3 FKA Twigs: EUSEXUA

Yeah, that’s right, I’m going to start my post on the Scientifically Proven™ third greatest album of 2025 by slagging off Beyoncé’s ‘Renaissance’ for the third fucking time.

Both Beyoncé’s 2022 critic stupefying event album and FKA Twigs’ third proper record were heavily influenced by dance music. Beyoncé referenced a lot of post 70’s black dance crazes – with close attention paid to early 90’s House music and Detroit’s best -while Twigs was enchanted with the techno music she heard when she relocated to Prague to – don’t laugh – film ‘The Crow‘.

I’m a dog for you

𝟸̶𝟼̶ 16 Blondshell: If You Asked for a Picture

How bad does it have to hurt to count?!
Does it have to hurt at all?!
I’ll come back if you put me down two times!
You try hard to make me yours!
But once you get me I get bored!
I’ll come back if you put me down two times!

Two Times

Aaaah mate, buddy, pal, 朋友, amicus, amiga! You might have dropped a pretty massive 24 places since I was charmed enough to name you the second best album of 2023, but – bah Gahd! – can you still ignite those cursed feels when you feel in the mood??

OK, step back, hold it up now, back it up – beep beep beep – re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta…

With Craig David all over your BOINK

19 FKA Twigs: EUSEXUA Afterglow

OK, so how am I going to approach this? You know I really hate spoiling my own list, so I’d hate to perhaps let it slip during this post that maybe there’s another FKA Twigs album later on this year’s countdown. Maybe! Nothing in this introductory paragraph should be read as any sort of confirmation!! But you also know what a genuine and straight talking man of the people I am, and it simply wouldn’t be in my nature to lie to my wonderful readers that I love so much, and say that a certain album isn’t going to be featured… Or lie and say that it will feature!! Nothing in this introductory paragraph should be read as any sort of confirmation!!! People are calling me the most trusted voice in music. Everyone’s saying it. Sports Illustrated are saying it. I can’t abuse that trust.

I guess, all things considered, I’m probably better off just not mentioning that other album at all. That hypothetical other album I mean!! Nothing in this second paragraph should be read as any sort of confirmation of the existence of any other album!!!! That probably makes the most sense. I mean, it’s not going to be easy, considering that that hypothetical album is named in the title of this one, but hey, let’s give it a go, aye?

Continue reading “19 FKA Twigs: EUSEXUA Afterglow”

22 Little Simz: Lotus

Simbiatu Ajikawo’s fifth appearance on The Only List That Matters™. Notable that she’s chosen to record this one with a different producer than Inflo, who has produced her last three albums to great critical acclaim. We’ll perhaps never know Simz’s underlying reason for choosing to switch up her sound at this point in her career…

Ah. Yeah that’ll be it.

I really feel sorry for your wife

27 Clipse: Let God Sort Em Out

This is culturally inappropriate.

Wow. I am so impressed. This is quite an astonishing achievement after all this time. It’s actually really refreshing and – dare I say it? – inspirational for someone so long in the game still able to surprise us. The fact that I – Alexander Franchise-Palmer – can still highly rate this album despite the very public feuds that Pusha T and I have had in the past, is an incredible show of maturity and commitment to my unbiased reporting. Maybe there’s still hope left for us all?

“a website”: I have a name, you know??

And by showing how I’m actually the bigger man and appreciating how some things in life are some important than silly little rap beefs (which Pusha’s and mine most definitely was), this all kind of means that I won the feud, doesn’t it?

So, erm, yeah, suck it, Pusha T, choke on my hairy balls.

you were checkin’ boxes, I was checkin’ my mentions

33 Danny Brown: Stardust

There are few artists as unduly unappreciated, with a back catalogue that’s so ridiculously unappreciated for its consistent experimentation, than Mr Daniel Dewan Sewell. Better known as… yeah, OK, you probably got that…

“Dad, you said we’d go to Alton Towers this weekend…”

His career has been pretty spectacular, even simply going off his entries onto Necessary Evil. 2011’s ‘XXX’ was an intensely arresting bloc party that wittily both celebrated immense substance abuse while nudging the person beside it and joking with a wink “Lol, we’ll be regretting this in the morning! And for the rest of our lives! YOLO!!” It was 2011, ‘YOLO’ was still a thing, don’t blame Danny Brown for that. His hair happened to be on fleek at the time. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. 2016’s ‘Atrocity Exhibition‘, though, delved deeper into the morning afters and came up gasping for air with one of the greatest albums in Necessary Evil’s history (that was unlucky enough to be released in the greatest year in Necessary Evil’s history so didn’t even make the top 5). An absolutely jaw-dropping achievement, incredibly evocative yet bumping music set to perhaps the funniest yet darkly poignant lyrics exposing the slow suicide of substance abuse since peak Shaun Ryder…

I’ma just do what I have to do

36 Tame Impala: Deadbeat

Dude, mate, bro: did you know that Tame Impala was just one guy? And he’s Australian? Mind: blown, right? Wait until I tell you who’s the brother of Big Mo from Eastenders.

Mate (maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate!), is that your daughter on the cover?? No. Don’t like it. That feels creepy and wrong, and brings in all sorts of questions of ethical consent. But now that’s dealt with, I’m not sure I can think of any other reason to dislike this album. It’s perhaps no way near as expansive, trend-shitting or potentially influential as his (it’s just one guy!) previous work, but it’s still an incredibly strong collection of brilliant electro pop with melodies to absolutely die for.

Do you want my love? Is it obsolete?

38 Clipping: Dead Channel Sky

The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.

opening line of William Gibson’s ‘Neuromancer’

C-c-c-c-c-c-c-cyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyberpuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu̸̖̬͑͑u̴͇̍̌͂ů̵̢̼̳u̷̮͑ů̵͖u̶͉̐̒u̸͙̱̾ṵ̵́͗̚u̶͕͙̽̑͝ṷ̸͓͌ṳ̶͉̊̈̓ụ̵̢̃u̶̗͋͘u̶̡̗͊̍̇n̴̫͕͆k̴̢̃͘!̶͇̭̹̎!̵̨̭̬̀͐!̴̲̙̂͝

*start up modem noises*

Aw, dude, in the future you’ll be forced to eat algorithms, which will be injected straight into your anterior insula and be called “structuralising the framework”. You’ll be able to choose your newborn baby’s sex, race, Twitter handle and initial .README file, and births will instead be called “Day One Updates”. And these day one updates won’t come out your fanny like before, they’ll be shared through ethernet cables and your happy day will be marked by receiving a Steam download key. And and and and and people won’t even have sex anymore, they’ll just… like… merge their Javascripts or some shit. You want to do some shopping? Club Penguin. File your taxes? Club Penguin. Carry out a terrorist attack? Club Penguin. We may currently live in the age of ‘Everything Computer‘, but the future will be Everything Club Penguin. Billy Idol tried to warn us but we didn’t want to listen.

Like a shock to the system