just refusing to die. Just as ABBA Gold finally begins to slide down the charts, you realised you haven’t seen Waterloo discussed on any talking heads show for a good two months, Muriel’s Wedding hasn’t been taken off the shelves at your local Blockbuster all year and you start to believe that maybe, just maybe the band have been finally consigned to the Magic FM dumper. But no, just then the British public as a whole decides to ride out the recession watching Meryl Streep dance around a Greek island singing The Winner Takes it All’, the corpse is duly exhumed and the whole unholy cycle starts afresh (coincidentally, I’ve decided to ride out the recession watching Burnley striker Ade Akinbiyi dance around the Canary Islands. I figured it’d at least pass the time).

I only mention the Swedish Overlords of Pri-Mark Pop as their lastest renaissance (I make it their 296th ‘critical revaluation’ since the turn of the century) has overshadowed the fact that their native Sweden is actually churning out better pop music in the last couple of years than it has in decades. To place alongside Robyn’s excellent 2007 album (the only non-embarrassing electro-pop album in centuries) is this debut by Lykke Li, an absolutely masterpiece in modern pop and the sweetest, assist and sexiest album of the year by a country mile.

Ok, first the bad; Trumpets in my Head is a bit of a pointless interlude, and you can practically hear Lykke herself shouting ‘how many more tracks do we need?’ over Complaint Department. I just need to get those minor gripes out of the way so I could state categorically that the rest of the album is pretty much perfect, and the best debut album of the year. How Lykke Li (pronounced ‘licky lee’ apparently, but I’ve always preferred ‘like lie’, have a play around with it yourself, see what you come up with) must curse MGMT, as if it weren’t for them there’d be no-one else this year who could touch her run of singles quality-wise; Breaking it Up, I’m Good I’m Gone and Little Bit are classic twisted-pop, infectiously melodic but with a dark streak in them as long as a Swedish winter night (see what I did there?), Lykke also pull off the ‘holy grail’ of great pop lyrics, writing words that can at once be either be sweet and naïve, or absolutely filthy, depending on how you listen to. What Lykke Li achieves that MGMT don’t though is keep the quality just as high throughout the album, a collection of songs so fantastic that you find yourself really liking Lykke at around track three, deciding you love her about track six, rehearsing your marriage proposal by the end of track ten, before losing all control altogether before the end and electing to leave several obscene messages on Granddad Li’s answer phone.

Gains points for: Her voice, while not technically over-accomplished, is used fantastically effectively throughout the album, at different points cold and distant, warm and sweet or barbed and resentful, seemingly without even changing.

Loses points for: Irresponsible use of a megaphone throughout, all the kids will be wanting one of those next Christmas.

2. Elbow: The Seldom Seen Kid

Rarely can one band’s success been celebrated as sincerely and as wide as Elbow’s in 2008, their Mercury Prize win in September was greeted with the kind of rejoicing rarely witnessed in this country outside last minute FA Cup Final goals and Conservative election defeats. This only had half to do with the fact that the album was the most worthy recipient of the award since Antony and the Johnsons incredible I Am a Bird Now came out on top in 2005 (and unlike Antony, Elbow never had any numpties like The Kaiser Chiefs questioning their ‘Britishness’. Yes lads, because you so would’ve won otherwise, wouldn’t you?) and half to do with the widely held belief that, in all of British music, no band was more deserving of a breakthrough than the five friends from Bury with the lived-in faces and midriffs that came sponsored by Guinness. Since 1999’s perhaps critically overrated (and also Mercury nominated) debut Asleep in the Back the band have made a career of being the best band that not-quite-enough-people-have-heard-of; few people cared when they blew their debut out of the water with the grandiose arrangements and lofty ambition of the follow-up Cast of Thousands before 2004’s triumphant Leaders of the First World was released to unanimous apathy, upped the bar again to seemingly unreachable heights, and sounded emphatically like a career-best. That opinion may have to be revised.

Of course Elbow’s real breakthrough came months before the Mercury was announced; it first came when the album was released to the best reviews and most widespread attention of their career, as people started to wonder whether this group of unshaven barflies were actually one of the country’s best groups; it gathered momentum during football’s European Championships where both BBC and ITV elected to soundtrack every single segment with a different track from The Seldom Seen Kid (literally in ITV’s case) and they were finally catapulted to the cusp of the mainstream when they stole the show at pretty much every festival of the summer (if it weren’t for Jay-Z’s scene-stealing turn, and all the preceding controversy, it’s likely that all people would’ve talked about this Glastonbury was Elbow’s main-stage set). The Mercury Prize, after the year Elbow had had, was merely the icing on the cake.

The album itself saw Elbow’s sound, one so expertly fine-tuned on their previous releases, approach something close to perfection, sonically ambitious with out being at all pretentious or ever running close to losing its almost hypnotic charm on the listener (it sounds bizarre now how they were lumped in with the likes of Travis, Embrace and Turin Brakes for large parts of their career by the lazier parts of the music press) while Guy Garvey could now have a decent claim to be the best white male voice in the country, as he manages to do justice to Elbow’s best set of music as well as his most accomplished lyrics. Ten months after it’s release the likes of breath-taking brass-led opener Starlings, the icy fragility of Glitterball, the bluesy single Grounds for Divorce and the epic centrepiece The Loneliness of a Tower Crane Driver still have the ability to astonish, and are now beginning to sound suspiciously like modern classics. It says a lot for the album when even the weakest track On a Day Like This sounded initially like a cynical attempt to write a festival anthem, but eventually found new life in the summer when it was adopted as… erm… a festival anthem. A masterpiece, but unfortunately for Elbow there were two of those last year.

Gains points for: The Fix, where the band rope in Richard Hawley for a track about pigeon and horse racing and create what may be the most northern song ever recorded.

Loses points for: Being so obviously pleased with their Mercury win, that’s just not very cool is it?

