#31 Beyoncé: Cowboy Carter

Looka there, liquor in my hand
The grandbaby of a moonshine man
Gadsden, Alabama
Got folk down Gavelston, rooted in Louisiana
They used to say I spoke too country
Then the rejection came, said I wasn’t country ‘nough
Said I wouldn’t saddle up, but
If that ain’t country, tell me, what is?

American Requiem

I’m going to say this right out the bat, less you start reading this under false expectations: I do not give one shiny shit about what fucking genre of music you say you’re a part of. This is Beyoncé’s country album. Is it real country though?? Well, she’s wearing a cowboy hat on the cover and she mentions whiskey a lot. The title of the album has the word ‘cowboy’ in it, for fuck’s FFS! What more do you people want??

“Pew pew pew!”

Listen, do you know which comedy series now holds the record for most Emmy wins? The fucking Bear! Have you seen that show? It’s 30 minutes of stressed Catholic Americans shouting “BEHIND!” at each other and having emotional breakdowns to the soundtrack of 90’s REM songs. I think that show has had about two jokes in its entire run so far. Well, ‘Cowboy Carter’ features Willie Nelson, Dolly Parton and Miley Cyrus – literally the only three country singers I could name and the three undisputed geniuses of the genre – so by my maths it’s at least 50% more of a country album that The fucking Bear is a comedy show. Case closed, move on everyone.

‘Abd a-Rahman Mahmoud ‘Abd al-Fatah ‘Abd a-Nabi

Necessary Evil 24: The Biggest List Under the Sun

Bumpin’ that bumpin’ that bumpin’ that…

Yeah, we’re back, so fuck me I guess?

The 16th year end Necessary Evil list of the year’s objectively and scientifically proven greatest music is a notable event for a few reasons. Firstly, it will be the first time I’ll be writing a list of year’s best bops and slaps that played out to a full twelve months of genocide. Like, the whole year. When I wrote last year’s list, it was only to the backdrop of a tiny bit of genocide that covered the last couple of months of the year. And who really pays attention in those winter months? Too busy thinking about Christmas, right? A couple of years back, for example, my housemate Darren engaged in the systematic and targeted slaughter of more than two dozen woman and children in those early December weeks, and I just didn’t notice because I spent the whole time trying to untangle the Christmas lights. Don’t worry, it happens, I get it.

Hajar Khalil Salah al-Bahtini