Tag: music

#21 Tierra Whack: WORLD WIDE WHACK

~ Lex Leeson ~ 3 Comments

I can’t sleep, I can’t eat
I feel small, so petite
I act strong, but I’m weak
Ha, ha, ha, ha (livin’ is difficult)
I was born to survive
See the pain in my eyes
I been stressed and deprived
Ha, ha, ha, ha (livin’ is difficult)

DIFFICULT

So, imagine you’re Generation Z. You’re a Zoomer. You were born between 1995 and 2012, because the dividing lines of these ‘generations’ are fucking ridiculous. I’m a Millennial because I was born between 1980 and 1994. I’m the same generation as Rishi Sunak (1980) and Justin Bieber (1994), which explains the similarities between the three of us.

that’s me that is

But not you though! You’re Gen Z, you’re in the same pool as Beyoncé’s daughter Blue Ivy (2012), Millie Bobby Brown (2004) and Tierra Whack (1995). You likely won’t remember a time before the world was fucked:. You were four years old at most when NATO bombed Yugoslavia and announced the new laws of violent neoliberalism dominance, where peace would now only be reached with bombs. You don’t remember a time before 9/11, the War On Terror is your life. You’ve never caught a plane without first taking your shoes off. All your life everyone has known that the world is fucking burning up and going to die pretty fucking soon. Your whole life, the entire human race has known that it’s killing itself, and has done nothing to prevent this spectacular suicide. I mean, the old fucks like me and KSI (1993) have had time to ponder accept this death cult, but imagine being born into it!!

Hour Osama Suleiman Abu-Sanima

#22 Zeal and Ardor: Greif

~ Lex Leeson ~ 2 Comments

It’s more like pineapple-on-pizza metal… we shouldn’t connect with certain kinds of metal fans, but they still appreciate us. Could we call it ‘Thinking-man’s pineapple pizza?’ Is that a valid compromise? It might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but some people will still agree that it’s a pizza even though there’s a little forbidden fruit on there

Manuel Gagneux after being asked by Kerrang! if Zeal and Ardor made ‘Thinking-Man’s Metal’

I know what you’re thinking: yes, Kerrang! is still going and yes that’s the typeface they’re going with for the logo now. In this piece I shall argue that Zeal and Ardor should not be blamed for either of those things.

Hour Khamis Suleiman Al-Khateeb

#23 Bella Technika: Solid State

~ Lex Leeson ~ 2 Comments

Ok, are you sitting down? Are you paying attention? Are your ears perked and your soul open? Is your Mana marvelous and your Qi chunky? Then eyes front, attention please:

I’m going to tell you absolutely everything I know about Bella Technika:

  • They’re called ‘Bella Technika Yeah, you might have been wondering if I was going to count that as a thing I knew about them, but as you’ll soon see this is going to be quite slim pickings so I’ve got to take what I can get.
  • I’m, like, 90% sure they’re from Belgrade, Serbia Pretty sure. I’m about 99% sure they’re Eastern European, and I found one review that mentioned Belgrade so I was like “yeah”.
  • This is their second album Now, I wasn’t sure of this, because when I named their previous album ‘Section’ as the 33rd best album of 2019 I was even more beguiled by these mysterious Serbians than I am now. This year though? No, not getting fooled again, I’ve done my own motherfucking research, sometimes as far as the third or fourth page of Google results, and ‘Section’ was actually an outstanding debut record.
Bassam Mohamed Jamil Al-Maqousi

#28 Alan Sparhawk: White Roses, My God

~ Lex Leeson ~ 4 Comments

Grief is a funny old thing, ain’t it?

And I’m talking about real grief here. Yeah, I know that you were really sad when the guy who played Joey on ‘Home Improvement’ died, or whatever, but that’s not the kind of grief I’m talking about. Actual grief isn’t just sadness. I got sad when Manchester United were knocked out of the Champions League by Real Madrid at the quarter final stage in 2000, but I don’t think you could accurately claim that I went through the grieving process. Yes, Redondo took us so thoroughly apart in that game that I am still suffering from post-traumatic shock, but that’s a separate thing. Real grief is far deeper than that. Your gran dying in 2003 was definitely a solemn moment, but she was 98 years old; hadn’t been able to take a shit since the late 1980’s; had three separate tracheostomies; still smoked 40 fags a day by sticking it one of the holes in her throat; and would angrily complain about you not letting her watch the latest episode of Minder long after that show was canceled in 1994. Also, she was really racist. Like, a proper vintage racist who still used terms from the mid 20th century that everyone else has forgotten, so you never realised how hateful and bigoted she was being every time she called your friend Kai a “spam fritter”. Yeah, it was a bit of a bummer when Granny Edna died, and you definitely called it grief when you managed to fenangle three weeks off work, but, come on, you didn’t really give that much of shit.

Sobhi Hamdan Sobhi Hassouna

#30 The Bronzed Chorus: Aki

~ Lex Leeson ~ 4 Comments

OK, reality nerds, I admit: this album was actually released first released in June 2023. I was first introduced to this art rock masterwork when rounding up Seth Manchester’s 2023 records, and was so blown away that I cheekily decided to consider it for the 2024 list. Or, to quote: “holy shit, the Big Beat impact of ‘Aki’ by The Bronzed Chorus on June 9th?? I love that shit, it’s also on NE2024″. I also decided to consider records by Asher White, Jaye Jayle, and Oxbow, which were all pretty great records but didn’t quite make this increasingly elite list. One other album… maybe did… No spoilers.