1. TV on the Radio: Dear Science

I have a reoccurring dream, in this dream The Artist Currently Known as Prince suddenly has a bewildering moment of clarity, possibly nursing a hangover after Paisley Park’s Tuesday night pub quiz (perhaps Sheena Easton’s team came first and won a deep-fat fryer), when he happens come across his record collection, glances over his recorded output since 1991’s Diamonds and Pearls and realises that, with a handful of exceptions, it’s all pretty much a pile of shit. In a horrible moment of realisation he rushes to the recording studio, realising he has to reverse his mistakes, he ditches the funk workouts, he doesn’t just release the first sodding thing he records, he immediately hands each of his useless ‘protégés’ a fifty dollar bill and demands they never darken his doorstep again, he rings up The Revolution and says that all is forgiven, he even invites in some outside producers to bounce ideas off and finally, after a gruelling eighteen months getting the recording just right, Prince releases one more masterpiece, one more record that’s as good as his live shows, reminiscent of his mid-80s peak and the world falls in love with him once again. And in my dream that record has an opening track that’s as good as Halfway Home by TV on the Radio.

It won’t happen of course; partly because Prince is still obviously a depressingly long way from rehabilitation (he’s recently said that his motivation for releasing his new record next year-one of three, naturally- is that he ‘got tired of waiting for Sade to release an album’. Jesus suffering Christ) and partly because Halfway Home, the greatest opening track on the greatest album of the year, is so brain-numbingly fantastic that I’m not convinced even Mr. Rogers Nelson could pull it off. If you don’t fall desperately in love with the Brooklyn band’s third album the first time you hear Tunde Adabimpe’s falsetto beckon the track’s chorus in, then you really should be considering whether you like music at all, as opposed to taking an interest in Uwe Bolls films or collecting thimblettes.

The quality doesn’t drop at all after that, the track only makes up one fifth of an opening tirade that’s followed by the funk-rock of Crying, the dance/rock/rap/God-knows hybrid Dancing Choose, the beautiful electronica of Stork and Owl and the none-more-Prince single Golden Age before the achingly sad Family Tree gives the listener five minutes for a breather (albeit a breather to a tale of lynching in the deep south), before the band attempt to invent reggae metal with the next track Red Dress and the cycle starts again. Seriously, I don’t see any reason why all albums can’t be this good.

On their two previous albums TV on the Radio were more of a band to be admired than to be enjoyed, a copy of, say, Return to Cookie Mountain on your shelf may well suggest that you were a cerebral type who wouldn’t hesitate to applaud a bit of jazz-influenced key-changes or a wilfully eclectic middle-eight, it would unfortunately in no way suggest you were any fun. The band’s problem was that they always seemed that little bit too studied; there was very rarely a sense of warmth to their music or, crucially, that sensation of spontaneity that evokes true adventure. They were also David Bowie’s favourite band, which never sounded good.

Well, maybe it was David Andrew Sitek’s stint producing Scarlet Johansson’s album (yeah, I know, but this album’s amazing so I’m gonna let it slide, Ok?) helped him discover his mojo, but Dear Science is an absolute joy. They’ve managed to pull of the near impossible trick of making the year’s most wilfully experimental album while at the same time not forgetting to write absolutely killer hooks, it’s simply the most perfect a mix of the cerebral and the visceral since Radiohead were at their peak.

If there’s any justice, when commentators are tallying up the best records of the decade this December, they’ll remember to nestle this somewhere near the top. Perfect.

Gains points for: The line ‘Foam-injected Axl Rose’ on Dancing Choose.

Loses points for: Nothing, for now, but Channel 4’s decision to use Halfway Home to soundtrack the new Skins adverts may result in it being unbearable in two months time.

The Roy Walker Section

They’re good but they’re not quite right

Sebastian Tellier: Sexuality. For when only a paunchy, middle-aged bearded Frenchman singing about sexual Sportswear over 800s synths will do. Also features Divine, easily the greatest Eurovision entry ever, as it proved by coming second last

Wild Beasts: Limbo Panto. Just missing out, by far and away one of the best- and strangest- new indie bands out this year, and the year’s best new voice.

Laura Marling: Alas, I Cannot Swim. Incredibly beautiful, offensively young and outrageous talented, she can fuck right off basically.

Guilty Simpson: Ode to the Ghetto. Amazing music, thick as pigswill rap

Half Man Half Biscuit: CSI Ambleside. Should need no introduction, fantastic as ever

Lil’ Wayne: Tha Carter III. Cut this down to 11 tracks and it’s easily in the top ten, but that’d mean ploughing through seemingly dozens of skits and filler. Disheartening.

Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes. Very good, but are they really that good?

Oasis: Dig Out Your Soul. Two half decent Oasis albums in a row! It’s 1995 all over again!

Metallica: Death Magnetic. What should have been an all-conquering return to form is marred by Rick Rubin’s awful ‘everything up to eleven’ production.

2007 Albums of the Year

While scouring my hard-drive and emails for long-lost artifacts I actually came across  some of my old album of the year lists so thought I’d post them here. I’ve not made any changes, even though some of it reads so clunky that it was hard to resist ‘pulling a Lucas’. It’s not amazingly good writing, but disappointingly it’s also neither hilariously bad. And there’s some fucking belting albums

Quick observations

-Describing the Darkness as having ‘faces like bins outside the World of Leather’ may actually be the best line I’ve ever written

-Burial’s Untrue is ‘the best British soul album since Blue Lines‘ in places!! Blimey, I wish I was that unafraid of making big statements nowadays

-Urgh, I actually use the ‘if I told you, I’d have to kill you’ line, what a cunt I was

-Predicted Burial for the Mercury Prize, wrongly

-Jesus, I mention how I first heard of a band through Teletext. This wasn’t even a decade ago!

-Predicted Shaun Ryder appearing on I’m a Celebrity correctly, 3 years early

-Goodness:OK Computer is ‘as big a reference point for British music journalists as 9/11 is for American politicians’!!

-I take two separate swipes at Razorlight. I’m not sorry

-Jesus, In Rainbows being as low as 5th is ridiculous, but even so it’s a strong list

-‘The Manics are the greatest band in the World, possibly ever’ not even protending to be unbiased

-James Murphy is so cool that ‘when he goes to parties he name drops himself’. Doesn’t quite work does it? But there’s a great line hiding in there somewhere!

