Looka there, liquor in my hand
The grandbaby of a moonshine man
Gadsden, Alabama
Got folk down Gavelston, rooted in Louisiana
They used to say I spoke too country
Then the rejection came, said I wasn’t country ‘nough
Said I wouldn’t saddle up, but
If that ain’t country, tell me, what is?
I’m going to say this right out the bat, less you start reading this under false expectations: I do not give one shiny shit about what fucking genre of music you say you’re a part of. This is Beyoncé’s country album. Is it real country though?? Well, she’s wearing a cowboy hat on the cover and she mentions whiskey a lot. The title of the album has the word ‘cowboy’ in it, for fuck’s FFS! What more do you people want??
Listen, do you know which comedy series now holds the record for most Emmy wins? The fucking Bear! Have you seen that show? It’s 30 minutes of stressed Catholic Americans shouting “BEHIND!” at each other and having emotional breakdowns to the soundtrack of 90’s REM songs. I think that show has had about two jokes in its entire run so far. Well, ‘Cowboy Carter’ features Willie Nelson, Dolly Parton and Miley Cyrus – literally the only three country singers I could name and the three undisputed geniuses of the genre – so by my maths it’s at least 50% more of a country album that The fucking Bear is a comedy show. Case closed, move on everyone.
I know that there’s more to it than that, I know that country music is a very politicised genre. ‘Politicised’ in the sense that if you listen to it you’re probably not expected to have much affection towards black people. Politically. A lot of people still seem to hang onto country music in the USA as one of the last bastians of ‘white culture’, that it’s something that only native Americans with ties to the ol’ west can truly translate. No, not Native Americans, I mean the ‘native’ Americans who killed off all the actual Native Americans. The kind of ‘native’ Americans who are living in constant fear of somehow losing the control their forefathers proudly genocided almost a whole race of people for. This is our music, and if we start letting the melanins in then before you know it, the Country Music Awards starts to look like Dave Chappelle’s Block Party. At least we’d still be sure that trans people feel unwelcome, I guess. No, best leave country music to the people who dress up like old Hollywood Westerns because they’re too dumb to realise they weren’t real documentaries about the old America.
(*despite being – and I have the evidence to back this up and will stand by it – 90% absolutely fucking shite)
And the Americans only seem to have these hand wringing genre examinations over country music. The last time I remember such a shitfit being thrown was over Old Town Road being considered a country song or not. And I remember my reaction to that as well: “Hold on… Who gives a shit?” Every few years, a black person will do a country project, and the liberal identity politics obsessive will write endless think pieces about what it means for the culture, while the conservatives (also liberals obsessed with identity politics, just different identities), I dunno, say that this is the end times prophesied on Joseph Smith’s golden plates or something? Mate, it’s such a fucking ridiculous country, I’m kind of annoyed I’ve given them this much space already. We should never platform fascists.
Genres are a funny little concept, aren’t they?
Yes, they are
In theory, they have a simple definition that’s easy to understand
But in practice, well, some may feel confinedLinda Martell on Spaghetti
And this is a ridiculous album. I’m not sure how many of these songs would register as country songs to people who actually listen to country music. And I’m not sure it’s even made for people who already like country music. I’m not sure the additions of the none-more-obvious supporting class of the likes of Willie Nelson and Dolly Parton is Beyoncé trying to prove her bonafides to the country crowd by enlisting cosigns by undeniable legends, or if they’re gesturing to their fans that, listen, I know, you’ve only heard of a handful of country singers, and these are the only ones that are still alive. There are ten to fifteen amazing tracks here, undeniably great songs in whatever genre you decide to label them. Unfortunately the album is 27 tracks long. Which is absurd, and speaks to Beyoncé lacking the focus that they had on their previous two records, and them just trying to just hit as many points as possible. ‘Cowboy Carter’ has a (law of averages) amazing amount of great songs, but apart from calling them all ‘country’ if you want, there’s little focus and combining philosophy here, sonically. ‘Cowboy Carter’ is a fuckton of fun. It’s also an absolute mess.
The aforementioned American Requiem opens the album in admirably bombastic and epic style, as Beyoncé roars out of the tracks by boldly declaring how they have as much – if not more – right to record country music! OK! I’m with you, Knowles! Take us there! Then immediately after that song is… a completely straight and respectful cover of The Beatles’ Blackbird?? Bu…. What? Why? Because Paul McCartney said that they wrote it about the Civil Rights movement? Firstly: you have to go to Paul fucking McCartney to find a song about civil rights to cover? Secondly: You needed to cover any more songs? Yeah, I can tell you were struggling for tracks on this album. Thirdly: Yeah, McCartney said it was about the Civil Rights movement. In 2002. Weird how he would always just say it’s literally about a blackbird before then. And fourthly, are you comparing you – the biggest musical star in the world, deciding to do a country album – to the Civil Rights movement?? You do realise that black people have been making country music since the 19th century? You realise that black people were making country music during the Civil Rights era? Oh no! But you might only win 76 Grammies this year instead of 75! The grip on reality, the self-awareness, is fucking critically loose.
Listen, I know the often misunderstood cultural critic Azealia Banks may have had some absolutely bonkers takes involving voluntary slavery and camel toes (I’ll admit, I only understand about 30% of what she’s ever talking about. Because I’m not intelligent enough, I admit that) but I think she hit the nail on the head better than I could ever do: so much of ‘Cowboy Carter’ is Beyoncé bending over backwards into near lunacy to prove a point to people that literally nobody else cares about. Did Lil Nas X follow up Old Town Road with a whinge about the previous six trillion seller being taken off the country charts? No, they did some song about giving the devil a blowie or some shit, I dunno.
Before a hideously bad rewritten cover of Jolene, Dolly Parton appears to admit criminal culpability for the trainwreck, and reminds Beyoncé “You know that hussy with the good hair you sing about?”. Remember that?? Remember when Beyoncé actually showed a lot of vulnerability, and sung about the difficult road past trauma to get to self-acceptance? And remember how it produced the greatest work of her career? Of almost anyone’s career?? Well, we can’t have that Beyoncé anymore, she’s now too busy constantly #slaying it as a #queen, and she can’t afford to show any weakness in front of the Country Music Awards, for reasons only Beyoncé cares about.
So hard to pinpoint when the drop-off started…
You’re all actually insane
The Album Title as AI Image
Aaaaaaaaaaaah, now see that’s what country’s supposed to look like! A good, God fearin; proper cowboy, taking in the sunset as he sips on his wickey.
THE SIMPSONS DID IT!
Necessary Evil 
4 thoughts on “#31 Beyoncé: Cowboy Carter”