Ouch! Feel that? Oooh! There it is again. Bit of a stinging… ah! Bit of a stinging pain, no? Well… hang on, here comes another one: ouch! Well that, ma dudes, are the sharp throbs from this album going so fucking hard.
Well, what did you expect? It’s fucking Backxwash. I’m sorry, were you looking for some inoffensive muzak to play in the background at your latest ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ style upper class orgy? Firstly, you should never play inoffensive muzak at those events, your clientele are largely ruling class leeches looking to live out their furry fantasies to take their mind off the millions of victims that the current gross power structure they benefit from. You don’t think they might be a little shy if it’s their first time? Play something to lighten the mood, ease the conversation a bit, loosen people up. I’d personally recommend Adam Sandler’s ‘They’re All Gonna Laugh at You’. Food Innuendo Guy?? Guaranteed to start a conversation.
Yep, Princess Nokia states that ‘Everything is Beautiful’ and only makes it to number 70, but when she simply throws up her arms and declares that ‘Everything Sucks’ she opens our top 40. What does this prove? That’s right- absolutely fuck all, as this list is an absolutely meaningless vanity project by some egotistical, fat, ginger, middle aged man frivlously listing albums he’s listened to this year in no real order despite knowing next to nothing about music.
I joke, of course, this list is an entirely scientific exercise. The real reason that the other album that The Princess Regent of Nokia and its Territories released in 2020 ranks so much higher is because, yeah, maybe everything does suck.
Shit’s really going down, ain’t it? You know shit’s going down because some big shops are shutting down. These shops didn’t shut down during a virus that’s currently been responsible for 376’000 deaths worldwide (watch this space!!), because, seriously, fuck these people, right? But now these multimillion dollar companies that have long built their success on the suffering and oppression of others are actually losing products on a scale absolutely insignificant to their wider wealth. So this shit’s important, yeah? COVID-19 testing centres are also being shut down in some areas because, well, some people don’t deserve to be safe, do they? In 2020, you really have to earn the right to not die, and we have to make it clear that certain people don’t deserve that right, yes?