 

Well, without759d2df3c9b64192bf2b4760cf9cc990 further ado:

20. Dizzee Rascal: Maths + English

After a full three year gap after releasing the vastly underrated Showtime album, and a good two and a half after looking so ridiculously out of place in the Band AID 20 video you’d swear he’d accidentally walked into the recording studio looking for the gents (if after reading this you feel the urge to rewatch the video on YouTube, I’ll inform you in advance that those funny looking blokes you don’t recognise with faces like the bins outside World of Leather are ‘The Darkness’. No, me neither), the man his mum still calls Dylan returned triumphantly with… comfortably his weakest album yet. Yes, at least half of it was the kind of exhilaratingly abrasive grithop that he does better than anyone else on the planet, but that only emphasised the disappointingly sterile sounds of the more commercially minded songs on the album. Seeing as Dizzee’s previous attempt at a big crossover ‘hit’ resulted in the excruciatingly bad Dream, someone really should inform him that he’s never going to write Hardknock Life, and should probably just stop trying. Yet in a year of disappointing rap albums from both sides of the Atlantic, this was still one of the best, and he remains the Don of British hiphop, Robbie Williams’ Rudebox notwithstanding.

19. PJ Harvey: White Chalk

I’ve always found it bizarre when, when on the subject of PJ Harvey (or ‘Peej’ as no one has ever called her), journalists continue to mention the fact that she was one of Kurt Cobain’s favourite artists as some kind of ‘proof’ of her abilities; this is a man who took heroin all his adult life, adored the ABBA tribute act ‘Bjorn Again’, married Courtney Love and then shot himself in the head I am far from enamoured with his decision making abilities. He also inspired Last Days, a 2005 Gus Van Sant film that was so fucking awful it made me want to take smack, which perhaps was the point. I’m digressing slightly here, what I’m trying to say is that had Kurt Cobain been alive to hear PJ Harvey’s last album, 2004’s Uh Huh Her (even the title was catatonically halfarsed), then it probably would have finished him off anyway. While that album’s critical and commercial failure, not to mention the almost three years of near silence that followed it, had many people speculating that we may had seen the end of Harvey as a creative force, White Chalk signalled an astonishing and completely unexpected return to form. A contrary cow at the best of times, each of the album’s eleven tracks feature little more than a lone piano and PJ Harvey’s ethereal, disembodied voice, jettisoned her trademarked primal blues in favour of some of the year’s most beautiful songs, and could signal a creative rebirth and a second stage in her career in the same way that Nick Cave’s The Boatman’s Call did in 1997. The only quibble I have is that the whole ‘Victorian Ghost’ theme that underpins the album (PJ even goes as far as dressing as Nicole Kidman in The Others for the album sleeve) is in parts so contrived you fully expect the next track to open with Derek Acorah telling you he feels ‘a presence in the room’.

18. Burial: Untrue

If this list were based on music evoking atmosphere and a general sense of impending menace, then the admirably anonymous Burial would occupy first, second, third, fourth and sixth place (fifth place would be The Hoosiers, a band that continue to fill me with terror and a strange sense of selfloathing each time they are in earshot). His second album’s a technical marvel, managing at once to be an amazingly evocative snapshot of the capital and still sound, in places, like the greatest British soul album since Massive Attack’s Blue Lines. The problem is that you’ll form this opinion at around track three, only to find the album struggles to find any real momentum after its opening tracks, so much so that by the time you get to Dog Shelter or Homeless at the album’s fagend, you’ll swear that the songs have already been on. It’s this sense of ‘déjà vu’ that blighted Burial’s 2006 debut and hasn’t been addressed fully here. All in all though it’s a very good album, Archangel is one of the best songs of the year, and Burial (whoever he is; I have a theory on his identity that involves Terry Wogan and the West End cast of We Will Rock You, but if I told you it I’d have to kill you) is so prodigiously talented that he will make a classic album one day. Just not this one. If you like a flutter though, I can guarantee that a tenner placed on him winning next September’s Mercury Prize will result in Christmas already being paid for.

17. The Twilight Sad: Fourteen Autumns and Fifteen Winters

If anything, I know even less about this Scottish foursome (Hmm, I must remember never to use that description again, it sounds like a bordello’s Super Saver deal) than I do about Burial’s real identity, and I may never have heard of them at all if it weren’t for the sad fact that I still feel obliged to check Teletext’s music pages at least once a day (and still feel strangely smug that I’m doing something ‘modern’), which routinely championed the band, eventually naming Fourteen Autumns… as it’s album of the year. Yet anyone else who still thinks requesting to poke someone’s Facebook should usually require a night in police custody but knows instinctively that the football scores are on page 316, this album was a rare treat; folky (with a small ‘f’), epic in the right places, warm, and with production so rich that if you look up the word ‘lush’ in the 2008 Oxford Dictionary it should by all rights simply play a thirty second blast of Talking With Fireworks. Highly recommended, with only the fact that in its more bombastic moments it veers a little too closely to sounding like the BBC’s coverage of Hogmanay keeping it from a much higher position. In fact, I’m convinced that if they weren’t cursed with a name so wet it actually slides off the CD cover if you tilt the case, they’d be huge by now. Having said that, considering that two of Britain’s biggest bands are called Arctic Monkeys and Coldplay, perhaps their problem is that their name just isn’t shit enough? Makes you think… No it doesn’t…

16. Ian Brown: The World Is Yours

One of the major achievements of this album, the fifth by the former singer of The Wonder Stuff (or was it Northern Uproar?) can be found on the chorus to track seven, when Ian Brown chimes in with ‘’I wish I had a home/ With ten million rooms/ I’d open up the doors/ And let the street children through/ Wish that I could scoop/ All of these children in my arms/ And give them the love they need/ And to protect them all from harm’ and the challenge to find the year’s worst lyric is declared a no-contest. It says a lot for Brown’s unshakable charisma, not to mention the great affection he is still held in by many, that his lyrics may occasionally veer into territory that Michael Jackson would reject as being a bit mawkish (to be fair, I think in general Jackson would be well advised to avoid lyrics about taking children into his house in the future. Just a thought) and he still seems to come out of it smelling of roses. It also helps that his solo work has maintained a steady quality throughout, and on this album it seems he has truly found his ‘sound’ and his confidence in it is evident in almost every track. Ditching almost any semblance of being an ‘indie’ act, he instead trades in moody electronica and the kind of almost Wu-Tang-esque strings he first implemented on F.E.A.R, with vocals that now sound closer to rapping than singing (never his strongest talent, let’s be honest) that dovetail gorgeously with Sinead O’Connor on the two tracks she guests on. The enduring impression of this album is that Brown, unlike many of his contemporaries, is still refusing to simply trade on former glories, and sounding all the better for it. Just don’t get me started on Morrissey…