The Bronzed Chorus, Adam Joyce (L), Brennen O’Brien

But The Bronzed Chorus, man, they made a 2023 album so good that it’s the scientifically proven, objective thirtieth best album of 2024. That’s quite a flex.

The problem is… I have next to no idea who this band are…

Jamil Najm a-Din Jamil Nijem

#32 Lupe Fiasco: Samurai

~ Lex Leeson ~ 4 Comments

I got these

Really neat (Really neat, really neat)

Very beautifully

Alliterated

Little battle raps for you

Samurai

OK, so mark it down: this is the first album that I’ve come to so far that I’ve rated way too low. This album’s fucking mega! And thirty-fucking-second?? Geddafuggardahere! Trust me, there are some stinkers lower down on this list.

Well… not stinkers, but… y’know…

‘Cowboy Carter’ is still to come? Geddafuggardahere!

I have to say, ‘concept albums’ give me a bit of an ick. If you’re going to go all in, dress up a smurfs, sing all the lyrics in n’avi, and get James Cameron to pilot you to the bottom of the ocean to record the whole album in one whole live take before the deep ocean pressure causes the submarine to explode, killing everyone on board, instantly, that I can respect. Like, I don’t even know what ‘concept’ you’re going for there, and I guess it’s a shame you didn’t survive to edit the Genius entry, but by gahd I respect the dedication!

Mayar Jamal Jaber Abu Musbih

#34 Taylor Swift: The Tortured Poets Department

~ Lex Leeson ~ 2 Comments

To be clear: the 33rd scientifically proven, objective best album of the year is the sixteen track, sixty three minute original release of the album. That’s already way to the upper limits of how much Jack Antonoff any one human can ever hope to consume in one setting. If you’re here for the thirty one track two fucking hours ‘Anthology’ edition of this album, then I’m sorry, you are insane and I don’t know how you can do that to yourself.

I am also not going to count the 234 different editions of this fucking album that Taylor released in 2024, making sure that she greedily fleeced one of music’s most obsessive fanbases for every last penny they have. Oh! This just in! Taylor has apparently released a new version of the album called ‘The Tortured Poets Department: Capitalism’s Necessary Evil?’, which includes an extra fourteen seconds tagged onto the end of But Daddy I Love Him where Taylor just absolutely lets rip with a huge fart right into the microphone. Some people have accused Taylor of attempting to cynically manipulate the Necessary Evil 2024 countdown in the same way they’ve been manipulating sales figures and charts all year with these unlimited reissues. Well it won’t work, Swifto! I am way to savvy to be manipulated by these hideously manipulative schemes! And anyway, I can’t really afford to after spending more than a hundred quid on the Manic Street Preacher’s January album release. They do it because they appreciate our support!

Ziad Tareq Ziad a-Rifi

#38 Waxahatchee: Tigers Blood

~ Lex Leeson ~ 1 Comment

What even is Waxahatchee now?

Katie Crutchfield is extraordinarily talented, don’t get me wrong. Whatever I ever say about them or the music they make, I never want the fact that they are ridiculously good at their job to be forgotten. Their songwriting skill is absolutely impeachable, I don’t think they’ve ever put their name to a song you’d rank below 6/10, they’re an obvious mentality monster whose mastery of their craft now has eight albums (plus other stuff. It’s hard to work out what counts) worth of hard evidence. She’s very good.

But what are they?

Bayan Muhammad Kamel Abu Khamash

Necessary Evil 24: The Biggest List Under the Sun

~ Lex Leeson ~ Leave a comment

Bumpin’ that bumpin’ that bumpin’ that…

Yeah, we’re back, so fuck me I guess?

The 16th year end Necessary Evil list of the year’s objectively and scientifically proven greatest music is a notable event for a few reasons. Firstly, it will be the first time I’ll be writing a list of year’s best bops and slaps that played out to a full twelve months of genocide. Like, the whole year. When I wrote last year’s list, it was only to the backdrop of a tiny bit of genocide that covered the last couple of months of the year. And who really pays attention in those winter months? Too busy thinking about Christmas, right? A couple of years back, for example, my housemate Darren engaged in the systematic and targeted slaughter of more than two dozen woman and children in those early December weeks, and I just didn’t notice because I spent the whole time trying to untangle the Christmas lights. Don’t worry, it happens, I get it.

Hajar Khalil Salah al-Bahtini

Statman Scoop (RIP): The Numbers Behind Necessary Evil 2023

~ Lex Leeson ~ 2 Comments

Shhh…

Do you hear that?

That distant thunder rumbling? Rumbling hungry like a beast? The beast it cometh, cometh down?

Yes, it’s November, which means we’re just a month away from Necessary Evil 2024. That annual highlight of every year when all of you sad, fat, middle aged, lonely, fat (did I say ‘fat’ already? Well, you really fat, so it’s fine) finally learn the objective truths about the year’s music and perhaps become aware of some albums released after 2004.

Firstly though, we need (we need) to look at the stats behind Necessary Evil 2023. Why? I’m not so sure anymore. I’m also not so sure why I’ve started doing these stats as an introduction to the next year’s list, rather than posting them close to when I do the actual list they’re about. Well, I do: after I spend a month constantly writing on this dumb blog that nobody reads, I never want to write about these stupid fucking albums ever again. This might be the last time I do this statistical break down. Might be.

Having said that nobody reads this dumb blog though, 2024 has actually seen the most amount of visitors to Necessary Evil ever. Like, 43% more visitors than last year. And I haven’t even done the one thing this blog does this year yet! I honestly appreciate every reader this blog gets, and you all make me possibly think it might be worthwhile to continue this piece of shit.

Eugh, enough sincerity, let’s make dick jokes and stuff:

the stuff