#23 Charlotte Adigéry & Bolis Pupul: Topical Dancer

Don’t say “Nice pair”
Say “I love the symmetry of you”
Don’t say
“But I’m allowed to say that
Because I grew up in a black neighbourhood”
Say “My n… eighbour”
Don’t say “You speak my language surprisingly well”
Say “Do you speak Esperanto?”
Don’t say “Only a man is fit for this job”
Say “At least you tried, Karen”
Don’t say “I would like a black Americano”
Say “I’ll have an African American please”
Don’t say “White people can’t dance”
Say “Tom marches to the beat of a different drum”
Don’t say “So you’re from China, do you know my friend Hiro?”
Say “You must be blind not to see the difference”
Don’t say “We need to build a wall”
Say “I’m a world citizen, I don’t believe in borders”

Esperanto

This album is a fucking riot and – considering that since March every single person on Earth has had an invitation – if you haven’t joined this party yet you need to have serious words with yourself. Serious words. No other album in the world could so easily combine the dankest beats and electronic dance music, with songs that combine tales of one member (Charlotte) being catcalled as a thirteen year old, but then also combined with another band member (Bolis) explaining their own sexual awakening by way of Acqua Di Gio perfume, but then moves on to Charlotte’s failed attempt to eat food sexually in order to attract a boy named Stéphane only “I couldn’t locate my mouth anymore/The nacho fell straight into my empty bra/Stéphane ended up with Nadia”. There’s a lot happening here! And, fuck Nadia, right? No! I didn’t mean it like that, I meant…

I LIKE THIS, GO ON

A Brief and Inadequate Mimi Parker Tribute

A friend and I are both similarly shameless man boys, and are equally shameless enough in our arrested emotional and intellectual development to get together once every week to watch old wrestling PPV events from the early 00s, 90s, 80s and – if we’re feeling especially fruity and devil may care in our appreciation of video quality – even the 1970s. After each event – some amazing; some unintentionally hilarious; many, many, many absolutely fucking awful – we look back at the evening’s entertainment, give each match a star rating, hand out our individual awards. And read out the Death List. The Death List is the number of wrestlers and personalities we’d witnessed perform that night at an event forty, thirty. twenty or even just ten years ago who were now no longer with us.

It’s unquestionably a morbid joke, one that never allows us to forget the insanely short expected lifespan of professional wrestlers, particularly those from the steroids n’ cocaine heydays of the so called Golden Era, from the 80s to early 90s. Despite our flippancy, it’s not a completely disrespectful exercise, it’s rarely less than depressing to note how many great talents were lost to us early by being sucked into such a thoughtless and treacherous business. It never allows us to forget that people are killing themselves and being killed just in order to provide us with our shits and giggles. Considering that I’ve only been writing these lists since 2007, and in an era when musicians’ and pop artists’ lifespan is considerably longer than your average professional wrestler, it’s not a trope I’d ever imagined repeating for my Necessary Evil end of year countdown.

Continue reading “A Brief and Inadequate Mimi Parker Tribute”