15. Jay-Z: American Gangster

Here’s good rule of thumb; if you’re a gadzillion-selling internationally renowned rapper, having Chris Martin guest on your album may be a good indicator to fans that you’ve lost your edge somewhat. Kanye West demonstrated this on last year’s underwhelming Graduation album, and JayZ found to his misfortune when he roped in Mr. Paltrow to sing on 2006’s Kingdom Come, his first album after the least convincing ‘retirement’ in music history that wasn’t so much bad as it was overwhelmingly forgettable (interestingly, the ‘Chris Martin Factor’ also applies to any indie band believing that having Kate Moss sing on a couple of tracks can only be a good thing, and artists of any description that allow Wyclef Jean within 1200 yards of their recording studio at any time. Having said that, I did happen upon Wyclef’s version of Little Drummer Boy over the Christmas period, which I found so mindbendingly dreadful that it may in fact be the greatest song ever). Thankfully Shawn Carter relocated his muse in a big way when he was so inspired by an early cut of Ridley Scott’s American Gangster that he immediately retired to the recording studio to record a concept album loosely based around the film, writing, recording, mixing and releasing it all in the space of four weeks, achieving his eighth successive US number one album in the process. While as a record it hardly reinvents the wheel in the same way his 2001 Blueprint album, it at least found JayZ rediscovering the talents that have made him possibly the most revered rapper of his generation.

14. Happy Mondays: Unkle Dysfunktional

Of all the albums released in 2007, this one was head and shoulders above the rest in terms of how hard it was to convince your friends it was listenable, never mind that it was Shaun Ryder’s best work in over a decade (never mind trying to convince people that when you saw The Happy Mondays live, Shaun remembered nearly all the words and stood up all through the set!). Probably the most surprisingly good album of the last 12 months, if not the last century, it saw the newly trimmed down band (just Shaun, drummer Gaz Whelan and, obviously, Bez from the original lineup, plus new guitarist Kav Sandhu, who was just recruited to piss off my computer’s spellchecker, which presumably explains the album’s title) rediscover the kind of dark Manchester funk they’d last visited with any success on 1988’s Bummed, full of songs like Cuntry Disco (sic, obviously), In the Blood and Jellybean (‘Now that I am naked I’m a lady/Now that I am naked I’m set free/ It’s good to feel my arse against the grass/ It’s good to push my tits against the glass’, you don’t get that with Razorlight) that rank alongside their very best. Enjoy it while you can, before Shaun Ryder turns up on next year’s I’m a celebrity Get Me Out of Here pushing wallaby testicles up his nose and it finally becomes officially unforgivable to admit to liking them.

13. Grinderman: Grinderman

There was a time, not so long ago, when Nick Cave albums would arrive roughly once every blue years, and people would presume that seeing as he was in the ‘advanced’ years of his life, we should just be patient. When it took him and The Bad Seeds nearly three years to follow 2001’s No More Shall We Part with the distinctly halfbaked Nocturama (if you were thinking of doing a Nick Cave parody, you’d do well to think of a better album title than that) he was practically applauded for his effort, with one reviewer stating that it was ‘good to see him out of the house’ and another remarking that Cave was ‘still remarkably sharp for his age’. Then, almost out of nowhere, he released Abattoir Blues/ Lyre of Orpheus, a furious blast of gospelinfused blues rock and swooning ballads, it reaffirmed The Bad Seeds as one of the most technically proficient bands around and many rate the double album as the finest of his career. Cave didn’t stop there though, once The Bad Seeds’ epic tour finished in early 2006 he found himself writing songs on the guitar, an instrument he’d hardly ever played before. His technical limitations led to a much rawer and primal sound, he recruited three of the Bad Seeds (Warren Ellis, Martyn “With a Y” Casey and Jim “Put This in Your Spellchecker” Sclavunos), grew a moustache that gave him the look of one of the more Faustian Village People and Grinderman was born. Wrongly described in some circles as ‘simplistic’ or ‘basic’ rock, as if it were an album made up of twominute Hives covers, it’s actually an astonishingly powerful rock album, with strippedtothebone arrangements that add extra power to the more grand expressions of Electric Alice and the title track, whilst never veering close to becoming unlistenable. It also contained possibly Nick Cave’s most explicitly humorous lyrics to date (‘I sent her every type of flower/ Played her guitar by the hour/ I patted her revolting little Chihuahua/ And still she said that she didn’t want to’ No Pussy Blues, ‘I’ve been listening to the Women’s Hour/ I’ve been listening to Gardener’s question Time/ But everything I try to grow/ I can’t even grow a dandelion’ Love Bomb) and essentially sounds like it was the most fun record to make, like, ever. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds’ new album’s due in March, it seems there really is no rest for the wicked.

12. Arcade Fire: Neon Bible

The sad thing is that a great amount of people were actually expecting this to be the greatest album released for about a decade, possibly the greatest single piece of art created by humble human hands since the latter days of the renaissance. When in the end it turned out to be neither of these things, but ‘just’ a very good album that didn’t quite scale the peaks of their 2004 debut, but nonetheless had some pretty sublime moments, half of those people were so caught up in the hype they excitedly proclaimed it the ‘best album since OK Computer (the album that’s as big a reference point for British music journalists as 9/11 is for American politicians)’ seemingly half way through hearing the opening track, whilst the other half got so incensed that the album wasn’t the aural equivalent of the Ten Commandments, that they disowned them altogether, declaring them ‘over’ and filling out the government forms to officially request a backlash, seemingly halfway through track three. All I’ll say is: did it become compulsory for every major American rock album of the last two years to shamelessly ‘pay homage’ to Bruce Springsteen on at least one track, as Arcade Fire do with Keep the Car Running?

11. Soulsavers: It’s Not How Far You Fall, It’s the Way You Land

It’s not clear to me whether Mark Lanegan just has an uncanny knack of picking collaborations of unusually high quality or if he really does have the swamp rock Midas touch, transforming the uninspired and the plain awful into 21st century blues gold. We probably won’t know for sure until next autumn, when he releases Eey Oop, It’s Growly Up North, his long awaited collaboration with The Kaiser Chiefs (or, to give them their full name, The KaiserSoddingChiefs), until then all we know is that this alliance with Manchester production duo Soulsavers was particularly inspired. No album of 2007 opens quite as brilliantly as this one, with Revival, Ghosts of You and Me and Paper Money setting the scene perfectly for what promises to be a gospelblues masterwork. If the album managed to keep up this momentum all the way through to track ten it would be the album of the year, Israel and Palestine would resolve their differences, James Blunt would rejoin the army and Scotland would at this moment be looking forward to a successful Euro 2008 campaign. It can’t, of course, if life was that perfect John Terry wouldn’t be on £120’000 a week would he? That’s not to say there isn’t much to love in the remaining seven songs, which still contain some of 2007’s more affecting songs, and anything with Mark Lanegan’s growl, thankfully unaffected by July’s smoking ban, is rarely less than compelling (I would say ‘he could sing the phone book and make it sound great’, but that would be a blatant lie. I mean come on all the phone book? If I’m being honest my interest would probably waiver around ‘Anderson’). But for now, file under ‘close, but no cigar’…

10. Justice: ┼

Dance music, like cheese, sex and arrogance, has long been something that the French seemingly excel at (to be fair, if you manage to marry the twin obsessions and cheese and sex, things every other nation has longsince deemed completely incompatible, then I suppose you’ve every right to be arrogant), exporting acts of the highest quality such as Air, Daft Punk (pre their sobadit’sactuallyfuckingheinous Gap commercial , which has actually grown steadily more gruesome with age) and Cassius around the globe whilst other European countries such as Holland had to make do with The Vengaboys, and Justice do nothing on their debut album to dispel that idea. The band first came to prominence more than four years ago when they sent in a remix of Simian’s rather anonymous indie minihit Never Be Alone Again into a contest on a Parisian radio station, the song was then bandied around the internet and slowly became a hit all over Europe before eventually gaining a commercial release in Britain in 2006 as the immense We Are Your Friends. It says a lot for the high quality of the twelve tracks here that the absence of possibly 2006’s biggest club hit is not even an issue as its place is filled with some of the year’s most deftly crafted pop songs, and moments of truly infectious euphoria such as D.A.N.C.E that even Lou Reed would crack a smile and throw a few shapes (why is that such a horrible mental image?). It’s not all smiles though, Justice wear their rock influences on their sleeves in the crunching synths of songs like Let There Be Light and Phantom Part II and aren’t afraid to explore music’s darker corners whilst never forgetting that dance music’s main objective should be to make you, well… dance. I would say ‘très bon’, but that’d just be naff wouldn’t it?

9. Bruce Springsteen: Magic

Now, this album did not mess about. After a couple of lowkey, mainly acoustic albums and a collection of Bob Segar covers (I find his version of Froggie Went ACourting one of life’s little pleasures) thee first thing that strikes you when opening track (and first single) Radio Nowhere charges out from the speakers is how it sounds uncannily like Bruce Springsteen, and after pretty much every band and their pet dog attempting to imitate his sound in the last two years (apart from Razorlight, who evidently thought the time was right for a Boomtown Rats revival) it was nice to be reminded that Bruce is probably better at sounding like himself than most. While none of it is particularly groundbreaking, it’s refreshingly fillerfree and easily one of the year’s best rock albums, and while none of the record’s twelve tracks would really sound out of place on most Springsteen records of the last thirty five (!) years, tracks such as the aforementioned Radio Nowhere, Living in the Future and especially Devil’s Arcade sit comfortably alongside his very best. The EStreet band remain a thrillingly tight ensemble, despite a combined age roughly equal to that of Jupiter’s moons, and after the demise of The Sopranos ‘Little’ Steven Van Zandt (‘Little’? He looks like he needs planning permission just to sit down) can now concentrate on his day job and remind himself who his real boss is. Is it possible, in a world where most middleaged journalists attempt to convince us that David Bowie’s Hours is easily the equal of Low and each time Bob Dylan passes wind in earshot of a nearby microphone it’s hailed as a return to form, that Springsteen is the only one of his mainstream contemporaries still making music that’s truly comparable to his heyday?

8. White Stripes: Icky Thump

One of the less trumpeted anniversaries of 2007 occurred on November 11th, a date which marked thirty glorious years since Paul McCartney finally cemented John Lennon’s place as the world’s favourite Beatle by releasing Mull of Kintyre, and as a result marked the precise date when the freethinking world unanimously decided that bagpipes in rock were ‘a bad idea’, and like naming your child ‘Adolf’ post1945, the practice was fairly rapidly phased out. Obviously Jack White didn’t get this memo, as an apparent discovery of long lost Scottish ancestry convinced him to enliven not one, but two tracks with them, and as a result Prickly Thorn, But Sweetly Worn and St. Andrews become the aural equivalent of the American tourist who buys a kilt for his visit to the Edinburgh (pronounced ‘Edenburg apparently) festival. It’s the little drops in quality control like this, and the disappointingly bland FMRock stylings of You Don’t Know What Love Is, that blight The White Stripes sixth album, resulting in a lack of consistency which makes it perhaps their weakest set of songs since their debut album. However, a White Stripes album slightly (and it is only slightly) below their best, is still head and shoulders above 99.78439% of every other rock band out there, and songs such as Rag and Bone, I’m Slowly Turning Into You and the Mariachiled Conquest demonstrate that The ‘Stripes (as ver kidz call them. Possibly) as still the most interesting and leastconventional of mainstream rock bands, and the inspired Leppelinwithakazzoo insanity of the title track is one of the years best singles, a fact gloriously vindicated when it stormed to the number 4 in Denmark (it actually charted higher in Britain, but that simply doesn’t sound as funny does it?).

7. Les Savy Fav: Let’s Stay Friends

Every year throws up a band that music fans are duty bound to pretend they’ve known about for years, exclaiming loudly how pleased they are that the band are ‘finally getting the recognition they deserve’ and letting people know that actually their hardtofind 1998 minialbum is their definitive work, despite the fact that the first time they heard them was when the new album was piped through the speakers at Topshop two weeks previously. In 2007 that band were Les Savy Fav (French for ‘the savoury favourite’, I imagine) a New York artrock collective that have been a going concern since 1995, releasing five albums to a response that wasn’t so much ‘muted’ as it was a stony silence, but maintained a reputation as an exhilarating live proposition enlivened by frontman Tim Harrington’s (a man who you’d politely describe as ‘rotund’, and with the glazed eyes of a Vietnam vet) multiple costume changes. Not having heard their first five records (including their debut 3/5, which handily reviews itself to save music journalists precious time) so I couldn’t accurately state what it was their sixth album had musically that their previous didn’t, although I can quite confidently state that if all their albums had exquisitely idiosyncratic artrock (I’m require by law to use the word ‘angular’ when describing their music, I don’t make the rules) of the quality of The Lowest Bitter, with the pizzazz of Patty Lee and the stuttering grooves of Brace Yourself, then we would’ve heard of them a long time ago. Get into them now, before Madonna ropes them in for her next video, or something…

6. MIA: Kala

The artist formally known as Mathangi Arulpragasam (I think I’ll stick to MIA) released possibly the most singular and distinctive record of the past twelve months, an astonishingly forwardthinking album which flummoxed journalists the world over as they strove to find something, anything to compare it to (imagine Shampoo fronting Squarepusher. It wouldn’t sound anything like MIA, but wouldn’t it be ace?). It’s an aural celebration of just about every culture on Earth, incorporating so many musical styles that listening to it can make your head spin (but crucially; no bagpipes), it usual takes Michael Palin a good three series to cover the amount of Global reference points that MIA can usually knock off in just under four minutes. While you could possibly argue that the simply immense amount of musical genres and styles covered can occasionally make the record sound a little disjointed in places, and perhaps if the foot wasn’t taken off the accelerator slightly for the gorgeous Clashsampling Paper Planes there would be a danger of the record sounding slightly onenote, you’d just feel you were needlessly nitpicking at what is by far and away the least boring album of the year, possibly ever. If you don’t like it, in all probability your name’s Colin and you spend all day making matchstick models of the 17th century’s grandest ships in your Lemington Spa semidetached that you share with your German shepherd called ‘Clapton’, so your opinion doesn’t really count. Also, the fact that Jimmy only managed to limp to number 74 in the UK singles chart should be such a matter of shame for the country that in twenty years time our Prime Minister (Davina MCall) will have to issue a public apology for these atrocities committed in Britain’s name.

5. Radiohead: In Rainbows

WH Smith used to put little money boxes near the doors of their shops for people too busy to queue to quickly pay for their morning paper, effectively trusting the general public to pay a fair price for their Daily Mail and packet of Revels. It was phased out quite quickly, with WH Smiths learning the hard that the general public really aren’t to be trusted, but obviously Thom Yorke (the man with the least phonetically spelt name in Rock) and Radiohead were inspired, and decided to let the public decide how much they were willing to pay for their new album In Rainbows (not an entirely new idea; people have been choosing how much money they want to pay for downloading music for years, and they usually choose zilch). The fact is that if you were using Radiohead’s last two albums as a yardstick, you’d probably deem their music to be worth roughly seventysix pence, which won’t even buy you a copy of The Independent these days. 2001’s Amnesiac (“they’ve forgotten how to write songs! Hurhurhurhur…”) was billed as a ‘companion piece’ to 2000’s Kid A, but simply sounded like songs that weren’t good enough to go on the first album, while 2003’s Hail to the Thief was an almost laughably lackadaisical ‘protest’ album that, with a couple of notable exceptions, was so full of whinging selfpity it was probably the reason George Bush got reelected (if you mention any of these misgivings to a hardcore Radiohead fan you will be told in no uncertain terms that you ‘don’t understand it’. Why is it only Radiohead albums I don’t understand? I don’t like Shania Twain’s Come On Over LP either, but no one accuses me of misunderstanding that). Thankfully though, if you listen carefully to the initial bars of opening track 15 Step, you’ll hear five distinct ‘popping’ noises, which are the sounds of Radiohead finally electing to remove their heads from their backsides ever so slightly and back up what could have been seen as a tedious marketing gimmick with easily their best and most coherent collection of songs since Kid A, possibly for a decade. While some critics seemed to base the return to form on the rather tedious assertion that ‘there’s more guitars on it’ (there’s loads of guitars on the new Nickelback album, and I don’t see anyone clamouring to give them any awards), neither did it see a return to ‘conventional’ songwriting, it’s simply a succinct package of ten wellcrafted and beautifully performed songs, which remained experimental and original (save the band’s continuing fixation with Boards of Canada), but crucially not at the expense of everything else.

4. Arctic Monkeys: Favourite Worst Nightmare

God I want to hate the Arctic Monkeys, they gather music press so gushing that you can almost see the beads of drool nestling on the page, have more fans than all of your favourite bands combined, racked up record sales so huge that it’s practically vulgar and all while being so young that they’ve only just developed hair on their head, never mind their upperlip. And it’d be so easy to despise them too, if it weren’t for the infuriating fact that they’re very, very good. Bastards. This was supposed to be their ‘difficult second album’ (sorry, but someone had to say it) after their monstrously successful debut Whatever People Say I Am That’s What I’m Not, an album with even more sales than words in its title, but they seemed to knock it out without breaking sweat. While they weren’t nearly as many anthemic choruses and pristine pop songs as its predecessor (save the peerless Florescent Adolescent), it was in every other respect a far superior album, undeniably a more challenging listen, but much more rewarding as a result. The album also explored much darker places sonically than their debut, with Alex Turner increasingly willing to write songs around grooves and unconventional structures, all but abandoning the standard verse/chorus/verse/chorus method and as a result leaving virtually all of their rivals so far behind they’re practically still brushing their teeth.

3. Manic Street Preachers: Send Away the Tigers

The Manic Street Preachers are the greatest band in the world, possibly ever, for reasons far too numerous to go into here, but there had been signs recently that the band themselves, always their own biggest cheerleaders, had began to doubt it. 2001’s Know Your Enemy was a glorious failure, a mammoth 17 tracks of everything from scuzzpunk to Disco rock (no, really)that was about as coherent as a Shane McGowan bestman’s speech, this was followed by a maddeningly incomprehensive greatest hits, before 2004’s collection of glaciercold artrock Lifeblood that pretty much confused everyone and even prompted people to wonder whether the band were going to grow old with dignity?! Thankfully, such fears were unfounded, as the Manics engineered possibly the greatest comeback of 2007, reminding their fans precisely what made them fall in love with the band in the first place, returning to the upperreaches of the pop chart (allconquering comeback single Your Love Alone Is Not Enough was just a few hundred copies short of becoming their third number one) and even acquiring some new fans (The Manics haven’t had any ‘new’ fans since mid1997) along the way. They achieved this simply by recording the album without any pretence, without any selfinflicted constraints (recording Lifeblood they consciously decided not to use any hihats, and that James could only play a solo if it was integral to the song’s structure: James gets roughly six solos a song here, whether its integral or not) no objective other than to write the best Manic Street Preachers album they possibly could. It’s an approach that resulted in their best collection of songs in a decade, combining the euphoric anthems of Everything Must Go with the rock posturing and Guns N’ Roses licks of Generation Terrorists, with Nicky Wire finally unworried by any Richey Edwards comparisons and contributing his best and most coherent lyrics in years. There’s still no one in the world that can touch them when it comes to making intelligent rock sound so fun.

2. LCD Soundsystem: Sound of Silver

For a genre that’s apparently been ‘dead’ for about 18 years now (according to most press reports, although you can read long obituaries on it roughly every two weeks if you look hard enough), dance music is in remarkably good health. Admittedly, almost all the dance tracks that break the charts are certifiably odious remixes of 70s and 80s softrock with brainless ‘titillating’ videos (blame Erik Prydz), but ever so slightly outside the mainstream there are bands like Justice crafting topnotch populist beats, Burial at the other side of the coin soundtracking then darker nights of the soul, and MIA for those who like their music as cuttingedge as possible. Best of all last year was James Murphy, an overweight man in his late 30s who looks like he should be pestering you for change with a voice like the lovechild of David Byrne and Mark E Smith (you’d have to feel sorry for the child with those parents) , the brains behind LCD Soundsystem and a man considered so cool that when he goes to parties he namedrops himself. The problem with his selftitled 2005 debut is that it was almost insufferably cool; the hitech beats coupled with Murphy’s laid back delivery and smug lyrics filled with injokes and references to the New York scene that spawned him began to grow tired after about track 4, so the fact that the album seemed to last about six and a half hours certainly didn’t help. In short, he became a name you’d drop into a conversation at the drop of a hat, but would never think of listening to once you got home. The Sound of Silver, though, was a vast improvement on pretty much every level, losing all the excesses of the first album to craft a remarkably succinct 45 minutes that doesn’t threaten to lose your attention for a second. The trademark style was still there, never more so than on fantastic first single North American Scum, but the music now became much more substantial, with Murphy allowing himself to write around more conventional song structures, but still managing to sound as cutting edge and state of the art as always. The major leap forward musically though, was the sense of genuine emotion and heart in songs such as All My Friends (which sounds precisely like the previous two Strokes albums should have done) and the dazzling Someone Great. Rest assured, it still sounds like one of the most effortlessly cool albums of 2007, but it’s also the sound of someone realising that maybe that’s not the most important thing.

1. Kings of Leon: Because of the Times

The quality of Kings of Leon’s music seems to work in inverse proportion to the amount of hair they have. Around the time of their first album, an amiable but unspectacular collection of 70s rock pastiches, they looked like they’d covered their heads in glue and then wiped them on the floor of the barbers, their second album was a giant’s leap forward artistically, and the fact that the boys had now tamed their Lynyrd Skynyrd bouffant into something more akin to Liv Tyler in Lord of the Rings was surely not coincidental. When they returned last year sporting haircuts you could only describe as ‘sensible’, you knew you were in for something special (I can’t imagine how great they’ll be when they finally make it all the way down to Right Said Fred). It wasn’t the most groundbreaking album of the year (That’d be MIA) or the most critically lauded, which depending on your age group was either The Klaxons (1420), The Good the Bad and the Queen (30s) or Robert Plant and Alison Krauss (114), but it was the best, for the plain and simple reason that no other artist released a better and more harmonious collection of songs throughout 2007. Considering that when they first emerged Kings of Leon’s music (enjoyable yet generally insubstantial retro rock cowritten with the man behind The Mavericks) seemed to take a distant backseat to the sheer novelty of these four ‘sons of a preacher man’ who looked like they’d stepped straight out of Almost Famous, the Followill’s musical progression has been startling. After their second album took everyone by surprise by actually being so good that people immediately stopped seeing them as a novelty band (shaving those moustaches might’ve helped), their third album may well turn out to be their masterpiece. Starting with the epic, brooding Knocked Up (which isn’t quite as jovial a story of unplanned pregnancy as the film of the same name) which is quite possibly the most technically accomplished song they’ve written thus far, and also one of the best, the album then takes the listener on an exhilarating ride through pitchperfect garage rock, rabid Pixiesstyle punk, swooning FM rock and Epic guitar workouts. Put simply, no other album of this year touched on so many bases, offered more variety and was harder to dislike. The Kings of Leon have long been one of the most adored bands on the circuit, and with this album the became comfortably one of the best.

Honorary Mention:

Kanye West: Graduation Good, but below his standards

Bloc Party: A Weekend in the City Jesus Christ man can you not stop whinging? Go and develop a drug problem, it’ll give you something to write about other than how stupid other people are.

Maximo Park: Our Earthly Pleasures One brilliant single (Our Velocity), one very disappointing album

The Klaxons: Myths of the Near Future Give it a fucking rest

The Go! Team: Proof of Youth- Did you like their first album, but didn’t like the cover? Well you’re in look, as The Go! Team have apparently just repackaged it

The Good the Bad and the Queen I haven’t actually heard it, but apparently its good so I thought I’d better mention it, you know, for tax reasons

The Reet Dandos: Green Milk I just made that one up, but see how many people you can convince to go and try to buy the CD.

The Dillinger Escape Plan: Ire Works Brainmeltingly heavy thrashmetal, backed by Aphex Twin style disjointed electronica and with a singer who sounds like Justin Timberlake, almost completely unlistenable. It’s brilliant.

Ah well, I’ll see if I can be bothered going through all this again next year, when I fully expect Guns N’ Roses’ Chinese Democracy to be nestled somewhere near the top spot, adios…

That’s All Folks

Phew, and so this whole pointless charade pulls to a close. There might be Kanye West PJ Harvey AND Radiohead albums next year, which would be an interesting battle wouldn’t it? Mind you, I predicted Rihanna would win it this year.

Merry Christmas you filthy animals…

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1: Sufjan Stevens: Carrie & Lowell

Well duh

I’m going to open this appraisal with some big statements: despite all talk of security and social benefits, the party that wins any election will be the one that appeals most to the voters’ inherent selfishness; The Sopranos is the greatest TV show of all time and anyone who doesn’t like the ending is an idiot; responding to any violent act with a violent reprisal does not ‘even the score’, it simply means it is now violence 2 humanity 0; Manchester United will never return to the successes they once enjoyed until Wayne Rooney leaves; if you’re against refugees leaving Syria then you’re staunchly on the side of ISIS; Susan Boyle’s version of ‘Wild Horses‘ is superior to the Stones original; there is something racist about being angered by immigration, and anyone who says there isn’t needs to read up on their definitions; any steps you make to helping the environment are probably the easiest ones that make the smallest amount of difference; Tom from accounting is a right prick; soy sauce is actually a vastly underrated condiment; all other cheeses pale in comparison to brie; the success of a crisp brand rises and falls on the strength of its salt and vinegar. OK, now you’ve been softened up a bit I can finish with one last big statement: despite an extraordinarily accomplished back catalogue, ‘Carrie & Lowell’ is by quite a distance the best Sufjan Stevens album.

To say it’s the best album of the year is hardly a big statement though, in fact it towers so magnificently over all other recorded music released this year that to say it’s the best is- if anything- an almost offensively obvious statement. Stevens strips back his music here until at many points it’s little more than a voice and an acoustic guitar, like Sufjan has taken the styles he’s honed from making BIGGER and more orchestrally driven music and utilised the lessons learned here, as despite the more intimate production the songs here still sound huge. The lyrics concern the feelings Sufjan struggled with after being abandoned by his mother Carrie, who passed away in 2012, but also references the role played by Carrie’s husband and Sufjan’s stepfather Lowell (who is also the co-founder of Stevens’ record label Asthmatic Kitty. Yeah, we’ll just ignore that name). ‘C&L’ is nakedly and starkly autobiographical, but while that sounds as if it’d repel, it in fact allures, enchants and seduces, the universal themes of grief, sadness, depression and, ultimately, hope will speak to anyone listening. While technically it concerns Sufjan’s mother’s disappearance and eventual death, there are messages here that will connect with anyone struggling with the death of any person, any relationship. Unless you’re an unholy monster, there will have a particular moment of ‘S&L’ that will see you break down bawling, be it the assertion of ‘No Shade In the Shadow of the Cross‘ ‘There’s blood on that blade/Fuck me I’m falling apart’, the plaintive ‘When I was three/Three maybe four/She left me at the video store’ of Should Have Known Better, or simply the devastatingly beautiful falsetto call on closer ‘Blue Bucket of Gold‘. It isn’t all sadness though, ‘Should Have Known Better‘ sees the possibilities of the future: ‘My brother had a daughter/The beauty that she brings, illumination’. ‘Carrie & Lowell’ is cast-iron masterpiece, every track here is either a minor or a major classic, Mr. Stevens has sailed perilously close to symphonic perfection.

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‘Fun’ Fact: I refuse to believe even Sufjan himself spells his name correctly every time

He he, what’s the name of that track where he says ‘you checked your texts while I masturbated’? Looooooool! ‘Laugh out out out out out out out out loud’? You’re not getting an easy option this time buddy, just listen to the whole album.

Absolutely the Best Songs…

Take a good look at my face, you’ll see my smile looks out of place, and if you look closer maybe you’ll trace, my tracks of the year in haiku form (I made this list very quickly, so please don’t shout)

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10. ‘Scud Books‘ by Hudson Mohawke

The sound of pure joy

Being fed through meat grinders

God I love it so

 

9. The Fire Rises‘ by Cannibal Ox

I wish the album had

Maybe just a few more tracks

Half as good as this

 

8. It Ain’t That Easy’ by D’Angelo

Comes back with song that

Builds so astonishingly

And proves worth the wait

 

7. Loud Places‘ by Jamie XX

When you hear a song

This divine, you wish Jamie

Would make all music

 

6. Rock & Roll Is Cold‘ by Matthew E White

I think I love this

Ace song mainly because of

The way he says ‘shit’

 

5. Hinterland‘ by Lonelady

 

In just five minutes,

Lonelady proves she can match

Her influences

 

4. Huarache Lights‘ by Hot Chip

It’s raining outside

But I throw shapes to this song

Pretend I can dance

 

3. ‘Run Away With Me by Carly Rae Jepson

The best song this year

To capture the joy of love

And being alive

 

2. ‘Fourth of July‘ by Sufjan Stevens

Not ashamed to say

On more than one occasion

It has made me cry

 

1. Deliver‘ by Lupe Fiasco

A perfect marriage

Of words that cut deep that you

Can chant along to

 

The playlist of the year